Message to the bully-boys

 
When we were scratching around for a suitable game to attend this year for our Rampant Annual General Meeting (RAGM), we did toy with the idea of going to Lords rather than the Oval. Certainly, Lords is a most beautiful ground: we headed there a few years ago when the 2008 Notts v Surrey game ended up finishing prematurely – a bit like the way the Surrey v Middlesex game looks like heading today – and went on the tour. The weather was beautiful, the ground was magnificent and the company wonderful. I have happy memories of Lords, and that is why I was quite keen that the RAGM did not happen there this year, because I didn’t want that lovely day spoiled in my mind.

It’s sad but true that there is a small minority of boo-boys in cricket. Let’s not single out Middlesex, because every club will have them, no doubt the worst of their behaviour fuelled by alcohol. I’m choosing my words carefully here, but there are still a rather unforgiving section of Middlesex supporters who seem to delight in abusing Mr Ramprakash whenever they get the opportunity. Not just on the way to the crease, or on the way back, but throughout the game. You’d think the passage of time might have dampened the rawness of their feelings, but not a bit of it. And that leads me to the conclusion that they just enjoy behaving like idiots for the sake of it.

It didn’t take a lot to work out that this was going to happen, hence my reluctance to set foot at Lords during a game. However, my friends who did attend had their enjoyment of what was a damned fine performance by Middlesex completely ruined by the disgusting behaviour of the louts sitting nearby, so much so that they had to move seats.

I know that you cannot stop people thinking what they want, or saying what they want, but surely there’s no place for this behaviour in cricket? And can I suggest that Middlesex actually looks at the behaviour of their fans in the same way that Glamorgan has, because this small minority are doing their club no favours at all. I doubt they will, after all they’ve had ten years to do something about it. I personally will never go anywhere near Lords again.

To those who I am referring, just take heed of this. For every time you shout abuse at Ramps, we will be clapping twice as loud for him.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Yes, I am a qualified nurse. Honest. Well, okay...maybe not qualified. But I did watch an episode of Holby City five years ago. That has to count for something, right? And I do have a certificate of sorts.

What do you mean, joint first in the 1981 Seagull Fun Club scavenger hunt isn't good enough?!? At least if your leg falls off I'll be able to find it again...

No prisoners

Today’s game in a nutshell? Pretty disastrous if you’re a Surrey fan. Pretty good one if you’re a Middlesex supporter though, I’d have thought!

I suppose the best way of looking at it from a Surrey point of view (she said, adjusting her philosophical hat) is that there are young guys in the team who will live to bat again, and have much better days. There are older players in the team who have experienced far worse days than they have just had. Actually, this applies to both Middlesex and Surrey players. Ramps and Udal will have seen it all before, good and bad, for different teams in their careers.

Fair play to Middlesex though. Deadly rivals they may be, but I have been impressed. Toby Rowland-Jones caught the eye today with his many wickets, and Middlesex will be well pleased with the way the game has gone. It’s pretty much a nailed-on certainty they will do unto Surrey what Surrey did to Northants, and win by an innings. And you can’t really complain: it has been deserved.

This will do the world of good for Middlesex’s attempts to claw their way up the table. For Surrey, it will have to be about rebuilding confidence. They have the ability but the consistency is not there. To an extent they will have to re-evaluate. It’s been a shocker of a game by and large for all the players, possibly one of the worst in recent history (and that’s saying something, looking back to last year). They are going to have to use this humiliation to come out and fight, because Sussex will be rubbing their hands at the thought of setting about the mangled remains of a bruised and battered Surrey. With promotion on their mind, Sussex will not be in the mood for taking prisoners!

Hurricane Pedro strikes!

Day One: Middlesex v Surrey at Lords

Well, I’m fair-minded enough to give credit where it’s due. I might not like the fact that Surrey have been ground down into the hallowed Lords turf for virtually nothing, but you can’t really argue with the score. And I do like seeing the ex-Surrey lads doing well...I still feel a little sad that the likes of Jon Batty and Scott Newman are gone, even although I can sort of see why the decisions were made. All the same, as a biased Surrey supporter I have to admit I prefer it when they do well against some other team.

We received word from a small Rampant party at the ground that a certain Jean of our acquaintance had her picture taken with Mr Ramprakash this morning! I know this will have made her day totally, so a big thank you to Ramps for taking the time to do that. She’ll be floating on air! I’m not sure we will get her down again in time for the September Oval meet-up!

In terms of the game, I checked the scores at lunch break only to see 80-4 staring me in the face! It was fair to say my jaw dropped a little. I wasn’t expecting a Northants-style massacre and reckoned we might be one or two down, but four??? It took me a few minutes to pluck up the courage to see who had gone, so it was with much relief that I saw Ramps was still in on 21. As usual, you felt that whilst he was still there perhaps there was a chance of pulling something out the bag.

Unfortunately for Surrey, it looks like hurricane Pedro turned up today and uprooted the Surrey batters as if they had been trees caught in the eye of a storm. Ramps perished for 44, although this has taken him to 1281 runs for the season, comfortably ahead of all others at the moment. Fingers crossed Surrey manage to stick around in the second innings, because the way Middlesex are batting the best they might expect is a draw. Ramps is well used to batting a long time to save the day: it may just be tailor-made for him to add a few more to his tally.

The fact Mr R top scored with 44 sort of gives you an idea what the rest of the individual tallies were like for Surrey. Davies, a brilliant opener in the shorter game but perhaps not as effective in this position for the championship, was bowled by former Surrey man Murtagh for 24, whilst Lancefield was lbw for 15 to Pedro Collins. The Surrey rejects have done rather well today! Worse was to follow when the skipper went for a first ball duck, and although I would never dream of criticising a captain’s decisions (which are made at that particular moment) I do wonder if RHB may be regretting the decision to bat first.

Afzaal’s misery with the bat continues: it’s a real shame to see him struggle for runs. Every batsman will hit a sticky patch now and again but his quest to play himself into some form has been somewhat protracted. Today he went for 11. I’m sure various persons will start to call for his head again. It’s a tough life sometimes, being a sportsman. Not that I would know about that. My idea of sport at school was to hide behind the hut during cross-country running for nine circuits and then join in again on the tenth, as fresh as a daisy...

Back to the cricket, although it really doesn’t make for pretty reading. Walters went for 14. No doubt the same people looking for Afzaal’s hide will be gunning for him as well.

Spriegel was the next highest scorer to Ramps with 25. I had hoped he would have come in when Ramps was still there: the two of them seem to work very well together, but it was not to be. Batty made 15, Tremlett 2, Dernbach 12 and Linley was not out for naught (which doesn’t sound right when you say it in your head). It was a somewhat confused performance considering what has gone on in recent weeks, although Dernbach and Linley have to be excused to an extent on account of their recent injuries. It appears that some of the Middlesex bowling was inspired, whilst some of the shots the Surrey batsmen got out to were less so...

With only 167 – yes, that isn’t a typo – on the board it only took until the end of play for Middlesex to surpass it. Two wickets went: Newman for 54, just as he was looking set in concrete, and Simpson for 36. Malan, who I like a lot, has made 35no and Shah is also at the crease, who on his day is a wonderful batsman. If I’m honest he isn’t one of my favourites, but I bet now I’ve typed that he ends up at Surrey replacing Afzaal...

I did enjoy the fivesome (that’s commentary wise before anyone says anything) with Johnny Barran, Mark Church, Dave Townsend, Iain O’Brien and Kevin Hand. I haven’t heard Mr Townsend in an age, so much that I had actually forgotten what he sounded like. I soon remembered, however.

Btw, I meant that in a good way! Anyone who admires Ramps is welcome to share a sponge cake with us, any day. As he quite rightly pointed out he’s pretty darned fit for a man of his age!

That was Ramps, not Mr Townsend.

