What a Difference a Day Makes...

Or a week, to be more precise. T20 mania has taken a complete hold in the schedules. Now, as I’ve mentioned before I like a bit of T20 but it would be a lie if I said it was my favourite form of cricket. Yes, as my dad laughingly labelled me at the dinner table today, I am a ‘purist’. My sister thinks I’m nuts: she’d rather eat recycled cat litter than watch 4 day cricket, but coming from someone whose favourite movie musical has the unforgettable line ‘a man can’t sleep when he sleeps with sheep’, I think her ability to pass reasonable judgement on anything is in dispute...

Since the Derbyshire win the wheels haven’t so much fallen off for Surrey as been subject to a couple of slow punctures. After a few promising wins the boys lost comprehensively to a classy Hampshire, suffered the ignominy of having their match against Glamorgan rained off for a single point, and were today thumped by Gloucestershire. I can forgive the loss to Hants, who look to be a formidable force in the shorter form stuff, but the Gloucestershire loss wasn’t good any way you look at it. Especially after it started so well! A great knock from Cockbain was the difference, but you have to say Surrey rather let the Gloucestershire batsmen get away when they had the chance to tighten the thumbscrews on them. It wasn’t really helped when Surrey lost a very early wicket (heard that one before)! From that point on it seemed to destabilise the Surrey batsmen. Alas, teams in our group will look to capitalise on this weakness.

This is what I have learned then in the last few weeks:

Mark Church and Johnny Barran are very cool in the face of incoming cricket balls; if they’d been on the Titanic I reckon they’d simply have gone down with the ship announcing it was ‘a bit of an inconvenience’. Extremely professional in every respect: I fear I would have uttered a “sh*t, that bl**dy well nearly hit me in the b*llocking face!”

If Rory Hamilton-Brown loses his wicket for less than 10 runs the Surrey batsmen start clucking about like headless chickens. A bit harsh of me, perhaps. But given the amount of times it seems to happen I think I’m probably right.

Ramps is not playing the shorter forms of the game at the moment because, as we supposed, he doesn’t have the speed or general fitness given his ongoing recovery from his knee operation. We all guessed this was the reason, but there has been a surprising lack of communication on this point. In fact it was the ‘London Evening Standard' that actually bothered to let the fans know what was going on. I heard someone a few weeks back at the Grange say he’d been dropped because he “was too old”, which nearly resulted in me decking them (derogatory remarks made about my favourite players in any sport tends to bring out my latent maternal instincts). And to be honest, unlikely as this reason was for Ramps’ exclusion, you do tend to wonder what the situation is when there is no actual word from the club itself. The Rampants are collectively paranoid as it is without this kind of thing!

Walk-on girls are not popular with fans. I wanted to call it ‘glamgate’; save that it’s not exactly headline news, and also it makes it sound as if Cosgrove has been up to something naughty in an all-you-can-eat buffet. Basically, some clever chap (I’ll be surprised if it wasn’t a chap) decided the Surrey players were incapable of walking unaided to the pitch at the start of a game and so they would be escorted by ‘glamorous females’. A bit like Old Mr Grace in ‘Are You Being Served’ with his array of nurses.

Speaking as a non-glamorous female, of the rather plain and stocky variety, my comments are probably going to sound a tad suspicious. I did however, like many of my friends and several Surrey supporters I know of, question the reasoning – and indeed sanity – of the whole thing. I rather thought the idea of going to watch a cricket match was to see cricket, not scantily clad girls. Or is that me just being silly?

Anyhow, a small but vocal insurrection soon informed the relevant persons of the lack of wisdom in implementing the ghastly and tasteless idea. It was swiftly dropped. A big gold star to whoever had the courage to call it off: a big kick up the arse to whoever thought of it in the first place...

Kevin Pietersen is not popular with everyone - and to those die-hard fans who put county above country in particular. Witness this from the Gloucestershire game:


“The next batsman in for Surrey is Kevin Pietersen...”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOHISSSSSSSSSSS...”

I mean, what was that about? Even I wouldn’t show that level of discourtesy to KP and he’s not my favourite player by a long way. Poor man just wanted to turn up, do some batting and help Surrey to win the game (hopefully not getting out to a left hand spinner in the process). Well, three out of four ain’t bad...

