Stay Rampant

I seem to be developing a nasty habit of stopping posting roughly around Christmas. Post-Christmas sag (which can be best defined as a bad case of “can’t be arsedness” brought on by too much sherry trifle) tends to kick in leaving the new county championship season looking like a distant mirage. Like last year I spent the three months leading up to Christmas by blogging about Strictly, and then simply not bothering with the result. In 2010 there was an excuse, because after I had learned that Deirdre had passed away the whole thing seemed a bit pointless and trivial, so I downed tools and neglected to write a suitable ‘congrats Kara’ post. This year there was no excuse save for the fact that the result was a foregone conclusion and I was too stuffed with countless Cadbury’s Roses to even care that the wee fella from McFly had triumphed.

It didn’t really come as a surprise, did it?

Anyhow, well done to him. I have to say that he deserved to win on the night so I had no problem with the result.

Since then Pat (no relation to Mark) Butcher has joined the televisual choir invisible. Rangers Football club are in so much debt they may have to get McCoist to slip out of his managerial duds, pull on his shirt and play. And Donald Trump is having a ding-dong battle with Alex Salmond to see who gets to be King of Scotland. Poor Mr Trump seems to be under the illusion that in this current economic downturn what Scotland really needs is a bloody great golf course. And Mr Salmond is under the impression that what Mr Trump’s golf course needs are some great big wind turbines spinning merrily in the background...

I’m not a shit-stirrer by nature, but I’m with Al on this one.

In terms of Surrey news there’s been the usual off-season activity: some great and some rather sad. The good: we’ve got Ally Brown back at the Oval where he belongs.

No, not in his bar.

Mr Brown has joined the Surrey coaching staff. I admit I was quite pleased to see him back. We’ve also signed the doughty opener Jacques Rudolph. Seeing as how RHB had been forced into opening due to necessity this is a very welcome development.
The not so good: Meaker and Tremlett have both picked up injuries, and Dernbach is now well entrenched in the England one day side so we may not be seeing as much of them as we would like. We also said a sad farewell to Schoey. I can only hope he gets picked up by some team as he’s no back marker yet, especially in the shorter format.

Mr R is captaining a rather eclectic group of cricketers in the traditional MCC v county champions clash in Dubai. Gareth Batty is also in the team for Surrey. Really looking forward to this! Well, what we can find out about it as I doubt there will be much if any coverage of it either on the radio or in the papers. Still, if there’s one thing the Rampants do well it’s cheering from the sidelines...even with a time differential to take into account. Jean will still be pushing her pineapples and shaking that tree with the best of them!

Talking of the Rampants, the photo accompanying this post was taken by Mel whilst on holiday in Aldeburgh. Just goes to show you that although we may be spread the length and breadth of the country and not able to attend every game, the message is still very clear!

Strictly: Week Six and results show 06/11/11

And so we’re half way, or very nearly so. Gosh, that went quickly didn’t it?

You can sense the remaining contenders jockeying for position as they face up to the possibility of a trip to Wembley in a few weeks time, should they stay in. It’s like a whole brigade of politicians dusting off their rosettes pre-election time, endeavouring to affix their best, most winning smiles to their faces. “Vote for me! I’m having the time of my life!” Not to mention “It’s not about the winning, it’s the taking part!”
And of course “I just want to get to Wembley!” It’s the new “I want to get to Blackpool”, don’t you know!

What you don’t see behind the smiles, the laughter and the camaraderie is the blood, sweat and tears. The sore feet, the blisters, the occasional tantrum. The injuries! I reckon that’s why sports people do so well on Strictly. They have the stamina to last to the end, and are used to pushing pain to the side in a desperate bid to reach that finishing line.

Whether Artem has reached the end of his own line is a matter for some debate. At some point during late rehearsals he managed to injure his back. Now, you can’t mess around with spines. They’re the very devil to sort out. That he managed to dance with Holly on the live show given that he had a fracture to his back says a lot for his nerve and dedication, although possibly not for his common sense. And a very good jive it was too, if unconventional. Artem really likes finding new ways to breathe life into dances: he rarely does the obvious. Holly, in matching pin-stripes, braces and spats executed the steps exceptionally well given the fact that in the rehearsal she’d had to train by herself. Sir Brucie stepped in briefly (and looked remarkably good!) but I guess when all is said and done, it’s perhaps not the same as training with your dance partner. All in all a good, quirky take on the jive, although I wish to god Holly would LOOK UP WHEN DANCING! Bashful jiving is not really what it’s about. There was more energy from her, but she always looks so apologetic!

If Holly has the demeanour of a partly comatose sloth, poor Artem looked as if he was in desperate need of some seriously strong pain killers. I think someone was waiting in the audience with a tranquiliser dart to put him out of his pain.
Looks like it missed and hit Holly instead.

Talking of the audience, nice to see Mr Ramps having a watch from the sidelines: no doubt relieved not to be up on the floor shaking his hips! I wonder if ex-strictly people ever have flashbacks to performing. Personally I think I would have been traumatised: first few bars of the theme music would have me scurrying behind the sofa with a pillow over each ear, just like I did when a child watching Doctor Who on a Saturday evening! But I guess that’s the allure of the show if you do well: it may leave terrifying scars but at the same time the people that you work with and the pride in being associated with something so loved must be utterly irresistible. Maybe, when the fake tan gets in your blood, you can’t get rid of it!

A word about the judges. Tonight, just for one night, we got rid of Len. I’m ambivalent to Len, to be honest. I think he needs to be there, but if he’s going to sit and do his best impression of Oscar the grouch from Sesame Street then frankly he can spend the whole show in his trash can as far as I am concerned. Please, could all the celebs and pros not cheese off Uncle Len? I like the Len who could pickle his walnuts in joy, not the one who looks as if his walnuts have been whipped...

Craig I confess to liking. There are times when I think he’s morphing into Gordon Brittas but again, if we could have the picky, acerbic yet constructive Craig rather than the one who delivers one-word critiques that make the celebs feel like they’re about to puke on his desk with fear then that would probably be more helpful. Although arguably not as entertaining.

Bruno I would like to retain, but only if he can be put in a straight jacket until he learns to sit up nicely in his chair. I know a lot of Italian people are expressive and constantly need to flourish their arms and assorted body parts but he does seem to have become excessively demented as the years have gone by. We have Felliway plug-ins to calm our cats in times of stress. There must be something similar for Bruno, surely?

Alesha’s role is to empathise and give out lots of unmerited 10s. She’s a bit hit or miss on the first, but she’s managing the latter quite nicely.

Uncle Len was replaced for the evening by Jennifer ‘Dirty Dancing’ Grey. As films go this one was pretty iconic, and her own winning stint on America’s version of Strictly gave her, like Alesha, a certain insight into what it was like to suffer in the name of public entertainment and public profile-raising. This brand of empathy manifested by turning itself into a paddle with the number ‘8’ on it. My conclusion from Jennifer’s brief stint on Strictly was that she seemed like a lovely person who had as few clues as to how to score a dance as Alesha ‘decimus maximus’ Dixon...

In fairness to Alesha, she didn’t give a single 10 during the show. And the reason for that was that, strangely enough, everything was littered with mistakes to the extent that not even she could whip out that big one-zero. Not even Harry Judd, a man who normally has both Bruno and Alesha fluttering their eyelashes from behind their desk, could work his pectoral magic in a samba that seemed just a tad too...antiseptic. It wasn’t a bad effort, and for the most part it was all there save for a few dodgy Voltas where his bounce action looked like a man on a pneumatic drill, but it’s the one dance where you have to just say ‘hang it all’ and channel Carmen Miranda! If you’re a bloke and you find the gaping, chest exposing v-neck seem as wide as the Grand Canyon, the steps too camp and the bounce action as difficult to control as wrestling with a giant inflatable, believe me it’s going to show. How many years has this show been going? And how many decent male sambas have there been? I think I can count about three!

And yes, Ramps’ samba was the best before anyone asks.

Credit to Aliona this week for giving Harry lots of good content! Someone else who always gets a fair amount to do is Russell, but I’m not sure that people see that. Possibly after the antics on the bull at the start of the campest, cutest, geekiest, most hilarious Paso you are likely to see you were even less likely to spot it! I’m not sure how long Russell and Flavia will stay in now that (as one of my friends wickedly put it) the detritus has been removed but I do hope they manage a few more weeks, as I want to see what other ingenious takes on dances Flavia and Russell have up their flamboyant sleeves!

The two Charlestons were the stars of the show. Chelsee and Pasha’s dance was an absolute triumph of choreography and storytelling, whilst being quite complex technically. Craig spotted something that I did, in that Chelsee had not only mastered the hands but also the head moves as well. And whilst Chelsee sparkled and shone, Anita too mastered her dance with consummate skill. It perhaps missed the odd trick or two in the routine, and there were one or two timing issues, but the style of the dance suited Anita’s sense of theatricality. Here she could act to her heart’s content without being lampooned for looking frenetic and ever so slightly dotty!

I guess that time she spent doing ‘Play Away’ in the 1970s must have paid off! If you can cope with that, you can just about handle anything...

Ah, now here I agree with Alesha on something because I was actually quite bored with Robbie’s routine as well. Actually, what was it? I can’t remember...I think it was a waltz? Of all the ballroom dances the waltz is one that I think is potentially open to the most innovative choreography, and (this isn’t a pop at Ola, who I like) I found that it didn’t really seem to do much for me. Not that I’m saying all waltzes have to be romantic and fluffy, but a melancholic waltz just didn’t hit the spot for me. I guess it’s that old chestnut of different strokes for different folks.
It is sad to see how dispirited a celeb can get when they feel they’ve done well, walk over to the judges with high hopes for great scores, only to have their performance dismissed as lukewarm and inoffensive. But for once I was kind of the judge’s side. Sorry Robbie!