Ah, now it’s time for Miah’s ‘positivity corner’:

1)Ramps top scored today
2)Ramps passed 34,500 first class runs
3)We might get to hear Andre Nel in the commentary box tomorrow! Nel v Townsend sounds like it might be interesting! My money’s on Andre, btw...
4)Pedro Collins did really well! No, wait...that was a year later than we wanted!

Oh well! Still a lot of cricket to be played and we need Surrey to get their heads down and show the sort of character they have in the last three championship games. I’m looking for the positives as always, and whilst from a Surrey point of view there weren’t many, at least Dave Townsend had something to chortle about at the end!

Best of luck tomorrow Surrey. Give it your best shot, lads!

No backing out

Well, that’s the tickets booked for the trip to London in September. No backing out now!

I have on a few occasions come quite close to calling the whole thing off. I’m a bit of a wuss, you see, and have problems with, well, quite a lot of things to be honest. I’m rubbish at travel unless there’s someone with me who I can trust to make sure I don’t get lost. If that sounds a bit abnormal at my advanced age, let me assure you that it leaves me mortified. However, I can’t help how I feel. I’m not as bad as poor Marcus Trescothick because I can actually get on a train or a plane and go somewhere if I have to, but the amount of grief it causes me rarely makes the effort worthwhile.

I also have no sense of direction. Ask some of the other Rampants: they’ll tell you as much!

Additionally, I can’t do packed spaces. The Tube in rush hour is possibly the closest thing to hell I have experienced in my life so far and last year’s trip to London resulted in a rather embarrassing panic attack that fortunately only a couple of others witnessed.

I get homesick closing the front gate in the morning some times. It’s not too bad going to work, because I know where I’m going and what’s ahead of me. Ask me to step out my comfort zone and I will transform into a hand-wringing bag of nerves. It struck me that for all the years spent on this planet I basically know the area within a five mile radius of where I live. Anything outside this may as well be the North Pole.

Agoraphobia is a real barsteward thing to face, but when I think of some folks who can’t even set foot outside their door it makes me realise actually how lucky I am in comparison. And you can take ‘little steps’ to help yourself. Basically, I’d as soon stay in my house most of the time. It’s safer, I feel calm there, and it’s easier. However, easier is not necessarily what’s best: sometimes you’ve got to challenge yourself to do something that goes against your natural instinct to hide away.

I was especially down at the back end of 2006 without really understanding why, but then the Rampants all hooked up as a result of following Ramps on Strictly Come Dancing that year and they gave me a lot of confidence, even if it did take a while to admit that I had one or two ‘issues’. After all, who wants to admit to being abnormal? And of course an enormous amount of credit actually has to go to both Ramps himself and Karen Hardy, who although totally unaware of it did a heck of a lot to help me. Watching Karen get the best out of Mark each week and watching that confidence grow, dance after dance, made me realise that if you put your mind to it you can achieve just about anything. It felt as if a blow had been struck for introverts everywhere!

It’s being reminded of this that keeps me trying to challenge myself to rise above the fear of getting on a train and travelling to London. I still can’t do it by myself, but one day I am determined I will. So I am saying a big thank you to all the Rampants who have helped me or been very patient: especially Annabel, Liz, Lorna and Tricia. Travelling may be a mundane thing to most folks but I literally couldn’t even think about it without you.

And of course, that would mean no cricket! I am determined to try and see another Ramprakash innings at the very least, weather/injury/fate permitting. Just my way of saying thank you to him for inadvertently inspiring me to try and do something positive rather than spend my entire existence stuck in a rut.

London, 6th of September, here I come!

Terrific Trescothick tonks again!

Well, that wasn’t quite the performance that Surrey would have looked for on the return to the CB40 championship. Undone by the fast, furious and quickfire innings of one Marcus Trescothick, Surrey seemed unlikely to get near the rather ominous 304 posted by Somerset, although there was a brief passage in the Surrey reply where they were within touching distance.

I shan’t go into the whys and wherefores, except to say that Trescothick was his usual magnificent self with a score of 69. He could quite easily have gone on to have made a hundred the way he was playing, until he holed out to Dernbach. In many ways Mark Ramprakash’s innings mirrored Trescothick’s to a certain degree, in that it was looking quite easy for both batsmen at the time they got out. The greater loss today was Surrey’s, as Ramps’ wicket was pretty much the turning point in the game. Even although Spriegel kept batting carefully and beautifully, the momentum was gone. Ramps has the ability to turn up the heat in a matter of overs and crank it up a gear. Spriegel doesn’t yet have that ability, although he is developing a welcome ‘stickability’ at the wicket these days.

Credit to Hildreth and de Bruyn. Their killer partnership was what made the difference today, with de Bruyn out for 89 and Hildreth for 68. The Surrey bowlers were by and large a tad rusty although far from hopeless, and kept plugging away gamely. But I guess when you are making a return from a lengthy lay-off the last thing you want to see is Trescothick tonking you to all parts. That said, welcome back Dernbach and Linley: I hope you came through today without feeling any further strains or soreness. Kudos also to the Somerset bowlers, in particular Kartik who picked up Ramps, Walters (for a duck) and Schofield (for 8). This little spell of play really was the beginning of the end for Surrey.

Noteworthy performances came from Tremlett with his commendable 31, Spriegel with his hard-fought for 53, and Ramps with his 42. They were missing that huge partnership that Somerset put on. I think with such a big tally to chase they really felt the scoreboard pressure today, with Trescothick winning the toss and batting first, as most people do at the Oval. Then with RHB going early and Davies making only 25, Surrey really were on the back foot. Jason Roy looked like he was settling in when a rather unfortunate incident with Buttler on the boundary rope denied Ramps a 6, got Roy on to strike, and then resulted in him getting out next ball! Buttler swore he’d saved the ball from going over and I guess you have to trust the judgement of the fielder in these situations. It didn’t stop poor Buttler from being booed every time the ball went his way, but from the batsman’s point of view the rope is still there to be cleared. I doubt Roy could have had much room for complaint.

The game ended with the home side all out for 209. This is Surrey’s first loss in this competition but there are still plenty of games to go. I had hoped for a win purely because it would have been nice to go into the Middlesex game at Lords next week on a continued high, but it seems that Middlesex have lost anyway so it’s pretty much even Stevens on that front.

I did feel sorry for Churchy. There he was, commentating away like the star he is, and then at 7.00pm the BBC yet again cut him off mid-sentence! A loss was always on the cards but it would still have been nice to have heard the end of the game. I felt a bit like Tony Hancock did when he read his 'whodunit' book and realised the last page where the killer was revealed was missing!

ECB | VIDEO | County | County Video | 22 July - Surrey v Northants - Day 3: Meaker does for visitors

ECB | VIDEO | County | County Video | 22 July - Surrey v Northants - Day 3: Meaker does for visitors

ECB | VIDEO | County | County Video | 21 July - Surrey v Northants - Day 2

ECB | VIDEO | County | County Video | 21 July - Surrey v Northants - Day 2

ECB | VIDEO | County | County Video | 20 July - Surrey v Northants - Day 1

ECB | VIDEO | County | County Video | 20 July - Surrey v Northants - Day 1

One Nelluva day!

Surrey v Northants: Day Three at the Brit Oval

I’m so glad I took a half day from work, even although nothing much actually happened for the majority of it from a Surrey point of view! Okay, I was feeling ill and headachy until after the lunch break, and fell asleep on the fold-down bed (which I managed to break for the second time in the space of a week) but to be honest I don’t think I missed that much by the sound of it. Churchy’s got such a soothing voice that I kept drifting in and out of consciousness. I wonder if he’s considered a sideline career in doing audio books? Get him to read ‘The Hungry Caterpillar’ and ‘Mog The Forgetful Cat’ to the kids: he’d make a fortune!

What I did gather from when I was actually awake was that Surrey had one wicket to get in the Northants first innings. It took a bit of time but you always felt it was a formality, really. Possibly that’s why I kept zedding all the time! I did actually hear Brooks’ departure, with Batty picking up another wicket: his fifth in the game as it turned out. Brooks likes to tonk the ball about a bit looking at the shots he played: four 4s and three 6s are not bad from a tail ender! But at the end of the day all Northants managed to achieve was one solitary batting point, and Surrey were quick to stick them in and have another crack at them.

