Why the Rampants like Tim Linley

What’s not to like?

Firstly, he’s a pretty decent bowler. In fact he’s like a little piranha, the way that he keeps nibbling away at the wickets column. In 2011 he left a trail of mangled batsmen, bruised and broken in his wake. That Surrey made it back to division one was in no small part to his efforts, and he deservedly got the Ramprakash player of the year award. I say Ramprakash because frankly he’s won it so many times they may as well name it after him. But last year it belonged well and truly to Sir Timothy of Linley.

He’s obviously a class act. I mean, with a surname like Linley you have to be, don’t you? What name conjures images of good-breeding more than Linley? Unless he chose to add a double barrel to his name, and frankly Tim Linley-Linley would blow everyone’s minds...

But other than being the country’s most underrated bowler, all-round good egg and sharing his nickname with possibly the best character in Sesame Street, Linners has one other thing that makes people doff their hat in forelock tugging respect: he even has his own biscuit called after him. And that, dear folks, is the ultimate accolade a cricketer can receive.

Now, where’s that custard-colville gone? I feel a dunk coming on...

If at first you don't succeed...

There’s an old legendry tale in Scotland involving a spider, a fugitive King and a cave. Robert Bruce, on the run from ‘that lot south of the border’, decided to hide himself in a cave for a few months whilst the English soldiers went searching for him. Obviously bored out of his skull and stuck for something to do, he turned his attention to a tiny spider repeatedly attempting to scale the rocks. Well, I suppose there was no television in those days...

Most people would have taken off their shoe and squished the offending arachnid at that point, but good old Robert decided to learn a lesson from his eight legged companion as it tried, tried and tried again to get to the top. Eventually the wee beastie managed to reach the summit and Robert, re-inspired to show similar resolve, decided to have another go at taking on the might of the English army.

History records that Robert Bruce and his comparatively tiny Scottish army pulled off a most unlikely victory over their southern neighbours. It does not, however, say what happened to the spider.

Like Bruce at Bannockburn, victory was a must for Surrey. It was vital that an early breakthrough was made and fortunately it was; with Linley claiming the wicket of Ryan Ten Doeschate within the first two overs. If he’d stuck around the damage to Surrey’s lead could well have been considerable, but I think at that point most people, like myself, would have began counting the hours until that victory was wrapped up and planning what they were going to do with their free afternoon!

Things got a bit hairy though at times; leastwise I know my nerves were shot! I don’t often pretend to know better than the players (because that would be a rather large and obvious fib), but I did find RHB’s persistence with Jordan utterly perplexing to begin with. Poor Jordan, who had batted beautifully in both innings whilst recording personal best scores in both, had never looked like he was going to get a wicket. Not due to lack of effort or skill: he was clearly in the zone and bowling very much like the pre-injury Jordan of old. But sometimes when your luck is out there’s nothing you can do to change it. Jordan had threatened repeatedly and gone without reward. I was left shaking my head, perplexed. Surely if things don’t go your way then you have to mix the bowling up a bit, I thought bleakly as the runs began to leak once again?

And then both the skipper and Jordan got their just rewards for their patience and persistence with the wicket of Foster, the ball falling straight to the safe hands of Gareth Batty. It seemed to open the floodgates, because by the end of play Jordan had claimed four Essex scalps in total! Hats off to Rory Hamilton-Brown for sticking with Jordan, clearly of the opinion that his team mate’s luck must change. And like the spider in the cave, Jordan who tried, tried and tried again finally got that lucky break. Masters later followed, caught well by Ramps. Cue Rampant applause!

I’m a bit odd, because I take a perverse delight in being proven wrong. I find it gratifyingly humbling! I’m not sure why, but I like that my opinion can be challenged – and indeed changed. Perhaps it appeals to my slightly off the wall sense of humour. Or maybe I’m just weird, I don’t know. Whatever, serves me right for assuming I knew more about the situation than the skipper!

Napier threatened to curtail the Surrey celebrations for a good long while. All the time his tally grew bigger and faster as he whacked sixes and fours all over the ground whilst the tail end batsmen tried their hardest to stick with him. Surrey would have been confident that they could knock over the other batsmen or that Napier would eventually hole out trying an expansive shot but as his score raced to 80 in the blink of an eye the nerves must have been jangling quite a bit! Napier has previous against Surrey this year, to say the least. That 70% of the runs he has scored this year have come against the London side shows just how motivated he is against them!

Inevitably it was the turbo-charged Jordan who managed to break the stand, and Napier tried one clever shot too many and was well-held in the gully by - yet again - Mr Ramprakash. Cue lots more Rampant applause.

One ball later and it was game over. I almost think it didn’t register at first because everyone was just too busy sighing with relief at the fall of Napier to actually realise that Jordan had managed to get rid of Craddock! Ramps and Jordan seemed to have formed an irresistible partnership on the field as, for the third time that day, the former took the catch (an absolute blinder by all accounts). Cue even more Rampant applause. Given that Ramps hasn’t been in the best form of late with the bat even although not looking in bad nick, it was nice to see him contribute so well in the field, showing that even at 42 he can still display a spritely turn of foot!