Audley was another one who fell in to that category. He produced the sort of Viennese Waltz that you would expect from a big, friendly giant: sweet, endearing yet ultimately not very delicate. At times he seemed as stop-start as my sister’s last car (which conked out just seconds after she got it to the place she had sold it to). It wasn’t so much the sickly marshmallow of a dance you expect with a VW but rather the Stay Puft Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters...

My one problem with Lulu is that she doesn’t really ‘perform’ a dance, with the exception of last week’s Paso. What we see is Lulu dancing, or going from step to step...yes, she may be having a good time (or not as the case may be) but there’s no real sense of drama or acting, which is a shame because if you can’t put on a show you may as well be dancing round a handbag at a disco on a Friday night. Arlene called it right, many years back. The one who will win will be the one who masters steps, technique and performance. And despite the gamest and pluckiest of efforts it was clearly never going to be Lulu. Her tango with Brendan had a lot to like about it, although like so many others it had mistakes (including one glaring one), but as soon as they descended from the stairs the performance sort of ran away from her a little.

Alex and James were really rather good: much better than I thought they were going to be from their training footage. Considering Alex managed to dance the majority of their quickstep with a heel stuck in her dress and still performed well, looking as if she was having a lot of fun in the process, a lot of praise should be accorded to her. The key to Alex, for me, is that she needs to have a character to hide behind – a hook – so that she can find her way into the dance. The more she understands the flavour of each dance and the acting skills required for it the better she has become each week. And the comedy pratfall at the end of the dance where she and James hit the floor on their backsides was up there with my favourite Strictly moments!

And then to Jason. In training he looked rather good. He had a lot of sway, he did good rumba walks and didn’t look especially phased. He’d chosen a piece of music much beloved of his dad, and Kristina had choreographed a beautiful routine (which bearing in mind it was the first time she’d ever gotten far enough in the show to do a rumba was quite a challenge). So, what went wrong?

I mean, Jason didn’t look nervous. But he didn’t look entirely like he was trying to be seductive either. There were moments of awkwardness which I personally believe is inevitable in a male celeb rumba unless you can really get into the part and lose yourself in it. But Craig managed to put his finger on what I found was wrong: he called it too ‘earnest’. It wasn’t especially tender or heartfelt, just a little strange and desperate if Jason’s expressions were anything to go by.

Kristina, naturally, didn’t particularly take kindly to the criticism of their performance although at least she stopped short of throwing a strop. Later on she was heard to say that some of her fellow pros had said that Jason’s was the best celebrity male rumba the show had seen. Er, let me see. So, that’s:

Colin Jackson

Matt Di Angelo

Matt Baker

Three of the best celebrity rumbas airbrushed out of Strictly history then? What a short memory some people have when it’s convenient! I mean, Matt Baker was only last year for goodness sake!!!

Of course Strictly is littered with the putrefied corpses of male rumbas. Too showy and it can look effeminate. Too blokey and the man looks as if he should be felling trees rather than wooing beautiful women. Ramps seemed as if he’d rather have had his teeth pulled than do rumba. Matt Dawson looked like he wanted to cry and hide his face in his mum’s skirt. It’s the dance of destruction. I mean, how do you cope with it? Is there a dance that is more likely to make you look a total prat? You could say the samba, but at least that’s fast! It’s gone in a blink – and a fun blink at that – whereas the rumba is 90 seconds of protracted agony; every wrong step, every shapeless arm and every terrified twitch of the lips highlighted for millions of people to see!

To top it all, you never know when it’s going to arrive in the contest. Do you hope that you get it late on, where you might have built up a reasonable fan base that will vote you through even if you did dance the thing with the air of a condemned man on his way to the guillotine? Do you hope to get it out the way early, and pray that there aren’t any fast, showy Latin dances by opposing celebs which might catch the public’s eye? I’d be interested to know which dance gets people out the most on Strictly, because if it’s not the samba then my money would be on the rumba...

Having said the above it came as no real shock when Mr Donovan was not voted out, even if his position looked slightly dodgy. I reckon his Neighbours-watching fan base back in the 1980s, all grown up now and in charge of their own phone bills, will keep him safe and heading to that final. The bottom two was even less of a shock. Audley had been in that spot twice already but Lulu found herself there for the first time.

And the last time, as it happened.

Much in keeping with his reputation as a fighter, Audley yet again dodged the elimination bullet and this time it was the Scottish singer who found herself being given the Strictly boot. Perhaps she went a week earlier than she should have but I suppose now we are getting in to the better dancers it would only have been a matter of time. Audley lives to face another round, but one can’t help but feel it’s only a matter of time before he hits that metaphorical canvas for good...

If at first you don't succeed...

There’s an old legendry tale in Scotland involving a spider, a fugitive King and a cave. Robert Bruce, on the run from ‘that lot south of the border’, decided to hide himself in a cave for a few months whilst the English soldiers went searching for him. Obviously bored out of his skull and stuck for something to do, he turned his attention to a tiny spider repeatedly attempting to scale the rocks. Well, I suppose there was no television in those days...

Most people would have taken off their shoe and squished the offending arachnid at that point, but good old Robert decided to learn a lesson from his eight legged companion as it tried, tried and tried again to get to the top. Eventually the wee beastie managed to reach the summit and Robert, re-inspired to show similar resolve, decided to have another go at taking on the might of the English army.

History records that Robert Bruce and his comparatively tiny Scottish army pulled off a most unlikely victory over their southern neighbours. It does not, however, say what happened to the spider.

Like Bruce at Bannockburn, victory was a must for Surrey. It was vital that an early breakthrough was made and fortunately it was; with Linley claiming the wicket of Ryan Ten Doeschate within the first two overs. If he’d stuck around the damage to Surrey’s lead could well have been considerable, but I think at that point most people, like myself, would have began counting the hours until that victory was wrapped up and planning what they were going to do with their free afternoon!

Things got a bit hairy though at times; leastwise I know my nerves were shot! I don’t often pretend to know better than the players (because that would be a rather large and obvious fib), but I did find RHB’s persistence with Jordan utterly perplexing to begin with. Poor Jordan, who had batted beautifully in both innings whilst recording personal best scores in both, had never looked like he was going to get a wicket. Not due to lack of effort or skill: he was clearly in the zone and bowling very much like the pre-injury Jordan of old. But sometimes when your luck is out there’s nothing you can do to change it. Jordan had threatened repeatedly and gone without reward. I was left shaking my head, perplexed. Surely if things don’t go your way then you have to mix the bowling up a bit, I thought bleakly as the runs began to leak once again?

And then both the skipper and Jordan got their just rewards for their patience and persistence with the wicket of Foster, the ball falling straight to the safe hands of Gareth Batty. It seemed to open the floodgates, because by the end of play Jordan had claimed four Essex scalps in total! Hats off to Rory Hamilton-Brown for sticking with Jordan, clearly of the opinion that his team mate’s luck must change. And like the spider in the cave, Jordan who tried, tried and tried again finally got that lucky break. Masters later followed, caught well by Ramps. Cue Rampant applause!

I’m a bit odd, because I take a perverse delight in being proven wrong. I find it gratifyingly humbling! I’m not sure why, but I like that my opinion can be challenged – and indeed changed. Perhaps it appeals to my slightly off the wall sense of humour. Or maybe I’m just weird, I don’t know. Whatever, serves me right for assuming I knew more about the situation than the skipper!

Napier threatened to curtail the Surrey celebrations for a good long while. All the time his tally grew bigger and faster as he whacked sixes and fours all over the ground whilst the tail end batsmen tried their hardest to stick with him. Surrey would have been confident that they could knock over the other batsmen or that Napier would eventually hole out trying an expansive shot but as his score raced to 80 in the blink of an eye the nerves must have been jangling quite a bit! Napier has previous against Surrey this year, to say the least. That 70% of the runs he has scored this year have come against the London side shows just how motivated he is against them!

Inevitably it was the turbo-charged Jordan who managed to break the stand, and Napier tried one clever shot too many and was well-held in the gully by - yet again - Mr Ramprakash. Cue lots more Rampant applause.

One ball later and it was game over. I almost think it didn’t register at first because everyone was just too busy sighing with relief at the fall of Napier to actually realise that Jordan had managed to get rid of Craddock! Ramps and Jordan seemed to have formed an irresistible partnership on the field as, for the third time that day, the former took the catch (an absolute blinder by all accounts). Cue even more Rampant applause. Given that Ramps hasn’t been in the best form of late with the bat even although not looking in bad nick, it was nice to see him contribute so well in the field, showing that even at 42 he can still display a spritely turn of foot!

The permutations now appear, with Middlesex drawing a rain-benighted game with Glamorgan, to indicate there are four teams in the shake-up going in to next week’s final games. Middlesex are almost there: they only require 12 points to be promoted and 13 to be confirmed champions. Lowly Leicestershire will have to pull off a Foinavon-like miracle if they want to have a say in either outcome.

Gloucestershire are a fraction behind Surrey in fourth but could conceivably gain promotion should Surrey and Northants (the latter who they are due to play) fall by the wayside. With everything to play for, both will throw everything they have at getting a positive result. And third-spot Surrey, having gained their first block of three consecutive wins in a row since 2007, will likewise stop at nothing to gain a positive result at the Oval against Derbyshire. They are now a mere 1 point behind Northants. Fortune tends to favour the teams with momentum.

Remember that spider in the cave, boys! You can still get there if you want it badly enough!

Handsome is as handsome does!

Are Surrey on a roll?

Whilst Middlesex were playing leapfrog with top of the table Northants having obliterated poor, abject little Leicestershire in record time, Surrey found themselves locked in a duel of their own with the former leaders, intent on making a real fist of their promotion challenge. It took a hearty knock from Steven Davies, whose recent turnaround in form has coincided with a greatly resurgent Surrey – and one of the most devastating bursts of speed bowling from Stewart Meaker – to get the upper hand on the Northants side. And make no bones about it: this is a side that had bossed the entire division from almost the start of the season, so for Surrey to not only win against them but to pretty much hang them out to dry indicates just how good the South London team can be.