I was going to use the old simile of ‘three busses turning up at once’, but perhaps I’d better not. In Edinburgh we’re still waiting for our trams to arrive. If Surrey waited for a wicket as long as we will have to wait for the work in the city centre to finish, they could have expected to dismiss Peters sometime in 2013...

As it happens it did seem that was the way it was going to pan out. Cricketers must have incredible patience and concentration. For so long nothing happened, and I was reduced to waking myself up with the sound of my own snoring (which quite disgusted my cat who was sleeping on the chair in the same room), punctuated with pleas to the cricket gods to grant Surrey a wicket or two before the heavens opened again. And then, lo and behold, from out of nowhere Peters was dispatched with typical Günter efficiency for 50. It was as if the cap had been unscrewed on a violently shaken bottle of Diet Pepsi, for no sooner had the pressure been released by the wicket of Peters than Howgego was Howgegone!

Wait...this gets better.

Sales went for a duck, bowled by Tremlett. And then Tremlett also got White, whom he’d almost managed to turn into a eunuch with his previous delivery, for a resounding zero! Four wickets gone with no further runs added! Tremlett and Nel must be one of the bowling duos you’d least like to face on the county circuit at the moment. Even when hobbling like Long John Silver Andre gives it everything, and Tremlett has become increasingly accurate and economical the more he’s played.

And then there’s Stuart Meaker. Gareth Batty had a pretty fine haul of wickets today, but then so did Meaks. With five down you really felt Surrey had a really good chance of finishing the game with a day off for good behaviour. If it wasn’t quite ‘start the coach time’ you were probably thinking that the Northants driver was behind the wheel! And sure enough, another little clump of wickets fell in the same way they had in the first innings: Wakely out for 7 runs to a catch by Nel that sounded as if it was right out the top drawer! Sometimes you feel it’s a bit of a pity that the cameras are static and focussed on the middle in the replays, and I guess this is one of those times! And then shortly afterwards Hall departed for 2, with Meaker taking another. It all seemed a little too good to be true; although Chigumbura tried to show the same stubbornness he had whilst occupying the crease the day before. When he went for 25 it was definitely looking like a Surrey victory was inexorably heading the way of the home team.

There remained the small matter of Murphy, whom Meaker removed for 8, Lucas (brilliantly caught by Afzaal for 14) and Brooks (brilliantly but hilariously not-caught by Afzaal). Poor old Usman has had a mixed game: failing with the bat yet again but always seemingly popping up at a vital moment to claim a wicket, take a catch or turn himself into a two-seater propeller aeroplane. The non-catch, following almost immediately from his sublime take of Murphy, reduced Tremlett (and Mark Church) to tears of laughter. Considering someone once said that Afzaal’s fielding reminded them of ‘a bear doing aerobics’ he’s probably not done too badly!

Brooks and Middlebrook appeared determined to delay the expected outcome, but it was inevitable that the final wicket would fall to Afzaal, and to be caught by man-of-the-match Ramprakash. Did Afzaal run after him for his customary hug? I don’t know, because just as inevitably I was sitting down to tea when the last wicket fell! Grrrrrrrr!

So, there you have it. A win for Surrey by one innings and 175 runs, I kid you not! If it was an episode of a Dynasty-style soap opera, the credits would go up with RHB and Spriegel as the young, dashing brothers, Nel and Tremlett two nightclub bouncers, Batty as the local sheriff, Meaker as his apprentice, M R Ramprakash as the lord of the manner and Afzaal as...er...the one with big shoulder pads. But even if the massive total was built upon Ramps’ hefty 248 the fact is this was a triumph for the whole team: their first at the Oval since back in 2007! Every one of them contributed to the win in some way.

Even the lemon tree on the boundary bowed its branches in respect!

Monstered!

Surrey v Northants: Day Two
 
That Coke and ice must have done the trick last night.

Poor old Northants. They put in a whole lot of effort for very little return today. From a Surrey point of view it really couldn’t have gone much better! There’s not much really to add in terms of the batting except to say a huge congratulations to Matthew Spriegel (or Matthew Treacle as my increasingly deaf mother believes he’s called) on a wonderful hundred. There must be something about batting alongside Mr Ramprakash that brings out the best in the younger players, but the credit here goes to Spriegs for a really impressive innings.

Perhaps there was something in the air though, as he got to 103 just like the skipper the day before and then was dismissed by – you guessed it – Chigumbura.

Gareth Batty took his place at the crease and kept Ramps company, whilst shortly before lunch the maestro brought up a magnificent double ton. I’m pretty sure Mr R went to lunch on 205 not out...but then the next time I looked (what could only have been 15 mins later) he was on 240 plus! I was almost certain that the BBC cards must have been mistaken, but it appears he must have gone out after lunch and just tonked the ball to all parts, knowing that the declaration was coming, and it was only when he went for 248 that I realised there wasn’t a fault in the site at all! It looks as if Surrey pulled the plug as soon as Ramps lost his wicket, leaving Gareth Batty not out on 48, some 200 runs behind his batting companion.

The coup de grace for Northants came when, with the exception of the odd little partnership, their batting faltered on a regular basis. Howgego went for 12 early in proceedings, whilst Wakely stabilised matters with Peters until caught behind for a well made 50. Sales short-changed himself, making only 7, and then the huge wicket of Peters (who was Mr Ramprakash’s nearest division two challenger) fell for 41. Suddenly you felt the middle order had been exposed by some determined Surrey bowling. Chigumbura sounded a class act but was yorked expertly by Tremlett who, with his very next delivery, removed Hall from the equation. So often this has been the story that Surrey has faced, so it made a refreshing change to see lady luck on the side of the home team!

Andre Nel, still sounding a little bit sore with his hamstring problem, claimed two wickets today; one of them being White for 16, and then at the close of play Batty had Middlebrook trapped lbw for 13. The bowling honours were fairly evenly split, with Tremlett and Nel on two apiece, Meaker claiming one wicket and Batty with three. At the end Northants closed on 174 for 8, and when you consider the monster 620 set by Surrey in their first and probably only innings, it looks as if hardly a dent has been made in the deficit! Wow! I was going to say “is this really Surrey” but of course, it is. Yes, the massive score was built on the foundations of Mark Ramprakash’s brilliant 248 but so many of the guys contributed with bat or ball that you could honestly say this was a team effort of the highest degree.

Surrey have threatened to do this frequently in their last few games. To see it come to fruition must be very satisfying for the team. If they can just continue the forward momentum and get that winning feeling once again, there’s no reason why they cannot continue onwards and upwards. Here’s hoping that they get a richly deserved innings victory tomorrow or the day after! Well done boys!

Twisting the knife

Surrey v Northamptonshire: Day one at the Brit Oval

Okay: I admit it. I did have a few concerns as to how Surrey would handle the return to championship cricket.

So many times in the past good teams in both the first and second divisions have come back to the four day game once the T20 – or ‘happy slapping’ – season is over and feverishly continued to play shots as if they were suffering from ‘St Vitus’ dance!’ With this in mind, I left for work feeling optimistic if cautious. And I’m glad to say I was a good girl. I didn’t peek at the BBC cards once during the day other than to confirm that Surrey was batting first.

My curtailed listening to the commentaries means that I have no idea of the circumstances surrounding the Surrey wickets that fell. I have no idea if they played like trees, or if they were unlucky, or indeed thought “hang on a moment, I’ll just give this a bit of a bash towards the Peter May stand and...oh, b*gger. I’m out!” So if any of the team were in T20 mode, I missed it!

One batsman was definitely not playing a round of ‘crash bang wallop’: Mark Ramprakash constructed a beautifully crafted innings (from the point where I heard it, which was around 91 not out), full of his trademark shots, making sure he was there at the other end whilst rotating the strike to let the other batsmen set about the Northants bowlers. And how RHB set about them, and no mistake! The two deadly assassins formulated their own way of neutralising the opposition: the skipper bludgeoning them cudgel-like with a barrage of fours and sixes, whilst the maestro Ramprakash preferred to slowly twist the knife into the wounded Northants beast.

