Warning! Malfunction! T20 overload!

Does anyone remember Caramac bars?

My grandparents used to buy them for me when I was small, if it was my sister's birthday, as a sort of token present. They were extremely sickly and probably lethal in large quantities. My Caramac bars were usually rationed by my mum, worried I'd scoff the lot and make myself ill. Probably all over the threadbare swirly, bad-taste 1970s carpet in the living room.

I'm reminded of the Caramac thing because of the ongoing T20 debate. Most people agree that there's been an awful lot of T20 games. I mean, an incredible amount of the stuff. Suddenly the county championship seems nothing more than a distant memory! And don't get me wrong, because I like a bit of T20, but so much emphasis is being put on this contest that it seems to have had the crazy fun aspect sucked out of it. Of course teams want to win and do well. What's the point of playing it otherwise? But every year seems a little more gimmiky in a desperate bid to bring in the crowds. The more they add to it, the less an event it seems to become. And it just goes on, and on, and on.

It's a bit like the Caramac I mentioned earlier. It's great in small, bite sized portions, but too much will most likely lesson the initial appeal and desensitise the tastebuds.

Surrey have one more game to play, unless a miracle happens. Hang on, I think I’ve got my head around this.

In order to make any progression in the T20 competition and reach the knockout stages, we require things to go our way with the other results. So, ideally we would need:

Hampshire to lose twice.

Middlesex to lose once.

Surrey to win their last game against Gloucestershire.

The latter is very much in Surrey’s hands, and they can do nothing about the other results. Middlesex play Hampshire on Friday, so it would be very useful, ironically, if our pink and luminous neighbours across the Thames would do us a big favour and give Hants a bit of a pasting. Of course, they themselves are still in the hunt for a place in the next round so they will be pretty much up for it. Then again, so will Hants...

I’m useless working out permutations of things. My brain goes into shock if it’s given anything more difficult than remembering which bus to get on in the morning. Not sure what happens if the weather interferes to the extent where games are abandoned. One point apiece? What would that do to the table? *clutches head* Help! Meltdown! T20 overload!

I think I’ll just let whatever happens happen. Basically, even if everything goes Surrey’s way there’s that little matter of ‘run-rate’ to contend with. I think this means that we should expect to see the final game against the Gladiators played at double speed, with Surrey hopefully scoring buckets of runs off every over.

If this were the case, a bowler’s run-up would come from off a single pace and balls would be lobbed as if they were hand grenades (hand grenades actually disguised as balls might help to reduce the opposition even quicker). And a couple of specially trained Doberman Pinchers would be deployed to make the batsmen run more quickly between the wickets...

Additionally, in order to make sure that Surrey field the fastest team on the day, anyone over 35 would be on the bench (sorry Ramps). Anyone carrying any injuries, slight or otherwise, obtained within the last few weeks would also be out of the team (sorry Batty, Linley, Nel, Dernbach, Wilson et al). Anyone recovering from recent England duties you could forget (sorry Davies).

I hope Chris Tremlett and Rory Hamilton Brown have a nice game.

Too much T20, anyone?