The permutations now appear, with Middlesex drawing a rain-benighted game with Glamorgan, to indicate there are four teams in the shake-up going in to next week’s final games. Middlesex are almost there: they only require 12 points to be promoted and 13 to be confirmed champions. Lowly Leicestershire will have to pull off a Foinavon-like miracle if they want to have a say in either outcome.

Gloucestershire are a fraction behind Surrey in fourth but could conceivably gain promotion should Surrey and Northants (the latter who they are due to play) fall by the wayside. With everything to play for, both will throw everything they have at getting a positive result. And third-spot Surrey, having gained their first block of three consecutive wins in a row since 2007, will likewise stop at nothing to gain a positive result at the Oval against Derbyshire. They are now a mere 1 point behind Northants. Fortune tends to favour the teams with momentum.

Remember that spider in the cave, boys! You can still get there if you want it badly enough!

Victory, and no legwarmers in sight!

You’ve got to hand it to Surrey. They are possibly the most bi-polar cricket team in the first class game.

One game they are embarrassingly poor. Beaten out of sight. Dispirited. Cowed. You get the idea. Insert negative adjective of choice.

Other times, such as the game against Leicestershire, Surrey look like they could quite comfortably take on – and beat – any team in division two, and possibly a good few from division one. Yes, as you can take it from that pre-emptive waffle, Surrey did win their game against Leicestershire. Now, you can see it as a determined, desperate effort to keep in the hunt for promotion or alternatively you can see it as a bigger club routinely bashing over the worst team in both divisions – one that seems in desperate need of championship CPU. “Nurse! The screens!”

A special mention must go to both Steven Davies and Tim Linley for their respective performances last week in a game that Surrey managed to polish off in three days. Whilst none of the batsmen have been consistently brilliant this year, although de Bruyn probably comes closest to fitting that tag, Davies in particular appeared to be struggling to make any real contributions with the bat. This time he made an eye-catching hundred and helped to pile on the runs in Surrey’s first innings. Linley continues to impress with the ball, this time taking nine wickets in the game. If he stays injury free he has got to be Surrey’s player of the year. In the second innings, a quick-fire 70 plus from the skipper allowed Surrey to make short work of chasing down the combined Leicestershire totals.

Credit where it is due, because after what can only have been an agonising amount of post-drubbing naval gazing, Chris Adams commanded his team to show some fight, and lo – as if the almighty had spoken - so it came to pass. And in not inconsiderable style!

It’s like watching a rather protracted game of ‘Pong’. Back and forward, back and forward...lose...win...lose...win...

Of course, thinking along these lines we should be in for a thrashing by title leaders Northants tomorrow. It’s make or break time, and no mistake! A loss will almost certainly put us out of contention in the promotion challenge and seal the deal for the current runaway leaders. A draw wouldn’t exactly help us, although ironically it would do the world of good to Middlesex in second spot! But if Surrey manage to show the same guts they did against an admittedly inferior side last week, and if all the batsmen and all the bowlers come to the party on the same day, who’s to say what the result might be?

Keep the faith! Remember boys, right here’s where you start paying in sweat!

Oh, no. Sorry. That was ‘Fame’, wasn’t it?

Surrey v Northants: Day 2

Don’t. Start. Me.

I’ve had it up to my neck with all the anti-Grand National idiots that conveniently come out the woodwork whenever a horse meets a regrettable end in the race. So, this is a blog post about cricket, and about the National, as I spent the day tying myself in knots trying to listen to both!

I go back a long way with the National. I’ve loved it since I was four. My enthusiasm for this historic sporting event is therefore unwavering, and I and have locked horns with people defending it. And will continue to do so.

I'm always sorry when horses are killed - I love horses (they are very noble animals). What gets my goat is when people single out the 'National for vitriol...I mean, if people think horse racing in general is cruel then okay: it's not a view I share but I can understand that line of thought. Picking on the 'National because it's so high profile is idiotic in my opinion. Horses tragically die every day at race courses but it gets no attention because few people watch racing on TV any more. But the world and his wife tune in for Aintree, and when fatalities sadly occur everybody's walking about with placards and banners.

There are aspects of racing I'm not so keen on - I wish that more money was donated from betting to go to equine welfare - and it took the rather high profile and sad case of my favourite ever racehorse to have the law made more favourable in that regard. But horses, whilst they are in training, live like absolute kings in 5 star accommodation. Some sadly have their lives cut short, but they'll have had a damn good life up to that unfortunate point! Most are better looked after than some people in this country. And the more vehement protesters who say that races like the 'national are cruel and liken it to out dated blood sports like bull fighting are missing one very obvious point: the object of horse racing is not to kill the horse. In bull fighting it is.

My issues with horse racing, such as they are, stem from what happens to the animals after their racing days are over. More care ought to be taken on that front.

I think I've always loved the 'National because it seems a bit like a metaphor for life: you get the best and the worst things reflected in it. Such wonderful, fabulous tales that you could sometimes not make up in fairy stories! And, alas, the more tragic side as well.

Sorry for rambling. I've had it with the drum beating, ill-informed people on Twitter who never look at the facts before opening their rather ridiculous mouths and sprouting nothing but nonsense.