It’s a flowery description, but I like it!

Let’s start at the beginning. Surrey decided to give young Lancefield a go, which I liked the idea of, and he formed one half of the opening partnership with Steven Davies. Unfortunately it appears that Davies went for 5, bringing Mr R on to the field of play pretty early in the morning. Lancefield seems to have played nicely for his 31, but when he was dispatched by the wonderfully named Chigumbura, the skipper decided to make his own mark on the game. Having survived one or two dodgy sounding moments, he and Mr R formed a two-pronged, stylistically and diametrically opposed partnership that flourished after lunch. Content to give the captain free reign, the maestro continued to do his own thing whilst RHB became almost frenzied in his approach!

In the end the skipper reached what appears to have been a breathtaking century at a run a ball, but then finally his luck ran out on 102 when Chigumbura struck again to end a powerful and frenetic innings.

This brought Afzaal to the crease, but it seems he only made 7 today. It’s just not going right for Usman at the moment.

Stewart Walters played a jaunty cameo and made 31, the same as Lancefield, with six 4s and one 6 for just 20 balls, another victim of the dreaded Chigumbura, to whom I apologise for making him sound like some kind of tropical disease. At this stage the game could have gone either way. Sure, the master was still there but with most of the batting back in the hutch it would only have taken one more wicket for Surrey to potentially kick-start one of their famous collapses.

And then young Mr Spriegel stepped up to the plate, the perfect foil for Ramps, as both men took their turn to face the strike and kept the game ticking along. Neither man seemed troubled overly, with Mr R (having hit his 1000th run earlier that morning, for the 20th time in his career and the ninth time in a row) bringing up century number 112. The cricket gods we often refer to must have decided to redress the balance for the terrible thing that happened in the last game, where they deprived poor Ramps of a nailed-on century following a faulty scoreboard tally! Today should have been his fifth century of the season; instead it was his fourth, but it was no less magnificent for all that.

Both batsmen are there at the end of the day, with Spriegel on 85 not out, hopefully set to become Surrey’s third centurion of the game, and Ramps on 137 not out. The plan would appear to be to bat long and hard – and hopefully once. They will need to rack up a few more runs yet and hope to get Peters out for a ridiculously low score when Northants wield the willow, but with these two at the crease, anything seems possible. Definitely Surrey’s day today.

Let’s hope the boys got plenty of ice at the close of play...along with maybe a celebratory diet Coke for Mr R!

What's in a name...part eight

To celebrate the return of or, if you prefer, ‘round two’ of the county championship tomorrow, it’s time to dust off the old anagrams! I’ve waded through the piles of naughty - and in a few rare cases downright obscene – ones and come up with the following anagramatical delights:

SAMIT PATEL: A Split Team
DERYCK MURRAY: Make Dry Curry
COLLIS KING: Slick Lingo
CHRIS WOAKES: Ski Crash Woe
ALFONSO THOMAS: Shoo Fat Salmon
ROY FREDERICKS: Fiery Red Rocks
MIKE SELVEY: Vies Meekly
JAMES KIRTLEY: Try Like James
DANIEL VETTORI: Violent Tirade
CHRIS ASHLING: Rich Lashings
DAVID STEELE: Sedate Devil
GEOFF PULLAR: Offal Gulper
IAN WARD: Dawn Air
JAMES TOMLINSON: Milan’s Tom Jones

It's the final countdown!

So sung Bon Jovi some twenty odd years ago. I'm sure they won't object to my half-inching their song title for this blog post. And, just to try something a little different, today I am going to be blogging live and adding my thoughts as the game progresses, whilst keeping a keen-eye turned to the the Middlesex and Hants games. As two of our number aren't especially Surrey supporters - in fact not remotely - one a Middlesex fan and the other a Hants fan, it's going to make for an interesting afternoon! But, whatever happens in terms of that last qualification spot, at least somebody is going to be happy with the outcome today!

May the best teams win, and good luck to all!

But especially Surrey, Sussex and Essex... (sorry, couldn't resist)!

***********

Gladiators have been stuck in by the Lions. Symonds bowling first. Think we need to get Porterfield out quickly. Pitch playing slowly. 4-0 in the first over.

Middlesex 1-1 in their first over!

Tremlett gets Redmond!!! Woohoooo! 12-1 in the second over! He's a good boy, that Chris Tremlett.

Gidman looking frisky now! Both batsmen very dangerous. 22-1 at the moment. Wonderwoman has turned up in the crowd. Could do with her superpowers! Oh, and the Ghostbusters! I'm afraid I'd have to go dressed as the Stay Pufft Marshmallow Man.

Gidman swings the bat and the first 6 goes hurtling out of sight.

32-1 and Gladiators starting to motor a little. Need a wicket quick-smart.

And no sooner said than done! Gidman gone for 15! 36-2, and well done Mr Tremlett!

Nel aims at the stumps and nearly gets Franklyn. Think he's been taking my advice regarding lobbing grenades.

40-2 after the 6th over. Spriegel coming in to the attack. Come on the 'spin doctor'!

50 comes up in the 7th over. 51-2 and a good over for the Gladiators.

Shah has gone for Middlesex. They are 56-2 in the 6th over.

Porterfield is looking mighty good! Eeeeek! Surrey could do without this at the moment, but the Gladiators (I keep wanting to call them Gladioli) aren't going to lie down and die. 82-2 after 10 overs.

Middlesex 73-3.

I'm missing the trumpeter. I like the tootling to signal a change of bowler!

Yippppeeeee! Porterfield goes! 89-3, with Hamilton-Brown taking a good catch. Thank the lord!

Warner gone for Middlesex. Essex doing okay so far.

Taylor gone for 1! That's two in the last two overs. Fab-u-lous, as Craig Revel-Horwood would say. 91-4 for Surrey.

Dent bowled for 1! 97-5! Unfortunate for Dent: looks like his bat got stuck in the turf and the ball went between the bat and pad, hitting the stumps. Very good news for Surrey!

Hants have lost Jimmy Adams, this is even better for Surrey!

98-6! Snell just gone! Well done Nella!

101-6 in the 14th over. Nails are being bitten.

Good outfield cricket from Surrey. 108-6 in the 15th.

Franklyn gone for 33! Run out! Good arm from Wilson. 155-7 now.

Andre Nel does a pirouette. Rampants may start 'Gunther for Strictly' campaign.

Oops...Spriegel has a ball bobble on him and it goes for 4. Dawson going nicely now.

134-7 in the 18th over. This might be a tricky ask for Surrey after all.

143-7. Not what Surrey would have wanted. Hope RHB and Davies have their batting heads on today.

Lewis gone for 13. 144-8. Tremlett strikes again!

Kirby goes first ball, run-out by Tremlett!

147-9 posted by the Gladiators: 148 for the Lions to win. Middlesex have posted 173, which will take some catching by Essex! Time for a cup of tea!

***********

Scary biscuits time: hold on to your hats folks! Here goes with the Surrey reply.

RHB only knows one way to play...hoping it works for him today. He won't die wondering, that's for sure! 6-0 after the first over.

Hampshire looking ominous, especially given that Sussex have not done so well in their last few games. 196 for Sussex to win.

Davies nearly gone but it just snuck past Porterfield. And now hits a six to clear his mind.

20 off the second over! Surrey need Davies to stay forever, basically, and help get that run-rate down.

Ramps not playing, btw. Sad for the Rampants, but I guess it means we can listen to the game without tensing up like a coiled spring! Davies hits another 6: he's got the bit between his teeth and no mistake!

And again! 39 without loss! Sixes gallore!

Free hit...where's the skipper putting this? Swing and a miss. Oh, well! Let's not be greedy!

The 50 comes up without loss in the fourth over.

