Up from the ashes grow the roses of success...

I think that particular number from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang should really be Surrey's theme song this year!


Poor old Somerset. Dragged to the sacred altar of success and then unceremoniously and publicly jilted at the very last moment. You could say they’ve had the devil’s own luck in the last few years, given the amount of finals they’ve reached to the ratio of finals they’ve won (which is, er, zero) but I’m not so sure luck had anything to do with Surrey’s victory over them yesterday. From the reports I’ve been given, it seems as if a long and exhausting campaign had taken its toll on the Cidermen. No doubt tired and a bit wary given their habit of coming unstuck at the final hurdle, Somerset sounded as if they were disadvantaged going in to the Lords game simply by carrying that burden of recent history on their shoulders.

Surrey, on the other hand, were sharp and generally speaking fielded well (don’t mention Schoey to the Somerset supporters though). When it came to batting they were almost too much on their toes! Zander de Bruyn in particular reminded me of my first cat whenever a particularly vindictive flea decided to sink its mouthparts into his hide, given his uncharacteristic skittishness! Just goes to show that even wise old heads can sometimes give way to the big occasion!

I guess whilst I’m praising Surrey for their win, I should also praise Somerset for getting to the final. I hope that doesn’t sound patronising because it isn’t meant to be. Whilst their supporters will be raising their eyes heavenwards and wondering what the heck they have to do to bring home the silverware once again, just to reach so many different finals shows a tremendous amount of depth in skill, not to mention consistency. I guess that isn’t much of a consolation to Marcus Trescothick, who valiantly batted despite an ongoing injury ankle. Somerset may have, with the exception of young Buttler, appeared lacklustre and fatigued but it sounds to me as if they were simply turned over by a better side on the day, motivated and buoyed by their recent winning streak.

Praise also has to go to the skipper. I said last year he was a fast learner and that is exactly what he is. He’s shown a great deal of maturity in the way he has marshalled his troops and he will go on learning. This may be the start of something great. His own knock of 70 plus showed how it should be done, and only the aforementioned J Buttler bettered it. Talking of Buttler, you can’t help admire his wonderful attempt to get Somerset over the line. It was a gallant and gutsy knock, and one that will have got him noticed by many. A one day career for England may be round the corner.

Jade Dernbach got man of the match. I think this wasn’t just for his fantastic spell of death bowling but also because the night before he’d been playing in the final England v India one day international match under the floodlights, and therefore had crawled away from the Swalec at some ungodly time and most likely arrived in London in the wee small hours of the morning. Most normal folks would have been stumbling about the place like an extra from Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ but credit to Jade, the man who removed the ‘tat’ from ‘tattoo’ and made looking like a walking doodle extremely cool. It’s been rather a good year for Dernbach, when all’s said and done.

And it’s been a rather good year for Surrey, too! Promoted, a bit of silverware in the trophy cabinet, an exciting future; at the moment things are looking rosy for the club. All positive thoughts to take into the 2012 season.

Question is, what the heck do I do until April?!?

Oh dear. We seem to have qualified for something.

I say ‘Oh dear’, but of course what I really mean is ‘Oh yes!’ The reason for the somewhat depressed tone of the headline, uttered in true Marvin the Paranoid Android style, is that the doom mongers amongst the Surrey supporters won’t know what to do with themselves.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the grinding misery of a championship season not quite gone to plan, for what seems like the nth year in a row. It’s not that I don’t understand the frustration of witnessing a team - so brilliantly luminous that you could power the national grid off them - throw away a comfortable, match-winning position on multiple occasions. I too have felt that selfsame urge to repeatedly bang my head off my computer desk until the !?%@* keys embed themselves in my forehead. It’s just that I find drinking lots of tea more constructive then hurling repetitive abuse on message forums at players and management ad infinitum. Chill out, folks. Drink tea. Life is better that way.