It’s a good thing I had the cricket before and after the race to calm things down! Day two of Surrey versus Northants continued to swing in favour of first one team and then back to the other, and so on, to the extent where I now have not got the slightest clue as to who if anyone is going to come out on top! You would have been tempted (pre-Grand National) to say that it was Surrey’s day, because after a rather slow first hour things suddenly started to happen for the bowling side. Linley should be upgraded from Viscount to Duke if you ask me for his hard won fourfer. Absolutely brilliant! And, just when little annoying (from a Surrey p.o.v) partnerships threatened to spring up – for example White with a very respectable 78 – in stepped Linley to nip it in the bud. Having taken the first wicket for Surrey last year it came as no surprise that he should do so again today.

There were two wickets for Gareth Batty, and one for Meaker who memorably turned poor Sales into his Bunny by doing unto him exactly what he did last time he faced him, bowling him for a duck. I can’t see Sales being overly keen to face Meaker in the next Northants innings somehow...

With eight wickets down it seemed only a matter of time before either Middlebrook, who I rate highly, or Hall, managed to get out and so I switched my attention to the National expecting to find Surrey batting again when I came back. Not only was Surrey not batting, having come back to the game an hour later, but Middlebrook and Hall were still there! And all credit to them as well for sticking in so obdurately when it looked as if Northants were going to be swept away on a Linley shaped wave.

Tomorrow’s going to be crucial for both teams. Surrey have to get rid of this turbulent partnership double-quick, to paraphrase Henry the 2nd (although hopefully not using swords, cudgels and other pointy things). And more than anything, when they bat next the boys will have to stick in and not give their wickets away like most of their batsmen did first time round. Defeat in the first game should be unthinkable. Because I don’t think Chris Adams will be in the mood to accept anything but a win!

You think that ‘National is violent? Wait until you see the reviews in the papers if Surrey fails to deliver yet again. It’ll be a field day...

All shook up

 
Well, it’s hats off to Surrey for a hard-fought and well deserved victory at Chesterfield.

When I say well deserved, I’m not belittling the effort of the Derbyshire team. Tenaciously clinging on to the bitter end, I have to say they gave me a real fright as the overs ticked away! Yesterday I mentioned the fact that Surrey were soldiering on despite missing various limbs and essential body parts, which sort of puts their win over Derbyshire in an even better light. What we saw from the team today was, er, ‘balls!’

Even when the chips were down they fought on...even when Andre Nel was bowling on one leg he kept running in with typical Günter determination. Or rather, hopping in. There’s an old rhyme about a lady who fought alongside her Scottish compatriots against the ‘auld enemy’, and when her legs were cut off in battle, “fought upon her stumps”. It’s kind of the image I get of Surrey over the last day!

Again, I didn’t hear most of the day’s play. Work is playing havoc with my ability to tune into the four day game. I settled for sneaking little looks at the BBC score card. It didn’t look promising at 12.30. Or 13.30 either for that matter. And even although it was a tad healthier at 15.10 as I was preparing to leave for the day, four wickets didn’t seem to be enough. You see, Surrey has a nasty habit of getting opposing batsmen into nick if they’ve been out of sorts. It’s the same with teams as well, and you could just see Derbyshire making club history by chasing down their highest ever total. It’s the kind of thing that just happens to Surrey.

But then, by the time I got home some 25 mins later, a total of 7 wickets had gone! Suddenly it seemed as if all results were possible. I have to admit that even I couldn’t see where the game was heading at that point. With Andre Nel doing his best impression of a human pogo stick, and Tim Linley off the field of play due to his considerable resemblance to Mr Bump (only not quite so blue), the physiotherapists definitely earned their fees today! I’m also informed that Spriegel’s eyes may have been left watering a tad due to fielding a ball with his lower torso, shall we say?

Nor was it just Surrey who ended with walking wounded. Derbyshire’s Lungley managed to get struck by a ball from his own team mate and had to leave the field of play. Whether it made any psychological difference as well as the blow to the arm he received effecting his grip, who can really say, but the interruption brought Groenewald to the crease whilst Lungley temporarily retired hurt. And then, when Groenewald departed for just 3, you couldn’t help but feel the game was in Surrey’s grasp once again.

It was left to the towering Tremlett to deliver the ball that sent Lungley’s stump somersaulting through the air for 21. So agonisingly close for Derbyshire, and yet so very far! ‘Stumps’ were actually very appropriate, as I think that was just about all that was left of my fingernails! I’m beginning to think Surrey should be sponsored by Bisodol rather than Brit Insurance, considering the peptic ulcer that has probably formed over the last 4 years.

This win for a team comprised entirely of men held together by a combination of willpower and blutack will come as such a relief and delight for not just the players and staff but the supporters as well. There have been many struggles to get to this point, and some ugly cricket mixed in with some really decent play as well, but because there had only been the one win up to this point the good stuff tends to get swept under the carpet. There have been times in previous games where Surrey have had the upper hand and indeed played the better cricket, so it’s not as if they are as bad as the papers sometimes like to make out. Certainly, the tables don’t lie at the end of the day but at least they are off the bottom now, and who can say that they might not win a few more now they have that hunger to do well? If the T20 has done one good thing, its show the squad that they have the ability to potentially beat anyone. Well, anyone except Sussex, but then most teams are struggling against them at the moment.