54 without loss. The skipper beginning to get his head down. And then a further boundary! So far, it's a dismantling in the powerplay. 60 without loss.

67 without loss after five overs! Wow! Uh-oh...here come the spinners. And I'm not talking about the 70s folk group. Even I would face up to them.

Good point made by Churchy and JB: Surrey have nothing to lose. All they have to do is win, and win in the best way they can. They can do nothing about the other results, and they are indeed playing without fear. It's the only way to do it.

78 without loss at the end of the powerplay is very good indeed!

'Demolition Davies' brings up a fabulous fifty with a six! Wooohooo!

Why the flip did we not play like this against the Gladiators at the Oval?!?

RHB and Davies are having a contest to see who can hit the longest six! 99-0!

Hundred up in the 8th over! 106 in fact. Davies will surely find himself in the England team opening the batting at some point. This is a really classy display! At this rate we might not get to find out if the team is missing Ramps in the middle order.

RHB winning the battle of the sixes at the moment. Rory, size isn't everything! And as I say that, he's lbw for 48. Pity he didn't reach his 50. Now, Roy or Symonds next?

Jason Roy comes on next. Will it be a good day or a bad day for him?

Answer: bad day. 112-2. Roy gone second ball. Ooops.

Symonds dropped by Snell. Hoping Symo the animal has turned up today. We could do with him in a rampaging mood!

Symonds goes for 4. 123-3...please get Davies on strike!!! Please!!!

Johnny Barran wins first prize for non-gratuitous use of the word 'humping'.

Not looking good in the other games for Surrey. Essex struggling, Sussex struggling. And now it's raining for good measure.

Only 13 runs required, and then they have to sit and twiddle their thumbs to see what happens elsewhere.

Davies gone for 73.

Wilson clubs a meaty six with his first ball. Only 6 required now. Wilson gets 4 more...

Gary Wilson smashes a total of 12 off three balls. Lions win by six wickets! Well done boys, whatever happens. 150-4! You were meteoric today!

********

So close in the end. Surrey did all they needed to do, but so did Hants. We shouldn't have to rely on other teams to do us favours, although Sussex have been rubbish in the last few games compared to how they started, so it shouldn't surprise us. So, congrats to Hants and hard luck to Surrey and Middlesex.

Now it's back to the county championship next week!

Operation miracle underway!

Well, part one of 'operation miracle' at least was successful. It was actually quite amusing to find myself cheering on Middlesex. I almost enjoyed it! In fairness, they comprehensively thrashed Hampshire and thus have allowed Surrey to just about keep in the hunt. That was the good part.

The not so good part is that in doing so the Panthers have snuck ahead (just) on net run rate. And considering that it may well come down to run rate, suddenly things look a tad less rosy for the Lions. We now require Middlesex to lose against Essex on Sunday, Hampshire to lose against Sussex, and Surrey to thrash Gloucestershire. All three currently are tied on 14 points, and I suppose the only thing in Surrey's favour is that they have had a longer rest period than either of the other two. Although I guess this also means they might be a little out of practice: they always say momentum is key in T20.

Let's hope that whatever happens on Sunday, Surrey come out of the game well - preferably with a victory - and that they field the strongest team they are able. And even if they do fall short in the end on run rate, this season represents a much improved performance on the last few years.

Best of luck, Surrey!

Warning! Malfunction! T20 overload!

Does anyone remember Caramac bars?

My grandparents used to buy them for me when I was small, if it was my sister's birthday, as a sort of token present. They were extremely sickly and probably lethal in large quantities. My Caramac bars were usually rationed by my mum, worried I'd scoff the lot and make myself ill. Probably all over the threadbare swirly, bad-taste 1970s carpet in the living room.

I'm reminded of the Caramac thing because of the ongoing T20 debate. Most people agree that there's been an awful lot of T20 games. I mean, an incredible amount of the stuff. Suddenly the county championship seems nothing more than a distant memory! And don't get me wrong, because I like a bit of T20, but so much emphasis is being put on this contest that it seems to have had the crazy fun aspect sucked out of it. Of course teams want to win and do well. What's the point of playing it otherwise? But every year seems a little more gimmiky in a desperate bid to bring in the crowds. The more they add to it, the less an event it seems to become. And it just goes on, and on, and on.

It's a bit like the Caramac I mentioned earlier. It's great in small, bite sized portions, but too much will most likely lesson the initial appeal and desensitise the tastebuds.

Surrey have one more game to play, unless a miracle happens. Hang on, I think I’ve got my head around this.

In order to make any progression in the T20 competition and reach the knockout stages, we require things to go our way with the other results. So, ideally we would need:

Hampshire to lose twice.

Middlesex to lose once.

Surrey to win their last game against Gloucestershire.

The latter is very much in Surrey’s hands, and they can do nothing about the other results. Middlesex play Hampshire on Friday, so it would be very useful, ironically, if our pink and luminous neighbours across the Thames would do us a big favour and give Hants a bit of a pasting. Of course, they themselves are still in the hunt for a place in the next round so they will be pretty much up for it. Then again, so will Hants...

I’m useless working out permutations of things. My brain goes into shock if it’s given anything more difficult than remembering which bus to get on in the morning. Not sure what happens if the weather interferes to the extent where games are abandoned. One point apiece? What would that do to the table? *clutches head* Help! Meltdown! T20 overload!

I think I’ll just let whatever happens happen. Basically, even if everything goes Surrey’s way there’s that little matter of ‘run-rate’ to contend with. I think this means that we should expect to see the final game against the Gladiators played at double speed, with Surrey hopefully scoring buckets of runs off every over.

If this were the case, a bowler’s run-up would come from off a single pace and balls would be lobbed as if they were hand grenades (hand grenades actually disguised as balls might help to reduce the opposition even quicker). And a couple of specially trained Doberman Pinchers would be deployed to make the batsmen run more quickly between the wickets...

Additionally, in order to make sure that Surrey field the fastest team on the day, anyone over 35 would be on the bench (sorry Ramps). Anyone carrying any injuries, slight or otherwise, obtained within the last few weeks would also be out of the team (sorry Batty, Linley, Nel, Dernbach, Wilson et al). Anyone recovering from recent England duties you could forget (sorry Davies).

I hope Chris Tremlett and Rory Hamilton Brown have a nice game.

Too much T20, anyone?

Not quite buried yet...

It’s still an awfully big ask, but there’s still life in the old dog!

Or rather, life in the old Lion. Having been made to look a rather toothless moggy with our last T20 performance Surrey came roaring back against a Sussex team that never quite got into a rhythm following some fast, accurate bowling. It was definitely one of Surrey’s ‘going’ days. It can be a bit of a lottery sometimes as to what you’re going to get but today the dunce’s cap was swapped for a rather swanky mortar board hat complete with little dangly tassel thing. Chief swot was the skipper. Well done that man. Someone give him an apple!

I noticed a post on the Sussex board (for I do love a furtive read of other forums when I get the chance) that mentioned that Arundel could easily hold 3000 people but that the pre-sold tickets already amounted to 5000, and that they were predicting multiple hold-ups getting into the ground. They were of course spot on with their prediction. As Churchy muttered the word ‘chaos’ under his breath I couldn’t help but think of Lesley, our Rampant representative, who had quite cleverly decided to take her own chair with her. I do wonder if she managed to get out of the ground okay or if she’s still stuck there!

Talking of Churchy, a word of praise here – and for Mr Barran as well. It can’t be easy commentating al fresco, so to speak; especially when you’ve got microphone mishaps, barrier collapses and people sitting directly in front of you obscuring your view. Churchy was very restrained, I thought. I’m a gentle soul but I’d have been tempted to use the man’s head as a coconut shy and aim something round and heavy at the back of his unguarded cranium...

Top marks to ‘Rob the trumpeter’ as well. Loved the improvised tune that accompanied the sight of one of the umps falling over!