Of course, as the frustrated Surey faithful will tell you, the championship is the major thing, isn’t it? At the moment we seem destined to prop up the middle of division two. We threw away qualification for the T20s. Ironic then, that the one tournament in which Surrey were expected to do moderately at best in is the one at which they have flourished. Not long enough for the attention-deficit suffering batsmen to grow bored and get themselves out in an array of silly ways, or (shock-horror) have to suffer the ignominy of building an innings. Not short enough for them to feel they have to swing the bat at every ball that comes their way. Just the right sort of length.

It is a pity that 40 over cricket is my least favourite format of the game, but hang it, if Surrey are prepared to do well in something then I am more than prepared to cheer them on!

One more win in the CB40 and Surrey will have a home leg in the semis. Their progression has been not without scary moments, but they remain as yet unbeaten. And they’ve done it without Ramps as well! And whilst the latter is something that is not a cause for celebration it does at least bode well for the club in the future years without him. *sniffles inconsolably into handkerchief at horrible thought*

So, put down the pitchforks, put away the torches and the tar. Cast aside the ‘Adams must go’ banners for a little while, eh? And smile! Go on...you know you can do it! Just a little, itsy bitsy one! It takes more muscles to frown than it does to grin.

Besides which, if the wind changes your faces will stick!

You Keep Me Hanging On...

We’re still hanging in there!

As I type we’ve just beaten Middlesex in the T20 game at Lords. My goodness, that was tight in the end! Surrey set off at their customary gallop and this time managed not to lose any wickets, with Jason Roy and Steven Davies building an ominous platform in next to no time. It was a pity that both men got out when set, having just scored fifties, but credit to Middlesex for hauling things back the way that they did. At one point it looked as if Surrey would race to a tally over 200, but in the end they managed 182: still a decent target but certainly not insurmountable. The skipper made 18, which is 17 more than he would normally get if the cricket gods are angry, and de Bruyn (21) and Maynard (27) anchored the Surrey innings together at the end of the 20 overs.

Middlesex got off to a fairly awful start in reply, three wickets down in as many overs, and at that point it looked as if a Surrey win was a formality. That in the end they got to within 9 runs of the total is actually fairly shocking, but it was nonetheless an entertaining game, even if my stomach was churning at the end! Especially as my dad was standing over my shoulder listening to the commentary (I think in the vain hope that he would be able to laugh as Surrey threw it away)!

This means that Surrey are back in the hunt for the final qualification spot. There’s still a long way to go, and tomorrow they have to play the extremely impressive Hants side at the Oval. If by some miracle Surrey pulled off what would be a slightly unexpected win the group would be opened up like a can of sardines. If not...it’s going to go right down to the wire for that last place.

I may or may not be listening to the game tomorrow. I have the feeling things may be a tad hectic. I’m off to London for the Rampant Annual General Meeting, bearing more suitcases, cameras and bags than is good for one person. Oh, and a cake for Churchy.

Ideas on how to lug all this stuff on the train??? Anyone???

The Winner Takes It All...

Two more T20 games have come and gone since my last blog post. In the first we were outplayed and roundly cuffed by a superior Somerset outfit. Although the imperious Tresco fell in the thirties Somerset always looked in control, and even when some fine ‘at the death’ bowling pulled it back to a gettable target you had the feeling that Somerset were just too classy to be caught by the Surrey batsmen. And sure enough, they weren’t...

In the game against Glammy we did to the Welsh side what Somerset had done to us the day before, and soared like an ‘Eagle’. It was almost unbelievable to think that Surrey could put in such Jekyll and Hyde performances back-to-back, but in hindsight we’ve been doing this all season. ‘Should I laugh or cry?’ I think Surrey would win first prize for most consistently inconsistent side in the country! One minute they’re hot, the next so cold the skin would be taken from your backside if you sat down for any length of time. It certainly makes for an exciting team, but you can’t help but wonder if they have any self-belief. All the other components are there. I wish someone would take the team to one side and say “look, if you do what you did to Glamorgan every day you’d be world beaters”...

I’m assuming that this talk actually happens in the pre-match huddle each game, and somehow it just hasn’t truly sunk in. Maybe they’re in a ‘Dream world’.