I mean, take Meaker. That spell of bowling was a joy to behold! Or listen to, in my case. Every ball seemed to either go for zero runs or gain a wicket, to the extent where his tally for a couple of consecutive overs read like the opening theme of Inspector Morse with all its dots and dashes! Like many others I had been listening with a certain creeping sense of resignation that a draw was going to be the likely outcome, something that Surrey could ill afford, and then ‘boom!’ It just goes to show you that little, unexpected passages of play can make all the difference to the result.

Surrey are a powerful side when all goes well for them. There is a lot of depth in their side, and both youth and experience. It’s consistency that has let them down so far. There have been some games earlier in the season that they must now look back on with some regret, and wonder if they’d pressed a little harder would the results have gone their way? Sitting as they do in third place, with a game in hand on Northants, their destiny is very much in their own hands. It would be fair to say that the game with Essex is vital: a win at Chelmsford would take Surrey to within a sniff of second spot. If the weather is cruel, or if Essex play their best, another year in division two is probably on the cards.

Still, that dreaded word momentum is particularly relevant at the moment. Surrey have now won two games on the bounce – and find themselves in a final for the first time in 8 years thanks to a routine cuffing of a lacklustre Sussex Sharks side in the CB40 contest. For the time being, they must focus on the championship, because if they do manage to dismantle Essex the same way they did Northants then perhaps we are in for one of the most exciting championship finishes in both divisions we have seen since 2007.

One of the most disheartening things anyone ever said about me was when I was 15. I was walking home from school with a friend, and two old dears were audibly disparaging the trend amongst the 13 year olds to wear micro-skirts (what’s changed, I hear you ask?) and heels. Their approving glance fell upon me and my friend, remarking that we were ‘sensible and plain’. You have no idea how my heart sank! I mean, I don’t have the legs to wear short skirts. Don’t think I wouldn’t if I could get away with it! It wasn’t for want of effort that I was plain!

Surrey have been a bit plain for years, and it has been constantly remarked on. Flashy gear, money and attitude has not brought them success. There’s been the odd moment of brilliance; there’s been some fine individuals to don the fleur de lis insignia in the last 10 years or so, from Mark Butcher to Jon Batty, and of course Mark Ramprakash who for so long appeared to carry the team on his shoulder in a manner that would have put Atlas to shame! Now at least there is the slightest sense of a duckling turning into a swan. They’ve gone under the knife and had bits chopped away. The lines have been smoothed. The Botox has been injected: the trout pout has died down. What we’re left with is a very pleasing sight. It’s not a bad analogy, at the end of the day.

Although perhaps if I was Chris Adams I’d stay clear of the short skirts and heels.

Sent to the naughty corner

Clever Surrey.

At least it looks like they’ve been a bit clever. I could have it spectacularly wrong (it wouldn’t be the first time), but it seems to me that with a little bit of cunning – and a blind eye from the ECB – obstructiongate has been neatly sidestepped. Put it this way, whilst I was delighted to see Mr R down on the list to play in his first CB40 game of the season it did strike me as a little bit odd. There wasn’t so much of a mention of it on the Surrey website other than the list of players for the next day’s game against Northants. If someone’s making their debut that year in a competition, and especially if that someone’s their star player, it’s a bit weird that there wasn’t so much as a passing comment. It had me scratching my head.

I assumed it was because Surrey knew that Ramps was in for a one or two day championship ban and wished to make the most of him whilst they could. And so, when the headline came up the next day that Ramps had received a ban for his understandable strop it was with much puzzlement that I read it was to be that evening’s CB40 game! After a few seconds of running over the facts in my brain I came to the same conclusion as most: Surrey had added Ramps’ name to the squad for the CB40 match so he could receive his ban in that contest rather than lose him for a championship match. It made even more sense when I realised it wasn’t the ECB who’d thrown the book at him, save for the obligatory 3 point penalty on his record, but Surrey – presumably to stave off any serious disciplinary action from the ECB.

I’m sure if this is the case and I haven’t misread the situation, then the ECB must have realised what Surrey were about. Pretty much tantamount to looking the other way in an unfortunate situation that blew up further than it should. Ramps himself expressed his disappointment at the ban, even although he probably knew he wasn’t going to play, possibly still smarting at the idea of receiving a punishment that was the result of a decision which, in his opinion and that of many others, should never have been given. Still, at the end of the day whether the laws are an ass or not they have to be adhered to.

And this particular law is braying like a good’un at the moment! In the last few days alone there have been several incidents where conceivably the batsman could have been given out for obstruction and haven’t. It was commented on in the CB40 game between Gloucestershire and Lancashire yesterday. Where is the consistency, I wonder? Are the umpires now too scared to apply this law since Ramps got given out in this manner? Actually, I had expected that it would open the floodgates to similar dismissals. Whatever, this rule is going to have to be tightened up and looked at in microscopic detail so that umpires know precisely when to apply it.

So, whilst he sat in the naughty corner for the game that wasn’t (which Surrey won by virtue of some very fine fielding and a bucket load of resolve), the newspapers decided to mention how angry Surrey’s favourite son was at the punishment given to him by the club. The Mirror quoted him as saying he was disappointed, yet ran the headlines that he was ‘furious’, as did one or two other papers who tend to big up small stories with an eye-catching hook. Just as well the News of the Word is no more. They probably would have upgraded it to ‘Ramprakash slays Twenty’...

Anyhow, time to move on. Despite my suspicions that Surrey have been more than a bit devious (thankfully!) I would like to hope this means they may consider adding Ramps to their CB40 squad should they qualify for the latter stages. I do think they are a batsman light, and although so far everything they have done in this competition has worked out well it would be nice to see that top order shored up a bit. Because we are certainly going to need it against the bigger teams in this competition!

Obstruction-gate!

I stole this photo from Liz. She won't mind: she's utterly shameless! He he he...




Gloucestershire v Surrey time: a game that had more drama than an episode of I, Claudius. Well, okay. It didn’t have the murders, the plots, the incest or men in short togas, but it pretty much had everything else!

It started off fairly innocuously, with Marilyn delivering a cake and flapjacks to Churchy (one of which I believe was honoured to fall into the clutches of a certain Alec Stewart). The rest of the day was, it appears , taken up snapping photos of the Surrey team as they fielded. At least I think there was more than one team playing, although by the amount of photos of the slip cordon you wouldn’t know that Gloucestershire were there!

Only joking, guys!

The Surrey bowling looked very smart and Arafat recorded his first 5fer of the championship. Linley continued to impress as he had throughout the season. He may not be the world’s most fashionable or stylish bowler, but he’s damned useful and no mistake! Dernbach appeared to struggle slightly in the first innings, but with England duties beckoning it was clear he wanted to leave his club with some wickets to his credit. Gloucestershire were all out for a total of 286.

Day two was the day that Ramps recorded his 114th first class century, leaving him equal with the great Sir Vivian Richards on the list of all time century makers. It also saw him recording his hundredth career hundred-partnership. As the Surrey batsmen came and went it looked as if Mr R was, in time-honoured tradition, running out of partners but then Arafat stepped up to the crease and kept on batting and batting and batting! It was a fabulous partnership between the two of them, and a real pity that Ramps got out just a couple of overs before close of play. Still, the wind had been well and truly taken out of Gloucestershire’s sails.

When the game resumed the next day Surrey managed to add a few more valuable runs. How valuable would become clear later in the game, but Surrey finished their first innings with a splendid 423. Whilst Dent, much like Ramps the day before, was the sole centurian for his side (in fact it was Dent’s first ever hundred) the rest of the team, other than Alec Gidman and Chris Taylor, were unable to contribute any significant runs to the second innings total. Arafat claimed two more victims, the same as Dernbach and Ansari, with Linley taking three and Batty one.

This meant that on day four, once the Gloucestershire side were finally dismissed, Surrey had only to chase down 184 to win the game. A simple enough task you would have thought. To start with it certainly appeared that way, but then Davies perished for 19 and then shortly afterwards RHB for 39. Ramps came in and played his customary steady knock, keeping a cool head whilst Maynard and de Bruyn fell by the wayside without really adding much to the score, but with Jason Roy keeping things ticking along the score began to diminish.

And then we had obstructiongate!

Of course, I have to point out I wasn’t there so I don’t really have anything to base my opinions on. The Gloucestershire players will have their opinions, the Surrey players theirs, as will the umps. Fact is that whether the call was correct or not the umpires’ word is law. But the reason that this will be such an emotive issue with someone who has played for as long in the game as Ramps is that the way he was given out – obstructing the field – is one that the umps can only give if they feel the interference caused was deliberate. And that, of course, is as good as accusing someone of cheating.

You can imagine that, understandably, this did not go down very well with Mr R. I can also imagine that if his discussions on the subject with the umpires were on the ‘expressive’ side that he’s most likely going to be taken to task for it. Bottom line is you can’t feck with the umpires, even if they’ve made a controversial and heavy-handed decision. Still, I can understand the aggrievement in this instance. Who likes to have their professional integrity called into question? It is actually a very big deal at the end of the day.

The upshot of the game was that Jason Roy had to carry the hopes of the Surrey team on his young shoulders, especially as Ansari found himself back in the dressing room within two balls, caught up in the post-obstruction maelstrom! Gloucestershire moved from underdogs to favourites to win when Gareth Batty and Roy went within a few balls of each other. And yet in the face of all the confusion, controversy, and rushes of blood to the head Tim Linley contrived to stroke the winning runs in partnership with the game’s Mr Reliable, Yasir Arafat.