I have my new smart phone. I can now listen to the commentary at work *blows raspberry at employers who block internet access to cricket*. Of course, I can’t help but notice that since the purchase of the aforesaid gadget, Surrey have done nothing but lose. So, now it seems I can enjoy being miserable in real time as opposed to when I go home after work and check the scores...

It's the final countdown!

So sung Bon Jovi some twenty odd years ago. I'm sure they won't object to my half-inching their song title for this blog post. And, just to try something a little different, today I am going to be blogging live and adding my thoughts as the game progresses, whilst keeping a keen-eye turned to the the Middlesex and Hants games. As two of our number aren't especially Surrey supporters - in fact not remotely - one a Middlesex fan and the other a Hants fan, it's going to make for an interesting afternoon! But, whatever happens in terms of that last qualification spot, at least somebody is going to be happy with the outcome today!

May the best teams win, and good luck to all!

But especially Surrey, Sussex and Essex... (sorry, couldn't resist)!

***********

Gladiators have been stuck in by the Lions. Symonds bowling first. Think we need to get Porterfield out quickly. Pitch playing slowly. 4-0 in the first over.

Middlesex 1-1 in their first over!

Tremlett gets Redmond!!! Woohoooo! 12-1 in the second over! He's a good boy, that Chris Tremlett.

Gidman looking frisky now! Both batsmen very dangerous. 22-1 at the moment. Wonderwoman has turned up in the crowd. Could do with her superpowers! Oh, and the Ghostbusters! I'm afraid I'd have to go dressed as the Stay Pufft Marshmallow Man.

Gidman swings the bat and the first 6 goes hurtling out of sight.

32-1 and Gladiators starting to motor a little. Need a wicket quick-smart.

And no sooner said than done! Gidman gone for 15! 36-2, and well done Mr Tremlett!

Nel aims at the stumps and nearly gets Franklyn. Think he's been taking my advice regarding lobbing grenades.

40-2 after the 6th over. Spriegel coming in to the attack. Come on the 'spin doctor'!

50 comes up in the 7th over. 51-2 and a good over for the Gladiators.

Shah has gone for Middlesex. They are 56-2 in the 6th over.

Porterfield is looking mighty good! Eeeeek! Surrey could do without this at the moment, but the Gladiators (I keep wanting to call them Gladioli) aren't going to lie down and die. 82-2 after 10 overs.

Middlesex 73-3.

I'm missing the trumpeter. I like the tootling to signal a change of bowler!

Yippppeeeee! Porterfield goes! 89-3, with Hamilton-Brown taking a good catch. Thank the lord!

Warner gone for Middlesex. Essex doing okay so far.

Taylor gone for 1! That's two in the last two overs. Fab-u-lous, as Craig Revel-Horwood would say. 91-4 for Surrey.

Dent bowled for 1! 97-5! Unfortunate for Dent: looks like his bat got stuck in the turf and the ball went between the bat and pad, hitting the stumps. Very good news for Surrey!

Hants have lost Jimmy Adams, this is even better for Surrey!

98-6! Snell just gone! Well done Nella!

101-6 in the 14th over. Nails are being bitten.

Good outfield cricket from Surrey. 108-6 in the 15th.

Franklyn gone for 33! Run out! Good arm from Wilson. 155-7 now.

Andre Nel does a pirouette. Rampants may start 'Gunther for Strictly' campaign.

Oops...Spriegel has a ball bobble on him and it goes for 4. Dawson going nicely now.

134-7 in the 18th over. This might be a tricky ask for Surrey after all.

143-7. Not what Surrey would have wanted. Hope RHB and Davies have their batting heads on today.

Lewis gone for 13. 144-8. Tremlett strikes again!

Kirby goes first ball, run-out by Tremlett!

147-9 posted by the Gladiators: 148 for the Lions to win. Middlesex have posted 173, which will take some catching by Essex! Time for a cup of tea!

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Scary biscuits time: hold on to your hats folks! Here goes with the Surrey reply.

RHB only knows one way to play...hoping it works for him today. He won't die wondering, that's for sure! 6-0 after the first over.

Hampshire looking ominous, especially given that Sussex have not done so well in their last few games. 196 for Sussex to win.

Davies nearly gone but it just snuck past Porterfield. And now hits a six to clear his mind.