Whilst this seems like ‘Disillusion’, the truth is this lot are talented. Most of them are young. They are missing Ramps’ experience, but they have the mighty de Bruyn to step in to the breach (and what a ‘Super Touper’ he’s been!) and help them through. But the top order has been in all kinds of pickles this year. Poor Davies: it really hasn’t happened for him at all in 2011, out yesterday for a duck. And, ‘Mama Mia!’ the skipper, fractionally dropped down the order again, only managed to score a solitary run! Has someone hexed poor Rory with alphatitis? Time to send out an ‘SOS?’

This said the performance as a team yesterday was splendiferous. And during Abba night as well! Amidst all the 70s bling, loud music and bail-stealing interlopers, ‘The Visitors’ announced their ‘Arrival’ and had Glamorgan ‘Under Attack’, and ‘When all is said and done’ the Welsh side met their ‘Waterloo’. It was soon ‘So long’ Glamorgan!

Now, if only we can get Ramps back ‘As good as new!’

Do I think this team can still qualify for the fourth spot? 'I do, I do, I do, I do, I do...'

Poetry Corner: Sun and the Rain

In Colchester there was much rain
The skipper, Maynard and De Bruyn
Could only pray that it might cease
Both teams allowed one point apiece
Their prayers in vain.

At Beckenham there was much sun
And no escape for anyone
A Surrey massacre ensued
Van Jaarsveld and Azhar Mahmood
Both had their fun.

A game is drawn, a game is lost
Whilst Church & Barran count the cost
Of sitting in the burning rays; apropos
A blistered, red and glowing nose
Their skin embossed!

The Only Way is Surrey

Essex.

As in ‘The Only Way is...’

As in prefix to ‘girls’ (and assorted connotations that go with it, unfair or otherwise).

As in ‘David’, whose singing voice my dad apparently detests.

As in ‘Ardleigh’, where some of my ancestors came from.

As in the small Czech stallion who ran in one of the mid 1980s Grand Nationals.

As in the cricket team whose fans are most likely to bring on a migraine.

Now, no disrespect is intended here to either Essex players or indeed their vociferous and joyous supporters. It’s just that they do tend to be rather loud when they are doing well against Surrey (and let’s face it; that happens rather a lot).

Imagine my relief when in the T20 game a few days ago at the Oval, the Lions surprisingly gave the Eagles a mauling! All was blissfully quiet, my ears got a rest, and Nasser and his other Sky cronies who obviously detest Surrey to varying degrees were forced to do a bit of a U-turn! Certainly the start of the game didn’t go very well for Surrey: Captain Rory this time decided to have a bat first and then both he and Davies took their evening stroll back to the pavilion in super-quick time! I guess having a turbo opening pair has its advantages and disadvantages, because if we could only get the two of them to stick around a bit longer I could see a series of large, virtually unchase-able scores being posted. Ah, well. Such is cricket!

Ansari impressed on his first team debut, both with the ball and a cool, level headed turn with the bat. It was enough to get him named ‘man of the match’, which made a few of the Rampants laugh given how young and angelic he looked. He may be taking exams at Cambridge at the moment but, as was noted by one of our merry band, he could have been mistaken for one of the boy mascots!

A score of 154-7 didn’t seem that impressive. Certainly it was defendable but you felt that given the superstars which pepper the Essex line-up (who wouldn’t want ten Doeschate on their team, let’s face it) they would readily chase it down. The highest scorer for Surrey was Maynard with 45, and it seemed that one really good partnership between Essex batsmen would soon have the game swinging their way.

And then, lo! A miracle! Arafat, criticised in many quarters for not finding any form in the first half of the season, plucked three wickets out the air including the first ball dismissal of Owais Shah! Napier and Southee also went on to make ducks, with the latter being involved in possibly the most hideous run out imaginable (watch out for it on A Question of Sport next year), and Napier using Bopara as a runner because of an injury he picked up in the match. The idea of having Bopara as a runner is almost as laughable as asking Shah to do the footwork on your behalf. The pair of them are run out kings!