So, a win for Surrey. It was bloody hard work, but it was well scrapped-for and, by the sound of it, deserved. You couldn’t really blame Gloucestershire for appealing for the Ramps wicket because they knew they had to get him out to stand a chance of winning, and it very nearly worked. But the whole thing left me feeling very disgruntled, although delighted that Surrey had taken maximum points, and putting Surrey within a few points of Gloucestershire in the table!

At the time of writing this Middlesex look like they are going to steamroller Northants at the top of the table. The two of them look likely to go up...yet the wheels are starting to fall off Northants a little. There’s still potentially a spot up for grabs. If Surrey shows the same resolve to fight that they did against Gloucestershire then there is always a chance, remote as it may seem.

And so the curtains fell on the drama at Cheltenham. I’m sure we won’t have heard the last of the whole obstruction thing, but nonetheless a satisfying Surrey win and a great return to form from Ramps with his century made for an (over) exciting game! Not bad for a grand old chap with a dodgy knee. After all, in I, Claudius the title character survived everyone else and he also was a grand old chap with a dodgy knee!

Just don’t eat the mushrooms, Ramps...


*Brief addendum to this post. Surrey have signed Gloucestershire bowler Jon Lewis to mentor the young quick bowlers next year, in light of Tremlett, Dernbach and Meaker being spirited away on England duties. It's an interesting move. It's not a bad one: there does need to be some experience amongst the bowling unit, although it's not without issues. As my dad said: "who's this old bloke Surrey have signed, then?"

It's a signing made all the more interesting when you consider it was Mr Lewis who led the appeal to the umps against Ramps in the Cheltenham game...

Shop for Victory!

This is my favourite pic of the epic Surrey v Kent game. In it you will see that RHB has sent the lemon tree to field in the gully...





Anyhow, I’m so behind now it’s unbelievable! That’s what a holiday in London will do for you.

In the last few weeks we have been knocked out the T20s (the phrase see ‘last post’ has a peculiarly apt double meaning), won a nail-biter in the county championship against Kent, and been roundly thrashed by Middlesex (again). I don’t like the fact we were thumped by the old enemy, although at least a mighty knock by de Bruyn and Maynard, surely the most shrewd acquisitions for Surrey in many a year, at least put us back in the contest, if briefly. Whilst not the flat out demolition by our North London rivals that we suffered at the Oval earlier this year, it must have jolly well stung like a bad case of piles!

Middlesex and haemorrhoids: there’s a combination. But, for the moment, back a few weeks to slightly happier times and the victory over Kent.

A quick recap then of the game.

Surrey won the toss, batted first, and made 387. Yet again de Bruyn showed his brilliance with a peerless 179.

Jason Roy had gone for 4 before we got in to the Oval...in fact we heard Ramps’ name being announced over the speakers just as we were heading towards our customary place in the Wedlake Bell family enclosure! Ramps went for 12, although I can’t say he looked in bad nick. Far from it, in fact: I was rather surprised when he did go because there were some beautiful shots in his rather brief stay. He provided Kent’s Balcombe with his first wicket for Kent: I suppose it’s a good one to get!

Still, the Rampants were royally entertained, especially Liz who is Gareth Batty’s biggest fan (her man scored an important late innings 65). RHB managed 34, but the others didn’t quite do so well with Davies making 17 and Maynard 19. The other scores were even less substantial, which just goes to show how important de Bruyn’s contribution was in the context of the game.

The Surrey bowling was very impressive, with Kent out for 250. Blake impressed with 95 and would surely have gone on to inflict more damage on Surrey but for being run out by Jason Roy, and together with Jones had formed a partnership more irritating than sand down the crack of a bikini-clad bottom! Meaker and Linley shared top honours with three wickets apiece, with Batty taking two and Tremlett one. However, my favourite player for Kent was undoubtedly Riaz. Something about the Oval wicket must have had him channelling Usman Afzaal, for on several occasions he felt the need to express his inner aeroplane when running in to bowl! It didn’t do him any good when it was his turn to bat, however, as he was caught for 4 by Ramps.

Serves him right for trying to use Mr R as a runway during the Surrey first innings.

Things got a bit dodgy for Surrey when they were all out for 184 in their second innings. Every time the clouds came out a wicket seemed to fall, in what seemed a very confused batting effort. Ramps tried to bed in with his customary grit but still managed only 20 (Annabel and I had actually left before this). Balcombe was again brilliant, taking five Surrey wickets, although it was Joe Denly who took the wicket of top scoring Davies for 39. Whilst the second innings hadn’t gone swimmingly for Surrey, it did go swimmingly for me as well, as I’d had a few bottles of wine from the bar, but that’s another story!

In reply Kent’s revival was very much down to their colossus Rob Key. Picture, if you will, a scene on day four where Rob Key dons the role of Gandalf to the younger members of his team. No, I don’t mean he sported a long beard and a pointy hat. Nor am I suggesting the Kent line-up is full of tiny Hobbity people. I know Kent is supposed to be the ‘garden of England’ but there was nothing about Middle Earth as far as I’m aware. What I’m referring to is Rob Key’s mighty “thou shalt not pass” moment. Give a man like Key a stage to perform on and boy, does he go for it!

The team kept chip-chip-chipping away at Kent. Great news for me as I got lots of good photos! I’m going to sound patronising for a moment, so forgive me, because ‘little’ Ansari makes me want to affix ‘bless him’ to his name due to his youth, and there he was in his first championship game looking all shiny and new, as if he’d come straight from primary school with his little rucksack and PE kit! Okay, slight exaggeration for dramatic purposes. But hang in there, because I’m trying to set the scene for later on...

Now, Gandalf...sorry, Key was still holding up his end for Kent. Sorry if that’s a bit rude-sounding, but there you have it. Batsmen came and went with frightening regularity around him, but you always felt that whilst he was still there Kent could possibly sneak it. And as day four beckoned (Annabel and I had decided not to go to the Oval given that it could be a short stay whatever the result) there remained a paltry number of wickets for Surrey to claim and an equally small number of runs for Kent to chase. It was very much game on!

So, there we were on day four, in a branch of ‘Next’ on a well known street in London. Annabel was trying on tops in her cubical, whilst I was womanfully struggling into a tunic-dress and attempting to listen to the remainder of the game on my smart phone. Not an easy thing to do, as it transpires, as you keep getting the ear phones all tangled up in your bra. Ten out of ten for contortionism, however! It’s okay when you’re trying on one item but when you’ve got six to clamber in and out of...well, I had to take the earphones out.

And that was when Ansari – bless him – struck!

It had all looked as if Kent were going to flop over the finishing line with Key eating up the runs like they were Scotch pies, and then Ansari stepped up and bowled him! Hats off to Key and his magnificent 162. He and de Bruyn had shown between them exactly how experience counts in moments of crisis. Key had played a titanic innings, but alas like the good ship he foundered right when it mattered. I managed to locate Annabel as she headed off to pay for her clothes and I was standing at the very opposite end of the queue when Shaw was caught by Roy without scoring. I have to say I think the man who was serving behind the till must have thought me quite mad by frantic gesticulating and air punching. He wouldn’t be the first to think it!

And so ended a marvellously entertaining game to watch and a fabulous victory for Surrey! They came away with the win, the points and I came away with a dress which I shall always think of as my ‘Surrey dress of certain victory’.

Only problem is I shall have to wear it all the time now.

You've got to be Gidding...

Ah. Well...not too sure I’ll be writing any celebratory poems about the fabulous Surrey victory over Gloucestershire at the Oval.

Mostly because we lost.

It was a thrilling game from a listening point of view, mostly because it was fairly twisty turny in nature. These always make for the most interesting matches, but whilst the ability to capitalise on these unpredictable games and win through in the end is vital – as was the case in the Derbyshire game – until Surrey learn to steamroller opposition into submission from the start and boss the game, like the best sides, they’re not going to be consistent enough to be promoted. We may win the odd game here and there and ride our luck, but it’s not the stuff that champions are made of.

I was only disappointed in terms of the fact Gloucestershire have gone above Surrey in the championship. As I said, it was a fabulous game – and but for captain Gidman’s fine innings it may very well have gone the other way. In fact, until the last three quarters of an hour Surrey may well have been favourites to roll Gloucestershire over. But at the end of the day neither side made an especially large total of runs, save from the match winning contribution of the aforementioned Gidman, de Bruyn (66) in the first innings and Ramps in the second (75).

I felt a wee bit sorry for Matthew Dunn. Having been drafted in to the side on the back of his fantastic effort in the last championship game, the young man was hardly tossed the ball. I hope this doesn’t knock his confidence, but provided Surrey persevere and nurture his talent I don’t see why he shouldn’t continue in the same line as his wonderful debut.

Surrey’s fielding was a tad erratic; I think it would be fair to say. Having singled this aspect out as the one area in which the most improvement had been made in recent years there was some sloppy work on display from the home side, along with some tough chances put down and the odd dolly dropped. Whilst I wouldn’t go as far as to say it cost us the game, when you consider how tight it was at the hinder end you can’t help but wonder what might have happened if the skipper had managed to hang on to that Gidman catch on the third (and last) day. Poor Maynard also had a torrid time in the field and with the bat. He put down two catches and made a total of 3 runs over both innings.

Runs were definitely hard to come by, especially on that second day when the cloud cover came down. I had the fantastic experience of listening to de Bruyn and Ramps toughing it out via my new phone. I can see it’s going to be an expensive but worthwhile little gadget to have, especially at work! I’m hoping that second innings will play the man himself into some form. It’s not that he’s been in bad nick, but the new seamer-friendly Oval wickets are not really doing the batsmen any favours. Ironic, considering the amount of time I’ve wished that we could have some wickets which would improve the chance of a result being obtained. Now I kind of wish we could go back to how it was!