20 off the second over! Surrey need Davies to stay forever, basically, and help get that run-rate down.

Ramps not playing, btw. Sad for the Rampants, but I guess it means we can listen to the game without tensing up like a coiled spring! Davies hits another 6: he's got the bit between his teeth and no mistake!

And again! 39 without loss! Sixes gallore!

Free hit...where's the skipper putting this? Swing and a miss. Oh, well! Let's not be greedy!

The 50 comes up without loss in the fourth over.

54 without loss. The skipper beginning to get his head down. And then a further boundary! So far, it's a dismantling in the powerplay. 60 without loss.

67 without loss after five overs! Wow! Uh-oh...here come the spinners. And I'm not talking about the 70s folk group. Even I would face up to them.

Good point made by Churchy and JB: Surrey have nothing to lose. All they have to do is win, and win in the best way they can. They can do nothing about the other results, and they are indeed playing without fear. It's the only way to do it.

78 without loss at the end of the powerplay is very good indeed!

'Demolition Davies' brings up a fabulous fifty with a six! Wooohooo!

Why the flip did we not play like this against the Gladiators at the Oval?!?

RHB and Davies are having a contest to see who can hit the longest six! 99-0!

Hundred up in the 8th over! 106 in fact. Davies will surely find himself in the England team opening the batting at some point. This is a really classy display! At this rate we might not get to find out if the team is missing Ramps in the middle order.

RHB winning the battle of the sixes at the moment. Rory, size isn't everything! And as I say that, he's lbw for 48. Pity he didn't reach his 50. Now, Roy or Symonds next?

Jason Roy comes on next. Will it be a good day or a bad day for him?

Answer: bad day. 112-2. Roy gone second ball. Ooops.

Symonds dropped by Snell. Hoping Symo the animal has turned up today. We could do with him in a rampaging mood!

Symonds goes for 4. 123-3...please get Davies on strike!!! Please!!!

Johnny Barran wins first prize for non-gratuitous use of the word 'humping'.

Not looking good in the other games for Surrey. Essex struggling, Sussex struggling. And now it's raining for good measure.

Only 13 runs required, and then they have to sit and twiddle their thumbs to see what happens elsewhere.

Davies gone for 73.

Wilson clubs a meaty six with his first ball. Only 6 required now. Wilson gets 4 more...

Gary Wilson smashes a total of 12 off three balls. Lions win by six wickets! Well done boys, whatever happens. 150-4! You were meteoric today!

********

So close in the end. Surrey did all they needed to do, but so did Hants. We shouldn't have to rely on other teams to do us favours, although Sussex have been rubbish in the last few games compared to how they started, so it shouldn't surprise us. So, congrats to Hants and hard luck to Surrey and Middlesex.

Now it's back to the county championship next week!

Hmm...

Not really the start Surrey was looking for in their T20 campaign. The tone was rather set when Steven Davies went for 1. And then, in a public show of sympathy, Ramps and Symonds decided to do likewise. Further down the line, Nel and Schoey did exactly the same.

Younus Khan managed 2, though, so that wasn’t so bad.

Oh, and Afzaal was run out for 2 as well.

Tremlett ran himself out for 4 by not grounding his bat.

The skipper forged a handy 41...if only Davies had stuck with him, imagine the damage the opening partnership might have done! Dernbach chipped in with 12 at the hinder end, and Spriegel played his customary solid innings, finishing 25 not out.

Possibly the strongest batting line up amongst the counties, on paper at least, was routinely knocked over for a total of 97 by some super-disciplined bowling from Gloucestershire. Now, I realise T20 is important to the club so my comment of “it’s just a little bit of fun” (certainly the first 15 mins resembled It’s A Knockout) is probably not going to be regarded as helpful in the circumstances. I’m sensing a Surrey dressing room conspiracy here: there’s an ongoing bet to see how quickly the team can turn Chris Adams’ hair white.

Boys, I don’t really care if you get pasted at T20. I don’t care if you rebrand yourself the Surrey Headless Chickens for all the flapping that was done once the top three fell. I still love you. And I know you'll come good: you're too talented collectively not to.

But do yourselves a big, big favour and don’t read the papers tomorrow...because it ain’t gonna be pretty!