Getting ten Doeschate was really the turning point. He’s one of those players who hook in like a giant tic, and refuse to let go until fully sated. And by then it’s usually too late to do anything about it. Every team should have a ten Doeschate, a Trescothick or a Ramprakash. Or even a Murray Goodwin (can’t believe I said that). When Tendo went for 15 the warning lights were flashing in the Essex control panel. And when Foster controversially went (well, when he could drag himself off the pitch after screaming at the umps) for 31 it was pretty much a mop-up job for Surrey. In the end the South London team, who had fielded like divas during the game, won by a whopping 43 runs!

Bet three years ago you’d never have used the words ‘Surrey’ and ‘fielding like divas’ in the same breath! It shows how far they have come. It was only Surrey’s second ever T20 win over Essex, and I can imagine how delighted they were to get one over their rivals after all the years of pain and misery at their hands.

What a pity then that Friday evening’s match against Somerset was rained off! Poor Churchy, Johnny Barran and the Surrey team made the fruitless journey to Taunton with no play possible. Whilst the dynamic duo of Church and Barran filled the time valiantly, if ultimately in vain, they may take some consolation in that there was hardly a single game that could be played up and down the country due to the rain. Surrey may not be that disappointed to take one point from the encounter: Somerset are a good team with Trescothick in the form of his life. There was a very real chance the sabres, as they used to be known, may well have kebabbed Surrey had the game gone ahead...

But the best thing this week from a Rampant point of view was hearing that Mr R had asked his old team, Stanmore, for a game to help keep him ticking over during the T20 gap. One can only assume that rivals Hampstead must have taken one look at the rival team sheet and sent out for every lucky rabbit’s foot or horse shoe in the county!

It didn’t do any good. 61 no made for a lot of smiley Rampants!

Special mention of the week: Mark Church’s trousers. I don’t normally request pictures of a gentleman’s trousers on Twitter. It strikes me that some people might consider that eccentric at best and downright perverted at worse! However, having seen the much-maligned, oft-talked of garment, I can only say I’ve seen worse. Trust me, I went to art college.

If Smudger’s reading this I can only hope he’s bought some new ones, as that was 15 years ago now, and he only owned the one pair...

What a Difference a Day Makes...

Or a week, to be more precise. T20 mania has taken a complete hold in the schedules. Now, as I’ve mentioned before I like a bit of T20 but it would be a lie if I said it was my favourite form of cricket. Yes, as my dad laughingly labelled me at the dinner table today, I am a ‘purist’. My sister thinks I’m nuts: she’d rather eat recycled cat litter than watch 4 day cricket, but coming from someone whose favourite movie musical has the unforgettable line ‘a man can’t sleep when he sleeps with sheep’, I think her ability to pass reasonable judgement on anything is in dispute...

Since the Derbyshire win the wheels haven’t so much fallen off for Surrey as been subject to a couple of slow punctures. After a few promising wins the boys lost comprehensively to a classy Hampshire, suffered the ignominy of having their match against Glamorgan rained off for a single point, and were today thumped by Gloucestershire. I can forgive the loss to Hants, who look to be a formidable force in the shorter form stuff, but the Gloucestershire loss wasn’t good any way you look at it. Especially after it started so well! A great knock from Cockbain was the difference, but you have to say Surrey rather let the Gloucestershire batsmen get away when they had the chance to tighten the thumbscrews on them. It wasn’t really helped when Surrey lost a very early wicket (heard that one before)! From that point on it seemed to destabilise the Surrey batsmen. Alas, teams in our group will look to capitalise on this weakness.

This is what I have learned then in the last few weeks:

Mark Church and Johnny Barran are very cool in the face of incoming cricket balls; if they’d been on the Titanic I reckon they’d simply have gone down with the ship announcing it was ‘a bit of an inconvenience’. Extremely professional in every respect: I fear I would have uttered a “sh*t, that bl**dy well nearly hit me in the b*llocking face!”

If Rory Hamilton-Brown loses his wicket for less than 10 runs the Surrey batsmen start clucking about like headless chickens. A bit harsh of me, perhaps. But given the amount of times it seems to happen I think I’m probably right.

