Saturday 17 December 2011

Strictly: Week Eleven and Results Show 11/12/11

I might boast at this point that Mystic Miah predicted the correct final three, but in fairness it was pretty much a no-brainer. Holly’s been in the bottom two twice and simply didn’t have enough people voting for her to get her to the finals. And gracious Alex had just about gone as far as she could in the contest. With that in mind it was never really going to be anything else.

In terms of the semis we saw some more than decent dancing from all the remaining couples. Of course, the more focussed and polished the performance the more likely it is that Craig will get it out on the live show, and he did so twice on Saturday.

That’s his 10, folks.

Of course, I’m still smarting at the lack of a 40 for Mark & Karen’s Argentine Tango, but fair enough: I’m sure Craig had his reasons at the time. Some stray hair out of place, or an awkwardly placed little finger maybe. Hey ho! I thought I’d put that behind me long ago but, sadly, with the awarding of a maximum 40 to Jason in the same dance I’m afraid Craig managed to reawaken the trauma that we Rampants felt back in 2006 at the sight of that ‘9’. We frothed at the mouth for several months afterwards, although the ‘10’ for the salsa in the final perhaps made us feel a little less aggrieved. And it’s impossible to stay mad at Craig. We know he’s not really nasty: he has one of the loveliest smiles going, when he’s given a reason to use it!

Still. What on earth did Craig see in Jason’s AT that he didn’t in Marks’? I thought it was basically 90 seconds of Jason pulling some distracting faces, sniffing Kristina’s hair and throwing some very un-Argentine moves. Kristina pulled off some very neat dancing, I agree, whilst Jason didn’t really lead enough for me. Maybe I just didn’t like the story telling. It was less ‘man-in-pursuit’ and more ‘Australian Psycho’. I don’t want to see dancers eviscerated on the dance floor...

It did occur to me that I was letting my chagrin at Jason being awarded a higher score than Ramps get in the way of being subjective and so I reviewed the thing again, setting aside any bias. But I came to the same conclusion. As I said on Twitter ‘better than Ramps? I don’t bl**dy think so!’

Their samba was a bit odd. I don’t mean in a bad way, necessarily. It’s just that the choice of song made it a tad slow, and at times made the bounce action a bit exaggerated. A valiant attempt at the ultimate party dance, done by a man wearing pink! Shame about the timing issues...

As for the rest of the dances, Holly performed the most bizarre, modern take on the Charleston you’re ever likely to see. I’m in constant awe at the choreographical genius that is Artem, and the way he takes risks at pushing the envelope, but it was almost a step too far for me this time. I got the idea but I guess I just didn’t care for it that much, and Holly looked quite ragged all the way through. Her Argentine Tango I liked a lot: it was smooth, seductive and purred like a kitten. Much more teasing and taunting than the subtle-as-a-mallet Donovan AT! And the stoolography was rather neat too!

Alex did well but seemed obviously out of her depth: a bit like a selling plater being entered in the Grand National. Yet I’ve really liked her much more than I thought I would. Both she and Chelsee have been the surprises for me this year. Her dances were perfectly serviceable although she looked a bit stiff and inflexible in her waltz, and the salsa was totally barmy and as unmanageable as curly hair in a thunderstorm, but it was perfectly acceptable. Alas, at this stage it probably wasn’t good enough.

Chelsee was also the beneficiary of Craig’s Christmas ten bonanza, and this time I felt it was probably more justified. She always hits such wonderful lines and shapes her arms beautifully. It isn’t easy for someone of her diminutive stature to look graceful. Or, to paraphrase Craig, a wee Munchkin person. Sorry, vertically challenged. But somehow she manages it. Her attempt in the American Smooth earlier on was slightly less successful and I thought she looked a bit shaky, especially in the near-aborted splits section. Perhaps it was nerves, but whatever the reason she must have channelled her energies big time on a real stonker of a Paso Doble, or Pasha Doble as it is now being called! Pasha’s been the real big find in this season of Strictly. I think it would have been poorer without him.

Whilst Craig dusted off his almost brand new 10 paddle for Jason and Chelsee, poor ickle Harry remains un-rewarded in terms of a maximum score from the Revel-Horwood. People are comparing Harry to Ramps, as the cricket maestro had to wait ‘til the final to get his perfect score. I personally think Harry may be rewarded for his wait. The dances he has chosen ought to tip the undecided into picking up the phone and voting for him, and that quickstep is one I am just waiting to see again! Besides, we all know that an awful large amount of Strictly has little or nothing to do with dancing. If Harry was rubbish he’d have gone out a few weeks back most likely, but he’s excellent, and that combined with the teenage McFly fans coating their TV’s with the drool from their tongues should probably be enough to see Harry crowned King Hal in Blackpool.