To indicate how difficult batting was (I’m using only the Surrey batsmen here) I’m posting the scores obtained in two innings:

Roy: 40 + 2 = 42

Hamilton-Brown: 1 + 26 = 27

Ramprakash: 30 + 75 = 105

De Bruyn: 66 + 13 = 79

Davies: 1 + 14 = 15

Maynard: 3 + 0 = 3

Batty: 2 + 23 = 25

Arafat: 44 + 8 = 52

Dernbach: 19 + 7 = 26

Linley: 12 + 1 = 13

Dunn: 0 + 0 (not out both times)

The standout performances were de Bruyn and Ramps, and from the highlights I have to say I think the latter seems to be running a bit better between the wickets. Hopefully as the season goes on the better his knee will feel (mind you, if he did want to aim for a miraculous recovery then the Kent game next month would be quite good, as there will be a small Rampant presence at the Oval that match)! I also have to give credit to Arafat who looked confident and more than useful with both bat and ball this game. Fingers crossed he can continue in this fashion as he’s come in for a little disparagement in certain quarters for a less than overwhelming start to his career as a Surrey player. Personally, I always say if I can’t do better myself it’s probably inadvisable to throw criticisms around.

Doesn’t stop me catching myself doing it from time to time though. Hey-ho: nobody’s perfect!

Whilst nobody covered themselves in glory it is difficult to pinpoint which of the many factors contributed most of all to the defeat. If one or two more batsmen had taken their time rather than throw their wickets away, perhaps a greater total might have been reached. If those catches had been held maybe inroads could have been made upon the Gloucestershire batsmen. If the sun had – literally – shone on the Surrey batsmen for longer instead of hiding behind perpetual grey cloud whenever one of their number wandered down the steps, batting may have been a less thankless task. So many variables...

But, such is the fickle nature of cricket. A sneaky win would have had all the moaners and groaners rubbing their hands with glee. Dropped catches would be put to one side. There would be no complaining about the wicket, or batsmen getting out to silly shots. The only note of castigation would be regarding the price of the Oval beer! People are only happy if they are winning. Very few will be level-headed enough to give Gidman the praise he deserves or refrain from denouncing Chris Adams as the second coming of Satan.

The question, of course, is not whether the fans can quickly get over the second loss in the season...but can the team?

And in the meantime, if people need a reason to be cheerful, may I direct them to the lovely photo at the top of the page?

Poetry Corner: A Christmas Tale

Not very seasonal, I have to confess! But all the same I did enjoy penning this poem. I want to make it perfectly clear, because I have no wish to be taken to task for defamation of character, that to my certain knowledge none of the people whose names pop up in this ditty behave remotely like this in real life. Although given the recent Lord's 'windowgate' maybe not...

At the time this was written the late, great Bill Frindall was great and not late, and Kevin Pietersen had not yet been relieved of his 'head boy' responsibilities. Which is why it all seems a little dated now! Anyhow, I hope you enjoy it, and if you are Phil Tuffnell, Mark Ramprakash, Freddie Flintoff and especially Mike Gatting, please don't sue me...

A Christmas Tale


T’was the night before Christmas
And down in the pub
The cricketers sat down
To cheap booze and grub.

The WAGs all gyrated
To bad karaoke.
Whilst Tuffers attempted
A poor hokeycokey.

It was a night of celebratory fun
And back slapping.
The applause rang out
In continuous clapping.

Butch stood on a table
Conducting the tunes
Played by his team mates
On their knees, using spoons.

In the midst of their chorus
There came a loud swoosh
In the chimney stood a man
With a beard like a bush.

A jolly old soul
With a nose red from drink.
And a belly that had no
Inclination to shrink.

The cricketers stood open mouthed
In surprise.
It looked as if Santa
Had scoffed lots of pies!

The big fellow in red stood
All aglow from the kindle.
“Don’t you know who I am?”
Tuffers answered. “Bill Frindall?”

He exclaimed, “I am Santa!
There’s no need to fear.
I’ve come to imbibe
And spread good Christmas cheer!”

“I have presents,
For all you young cricketing scamps.”
He looked down at his list
And then asked “Which is Ramps?”

A timid young man
Slowly raised his right hand.
Santa asked “Are you really
The best in the land?”

“You’re joking!” Laughed Warnie.
“He’s never the best!
Any fool can wear sequins
And puff out his chest!”

“Ah, shuddup!” Exclaimed Tuffers.
“You loud-mouthed buffoon!”
And he pulled down his trousers
And gave his best moon.

The more that Ramps squinted
The more he felt certain
It was someone he knew
Dressed in a red curtain!

The large, jolly figure
Delved around in his sack
And pulled out a long parcel
From amidst a great stack.

He said, “I know what you want;
It will help with your batting.”
And then Ramps clicked his fingers.
And declared. “You’re Mike Gatting!”

Santa shushed his young friend
With a raise of his brow.
His cover was blown
But he wanted no row.

Ramps gave a loud whoop
And held up his present
The handle felt comfy
The grip was quite pleasant.

“A brand new Gray-Nicholls,
Exactly your thing.”
Santa warned, “However, take off
both the paper and string!”

The cricketer swished
With his bat in his hand
He was surely the greatest
In all Eng-er-land!

He thought, “Santa Gatting’s
A very fine bloke.”
And removed Murray Goodwin’s right leg
With one stroke.

A cry came from behind
“Hey, what about me?”
“What’s your name?” Asked Santa.
The reply came “KP!”

Santa looked down his list.
“Do you deserve a new toy?”
“But of course!” Cried young Kevin.
“I am the head boy!”

Tuffers was sniffling.
“I’m not on the list.
This party is rubbish
And Santa is pissed!”

“There, there!” Soothed Santa,
As he looked round the halls.
“What was it you wanted?”
Tuffers cried “balls!”

Nel glared with the warmth
Of a predatory hunter.
“I’ll have those, thanks.
One for me, one for Gunther.”

One by one all the cricketers
Clamoured for gifts.
And then all the counties
Began to show rifts.

Whose presents were better?
Whose bats were more flash?
Who had shinier willow
Than Mark Ramprakash.

The Middlesex players
All huddled together
They jumped on poor Sussex
To give them a leather.

Kent turned on Essex
And Hants, in a hurry.
Whilst everyone banded
Together ‘gainst Surrey.

Before too long had passed
An almighty fight
Had broken out in the pub
And raged on through the night.

The fists they were flailing
The punches rained down.
Santa Gatting could only
Look on with a frown.

Time for a swift exit,
He thought with a sigh
As he watched Michael Vaughan
Get a bail in the eye.

He turned to retreat
Whilst the building caught fire.
Tripping over the still form
Of poor Matthew Prior.

But as he ran out
To catch up with his sleigh
He could see it was not
Where he’d parked it that day!

In its place was a note
Weighted down with a stone.
Santa Gatting clutched
At his head with a moan.

“Dear Santa,
I’ve stolen your getaway car.
Rudolph told me that you're
Just too heavy by far.

Do not fear, I’ll return it
Just as soon as I’m ready.
But for now, here’s my pedallo.
Lots of love, little Freddie.” xxx

The Only Way is Surrey

Essex.

As in ‘The Only Way is...’

As in prefix to ‘girls’ (and assorted connotations that go with it, unfair or otherwise).

As in ‘David’, whose singing voice my dad apparently detests.

As in ‘Ardleigh’, where some of my ancestors came from.

As in the small Czech stallion who ran in one of the mid 1980s Grand Nationals.

As in the cricket team whose fans are most likely to bring on a migraine.

Now, no disrespect is intended here to either Essex players or indeed their vociferous and joyous supporters. It’s just that they do tend to be rather loud when they are doing well against Surrey (and let’s face it; that happens rather a lot).

Imagine my relief when in the T20 game a few days ago at the Oval, the Lions surprisingly gave the Eagles a mauling! All was blissfully quiet, my ears got a rest, and Nasser and his other Sky cronies who obviously detest Surrey to varying degrees were forced to do a bit of a U-turn! Certainly the start of the game didn’t go very well for Surrey: Captain Rory this time decided to have a bat first and then both he and Davies took their evening stroll back to the pavilion in super-quick time! I guess having a turbo opening pair has its advantages and disadvantages, because if we could only get the two of them to stick around a bit longer I could see a series of large, virtually unchase-able scores being posted. Ah, well. Such is cricket!

Ansari impressed on his first team debut, both with the ball and a cool, level headed turn with the bat. It was enough to get him named ‘man of the match’, which made a few of the Rampants laugh given how young and angelic he looked. He may be taking exams at Cambridge at the moment but, as was noted by one of our merry band, he could have been mistaken for one of the boy mascots!

A score of 154-7 didn’t seem that impressive. Certainly it was defendable but you felt that given the superstars which pepper the Essex line-up (who wouldn’t want ten Doeschate on their team, let’s face it) they would readily chase it down. The highest scorer for Surrey was Maynard with 45, and it seemed that one really good partnership between Essex batsmen would soon have the game swinging their way.

And then, lo! A miracle! Arafat, criticised in many quarters for not finding any form in the first half of the season, plucked three wickets out the air including the first ball dismissal of Owais Shah! Napier and Southee also went on to make ducks, with the latter being involved in possibly the most hideous run out imaginable (watch out for it on A Question of Sport next year), and Napier using Bopara as a runner because of an injury he picked up in the match. The idea of having Bopara as a runner is almost as laughable as asking Shah to do the footwork on your behalf. The pair of them are run out kings!

Getting ten Doeschate was really the turning point. He’s one of those players who hook in like a giant tic, and refuse to let go until fully sated. And by then it’s usually too late to do anything about it. Every team should have a ten Doeschate, a Trescothick or a Ramprakash. Or even a Murray Goodwin (can’t believe I said that). When Tendo went for 15 the warning lights were flashing in the Essex control panel. And when Foster controversially went (well, when he could drag himself off the pitch after screaming at the umps) for 31 it was pretty much a mop-up job for Surrey. In the end the South London team, who had fielded like divas during the game, won by a whopping 43 runs!