In the midst of this jubilation, however, we should add a note of caution. Surrey are taking on Somerset at the Oval tomorrow. With Dernbach, Linley, Brown, Jordan, Wilson, Nel and possibly Batty looking more shook up than an Elvis impersonator, just who the heck is going to be fit to play?

Is it too late to send for Kenny Kennington?

Nurse! The screens!

I’ll shut up about winning games and reaching milestones. It’s obvious to all that I am a jinx to Surrey as well as the opposition.

Lesley was on cake duty today and, in order to show some support for the wounded Tim Linley, she cheered him up by handing over some Yorkshire Parkin. I’m admitting to my culinary ignorance here as I thought Yorkshire Parkin was a car lot at Headingley, but it went down very well by all accounts with the gentleman in question, to the extent where she got a hug and a kiss! I don't have a nasty injury like poor Linley but if it’s any consolation I turned my ankle running for the bus this evening. I like to think it was in sympathy.

I’ll give this one a brief summary. Poor Mr R didn’t quite make the 1,000 run mark. I shouldn’t really have mentioned the possibility in yesterday’s blog as he is still 11 short, having made 30 in the second innings. Interestingly, both Adam Lyth and Chris Rodgers fell short in their second innings, but as Yorkshire will play again before Surrey do it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that Lyth will reach the magic marker first.

In the game itself, the Surrey second innings looked a trifle unusual. Save for the skipper’s 4 the previous day, only one batsman failed to make it into double figures. That was the good part. The perhaps slightly not so good part was the fact that just one of them made it to 35, with Andre Nel claiming that honour. Younus managed the same score as Ramps with 30, Afzaal made 26, Walters 15, Wilson 28, Batty 26 and Linley, who bravely hobbled onto the field of play, managed a gutsy 7. Tremlett again was the last man standing with 10 not out.

The total of the two Surrey innings amounted to 644, giving them a lead of 407. Which it has to be said, is one that would have most teams looking for a rock to quiver under. It’s by no means an impossible one to chase but it was certainly a substantial lead. Going into the last session, Surrey would have been more than a little bit satisfied with that. However, that satisfaction most likely turned to mild consternation when, despite having removed the super-dangerous Rogers for 33, Madsen and Park continued to merrily get their heads down and score freely. And the reason for the run-spree? Let’s see...

Linley: injured

Nel: injured

Batty: possibly injured

Wilson: injured

That’s four members of Surrey’s squad that have either picked up niggles or whacking great ailments. Add them to Dernbach, Jordan and Brown and we will soon be resorting to Lesley marking her run out with Yorkshire Parkin and bowling muffins! The irony that the fittest of the regular bowlers is Chris Tremlett, built like a six foot seven Adonis but, if the past is anything to go by, possessing the fragility of a daddy longlegs, will surely not have been lost on anyone.

In theory, Derbyshire shouldn’t chase the remaining 271. In theory. But with a whole day still to come and with Surrey’s team dropping like mayflies, who can say? Of course, Surrey could play a bit of a wild card and get Ramps to have a bowl. After all, he’s well known for his huge array of impressions of bowlers. All they have to do is get him to do his best circa 1993 ‘Shane Warne’ and Derbyshire will be back in the hutch within five overs.

Sorted!

Surrey (Vis)count their blessings

I’ve dispensed with the hoover for the time being.

Today’s bout against Derbyshire saw Surrey fall agonisingly short of maximum batting points, with Tim Linley being the last man out for 15. The total was 391, certainly reasonable on a track that seemed a little bit naughty at times for batting on. It’s a good enough surface if you pick your shots and play each ball on its own merit, but if you get a good one or you take a chance you’ll most likely end up with egg on your face.

Still, without wishing to do Linley a disservice – especially given his heroics with the ball – you most likely wouldn’t have had serious money on him getting to double figures anyway, so those 15 runs of his were worthy ones. Jones ended up with a 4fer, and Tremlett was not out on 29. Of course with cricket being the sort of multifaceted game that it is, so many things were going on at the same time that it became difficult to know what to concentrate on. First and foremost was the game itself, with Surrey fighting hard to get off the bottom of the group and leapfrog Middlesex a couple of places. And for those of a Rampant frame of mind there was also the race to be first to the magic 1,000 runs mark. I’m not sure why this feat takes on an almost mystical, holy grail-like significance each year but with Mr R stranded 41 short and Lancashire making a real fist of a fight back against Yorkshire, a lot depended on how Chris Rodgers performed in the Derbyshire second innings.

I bet it doesn’t actually matter a jot to the players. Just the journalists and county championship enthusiasts. Still, it just adds to the drama!

As it happened, Rodgers was the first batsman to fall in the Derbyshire reply, making 14. With Rodgers probably not going to get another bat unless the follow-on was enforced, he was out of the immediate race to 1,000 runs. I’m not claiming any responsibility. I’m sure a lot of the Rampants thought I’d hexed him. As if I would be so dishonourable...