His Charleston was well executed, had some great moves in it, but I would have preferred it to have been more OTT. That’s just personal preference though. When it comes to goofy slapstick you can’t really beat Chris and Ola, even although an awful lot of disgruntled Ricky Whittle fans sound like they’d like to...

The Judd Viennese Waltz looked beautiful, but as I have said repeatedly throughout this blog I just don’t like melancholic VW’s. I want them as fluffy as a little yellow chick: as light as a powder puff. I want to be transported to a meadow in spring time, showered in snowdrops and little tiny daisies. I don’t wish to see a VW that looks as if someone wants to slit their wrists to the sound of the Smith’s greatest hits. Personal preference, I know, but if the song doesn’t lend itself to smiling, change the song! The VW isn’t that complicated: it has three basic steps. If it has a fourth integral component then it’s the smile. It may be enough to make Alesha go weak in the bladder but it doesn’t do it for me!

So, where’s my vote going next week? I haven’t a clue. I think Harry will easily win but I hope that it’s a Chelsee/Harry final two as I think in recent weeks they’ve just about done enough to edge out Jason.

Unless of course Harry wears a tank top in the showdance like Matt Di’Angelo. In which case I’ll be wondering why Russell Grant never got to the final...

Saturday 10 December 2011

Strictly: Week Ten and Results Show 04/12/11

And here we are now, at the sharp end of the contest: the pointy, uncomfortable bit that nobody wants to experience. It’s like a kid’s party, where the front door opens and the first five children are allowed in but number six (the one that tries too hard to be liked) is sent packing because he didn’t have fashionable hair. It must be a bummer to be chucked off the show first, but imagine how galling it is to not quite reach the semi finals.

Of course this year’s lot have it easy. In the past the final six would have been dancing ten dances each with weights strapped to their Cuban heels/feather boas as punishment for having the audacity to get so far in the contest. Bruno and Craig would throw wet sponges at the celebs as they fox-trotted round the floor, just to knock them off stride. Len would shout names and call them all ‘big jessies’ from the sidelines whilst Arlene would reach forward with an extendable feather duster to tickle the blokes under the arm pits. This time the celebs haven’t even done more than one dance in the evening.

Wusses.

So, who would fall in the quarter finals? Who would have the stamina to survive another week?

Let’s make this terse and to the point. In my opinion the correct couple went, and that’s with no disrespect intended towards those individuals. Robbie was pretty much on borrowed time (debatably he should have gone before Anita) as he was clearly part of the team that had started to resemble a one trick pony. And the trick wasn’t even very good to be honest.

He did however put in a very fine performance on the night, to give him his due. I enjoyed his quickstep: it was light on its feet, the routine made good use of the floor and I have to confess I’ve been waiting years for someone to dance to ‘Little Green Bag’. Hurrah! Extra bonus points for favourite song usage! I even forgave the sheer amount of faffage at the start of the dance. But, alas, whilst Robbie danced very well, the others danced even better. And them’s the breaks!

Alex I thought to be very stumbly and unbalanced at times during her American Smooth. It turns out that once again the poor woman managed to get her heels caught in her dress hem. Under the circumstances she did pretty well not to fall on her backside. I suppose next week James could put her on coasters, but then she’d probably look like an amiable Dalek floating round the room. She was visibly upset and no doubt thinking she was likely to exit the show on a dance that, for reasons out of her control, wasn’t her best effort. I have to say I was rather pleased she got through. She’s no world beater but she is a consistent and much improved dancer.

Harry deserves credit for being that rare thing: a celebrity male whose swaying and swivelling hips were not cowed by the rumba! He looked confident, the moves all flowed beautifully, but I did actually feel that he overworked it all a tad. The lyrics were powerful, I suppose, and I’m guessing he channelled all that saccharine emotion into his dance. I’m sure however the silent movie version of the dance must have looked very strange to the 90% of people up and down the UK who screamed and reached for the remote moments after the first strains of ‘Everything I Do’ could be heard. I personally don’t mind it, but after 16 plus weeks at number one in the early 1990s it’s fair to say there are many who have an almost Pavlov’s dog reaction to the tune. Points off for Harry, however, because he didn’t do the full Robin Hood tights thing, opting for a suitably Costneresque look.