Bet three years ago you’d never have used the words ‘Surrey’ and ‘fielding like divas’ in the same breath! It shows how far they have come. It was only Surrey’s second ever T20 win over Essex, and I can imagine how delighted they were to get one over their rivals after all the years of pain and misery at their hands.

What a pity then that Friday evening’s match against Somerset was rained off! Poor Churchy, Johnny Barran and the Surrey team made the fruitless journey to Taunton with no play possible. Whilst the dynamic duo of Church and Barran filled the time valiantly, if ultimately in vain, they may take some consolation in that there was hardly a single game that could be played up and down the country due to the rain. Surrey may not be that disappointed to take one point from the encounter: Somerset are a good team with Trescothick in the form of his life. There was a very real chance the sabres, as they used to be known, may well have kebabbed Surrey had the game gone ahead...

But the best thing this week from a Rampant point of view was hearing that Mr R had asked his old team, Stanmore, for a game to help keep him ticking over during the T20 gap. One can only assume that rivals Hampstead must have taken one look at the rival team sheet and sent out for every lucky rabbit’s foot or horse shoe in the county!

It didn’t do any good. 61 no made for a lot of smiley Rampants!

Special mention of the week: Mark Church’s trousers. I don’t normally request pictures of a gentleman’s trousers on Twitter. It strikes me that some people might consider that eccentric at best and downright perverted at worse! However, having seen the much-maligned, oft-talked of garment, I can only say I’ve seen worse. Trust me, I went to art college.

If Smudger’s reading this I can only hope he’s bought some new ones, as that was 15 years ago now, and he only owned the one pair...

What a Difference a Day Makes...

Or a week, to be more precise. T20 mania has taken a complete hold in the schedules. Now, as I’ve mentioned before I like a bit of T20 but it would be a lie if I said it was my favourite form of cricket. Yes, as my dad laughingly labelled me at the dinner table today, I am a ‘purist’. My sister thinks I’m nuts: she’d rather eat recycled cat litter than watch 4 day cricket, but coming from someone whose favourite movie musical has the unforgettable line ‘a man can’t sleep when he sleeps with sheep’, I think her ability to pass reasonable judgement on anything is in dispute...

Since the Derbyshire win the wheels haven’t so much fallen off for Surrey as been subject to a couple of slow punctures. After a few promising wins the boys lost comprehensively to a classy Hampshire, suffered the ignominy of having their match against Glamorgan rained off for a single point, and were today thumped by Gloucestershire. I can forgive the loss to Hants, who look to be a formidable force in the shorter form stuff, but the Gloucestershire loss wasn’t good any way you look at it. Especially after it started so well! A great knock from Cockbain was the difference, but you have to say Surrey rather let the Gloucestershire batsmen get away when they had the chance to tighten the thumbscrews on them. It wasn’t really helped when Surrey lost a very early wicket (heard that one before)! From that point on it seemed to destabilise the Surrey batsmen. Alas, teams in our group will look to capitalise on this weakness.

This is what I have learned then in the last few weeks:

Mark Church and Johnny Barran are very cool in the face of incoming cricket balls; if they’d been on the Titanic I reckon they’d simply have gone down with the ship announcing it was ‘a bit of an inconvenience’. Extremely professional in every respect: I fear I would have uttered a “sh*t, that bl**dy well nearly hit me in the b*llocking face!”

If Rory Hamilton-Brown loses his wicket for less than 10 runs the Surrey batsmen start clucking about like headless chickens. A bit harsh of me, perhaps. But given the amount of times it seems to happen I think I’m probably right.

Ramps is not playing the shorter forms of the game at the moment because, as we supposed, he doesn’t have the speed or general fitness given his ongoing recovery from his knee operation. We all guessed this was the reason, but there has been a surprising lack of communication on this point. In fact it was the ‘London Evening Standard' that actually bothered to let the fans know what was going on. I heard someone a few weeks back at the Grange say he’d been dropped because he “was too old”, which nearly resulted in me decking them (derogatory remarks made about my favourite players in any sport tends to bring out my latent maternal instincts). And to be honest, unlikely as this reason was for Ramps’ exclusion, you do tend to wonder what the situation is when there is no actual word from the club itself. The Rampants are collectively paranoid as it is without this kind of thing!

Walk-on girls are not popular with fans. I wanted to call it ‘glamgate’; save that it’s not exactly headline news, and also it makes it sound as if Cosgrove has been up to something naughty in an all-you-can-eat buffet. Basically, some clever chap (I’ll be surprised if it wasn’t a chap) decided the Surrey players were incapable of walking unaided to the pitch at the start of a game and so they would be escorted by ‘glamorous females’. A bit like Old Mr Grace in ‘Are You Being Served’ with his array of nurses.

Speaking as a non-glamorous female, of the rather plain and stocky variety, my comments are probably going to sound a tad suspicious. I did however, like many of my friends and several Surrey supporters I know of, question the reasoning – and indeed sanity – of the whole thing. I rather thought the idea of going to watch a cricket match was to see cricket, not scantily clad girls. Or is that me just being silly?

Anyhow, a small but vocal insurrection soon informed the relevant persons of the lack of wisdom in implementing the ghastly and tasteless idea. It was swiftly dropped. A big gold star to whoever had the courage to call it off: a big kick up the arse to whoever thought of it in the first place...

Kevin Pietersen is not popular with everyone - and to those die-hard fans who put county above country in particular. Witness this from the Gloucestershire game:


“The next batsman in for Surrey is Kevin Pietersen...”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOHISSSSSSSSSSS...”

I mean, what was that about? Even I wouldn’t show that level of discourtesy to KP and he’s not my favourite player by a long way. Poor man just wanted to turn up, do some batting and help Surrey to win the game (hopefully not getting out to a left hand spinner in the process). Well, three out of four ain’t bad...

I have my new smart phone. I can now listen to the commentary at work *blows raspberry at employers who block internet access to cricket*. Of course, I can’t help but notice that since the purchase of the aforesaid gadget, Surrey have done nothing but lose. So, now it seems I can enjoy being miserable in real time as opposed to when I go home after work and check the scores...

Another day...

Another draw.

That isn’t me having a moan or a bitching session, by the way. I’m very much of a ‘que sera’ mindset when it comes to results, although I do believe that positive thinking can do the power of good. Given the way that Surrey got brutalised by the amazing first innings display of Alviro Petersen (210), ably supported by Powell (who went for an unfortunate 99), it said something that they were able to make as good a fist of the last day as they did.

If you were to take the scores of Petersen and Powell out of the reckoning the Glamorgan innings looks slightly less impressive, with only Rees (25), Bragg (28) and Jones (17) making it to double figures. In fact Petersen assumed an almost Ramprakashesque status in terms of the importance of his innings in the context of the game. Surrey in reply managed only 284 to Glamorgan’s 419. Davies top-scored with 77 and Ramps next with 67. Maynard chipped in with 42, but likewise the rest of the team fell for not many runs, just avoiding the follow-on target although putting Glamorgan in a mighty fine position.

Day three was greatly spoiled by the first bad weather that Surrey had encountered this season, the afternoon session all but washed-out. This meant that day four was almost certainly going to result in a draw, and whilst the excitement of a potential nail-biting finish had been removed it didn’t stop Glamorgan from putting together a second innings total of 259, with Rees scoring 126 and Powell again in the runs with 67 not out. Perhaps Glamorgan had left the declaration too late to achieve a positive outcome, but given the way that Surrey began their reply (with Jason Roy and Hamilton Brown cutting into the target without even breaking sweat) it maybe wasn’t so foolish at first glance.

After Hamilton-Brown had fallen for 68 shortly after tea the almost gettable rate of 8 off an over rose to plus 10, and Surrey began to play for the declaration which came shortly before 5.00pm. Ramps finished 15 not out whilst Roy was 106 not out when the handshakes were in evidence.

A word about Jason Roy. This must surely have been a wonderful day for him, even if it was ultimately a game that tailed off into the draw everyone had expected. Not only did he get his maiden first class wicket but he finished the day off with his maiden first class century! To see Roy, surely a potential star for Surrey, at one end of the crease and Ramps at the other, a man who has just about achieved all that can be achieved in the county game, felt almost symbolic. Even if the results haven’t quite gone Surrey’s way this blend of experience and youth looks exactly what the team have been crying out for over the last few years.

The good points of the game, other than the splendid efforts of Petersen, Powell and Jason Roy, was that Mr Ramprakash passed the 35,000 runs landmark. Given the comparatively few county championship games that are played compared to even a few decades ago, this is an eye wateringly fine achievement. In the process of making the 67 first innings runs Ramps also overtook a certain D B Close in the first class run scoring list, moving to 39th of all-time. As the wonderful Churchy would say, “Splendid!”

The not so good news is that Steven Davies appears to have sprained his ankle. I’m not a doctor but I am qualified when it comes to sprained ankles. I still remember the absolute belter of a sprain I picked up in high school, which resulted in the ankle turning black for weeks. People I had never set eyes on before from other form classes approached me to show my ankle to them! It was my one moment of school notoriety! Anyhow, I don’t know how bad Davies’ sprain is but if it’s a bad one then don’t expect him to keep wicket in the Derbyshire game. Hopping behind the stumps really is going to be rather distracting for the bowler...

Baby, it's cold outside!

Scotland v Surrey: CB40 at the Grange

And, as expected, Surrey made it four out of four in their CB40 campaign. A trip to the Grange – a very cold trip, I might add – resulted in the anticipated victory over the Scottish Saltires on Sunday. This was a game I was lucky enough to attend in part.