Everyone pitched in and kept digging away, but Linley was the hero of the day for Surrey, without question. He picked up the wickets of Park (6), Greg Smith (2), Hughes (2) and Durston (8), before something went really badly wrong for him. In horse terms he pulled up lame...how badly nobody knows at present. Obviously Linley’s welfare is the prime concern here and I hope he isn’t in too much discomfort, poor fellow. Surrey however will miss him in this game. He’s been by far the most accurate and economical of the bowlers, which isn’t to take anything away from Tremlett, Batty or Nel, who all picked up wickets today. But with Dernbach and Jordan still very much sidelined it’s going to be difficult to replace him.

As you can tell from the figures above Linley fairly carved his way through the Derbyshire middle order and left them floundering for a good long while. After lunch Surrey had them 5 down for only 80 or so runs. But, as always tends to happen, along came a good partnership to buttress up the innings and so it proved with Madsen, who made 109 before Gareth Batty struck towards the latter half of the day to remove him. If he had stayed in he could easily have inflicted a lot of damage on that Surrey total, but once he was gone the remaining batsmen, with the exception of the (nearly) immovable Goddard (67) were dismissed quite cheaply. Peterson (the one without the ‘i’ and not called Kevin) made 5, Lungley went for a duck, Jones for 4 and Ramps’ arch nemesis Groenewald also went for 4, leaving Derbyshire all out for 237.

The ‘race to 1,000’ took a new twist when RHB decided not to enforce the follow-on which, given that he was a bowler down, was the most sensible course of action. It meant that when the skipper fell for - no, not 6 as often happens – 4 runs, Mr R came in alongside Harinath to see Surrey to the close of play. They did so, and Surrey ended the day on 50-1 in their second innings.

This is of course good news from both a Rampant point of view and also a Surrey one as well. Skittling Derbyshire out within a day has left Surrey with a good chance, all being well, of creating a sizeable total for the opposition to chase on the last day. It also means that Mr Ramprakash has another shot at being first to 1,000. With Adam Lyth still waiting for his second turn with the bat this is realistically the best shot at it, and at present he is 17 runs away. I shan’t keep my fingers crossed: I did that yesterday and it didn’t work. I doubt the man himself is much bothered...it’s just one more milestone in a long career full of other much larger milestones, and as a team player his first concern will be to occupy the crease and get that total up to an amount that would be difficult for Derbyshire to fight back against.

Still...it’d be nice, eh?

Surrey's sixtacular win!

Today’s T20 game against the Kent Spitfires achieved three things. Firstly, it was Surrey’s first back-to-back win in the contest for a few years. Secondly, they finally managed to win a game at the Oval! And thirdly it propels Surrey into position three in the Southern table, just behind Middlesex on run-rate. How long it will stay that way, who knows? But I say let’s enjoy it whilst we can. Perhaps we can continue our recent change in fortunes and sneak an unlikely win against Sussex on Sunday!

The game was really a tale of three Misters: two being Duckworth & Lewis and the other being Mr Symonds, who peppered the stands with so many sixes I feared for the watching spectator's pints. It’s been a while coming but the Australian six machine suddenly sprang into life to bring some much needed verve and dash to a faltering Surrey innings.

I’m going to try a little reverse psychology here. All along I’ve been saying how wonderful and potentially destructive I thought the opening partnership of RHB and Davies would be, but overall they’ve been disappointing when running in double harness, so to speak. So, in an effort to take the pressure off them, I’d just like to tell them how rubbish they are. I don’t actually mean it, but I’m saying it anyway. You’re both garbage and I have no expectations of you whatsoever. There; now I’ve said it you can go and rake up lots of runs!

They both managed a splendid 3 runs each today. Just goes to show that good players have bad days...it’s just that they can’t afford to have them at the same time! Ramps came in, got 10, and was then caught by Key off the bowling of Stevens. To make matters worse Younus Khan only scored one more than Mr Ramprakash. An all too familiar collapse looked on the cards and no doubt Chris Adams was looking for something heavy and brick shaped to repeatedly hit his head off. But, just as in the Somerset game, a rather handy partnership formed at just the right time, with Stewie Walters and a bull-like Andrew Symonds running amok, launching fours and sixes all over the place, to the extent that even when Walters managed to get out late on in the innings it was almost a formality that Surrey would reach 150 (something they did off the last ball).

In the end Symonds was out for a resplendent 62, bowled by former Surrey favourite (well, at least he was one of my favourites!) Azhar Mahmood. Schoey was run out for 1, whilst Batty was 10 not out at the end and Andre Nel finished with a perfectly formed 0.

The weather had been fairly ominous, with little slips and slides from time to time. You will recall a few games back that Ramps had managed to get run-out when slipping trying to get back to the crease. Something a little more comical happened when Kent’s Rob Key managed to end up on his bottom in the middle of the wicket, run out for just 2! Nevermind, Rob! It happens to the best of them! When Surrey got rid of the hugely dangerous Van Jaarsveld for 10 they must really have been feeling things were going their way at long last. Northeast likewise made 10 before being dispatched by Linley, deputising for the injured Dernbach. Geraint Jones made 12 until being caught and bowled by Symonds, and then it was a case of Blake’s 3, caught by Davies off Nel.