Spoilsport!

Holly. Still not looking up from the floor! Someone take her for a day trip to the army: they’d teach her to look ahead! Coyness in a Paso is utterly daft. And it’s especially galling when you consider it was actually one of the finest celeb Paso Dobles I can remember seeing! The dress was one of the most authentic on the show, and Holly hit some marvellous lines. She felt the need to up her game to prove to the audience at home that she was worthy of the semi final and in fairness she managed to do just that. Massive credit to Artem for choreographing a marvellous routine, even if he cut an unlikely dash at being Zorro!

I’m not sure why Jason’s routine didn’t grab me. It should have done, because it had all the style, smoothness and sophistication (I’m channelling Arlene again) that you would expect from a routine based on ‘Singing in the Rain’. And kudos to Jason, who always wholeheartedly embraces any dance he can work some character into. But perhaps next to the romance of Harry and the drama of Holly, the sympathy felt for Alex’s little costume mishap and the sheer joy of Chelsee, Jason ended up being the poor, not so flashy relation. He possibly was overlooked by the audience or maybe, just possibly, the viewers are not connecting with Jason or Kristina as a couple. Next week will be the litmus test for both of them.

If it was purely a matter of chemistry then Chelsee and Pasha would have this sewn up. Enthusiasm’s a wonderful thing and Chelsee is certainly enthusiastic! I have to say I loved the Shrek jive: it’s up there with my favourite dances from all the series. Not the best, or even top five, but one of the happiest and most fun I can recall. And Pasha, bless him, ‘greened up’ for the dance into Ogre like splendidness. Going last and being so memorable was almost certain to take them both to the next round, although I did worry that Pasha’s ears might melt under the hot studio lights!

Robbie was not surprised to find himself in the bottom two, although Kristina certainly was! Understandably upset, given that Jason is a mighty fine dancer, the thought of not making that final group caused her to well up. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, is Strictly. It’s not about the winning, it’s about the journey. Remember those ones? I think it was the series 4 mantra! Alas, Robbie’s personal journey came to a halt, and the man who had transformed himself from football’s mister nasty to dancing’s mister sophisticated had to say auvoir to the contest. Thousands of girls up and down the country wept as they waved their blonde hero goodbye. And even more men cried at the thought of no more Ola in a catsuit...

If it were me, at this moment, I would say that the final should consist of Harry/Jason/Chelsee. Before the series started I was convinced that Jason would win. Heading into the last few weeks I’m edging towards Harry as the likely victor. But my heart says Chelsee and Pasha.

C’mon, guys. Ogre power! Green is beautiful!

Saturday 3 December 2011

Strictly: Week Nine and Results Show 27/11/11

After the bru-ha-ha (sorry, razzmatazz) of the Wembley spectacular Strictly found itself back in the confines of TV Centre. I can’t say I was sorry, to be honest. Polish the show all you want: say the current series is the best ever, add as many props, garden swings and lamp posts as you see fit. If you stretch something small to the size of an elephant’s bladder, sooner or later it’ll go pop. With very messy results.

I’m not equating the show to an explosive shower of pachyderm wee but it would be fair to say that Strictly works better on a small scale. You don’t want to get too far away from its studio bound Saturday teatime roots: that’s where its charm lies. This was part of the reason I thought the show made a huge return to form this week, with Harry falling a biscuit crumb short of perfection with his quickstep. I was going to talk about that later but seeing as how I’ve mentioned him here I may as well say ‘well done’ to him for a superb performance. Great choreography from Aliona, some complicated steps chucked at the boy and he managed it really well. But I sided with Craig on the ‘9’ and for one reason only.

There’s no question in my mind now, after that dance, Harry is the best dancer of the remaining celebs. But I do wish he’d cracked a smile! It would have lit that performance up like a Christmas tree, and even although I suppose he was concentrating really hard on the complex step sequences it would have lifted that performance skyward! Harry, on the remote chance you are reading this, please show those lovely gnashers of yours and grin for us. The quickstep is supposed to be fun, not torture!