I say in part because I took the decision to leg it homeward with 8 overs remaining. In better weather I might have stayed to the end, and whilst I was aware that neither team nor indeed poor Churchy were in a position to likewise escape from the cold, I decided that when I could no longer feel my nose the time was probably right to call it a day. Blue nose, black hair and red hat: they were about the only colourful things on an otherwise bleak, grey Edinburgh day.

Now, I love Edinburgh. When the sun is shining, or when it’s snowing, there is nowhere more beautiful or picturesque. However, on a horrible overcast day (something we do get more than our fair share of) it frankly makes you want to curl up under a duvet and hide. I certainly wish I’d brought a duvet with me! I got there in plenty of time, chose a likely spot near the boundary boards, then settled in for the start of the game. I have to say that Chris Adams gets bonus points for donning shorts in what was definitely not a day for the faint hearted. I did consider getting a pic or two, but then thought it possibly wasn’t terribly sporting or indeed ladylike to be taking sneaky pics of the Surrey manager’s legs. Not that I do that kind of thing usually, you understand.

Honest.

Anyhow, neither Ramps nor KP were playing. The former didn’t surprise me but I have to say the latter did somewhat...I’m not sure why but I had kind of expected him to be there. It didn’t bother me especially: it was specifically de Bruyn and Spriegel I had come to see in the absence of the maestro. I was richly rewarded with the opportunity to take lots of photos...worryingly it appears I took 414 with my recently revived camera (the one that KP didn’t kill last year). I wasn’t aware I’d taken even half that amount! Spriegel of course takes top honours with his gallant 80+, and subsequently his long stay at the crease meant that most of my 414 photos appear to be of him. I would like to take this opportunity to assure Matthew that I am not a crazed stalker: I’m merely an amateur photographer who sometimes forgets to put the lens cap back on!

I was pretty sure at one point I spotted Churchy on the roof. He must have been mighty nithered by the cold, even if he had the best view in the city! I can’t remember much about the game itself. This doesn’t mean it was boring: it means that the cold had permeated my brain to the extent that I was debating leaving the Grange 5 overs into the Scotland innings. I was receiving texts from my trusty band of fellow Rampants: something along the lines of:

ME: I spy RHB!

ANSWER: Is he looking good?

ME: I dunno...he didn’t stick around long enough for me to find out!

And so on and so forth.

The other nagging worry which stopped me from relaxing and enjoying myself as much as I would have liked was the fact my PC monitor had chosen that morning to blow up. Being disconnected from the internet these days is a bit like going cold turkey. It did not make for a relaxed Miah! No Facebook! No Twitter! I’d have to go back to drawing, embroidering, reading books and being intellectual like wot I used to be before I got a computer! The horror! Well, it made my mind up: I am definitely getting a smart phone so I can listen to the cricket at work.

Much as I enjoyed freezing my bahookie off whilst watching Surrey thrashing my home team, a feat which is a bit like watching Godzilla take on Mole from ‘Wind in the Willows’, the day was somewhat spoiled by the fact I was surrounded by people who didn’t seem to have a clue what was going on (or at least liked to give the impression they did). First of all, a man who decided to come in and sleep with his paper on his knee. How can you sleep with gale-force winds blowing all the empty seats around you? And when he went it was to be replaced by a young lady and gentleman, the former who had decided that Ramps no longer played at all for Surrey because “he was too old”.

I bit my tongue.

The worst was the gentleman who scarce stopped talking to his friend for four hours, and who was complaining bitterly about the amount of South African born people in the Surrey squad. He was most disappointed to look at his program and find out that Spriegel was born in England! He also had the temerity to chastise the female announcer who had about three different attempts at saying de Bruyn’s name without being able to decide which the correct pronunciation was. Of course, Mr Know-it-all decided that his version was correct. At which point I was rather rude and cut in to the conversation and told him exactly how to pronounce it! I’m not usually that ill mannered, but I was rather fed up at this point and I figured that as he was sharing his conversation with everyone in a twenty foot radius that it wouldn’t matter if I did likewise!

By the end of the day I learned that his brother-in-law’s wife makes excellent crisps, he doesn’t like cats or small dogs and he doesn’t play as much tennis as he used to. Frankly, I’m surprised his wife didn’t take one of his tennis rackets and smash it over his head! He left to get something to eat at lunchtime whilst Spriegs was still making steady and relentless progress, convinced that Surrey wouldn’t get much over 200.

Is there ever an appropriate moment to blow raspberries from the comfort of your own blog?

On the up

Ugh! I have a cold: one that started during the final knockings of the Surrey Leicestershire game. I could feel its germy microbes spreading through my body just as Nathan Buck’s stump decided to go its separate way from the others. But even although I am typing this with a head that feels as if it’s filled entirely with custard my good mood cannot be assuaged: Surrey won their game yesterday in very good time, and with considerable style.

From bottom of division 2 to fourth spot in one fell swoop! I can only assume that winning the two CB40 games has managed to generate a little momentum within the squad, and having the likes of Tremlett and Ramps back must have boosted the team no end. Whatever the reason, Surrey batted supremely and then backed it up with some really fine bowling as well, as they did unto Leicestershire what Middlesex did unto them the week before.

There were standout performances but this truly was a team effort, and this was the most impressive thing about the Surrey display. How many times have they unfairly been called a one-man unit? True, that man in particular played his part but today there was a real sense of coming together, and as the run tally grew so did the confidence in the side. De Bruyn was every bit the solid number 4 batsman and again scored over 60 runs, whilst Ramps fell just 9 agonising runs short of his first century of the season. Credit to him though: to score 91 in just your second innings in the campaign, having not struck a ball in anger since November is very impressive indeed. For Ramps neither the passage of time or injury has diminished his ability to score runs for his side.

Steven Davies came in with licence to swing the bat, which is precisely what he did until getting out for 37, at which point the plug was pulled by Surrey. Then began the almost impossible run chase as Leicestershire faced the unenviable task of having to carve into a sizeable lead of 423 with five sessions remaining! For Surrey there remained the possibility of rain on the fourth day, and so they set about Leicestershire: a contest that on the face of it was every bit as unequal as a Rottweiler taking on a well-chewed slipper...

Only one man put up any real fight against a revitalised Surrey, and that man was of course the diminutive James Taylor. During the course of his plucky stay at the crease he was on the receiving end of many brutal deliveries, in fact I’m surprised he’s still in one piece (or possessing all his teeth)! The others, Boyce apart with his 41 runs, all capitulated to the constant Surrey barrage: Meaker cleaning up the tail enders with ruthless efficiency claiming 4 wickets in total, Arafat taking 1, and Dernbach showing exactly why the England selectors came calling at the beginning of the year with a stupendous fivefer! It was only right that the final wicket of Taylor fell to him, and the delight at Surrey’s first victory of the season could be seen amidst the joyous celebrations within the team.

It was another good moment for skipper Rory. He seems to be learning all the time, and if Surrey can claim another victory this weekend over Leicestershire in the CB40 then perhaps the collective fortunes of the team are indeed on the up.

Fingers crossed, eh?

Hurrah! All is well at stumps!

Leicestershire v Surrey at the Oval: Day Two


Okay, so here’s the situation after two days of playing Leicestershire at the Oval in the county championship:

We’re actually doing rather nicely! Never thought you’d hear that one, did you? Admit it! When was the last time that Surrey really looked like steamrollering the opposition on day two?!?

Hmm...how to sum up two days? Well, we lost the toss and were surprisingly (well, to me at least) stuck in. I snuck a quick look at the BBC score card just to see who was batting, then resolved not to look at the score until I got home. I walked in the door to see my dad with the Ceefax score on TV, at which point I shrieked at him not to tell me anything. There then resembled a scene straight out the Likely Lads where he endeavoured to spoil the whole thing any way he could, which ended only when I walked up the stairs with him shouting “158 all out!” A total lie, I knew, but bloody irritating nonetheless!

As it transpired Surrey fell short of a third bonus batting point by a nostril hair, something that will have irked them, as they were all out for 294. With the wicket displaying a distinctly green tinge to enable the Surrey pace attack to blitz the opposition into submission the batsmen seemed to find it difficult to get in, or indeed stay in, as they might on the old, dry wickets prepared by the lovely Bill Gordon. But as it later transpired it was to be a decision of pure brilliance.

The problem of the opening spot was solved by the captain gallantly going against all usual inclinations and dropping down the order, his new batting partner the talented Jason Roy. It’s great to see Jason, or Trigger as we call him, nail down a slot in the squad even if it isn’t where he would prefer. I’ve heard people say he would be better at three, and he probably would feel more at home there, but I’m afraid he’s going to have to bide his time as that particular berth is taken at the moment! He can wait his turn. The King is still in his parlour! As Chris Adams said, his time will come when the likes of Ramps and de Bruyn finally hang up the bat, but in the meantime he has the opportunity to play his own game at the top of the order, with license to tonk the ball as he sees fit!

Alas, it didn’t work very well on day one, as Roy made a somewhat inauspicious 5 before being given out lbw to one Matthew Hoggard. Ramps seemed to play very well, which came as a great relief to all who must have been wondering how the injury might have affected his ability to run. It certainly didn’t alter his ability to hit the ball! He eventually got out to a really good piece of bowling by Nathan Buck, a talented individual who actually seems to be one of the few people who can get the maestro out repeatedly! Thirty seven may not have been up there with his best efforts, but from someone who may have been trying to get rid of the cobwebs accumulated from sitting on the sidelines it wasn’t too bad in the context of the game.

The skipper made a useful 41 (de Bruyn making one less) whilst Maynard stole the first innings with a frisky 70. Down the order Arafat contributed 44 at exactly the right time, and although the score looked considerably smaller than would have been expected the bowler friendly wicket soon turned to bite the Leicestershire batsmen in exactly the same way it had the home side.