Sussex have an awful lot of good players. There’s just no two ways about it. There are one or two players who fall into the category of ‘not a favourite’ for various reasons. Take Matt Prior for example. Much improved over the years in the batting department, and still very much England’s number one test wicket keeper despite recent strides by Kieswetter. But the fact he, how shall we put this, has a limited grasp of the word ‘humility’ at times hasn’t endeared himself to the Rampants as a whole. So, when Mr Prior went for a magnificent fourth ball duck there wasn’t just a “thank goodness; that’s one danger man gone” feeling but more of a general “yipppppeeee!”

I think it would be more sporting to say “well bowled, Symonds” rather than enthusiastically celebrating the demise of one of the opposition. But in this case we’re fairly unrepentant!

Only three were on the board for Sussex when Prior departed. And only seven were on the board when Joyce went, bowled by Tremlett. I feared for Tremlett this year, given his past history. He seemed like the sort of bloke who would shatter if someone in the same room hit a top C, but he has been a complete triumph thus far, especially in the T20. If we do sneak through to the next round by some miracle, a lot of it will rest on CT’s very broad shoulders.

It got even better, when moments later Nash made his way to the crease, faced a ball, and then wandered his way back to his team mates, yet another Symonds victim. Things were looking rather too good to be true, especially as Goodwin was beginning to tick. I’m not bringing up the whole Goodwin saga again. But if you think the celebrations amongst the Rampants was jubilant when Prior went, that was nothing to the delighted cheers that marked the departure of Muzza for 11. Give that man Tremlett a medal, that’s what I say! Although you’d probably need a ladder to pin it on him.

It would be fair to say that the middle and lower order fared better for Sussex than their top order did, with Smith reaching 21, Gatting 16 and Arafat 12, but the wickets kept falling steadily. I did wonder if the pitch had a few tricks in it, but the Surrey bowling has generally been decent this year and so it appeared more likely that it was down to this rather than any unseen gremlins. For a while a rather handy little partnership in the guise of Keegan and Rayner got going, and the former’s last minute heroics hauled the Sussex total over a hundred and beyond. But then Andre Nel struck and removed him for 26, leaving Rayner on 25 and Beer not out on 1 at the end. The finally tally for Sussex was a rather tame 121, and it seemed that it would just take a few overs from RHB and Davies to put the whole game to bed.
Things never quite work out the way you expect them to, however.

Surrey’s reply was cautious, although rightly so considering they had no need to go hell for leather after such a small target. The skipper rode his luck when Kirtley dropped him at the start of the Surrey reply, and from that moment onwards it seemed to galvanise him into positive thought. Davies seemed a little subdued at the other end, maybe mindful of his duck in the previous game. They crawled slowly, run by run, all the way up to a solid if unspectacular 41, with the occasional boundary from RHB to enliven proceedings, until Davies fell for just 9. This brought Jason Roy to the crease who sadly, after the two monster innings he had earlier in the competition, did what Nash did and perished for a quacker.

You’d have still rather have been Surrey at this point. It was a pretty decent toss to lose in the end. Even although they were two batsmen down, giving Sussex a glimmer of hope, the runs on the board gave Walters licence to tick around for singles whilst the skipper set about his former county with consummate ease. Once the sixes and fours were unleashed the outcome was never really in any doubt, with the Sussex faithful beginning to exit the ground as soon as the Surrey hundred was reached. It was in the end a facile victory from a team who had been so roundly and deservedly thrashed in their last game.

I was pleased for Rory in particular, who finished not out on 87, with Walters not out on 24 with just under two overs to spare. Qualification still seems unlikely, but with Middlesex losing to Glamorgan and Kent beating Essex the fourth spot is still open to many of the chasing pack. Whoever gets there in the end will have earned it, that’s for certain. As for the game itself, it was one of the most enjoyable T20s I’ve listened to this year. And considering Mr Ramprakash wasn’t playing today, that’s quite a compliment!

It isn’t over ‘til the fat laddie swings...

That title's a bit cruel, given how fond I am of Cosgrove. Today, alas, more or less saw the end of Surrey’s chance of progression (not that those chances were great anyway), but as I keep attempting to remind myself, T20s only a bit of fun. It’s the cricket equivalent of Dali’s wobbly, melting clocks. It’s not the Mona Lisa and it’s not a masterpiece by Titian or Renoir. It’s still art and it has broad appeal to many, though. Nowt wrong with paintings of people with both eyes on the side of their face. I used to draw like that...

Surrey’s up and down form has of late been more akin to a dead sheep pickled in Formaldehyde and suspended upside down in a tank but, for all that, today’s game (final nail in the T20 coffin as it was) at least provided some thrilling moments. Stewie Walters got a well deserved 53; his first half century in the contest. And on the Glamorgan side of things we got to see a whole lot more of Cosgrove. As one wag recently said, if telly puts 10lbs on to your frame then Cosgrove has eaten a lot of tellies...

Firstly, from a Rampant point of view, Mr R was sadly not playing as it appears he damaged his shoulder during the run out in yesterday’s game. Fingers crossed it’s nothing too serious. However, with Davies back from Lions duty and Lancefield opening again it looked like it might be an interesting match. So it proved: and that was without mentioning the streaker! Whilst I love a good streaker during a game you do have to wonder why they do it. A bet? Because they’ve had several skinfuls? Whatever, they have to have a huge...brass neck.

Surrey won the toss and opted to field first. RHB is improving in the tossing stakes! Unfortunately it seemed to take the Surrey bowlers a little time to get used to the slower conditions and whilst they were doing so Glamorgan – and Cosgrove in particular – were making hay. 75 runs were on the board before Allenby eventually obliged Meaker by getting out. For a while Surrey flattered to deceive as Meaker struck moments later by removing recent hero Maynard without scoring, but then Glamorgan went back to scoring as they liked. It didn’t even look as if another wicket was going to occur.

Fortunately for Surrey, the next six wickets fell in rapid succession. Just as it appeared as if Cosgrove would launch himself (figuratively, as it would take one heck of a canon to propel him through the air) towards a century Tremlett struck, getting him for 76. And then came the deluge of wickets: Wallace for 5, Dalrymple for a well made 33, Wright for a duck, Harris for 1 and Croft run out without scoring. From what had looked a hopeless situation Surrey’s bowlers had managed to pull it right back. It was a valiant effort from Meaker and Tremlett, with some good fielding from Schofield to boot, although in retrospect I bet they wish they could have struck a few overs earlier.

Having recovered from the amusing sight of Chris Tremlett in a girl’s wig (not during the game, but as shown in a photo by his housemate Michael Brown), we all listened in as Surrey responded by immediately losing Steven Davies without scoring. I’m sure most people were holding their heads in their hands and thinking ‘here we go again’, but Lancefield played a good knock and put on 22. Others around him didn’t fare quite as well, with Jason Roy out for 17 and RHB for 11. Symonds also scored 22, although he got out just as Surrey needed a batsman to really kick on.

In the meantime Walters had taken on the Ramps mantle of accumulator and was quietly going about his business. Alas, whilst his score was creeping ever upwards, so did the run rate. Overs were coming and going with alarming frequency, as were the Surrey batsmen as Spriegel fell for a duck and Schofield, who sounded a little lame in the foot, departed for 5. It was pretty much looking like curtains for Surrey at this point, until Walters and Nel began to get on a last minute charge with fours and sixes galore. But when Nel went for 9 the brief spark of hope was snuffed, and with Walters not really seeing much of the strike in the last few overs Glamorgan kept up the pressure, winning by 10 runs.

A mere 10 runs sort of sums up Surrey’s T20 effort this year. There have been flashes of brilliance from Symonds, Davies, Roy and Ramps with the bat, and with Tremlett, Nel, Spriegel and Dernbach with the ball. We’ve really missed Dernbach in the latter stages of this contest: I think that shows in some of the tighter finishes. There has also been some really heinous cricket as well from virtually all the players at some point. Yes, Surrey has improved markedly but I suppose the sad thing is that there were at least three games which perhaps they should have won. And had we done so, we’d have been in a mighty fine position to go through to the next stage.