Someone with less reason to smile was James Jordan. I did feel Craig was a bit harsh with Alex when telling her she had taken a massive step backwards with her Charleston rendition, as there wasn’t too much wrong with the dance they performed. It was fun, suitably cooky and had a lot of tricky hat swapping throughout the routine (I was waiting for this to go horribly wrong, so ‘hats off’ to them!). That said, I agreed that perhaps it was a little underplayed and didn’t quite go silly enough or have the grossly exaggerated moves you might expect to see. Personality-wise I thought it was right up Alex’s street though.

Robbie got his legs out during his samba. Not the sort of thing you might expect even in a dance where flesh tends to be on display. It sort of swept away the technical aspect of the dance, what there was of it, to the extent that the only thing you could actually remember was the sight of Robbie in football shorts strutting his stuff on the floor. And let’s face it: this is what Ola was after – and it worked. Of the dancers left Robbie’s just about the weakest and frankly any gimmick that keeps them in the contest is a good one. That sounds a bit snarky but it’s not meant to be. At least Robbie looks like he’s having more fun than Harry...

That said, if Harry wants to show his legs in any possible future dances I wouldn’t be objecting!

Ah, our old friend the lamp post is getting a veritable work-out this year! I half expect to see this scene stealing faithful prop wander on to the stage during someone’s salsa routine with ‘hello mum’ strapped to it. It appeared yet again during Chelsee’s Argentine Tango, standing in the background whilst she was ganchoed and gauchoed to death on screen for our edification and delight. Not a bad effort from Chelsee, whose posture somehow didn’t quite seem intimate enough for such an intense and dramatic dance. Len grumbled about it not being powerful enough in terms of creating passion, but I defy anyone who looks like they’ve been forced into a five foot sequin covered sausage skin to convey any sense of raunch...

Anita’s cha cha cha was an odd one to sum up. It felt as if it had been slowed down in deference to her 62 year old legs, which is both considerate yet problematic. The magic of cha cha cha is fast, accurate, bubbly moves. Anita as always acted her way through the dance with aplomb but the slowness of the routine (to Billy Joel’s ‘Uptown Girl’) exposed every one of her technical limitations. Choreographically it was actually fairly content packed but that almost didn’t matter because it never really had enough energy to get the thing going in the first place. Super sub Brenan, or ‘Rent-A-Pro’ as he has been nicknamed, managed to steer Anita through the dance although it remained to be seen if he could get her through to the next round.

Holly managed to give a rather sultry performance in an unusual take on the Foxtrot, which is as I have already well documented (okay, moaned about repeatedly) the most boring dance in the world. If anyone actually manages to do an interesting take on the Foxtrot I sit up and take notice. It was strangely powerful, showy and quite sexy too: not things you expect! Her performance was more dynamic than it had been previously and she seemed quite energised. Artem didn’t quite look as chipper, and I wondered if his back was still troubling him. And that red dress: wow!

NB: The dress was worn by Holly, not Artem. I realise I probably should have structured my sentences a little more carefully...

Jason overacted beautifully in his Charleston, bringing the right amount of goofiness to proceedings. He looked as if he was channelling Bertie Wooster! If nerds could dance, this is what you would see! Certainly one of the better Charleston’s over the years, although not quite up there with Chris and Ola or indeed Chelsee and Pasha from this season. But what I did like best was the fact that I don’t think we’ve ever really got to see such a fun side of Kristina before, and I honestly thought this was the best I’ve seen her dance on the show. There were a few mistakes from Jason, but he really got into character and I think that helped him through to the end.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for Anita. I personally thought it was a close call between Anita and Robbie as to who should have gone, but to be honest Anita attempted to dance rather than parading around in football shorts to try and get some votes so I feel she probably went one week too soon. Not that the sight of Anita in football shorts would necessarily have garnered her any extra points.

I was sorry that she went out whilst Robin lay stuck at home with his poorly foot in the air, unable to be with his partner when he would have most wanted to be, and I felt sorry for Brendan too who would have felt a little saddened at not being able to get Anita through to the next round. Anita herself, in the bottom two this time with Holly, was gracious enough to thank both of her men for her fabulous Strictly experience. Enthusiasm’s an infectious thing, and if nothing else Anita will go down as one of the most pleasant and delightful people that the show has seen. She can hold her head up high.

And hubby Brian might be able to have conversations that don’t revolve around dance once again!

*I'm glossing over the swingathon. It was fun, it was manic and Harry won. Everyone looked utterly shagged out at the end, and nobody knocked anyone over (which was what I had been waiting to see).

Must try harder next year, guys!!!