The seemingly unstickable, brilliant Darren Stevens however began to form a rather enviable partnership with Azhar Mahmood, no mug with a bat himself, and had the weather not suddenly taken a turn for the worse the game may well have been too close to call. Fortunately, Duckworth Lewis came down Surrey side, with the Oval crowd finally given a reason not to boo their team (they were probably all too wet at the time to muster up a discontented squawk). Being ahead on run-rate at that point and with no realistic chance of continuing the game, Surrey and Kent shook hands before seven o’clock with a much deserved win for the home contingent.

Oh, totally random recollection. My primary school nurse was called Mrs Duckworth. You used to go to her if you felt ill, and she’d just smile, pat you on the head and say “that’s a shame, dear. But I can’t help you, so why don’t you go back to your classroom?” Today it was Kent being awarded the commiseration of a pat on the head.

For Surrey, it must be satisfying to string a couple of wins together, even if it was D/L assisted. The crowd were able to go away happy at least in the magnificent display by Symonds, clearly having re-discovered his mojo. Quite a display, and along with Walters the pair rode to the rescue, Lone Ranger style. Not saying which is Silver. Not giving Ceci ideas with the old Photoshop either!

Kudos also to Churchy, Arrun ‘the Baron’ Harinath and Michael Brown for their work in keeping the commentary going when the heavens opened! Wasn’t Michael Brown a character in the Paddington bear stories? Maybe he should be requesting marmalade sandwiches instead of sponge cakes! Michael, I’m a dab hand at the old jam sponge even if I say so myself but as I live hundreds of miles away I don’t think anything I made would get to you 1) on time and 2) in a state fit for human consumption.

However, seeing as you were so desperate for a sponge cake, you can have the one in the picture! Enjoy!

The bigger they are, the harder they hit!

Day Two: Glamorgan v Surrey at Swalec

Odd sort of day this. It feels like day one, but of course it is day two.

One moment it looked like Glamorgan were on top. Then it swung towards Surrey. And then with the last session it went back Glamorgan’s way. From a Surrey perspective, annoying little partnerships kept sprouting up like unsightly fungus between toes. Every time you thought you’d got rid of the problem it reappeared.

Perhaps the biggest – no pun intended – threat to Surrey was Mark Cosgrove. Cosgrove’s love of the good life has already been documented, and it would be fair to say that as cricketers go these days he is a little on the large side. But am I the only one who finds this a pleasant throwback to days spent batting on the village green, scoffing down cold pies and drinking warm beer at lunch? I know cricket’s stuffed full of super fit humans who can lift up a horse box with one hand whilst doing 200 miles on an exercise bike, but c’mon! To tell someone that they are too portly to play for their national side when they have as much talent as the skinny blokes on the team is a bit naughty. Cosgrove can still move; he isn’t Mr Creosote!

And indeed, he proved as much again today by rapidly accumulating 82 runs from 107 balls, with the usual mixture of fine shots and serial killer-crazed bludgeoning, whilst fellow opener Rees went about his business in a slightly more refined manner. That both openers went whilst in the 80s was more to do with the quality bowling served up by the Surrey side rather than any horrific errors. Or bribes of a “wafer thin” after dinner mint...

Only kidding!

Meaker looks fast and frisky these days, especially now that the Sat Nav appears to be taking him in the right direction rather than telling him to take a right turn into a lake. Three wickets fell to the young man, whilst Dernbach, fresh from his incredible efforts alongside Andre Nel, dusted off the superhero costume once again and had claimed four wickets by the end of play. Looking at the relatively low scores of the day, Dalrymple for 11, Wright for 23, Maynard for 3 and Allenby for 15 you would think that Surrey would be feeling pretty good about things right now. But then look at the flip side: 58 for Wallace and 49 for Harris, and then add it in to the scores by Cosgrove and Rees, and you’re past the foot fungus stage and looking at gangrene!

I must say here that Linley also bowled very well for no reward. I think he must have run over the umpire’s dog yesterday.

All in all, a very good display of disciplined bowling and some very entertaining batting. But the highlight of the day for me was when Churchy said this about Mark Cosgrove:

“The proof’s in the pudding.”

Pigeon Point

Day One Glamorgan v Surrey, Swalec

Well, in a nutshell, it rained. A lot.

It must be very frustrating for all the cricketers, stuck inside, waiting for the precipitation to cease. What do they do? Do they sit and read papers, listen to the rain coming down at Lords via TMS? Do they go to the gym? Do they eat Welsh cakes and drink tea? Or are there marathon sessions of ‘Connect 4’ and ‘Mousetrap?’

And then of course when the rain stops you have to wait for the conditions to improve enough for the pitch to be playable. You don’t want to be running around in the field and suddenly find yourself doing the splits. I speak from experience. The last time I was in Regents Park with the Rampants I attempted the splits (don’t ask) and managed to do myself a mischief when my trainers slipped on the grass. At the risk of smutty remarks I didn’t think my legs could do scissors these days...