Oh, well. C’est la vie! T20, just like wobbly clocks, is fine but it doesn’t make the world tick!

And besides, if there was no T20 we wouldn’t have had this fabulous quote from Mark Church:

“We've all done it in the back garden up against the coal bunker...”









(He was talking about providing ones’ own commentary whilst playing an imagined innings at Lords, btw. Just in case you were wondering!)

Finding the positives

I only caught little bits of tonight’s T20 game against Middlesex due to ‘technicals’ (a computer that decides to switch itself off without prompting doesn’t help matters) but I have to say under the circumstances it’s probably for the best. In short, we got thumped.

And in fairness you can’t really argue with the result because we were outplayed in nearly every respect. That we actually made it to 120 in the end came as something of surprise given the rather grisly start Surrey got off to. It was a rather unfortunate game for the Rampants, in that (due to more technicals) when the commentary cut in, Ramps was immediately run out without a score on the board. Not the best start. And when Roy went for 0 as well, it sort of set the tone for the game.

As I’m not really in a position to relay what happened in either innings, and because I prefer to be positive in adversity (following on from half an hour of superstition-led ‘mea culpas’ and banging my head off the desk), let’s just say the better team won on the day, just as Surrey were the better team against Middlesex at Lords. However, make no bones about this: our chances of qualifying for the next round of the T20 has gone from ‘possible but difficult’ to ‘oh look, there’s a whole squadron of Gloucester Old Spot flying over the OCS stand...’

On a personal and selfish level, I am a little disappointed. Not with the fact that we won’t qualify but because I do love the idea of beating Middlesex in London derby’s. Oh, well...there’s a championship game coming up in the near future. *rubs hands*

And I’m sooooooooo not reading any on-line papers for a week, or visiting Oval World or indeed the rather amusing Middlesex forum either. If I want to be depressed I’ll watch the EastEnders omnibus.

I challenged myself to find a positive after tonight’s drubbing and I’ve managed to come up with one: we got to hear Michael Brown in the commentary box again! If there was a T20 for commentary the Surrey boys would win hands down. The Rampants are rather taken with Browny. He fits in very well with Churchy.

He’s honest, loquacious and likes a slice of jam sponge.

*************

Okay, next morning and feeling a little more positive than yesterday. It's Friday, the boss isn't in, and I've made a few decisions regarding the trip to the Oval in September that were weighing on me a little. Feeling much happier than before and can only attribute last night's uncharacteristc angst and gnashing of teeth to the uncertainty of this past month. Going to just chill out and listen to the game tonight. Qualification is a virtual no-no, but as one of the Rampants said "the fat lady ain't singing yet."

She is frantically polishing her trident before she goes on stage, however!

Thar be Dragons!

If someone makes a score of over 60 in a T20 game and still ends up on the losing side, you know the other side has played an absolute blinder.

Unfortunately that was the case today for Surrey in their game against the Glamorgan Dragons at the Oval this afternoon. Certainly the blistering start from openers Lancefield and Ramprakash (it still feels funny writing that!) promised an enormous target in the 200 plus region, which would have put the game right out of Glamorgan’s reach. In fact, 68 runs were on the board before Lancefield departed! Lancefield looks like a very good option in the shorter form of the game, and might be an option for any 40 over games if stuck.

I think we’re missing Davies a little here, to be honest. Not so much as a keeper, as Wilson was tidy enough, but certainly as a hard-hitting top order batsman. Imagine if he could have slotted in at four, although if he had been available I suppose there’s a good chance Lancefield might not have got the opportunity he did.

I guess another key moment was the dismissal of Jason Roy. We all know how destructive he is, and if he had stayed in with Ramps he could have juiced up the middle period of the game. As it was, when he was dismissed for 9 the Surrey innings continued reasonably enough, but the boundaries dried up a touch. The slower Glamorgan bowlers were much more difficult to get away, by the sound of things. Symonds also got out cheaply for 4, and the skipper fell for 18, leaving Stewart Walters to come in and see the Surrey innings out with a fine 31 to his credit at the end.

I think one of the problems for Surrey was the fact nobody was able to create a dominant partnership with Mr Ramprakash, who finished a marvellous 63 not out, in the way that the Glamorgan duo Maynard and Dalrymple did (with each other, not with Mr Ramprakash). It was a tricky situation for Ramps, as he had to make sure he was there at the end and not take the risks he had at the start of the innings once the Surrey firepower had been doused.

At one point it looked as if Surrey would struggle to get 150, but in the end they managed a healthy and competitive 168-4. Not brilliant, nor was it woeful either. The question on everyone’s lips: was it enough?

And the answer to that is: yes, if you win. No, if you don’t.

Frankly, you could score an unlikely 230 and feel reasonably comfortable that it was enough. But if the opposition score an equally unlikely 231, then it’s simply not! Glamorgan’s innings appeared to be the antithesis of the Surrey one. Ramps and Lancefield (which is a brilliant surname; very ‘knights of the round table’) had attacked from the get-go whilst Cosgrove and Allenby were a tad more sedate. I do love Cosgrove, I admit it. I know I’m repeating myself, but it’s difficult not to love a sportsman who is sculpted entirely of pies and chip butties yet still manages to play so beautifully.

After the first five overs it definitely seemed to favour Surrey. Allenby went for 5, with Spriegel continuing his great form, but Wallace came in and formed a great pairing with the looming Cosgrove, who appeared to have channelled his inner Whippet. He’s a bit like my cat, is Cosgrove. He may look a bit baggy and loose at the seams, but he can move when he wants to! Although I’m not sure tempting him with a bowl of Purina will spur him on between the wickets, and his fielding is probably not as good as it might be it’s fair to say he does what he does very well. Unfortunately for Surrey, what he does well is stick around far too long!

By the time Wallace went, 44 were on the board for the Dragons which was still behind the Lions score with Surrey no doubt still fancying the win from that point. But, like a multi-headed Hydra, having smote one neck there were yet others to deal with. Enter Maynard the younger. I don’t know enough about Maynard the elder to comment but everyone says he was a little bit good. Well, daddy Maynard, your boy’s a little bit good as well! To say that his innings was crucial would win the main prize in the Sybil Fawlty School of ‘stating the bleedin’ obvious!’ And, drat him, he wouldn’t go away no matter how Surrey tried!

And in fairness they did try very hard to get rid of him, but although Cosgrove finally went for a well-rounded (pardon the pun) 19 and Rees for 6, the man they desperately needed to remove was sticking tighter than the contents of a tin of Uhu. Gradually Maynard began to up the tempo, until the required rate was almost on par, and with only three or so overs to go you could begin to see the momentum swing the Dragon’s way. Dalrymple was yorked beautifully for 28 by Tremlett reviving hope once again. I think we will have to call him ‘The Tremulator’, a cross between the ‘Terminator’ and ‘crenulator’, which is a machine used for mashing bones. It seems rather apt given the way the big man has bowled in the T20 so far.

For as long as Maynard stayed in you felt that it was Glamorgan’s game to lose, and even although Tremlett bowled an absolutely corking second last over, it just proved to be too much in the end with something like 10 required off 7 balls. It was a very exciting, tight finish to a game that swung all over the place and must have made for a good spectacle for those at the Oval.

Maynard finished the game on 78 not out, and Wright 6 not out, whilst Surrey might yet find themselves ruing losing to a team that most others in the division have beaten so far. They won’t have long to wait for the re-match: the end of the coming week sees the Dragons take on the Lions once more. But will the Lions be Kings, or will the Dragons flambé them? Will Ramps continue his fine start as Surrey T20 opener? Can we tempt Cosgrove with a raspberry Pavlova to get out early?

Tune in on Friday to find out!

Sooner or later, karma’s always going to get you!

I am happy to report that Kenny Kennington’s fast footwork was not required in today’s game, as the Lions absolutely thumped a rather lacklustre, er...what are they called these days? They used to be the Sabres but I’m informed they now go by the rather catchy name of ‘Somerset.’ Surely a team that boasts the likes of Trescothic and Hildreth deserves a catchy name!