The total achieved by Leicestershire on day two was a rather lowly 183, thanks largely to a magnificent display of fast bowling from Meaker who took four wickets, but the others all chipped in with two for Dernbach, two for Tremlett and one for Batty and Arafat. There are plenty of dangerous players in the opposing team but primarily I’m thinking of James Taylor, who appeared dwarfed next to the considerably statuesque figure of Jefferson (think Don Estelle next to Dave Prowse in his Vader heyday and you have the right idea). He is the one man in the side that needs to be nipped out quickly. Surrey will have to hope they can do so again when they next get the chance because if they don’t there’s a danger he might somehow contrive to make the game a safe draw for Leicestershire. Topple him and that becomes a less frightening reality.

Jason Roy stepped up to the plate, as he often has done when given the chance, with an eye-catching innings of 76 – equalling his highest ever first class score. I say eye-catching but it was more breathtaking, at least in terms of the short amount of time he accumulated his runs. The skipper fell for 14 this time, leaving Ramps to come in and hit his first 50 of the season. At the end of play he had managed a classy 53 not out, with de Bruyn playing counterpart with 14 not out. Fingers crossed both can really kick on tomorrow. Nobody would expect Ramps to get a century in his first game back from injury, but he does seem to have the habit of scoring big in his primary match of the season. Sooner or later he is going to break the 35,000 first class runs barrier and whilst he may not celebrate statistical milestones that is one that probably should be savoured. There are not too many people in the future are going to manage it.

So, Surrey will head off tonight much the happier of the two sides. The lead already is substantial, and at the time of writing this de Bruyn and Ramps are still there, waiting to twist the knife further. Tune into @surreycricket on the internet because an hour or so of those two at the crease and it won’t be pretty for Leicestershire...

Burning, drowning and daylight thievery!

Well, the game involving the Surrey 2nd team went rather nicely!

Jason Roy made a not out century for a start, and whilst I’m told he rode his luck on a few occasions he was still there at the end, so fair play to him! He’s shaping up to be the star that many people have said he’d be. And from a more Rampant perspective the even better news was that Ramps made 90! Barring any aggravated knee problems it looks as if the man himself may well be in contention for a possible start against Leics next week! If he does manage this, all I can say is ‘wow’! He must be a really quick healer given the severity of the initial injury back in November. I recollect an awful lot of people predicting he would immediately quit the game as a result. But I guess until you test yourself in a first class match, with all the pressure and exertion that goes with it, how can you make a judgement?

Today Surrey took on Scotland at the Oval in their first CB40 game of the season. I think most sane people would have predicted the Surrey win that ensued (quite comfortably in the end), but Scotland shouldn’t be completely written off. They have one or two players, especially bowlers, who can do the business when required and may well be capable of pulling off the odd shock here and there. Steven Davies yet again fell just short of a century, whilst Roy batted extremely well following on from his century yesterday for the Surrey 2nds. De Bruyn and Maynard delivered the coup de grace in super-quick time, with 7 wickets in hand. The only slight disappointment was the skipper, who holed out quite early on in proceedings; although I’m sure his day will come. As for Scotland; I think they will be a much tougher force on their home turf of the Grange in Edinburgh.

I have interesting memories of the Grange. It is, after all, my local ground: in fact it is 15 mins on the bus from my house. I pass it every day on the way to work, and it always makes me smile to remember the previous occasions I’ve been there. You see, something always happens when I do go to the Grange.

In what I believe was 2007 I went to my first game at the ground. I think it was a 40 over game against Lancashire which, given that Anderson and Flintoff were both playing, they won comfortably. It was about the only thing that was comfortable, however, as I ended up with sunstroke and – just to make my life even more interesting – a massive reaction to the sunlight which caused the skin of my right hand to swell up dramatically so that I resembled ‘The Thing’ from The Fantastic Four. I got sent home from work next day as I couldn’t type at all with it. Even the local pharmacist said she’d never seen a reaction like it before. It felt as though someone had actually microwaved my hand!

In (possibly) 2008 some of the Scottish Rampants attended the Scotland v England game at the Grange. The weather was utterly miserable! Admittedly there was little chance of sunstroke but we sat huddled together under umbrellas for a large portion of the game, until it got so bad they eventually called it off! We traipsed up town in search of a suitable pub to dry off in, so I guess it wasn’t all bad...

Then in 2009 I managed to snag a couple of freebie tickets to a Scotland v Warwickshire game, again I think it was a 40 over match. My sister accompanied me, initially quite keen (the word ‘free’ might have had something to do with it). Unfortunately she has the attention span of an earwig and soon got bored. Despite the fact that I was trying out my new camera’s super-zoom (the one that broke at the Oval last year) and was happily snapping away at Mr Clarke and Mr Troughton amongst others, she decided the beer-fuelled antics of the drunken Brummies behind us were too much and we left early. The moment we left, one of the aforementioned beered-up supporters ran on to the field and stole one of the bails...

So, you see, it’s all go at the Grange! I’m really looking forward to going this year, hopefully with one or two of the Rampants as well. Fingers crossed it won’t end in burning/drowning/daylight thievery!

Dignity at all times

Well, that mountain on Mars I mentioned proved impossible for Surrey to climb, as anticipated. I would have liked a little more fight from the boys as a unit, even if a frisky Middlesex did bowl very nicely, but at least Steven Davies proved it was possible to play a well-measured innings in the face of adversity. Still, given that Maynard found himself stabbed in the back by lady luck in the first innings you kind of knew that Davies wasn’t quite going to reach his century. And sure enough he fell just short, another cruel victim of the nasty nineties.

Well played Middlesex. My teeth are gritted, but congrats all the same. They were the only team that deserved to win when all was said and done.

What bugs me more than the result – which was disappointing given the amount of talent out there for Surrey – is that the pitchfork waving doom mongers will be out in force calling for Chris Adams’ head on a platter yet again. It’s getting a little old. Surrey need to rediscover some backbone as a team and, if I may be so bold as to venture, the supporters need to do exactly the same. Losing in such a humiliating manner is never nice but if we do, a degree of dignity goes an awful long way...

Anyhow, that’s the bad stuff out the way. The slightly more hopeful news is that Mr Ramprakash, he of the 113 first class centuries and slightly dodgy knee is playing for the Surrey 2nds tomorrow! South London prayers will no doubt be said for the continuation of his rapid recovery from injury and that the 40 over game will not aggravate the problem at all. Should all go well he may find himself in line for the Leicestershire game in a week’s time, which would be terrific news all round! The Rampants are rather excited at the prospect, and I imagine all the Surrey supporters are too! I guess they are all hoping that he brings with him not only all his skill, elegance and experience but that most vital ingredient in cricket: a little bit of luck!

A welcome in the valleys

The story so far:

It’s day two, at the Swalec in beautiful Wales. Surrey are playing Glamorgan.

No, I mean it. They are! Genuinely! Last year I made a comment that it seemed Surrey were always playing Glamorgan for some weird reason. Some problem with an unravelling causal-nexus, no doubt, or some freaky wormhole in time. But I wasn’t the only one who had remarked upon the fact that no matter how many different teams there were in division two, it always seemed to be Glamorgan that was playing against their team!

Alas, Mr Cosgrove (he of the stout heart and even larger waistline) no longer seems to play the longer form of the game for Glamorgan, but don’t let that fool you into thinking there are no batsmen in their ranks. For that matter, I’m sure the idea of facing a Ramps-less Surrey must have allowed the Welsh side to really fancy their chances of stealing a march against Surrey, given the fact that a fair few previous encounters have ended in stalemate.

So, what do a maestro-less side do when the going gets tough? Answer: find someone prepared to stick around long enough to play the same brilliant type of innings!
Today Surrey found three people who did just that. Firstly, big props to Schofield who fell agonisingly short of a well-deserved hundred, run-out on 99! That is just plain cruel. Equally big kudos to de Bruyn who, ever since we started calling him Reg, has flourished beyond all expectations from the wonderful batsman we knew him to be, to a mega-batsman of Rampresque stature. You can’t really get a better compliment than that, so I won’t go on about it save to congratulate him on his 172.

But the star of the day was Tom Maynard, back facing the club from whence he had come to not a few unsporting boos and jeers from the Glamorgan supporters. The best riposte therefore that Maynard could have given came in the form of his fantastic 123...a well crafted innings that saw him delightedly punch the air when the big moment arrived. Whether he really deep down wanted to turn to the crowd, waggle his fingers in his ears and shout “na na na naa naah!” we will never know, as he was too much of a gentleman to respond in such a way.

I would have!

Imagine. A side boasting a middle order of a fully fit Ramps, de Bruyn and Maynard – and with Davies, Brown and Hamilton-Brown on their A game – would be nigh on impossible to face down! At last Surrey seem to have the men to support Mr Ramprakash, and hopefully that will allow him at long last to feel the burden of expectation being lifted from his shoulders. Although no doubt playing his own game whilst the likes of de Bruyn play theirs may result in some very silly and massive scores! If all elements of the puzzle slot into place this is potentially a very serious Surrey side.

And let’s say a word for the bowlers, because having declared on 575-7, the Surrey team manfully stuck to their task, with three wickets for Meaker and one for Batty. Glamorgan closed on 95-4, and will have to be mighty careful tomorrow not to lose any quick wickets or else they could find themselves facing the ignominy of being stuck in again...

The only slightly worrying side note was the absence of Dernbach, having bowled a few overs and then being taken off, either as a precaution or for ongoing physio. Fingers crossed it’s not too bad.

So, from a Surrey point of view this has gone rather nicely at the end of play. Moment of the day however came from the magnificent Mark Church with the following piquant observation:

"Batty's pulled."

Pause.

"Hamilton Brown to one side..."

That would have been fast work indeed from Gareth Batty whilst still on the field of play!