I was surprised we got a single over in today, but in the late afternoon both teams took to the field, with Surrey winning the toss and sticking Glamorgan in. Cosgrove survived a couple of reasonable shouts for LBW (I do love the imagery created by Mark Church via the internet commentary of Tim Linley looking ballerina-like as he appealed for the wicket). Then after scoring a total of 19 runs for no loss the heavens opened once more and everyone departed hastily off the field of play.

The forecast looks a little more optimistic for tomorrow and the day after, although I believe Tuesday is not quite as hopeful. This amount of time lost suggests another draw unless a spectacular amount of wickets fall. Nearly every match in the championship lost a sizeable amount of overs to the weather today. It will be interesting to see how this will affect the results.

Of course, weather conditions play such a large part in cricket, to the extent that non-cricket followers don’t understand why players come off after a bit of rain falls. You get the inevitable “why don’t they have grounds with a roof”? It’d have to be one heck of a roof for the Oval, I tell you! And could you imagine the ground staff having to clean the glass? You could have an extra player in the squad, dangle them from the ceiling in a harness to try and take the aerial catches! And what position would they call it?

Probably, given the amount of bird life at the Oval, it would have to be ‘Pigeon Point’.

Still celebrating!

Okay...I’ve calmed down now.

But yippee! A win in the CC! Something that hasn’t happened to Surrey since, well, last year against the very same team! Cue little dancing Ewoks playing celebratory jungle drums! Does this mean we can only win against Northants? Or, as we are all hoping and praying, will it lead to a renewed energy and confidence to take into the Glamorgan game? It will be a tough act considering that Glamorgan are at the top of Division 2, but the fact that Surrey are only a few points behind Leicestershire now, although still at the bottom, suggests that any team on a good day is capable of beating any of the others.

It really is going to come down to those little ‘moments’. The catches taken and those dropped. The boundaries successfully cut off, and decisions going your way. Surrey’s fielding, so often castigated in the past, has improved so much since the beginning of the season. It’s going to have to be tip-top at Cardiff on Saturday.

Other than the win though, which was the major achievement of the Northants game, there were some good individual performances. Nel and Dernbach’s batting extravaganza was mentioned yesterday, but this morning they both managed to inflict a lot of damage with the ball as well. Linley claimed the early scalp of Boje, and Sales (who had sadly been off the field of play with a rather nasty sounding migraine for much of the game) was run out shortly after for a duck. Hall managed 32 before Nel removed him, and he also got rid of Middlebrook for 5. Vaas hung around for a little while, putting on 17 before falling to Dernbach, and yesterday’s hero also accounted for Dagget, who made 2 runs. It left Willey not out on 18 and Northants with a total of 241 for Surrey to chase in two sessions.

The target looked fairly doable, and so it proved. Davies opened with Harinath and hit a quickfire 25 until caught by Willey. Ramps steadied the Surrey ship in his own inimitable style, quietly accumulating runs whilst Harinath made a solid 48 before being dismissed. RHB, playing in his usual positive and aggressive fashion, lived dangerously at various stages in the innings, finally removed for 45 coming down the track to smash the ball and then being stumped by O’Brien. Afzaal however played a much more studious and sedate innings and contrived with Mark Ramprakash to see the game to its conclusion – and a Surrey victory.

The South London team finally claimed a well deserved 7 wicket win over Northants, with Afzaal 33 not out and Ramps 79 not out. It’s a rich seam of form that Mr R has hit in the last few games. A double ton and a single hundred in the Middlesex game, plus a 70 and 79 not out in the Northants game. He currently sits third in the combined division batting figures with a very healthy average into the 70s, better than both the batsman ahead of him in terms of runs. I imagine the briefing of Saturday’s Glamorgan team will have ‘get Ramps early’ at the top of their agenda, followed by ‘don’t drop him, for god’s sake’ as bullet point number two. Of course, this brings my old favourite Mr Cosgrove back into the frame come Saturday. It’s the battle of the two Marks: and both are right bang in form. Who is going to come out on top?

I’m guessing the Surrey song was echoing throughout the dressing room at Wantage Road this evening. I hope they kept the lyrics clean, or poor Younis Khan, newly arrived from Pakistan, will be wondering exactly what he’s landed himself in! Yes, that’s right: the invisible batsman is no longer invisible.

Hopefully he’ll be given the chance to sing along with the team on many occasions to come!

Looking down the barrel

I think Chris Adams must be a little fed up trying to give his honest opinion as to what’s gone wrong in the latest Surrey match. At the end of the day’s play Surrey close on 210-7, and it’s a bit difficult to pinpoint what the malady is with the team. Okay, now some wag is sure to say something about not scoring enough runs or taking enough wickets! The skills are all there, but it’s a very young team (only Nel, Ramps and Afzaal are especially experienced). Whether that is a contributing factor or not for the continuing woes in the championship games, who can say? It’s certainly not a lack of effort. I know the fans feel the lack of wins keenly, but I bet they don’t feel it half as badly as the team.