Ramps is not playing the shorter forms of the game at the moment because, as we supposed, he doesn’t have the speed or general fitness given his ongoing recovery from his knee operation. We all guessed this was the reason, but there has been a surprising lack of communication on this point. In fact it was the ‘London Evening Standard' that actually bothered to let the fans know what was going on. I heard someone a few weeks back at the Grange say he’d been dropped because he “was too old”, which nearly resulted in me decking them (derogatory remarks made about my favourite players in any sport tends to bring out my latent maternal instincts). And to be honest, unlikely as this reason was for Ramps’ exclusion, you do tend to wonder what the situation is when there is no actual word from the club itself. The Rampants are collectively paranoid as it is without this kind of thing!

Walk-on girls are not popular with fans. I wanted to call it ‘glamgate’; save that it’s not exactly headline news, and also it makes it sound as if Cosgrove has been up to something naughty in an all-you-can-eat buffet. Basically, some clever chap (I’ll be surprised if it wasn’t a chap) decided the Surrey players were incapable of walking unaided to the pitch at the start of a game and so they would be escorted by ‘glamorous females’. A bit like Old Mr Grace in ‘Are You Being Served’ with his array of nurses.

Speaking as a non-glamorous female, of the rather plain and stocky variety, my comments are probably going to sound a tad suspicious. I did however, like many of my friends and several Surrey supporters I know of, question the reasoning – and indeed sanity – of the whole thing. I rather thought the idea of going to watch a cricket match was to see cricket, not scantily clad girls. Or is that me just being silly?

Anyhow, a small but vocal insurrection soon informed the relevant persons of the lack of wisdom in implementing the ghastly and tasteless idea. It was swiftly dropped. A big gold star to whoever had the courage to call it off: a big kick up the arse to whoever thought of it in the first place...

Kevin Pietersen is not popular with everyone - and to those die-hard fans who put county above country in particular. Witness this from the Gloucestershire game:


“The next batsman in for Surrey is Kevin Pietersen...”

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOHISSSSSSSSSSS...”

I mean, what was that about? Even I wouldn’t show that level of discourtesy to KP and he’s not my favourite player by a long way. Poor man just wanted to turn up, do some batting and help Surrey to win the game (hopefully not getting out to a left hand spinner in the process). Well, three out of four ain’t bad...

I have my new smart phone. I can now listen to the commentary at work *blows raspberry at employers who block internet access to cricket*. Of course, I can’t help but notice that since the purchase of the aforesaid gadget, Surrey have done nothing but lose. So, now it seems I can enjoy being miserable in real time as opposed to when I go home after work and check the scores...

The significance of the number Five...

The Famous Five: The adventures of the Jackson family and Timmy the dog. Might have mixed up a couple of things there...

Five Gold Rings: the Christmas carol based on John McCrirrick’s jewellery collection.

The best Dr Who: oh, c’mon. Gotta alow me this one! Peter Davison rocks!

Five Guys Named Mo: A musical based on the life story of athlete Mo Farrah and the British Olympic squad’s attempts at cloning him.

Radio Five Live: the alternative is somewhat goulish. And pointless from an audience point of view.

Mambo Number Five: The one after Mambo number Four.

Five Star: 1980s pop combo liquidised and poured into your car to make it run smoothly.

And most importantly:

The number of wins Surrey have this far amassed in the CB40 contest! Yeeeeehaaaaa!
With apologies to Hants who Surrey beat by 36 runs!

Baby, it's cold outside!

Scotland v Surrey: CB40 at the Grange

And, as expected, Surrey made it four out of four in their CB40 campaign. A trip to the Grange – a very cold trip, I might add – resulted in the anticipated victory over the Scottish Saltires on Sunday. This was a game I was lucky enough to attend in part.

I say in part because I took the decision to leg it homeward with 8 overs remaining. In better weather I might have stayed to the end, and whilst I was aware that neither team nor indeed poor Churchy were in a position to likewise escape from the cold, I decided that when I could no longer feel my nose the time was probably right to call it a day. Blue nose, black hair and red hat: they were about the only colourful things on an otherwise bleak, grey Edinburgh day.