The atmosphere seemed pretty charged at the Oval this evening and, judging by the way the crowd got behind the team (no doubt fuelled by yesterday’s gritty championship win), this must have spurred Surrey on into over-achieving. Having won the toss and elected to bat first, the total they posted wasn’t exactly commanding, and yet it was certainly a solid one. And then – knock me down with a paper clip – young Lancefield opened the batting with Mr Ramprakash! Ramps, opening??? It’s been a few years since that happened!

You will recall that Surrey are missing a few players at the moment. Gareth Batty has apparently broken his finger, although it didn’t stop him from screaming delightedly in the commentary box whenever Surrey were doing well (it really was brilliant commentary on tonight’s game)! Michael Brown was a little more restrained with his comments from what should be termed ‘crock’s corner’, instead settling for telling Pollard off whenever he got up to anything not really in the spirit of the game. Quite right, too!

There were one or two annoyed Rampants listening in as Pollard decided he was going to shoot his mouth off to Mr R. Nobody had evidently told Pollard that sledging never works on Ramps. I couldn’t help but chuckle at Michael Brown’s insistence that the cricketing gods had taken their revenge on Pollard during the game for all the rather foolish things he’d done. I was awaiting a Monty Python-style giant foot to come hurtling down from the sky to squash him!

Lancefield did not too badly on his T20 debut and made 16 before being caught by Suppiah, but there followed a nice little partnership between Jason Roy and Mark Ramprakash which lasted until 96 runs were on the board, with Ramps getting caught by Trescothic for 34. I was just glad Pollard didn’t catch him. Could you imagine the gloating, considering all the lip he was giving?

And not just Mr Ramprakash, for it sounded as if Jason Roy copped some backchat as well, as Pollard patrolled the pitch like a malevolent Dalek. I guess you expect it in cricket these days, and I suppose in certain circumstances sledging can be mildly amusing. It’s a rather underhand tactic though, in my opinion, and rather than simply being another weapon in a bowler’s armoury I tend to view it as unimaginative and showing a lack of faith in one’s ability to get the batsman out with deeds rather than words.

Roy was a joy – again! After Ramps went he put on a further excellent partnership with the skipper (or the stripper as I accidentally dubbed him, much to the amusement of the Rampants), Younus Khan having gone for only 2 runs previously. Surrey did look like they were teetering a touch, with the runs just about coming but gradually drying up. Fortunately Roy hit 3 sixes to get the score moving again, pushing on whenever the innings looked in danger of stagnating. RHB made 25, and Roy hit an impressive 74 before he was caught. Walters remained not out on 1 at the end, with Wilson being run-out for the same score off the last ball.

With 172 needed to win Somerset would have fancied their chances on a good batting surface like the Oval. It seemed a total that was just a smidge better than par. But if Roy had been a hero with the bat, Spriegel proved equally brilliant with the ball. The rapidity in which Somerset lost their top order was quite astonishing, and never really allowed them back into the game. Compton (1) went first to a re-energised Tremlett, hyped up after yesterdays win no doubt, and then the massive wicket of Trescothic fell to Spriegel for 4, with de Bruyn falling almost immediately afterwards to Schofield for a duck! In T20 it is so difficult to pull that kind of thing back. A brief word of praise for Mr Meaker, who took his first ever T20 wicket, made all the sweeter no doubt by whose it was! *cough* Pollard *cough*

When Tremlett got Hildreth for 10 it was Surrey’s game to lose. Young Buttler played excellently and for a time looked like he was holding things together for Somerset, but the mounties always get their man and eventually Wilson had him stumped for 29. It was pretty much game over at that point, leaving Surrey fans in the crowd to bask in what was an inevitable win.

Suppiah made 13, Phillips 5, whilst Kartik (16no) and Turner (11no) were left trying to keep an eye on the run-rate situation. With so many teams bunching in the table behind Sussex (who lost to Middlesex) these things might well determine who gets a qualifying spot and who doesn’t.

And what of Pollard, I hear you ask?

Well, he made 19 with the bat, swaggered around in the field, made lots of errors and nearly fell down the stairs as well. He played very well for Surrey, overall. Pity he didn’t do so well for Somerset!

All shook up

 
Well, it’s hats off to Surrey for a hard-fought and well deserved victory at Chesterfield.

When I say well deserved, I’m not belittling the effort of the Derbyshire team. Tenaciously clinging on to the bitter end, I have to say they gave me a real fright as the overs ticked away! Yesterday I mentioned the fact that Surrey were soldiering on despite missing various limbs and essential body parts, which sort of puts their win over Derbyshire in an even better light. What we saw from the team today was, er, ‘balls!’

Even when the chips were down they fought on...even when Andre Nel was bowling on one leg he kept running in with typical Günter determination. Or rather, hopping in. There’s an old rhyme about a lady who fought alongside her Scottish compatriots against the ‘auld enemy’, and when her legs were cut off in battle, “fought upon her stumps”. It’s kind of the image I get of Surrey over the last day!

Again, I didn’t hear most of the day’s play. Work is playing havoc with my ability to tune into the four day game. I settled for sneaking little looks at the BBC score card. It didn’t look promising at 12.30. Or 13.30 either for that matter. And even although it was a tad healthier at 15.10 as I was preparing to leave for the day, four wickets didn’t seem to be enough. You see, Surrey has a nasty habit of getting opposing batsmen into nick if they’ve been out of sorts. It’s the same with teams as well, and you could just see Derbyshire making club history by chasing down their highest ever total. It’s the kind of thing that just happens to Surrey.

But then, by the time I got home some 25 mins later, a total of 7 wickets had gone! Suddenly it seemed as if all results were possible. I have to admit that even I couldn’t see where the game was heading at that point. With Andre Nel doing his best impression of a human pogo stick, and Tim Linley off the field of play due to his considerable resemblance to Mr Bump (only not quite so blue), the physiotherapists definitely earned their fees today! I’m also informed that Spriegel’s eyes may have been left watering a tad due to fielding a ball with his lower torso, shall we say?

Nor was it just Surrey who ended with walking wounded. Derbyshire’s Lungley managed to get struck by a ball from his own team mate and had to leave the field of play. Whether it made any psychological difference as well as the blow to the arm he received effecting his grip, who can really say, but the interruption brought Groenewald to the crease whilst Lungley temporarily retired hurt. And then, when Groenewald departed for just 3, you couldn’t help but feel the game was in Surrey’s grasp once again.

It was left to the towering Tremlett to deliver the ball that sent Lungley’s stump somersaulting through the air for 21. So agonisingly close for Derbyshire, and yet so very far! ‘Stumps’ were actually very appropriate, as I think that was just about all that was left of my fingernails! I’m beginning to think Surrey should be sponsored by Bisodol rather than Brit Insurance, considering the peptic ulcer that has probably formed over the last 4 years.

This win for a team comprised entirely of men held together by a combination of willpower and blutack will come as such a relief and delight for not just the players and staff but the supporters as well. There have been many struggles to get to this point, and some ugly cricket mixed in with some really decent play as well, but because there had only been the one win up to this point the good stuff tends to get swept under the carpet. There have been times in previous games where Surrey have had the upper hand and indeed played the better cricket, so it’s not as if they are as bad as the papers sometimes like to make out. Certainly, the tables don’t lie at the end of the day but at least they are off the bottom now, and who can say that they might not win a few more now they have that hunger to do well? If the T20 has done one good thing, its show the squad that they have the ability to potentially beat anyone. Well, anyone except Sussex, but then most teams are struggling against them at the moment.

In the midst of this jubilation, however, we should add a note of caution. Surrey are taking on Somerset at the Oval tomorrow. With Dernbach, Linley, Brown, Jordan, Wilson, Nel and possibly Batty looking more shook up than an Elvis impersonator, just who the heck is going to be fit to play?

Is it too late to send for Kenny Kennington?