As so often happens, if you took Mr Ramprakash’s first innings total away from an otherwise poor score, Surrey would be in all heaps of trouble. As it is they are already staring down the barrel. None of the other batsmen were able to get any significant partnerships going, which rather puts that sizeable effort from Boje and Loye into context yesterday. Davies and Harinath opened, with the latter going for a duck, poor fellow, whilst Davies made 33 (which for him was an unusually small total). Only Davies will know if he minds opening in the championship as he does in the shorter game, where he is so effective – Jon Batty seemed to love opening - but it does on paper make sense until Brown is back from his injury problem.

RHB made 30; Afzaal sadly reverted back to his previous bad run of form and made only 12, although there was still a glimmer of hope whilst Ramps and Spriegel were together at the crease. Unfortunately Mr R went whilst looking set on 70, and Chris Schofield took his place at the crease but was sadly unable to replicate his heroics of the previous week, going for 29. Tom Jewell made his championship debut with the bat, but it turned out to be a baptism of fire as he scored 1 run before being given lbw. Andre Nel found himself coming to the crease in the last over of the day, and remains not out on 0 with Spriegel not out on 25.

You have to feel a bit sorry for Jewell, coming in when he did and then getting out with a few balls left. If he’d managed to survive he might well have dug in tomorrow, as he and Spriegel know each other very well and could possibly have made a good partnership. As it is the follow on looms large, and Surrey will be hoping to at least salvage their pride, even if a draw is almost as bad as a loss these days.

One nice, noteworthy occurrence was the first 5fer of Tim Linley’s first class career. Well played, the Viscount! At least something went Surrey’s way!

A note on the injury front: Mr Tremlett apparently has a slight shoulder niggle and is not surprisingly being looked after. I guess there’s no point in potentially making the problem any worse. Still no definite word on when Khan is coming to Surrey either: I’m beginning to wonder if the club is hexed. First we had the invisible bowler and now we have the invisible batsman! He’s not exactly a like for like replacement for Chawla but he could be a pretty decent signing for Surrey – if he ever gets here! I think we’ve been told somewhere in the next week, so fingers crossed.

This blog’s got a bit serious in the last few weeks with all the match reporting, and whilst I can do serious, years of taking the mickey out of myself to counteract sundry personal defects such as galloping agoraphobia tend to make me view most things with a comedic eye. I couldn’t help but wonder if the players actually like ice baths, or are they a necessary evil? Do they dread them the same way as the bleep tests? What would happen if ice baths were in fact installed as punishment chambers, where batsmen are sent if they don’t score runs?

To this end, looking at the amount of runs scored to number of innings, only Ramprakash, Davies and Harinath would really be able to avoid spending any significant time in there. The others would range from being very cold to having their assets well and truly frozen!

Leg Off Before Wicket...

Northamptonshire v Surrey, day one, Wantage Road

Today was mostly about three things. Firstly, the considerable heat. Secondly, a tale of great batting from two determined Northants players. And thirdly, today was the day when Andre Nel turned into Angry Nel. In fact, make that extremely Angry Nel.

Like any ultra competitive sportsman, when things go wrong sometimes a gasket blows. I don’t see a problem with venting feelings: it’s the inner fire that stokes the boiler, after all. Sometimes however that fire gets out of control, as it did momentarily for Nel who apparently got worked up when Davies didn’t take a catch behind the stumps, before getting into the face of Northants O’Brien. No doubt Nel will have apologised but fingers crossed he hasn’t done anything bad enough to merit another slap on the wrists from the umpires. Surrey have enough problems with injured bowlers and invisible bowlers without adding a banned bowler to the casualty list.

Overall you would have to say that, after a topsy turvy day where fortune swung like a pendulum first one way then another, Northants end the day in a superior position, largely thanks to a stand between Boje and Loye, along with an extremely useful 61 from Peters. Loye in particular played well, especially as he never really looked comfortable at the crease until towards the end of the day. Yet for all that he remains handily placed to take the game away from Surrey tomorrow, on 121 not out. If that’s being out of touch, I think many would settle for it!

A total of five wickets have fallen, with Surrey winning the toss and opting to field first. Linley took two wickets, with Dernbach and Jewell one apiece (the latter taking his first championship wicket for Surrey). Nel took his considerable ire out on Sales, whose stumps were sent flying for a duck. But there were no more wickets after the tea break, and Northants clawed their way back to a fantastic position which they will look to use as a platform tomorrow to get a large score.

I’m not sure whether Tremlett is being rested, having his work load managed or if he has broken down, to use racing terminology (which usually means one stage from the glue factory). Batty seems to have injured his leg rather than it being simply a case of cramp, and Michael Brown is still two more weeks away from finding out if, as may be the case for the poor man, he is yet another two more weeks away from a return. Still no further news on Jordan. Any more injuries and we are getting into the realms of Monty Python’s legendary Batsman of The Kalahari sketch. You know the one. With C.U. Pratt being ‘Killed Outright’ and M.J.K Pratt being given out ‘Stump Through Head’ for nought...

Actually, better not give Andre Nel any ideas about dismissing the opposition 'leg off before wicket!'

With tomorrow looking like being another scorcher weather-wise, hopefully tempers will not sizzle too much in a game that Surrey desperately needs to win. Kick-starting one’s season when fast approaching June is a little like trying to catch up with a Mark Webber driven F1 car whilst wearing a roller skate on one foot and a 6 inch stiletto on the other...