Now, I love Edinburgh. When the sun is shining, or when it’s snowing, there is nowhere more beautiful or picturesque. However, on a horrible overcast day (something we do get more than our fair share of) it frankly makes you want to curl up under a duvet and hide. I certainly wish I’d brought a duvet with me! I got there in plenty of time, chose a likely spot near the boundary boards, then settled in for the start of the game. I have to say that Chris Adams gets bonus points for donning shorts in what was definitely not a day for the faint hearted. I did consider getting a pic or two, but then thought it possibly wasn’t terribly sporting or indeed ladylike to be taking sneaky pics of the Surrey manager’s legs. Not that I do that kind of thing usually, you understand.

Honest.

Anyhow, neither Ramps nor KP were playing. The former didn’t surprise me but I have to say the latter did somewhat...I’m not sure why but I had kind of expected him to be there. It didn’t bother me especially: it was specifically de Bruyn and Spriegel I had come to see in the absence of the maestro. I was richly rewarded with the opportunity to take lots of photos...worryingly it appears I took 414 with my recently revived camera (the one that KP didn’t kill last year). I wasn’t aware I’d taken even half that amount! Spriegel of course takes top honours with his gallant 80+, and subsequently his long stay at the crease meant that most of my 414 photos appear to be of him. I would like to take this opportunity to assure Matthew that I am not a crazed stalker: I’m merely an amateur photographer who sometimes forgets to put the lens cap back on!

I was pretty sure at one point I spotted Churchy on the roof. He must have been mighty nithered by the cold, even if he had the best view in the city! I can’t remember much about the game itself. This doesn’t mean it was boring: it means that the cold had permeated my brain to the extent that I was debating leaving the Grange 5 overs into the Scotland innings. I was receiving texts from my trusty band of fellow Rampants: something along the lines of:

ME: I spy RHB!

ANSWER: Is he looking good?

ME: I dunno...he didn’t stick around long enough for me to find out!

And so on and so forth.

The other nagging worry which stopped me from relaxing and enjoying myself as much as I would have liked was the fact my PC monitor had chosen that morning to blow up. Being disconnected from the internet these days is a bit like going cold turkey. It did not make for a relaxed Miah! No Facebook! No Twitter! I’d have to go back to drawing, embroidering, reading books and being intellectual like wot I used to be before I got a computer! The horror! Well, it made my mind up: I am definitely getting a smart phone so I can listen to the cricket at work.

Much as I enjoyed freezing my bahookie off whilst watching Surrey thrashing my home team, a feat which is a bit like watching Godzilla take on Mole from ‘Wind in the Willows’, the day was somewhat spoiled by the fact I was surrounded by people who didn’t seem to have a clue what was going on (or at least liked to give the impression they did). First of all, a man who decided to come in and sleep with his paper on his knee. How can you sleep with gale-force winds blowing all the empty seats around you? And when he went it was to be replaced by a young lady and gentleman, the former who had decided that Ramps no longer played at all for Surrey because “he was too old”.

I bit my tongue.

The worst was the gentleman who scarce stopped talking to his friend for four hours, and who was complaining bitterly about the amount of South African born people in the Surrey squad. He was most disappointed to look at his program and find out that Spriegel was born in England! He also had the temerity to chastise the female announcer who had about three different attempts at saying de Bruyn’s name without being able to decide which the correct pronunciation was. Of course, Mr Know-it-all decided that his version was correct. At which point I was rather rude and cut in to the conversation and told him exactly how to pronounce it! I’m not usually that ill mannered, but I was rather fed up at this point and I figured that as he was sharing his conversation with everyone in a twenty foot radius that it wouldn’t matter if I did likewise!

By the end of the day I learned that his brother-in-law’s wife makes excellent crisps, he doesn’t like cats or small dogs and he doesn’t play as much tennis as he used to. Frankly, I’m surprised his wife didn’t take one of his tennis rackets and smash it over his head! He left to get something to eat at lunchtime whilst Spriegs was still making steady and relentless progress, convinced that Surrey wouldn’t get much over 200.

Is there ever an appropriate moment to blow raspberries from the comfort of your own blog?

Victories, balls and farewells

Balls.

That’s what Surrey showed today. Big, massive ones at that! In a metaphorical sense, you understand. Displaying the non-metaphorical ones in public can result in arrest. Just ask any streaker worth his salt.

I don’t know if there was something in the Rosebowl air today, or whether Surrey were high on the back of their heady win over Scotland yesterday. I don’t know if maybe Deirdre, fresh from having her ashes scattered at the Oval today decided to look down at the teams from on high and have a laugh. Whatever the truth, today’s humdinger of a match just about caused me a peptic ulcer! Something decidedly odd seemed afoot almost from the word go.

I mean, Hants are chock full of decent players. And one by one – and at regular intervals – they dropped like ninepins! I’m not one for casting aspersions on the boys abilities and certainly Surrey are a more than reasonable team, but if you’d asked me if they’d have Hants all out for 141 in 30 overs I’d have probably spat my cup of tea out at your face in disbelief! How long have the doom merchants, naysayers and long-suffering “I can remember when we were invincible” brigade been hankering after a display like that?

It did seem a little too good to be true, to be honest. I’m afraid, with all due respect to our wonderful bowlers, I had suspicions something was up with the pitch. And when Hants began their response in the same manner as Surrey had, with wickets tumbling all over the shop, I felt all the more certain that the Rosebowl was misbehaving unexpectedly. Not in a naughty “call the ECB inspectors” way, I hasten to add. It just didn’t seem to be going the way either team had anticipated. By all accounts it should have been a marvellous batting track, and yet the ball dominated the bat in an almost obscene manner.

Take the Hants innings for example. The top score made by a batsman on their team was a slightly incongruous 34 from Dawson. The next highest score was 21 from McKenzie! With other scores ranging from a first ball duck for Corky to a couple of 15s for Pothas and Howell, things were looking mighty ominous for the home side. 4 wickets fell to a rather imperious Dernbach, with two for Arafat, two for Linley and one apiece for Schofield and Spriegel. I’m pretty sure even the most faithful of Hants supporters would have considered going home at the half way break!

If they did then they would soon have been regretting missing out on one heck of an exciting game. The skipper followed up his single run in the last game with, you guessed it, a single run in this one. I said RHB would have his day – and he will – but it seemingly wasn’t meant to be today. And when Davies, with the score still on 1, followed his captain back up the steps Dominic Cork must have been scenting blood! Worse followed when the experienced de Bruyn was out for 5 with the score on a measly 24, and when Maynard was dismissed for 14 (and then Wilson next ball for a duck) it looked as if another calamitous collapse was on the cards!

Thank heavens then for Jason Roy! I have the feeling (and indeed hope fervently) I may be saying that a lot in future years. He, ably assisted by Spriegel, was the main difference between winning and losing today. Yes, it was a long and protracted journey towards that 142 total that put me slightly in mind of my new treadmill: a lot of huffing and puffing but getting nowhere fast. But riding his luck once again and staying in to make 76 before being bowled was the main factor that Surrey now finds themselves near the top – if not at the top – of their CB40 group. Schofield came in and smashed the last couple of runs required to take them over the line, and although Roy wasn’t there at the end I’m sure he will reflected well upon his performance.

Credit to Spriegel for sticking with him to the end and playing such a pivotal role. His 29 not out was the third highest score in the entire game! And much credit to RHB for his constant mixing up of the bowlers; chopping and changing so that the opposition couldn’t settle at all. He showed a great deal of nous, and certainly in the shorter game he seems very tactically aware. The changes in bowlers he made today, and the times he made those changes, seemed almost inspired.

And so, with a second win under their belts the Surrey Lions can look forward to their next championship game against Leicestershire on Wednesday. Surrey seems to have a reasonable record against them, I think. At least a certain M.R.Ramprakash does. Will he be in the squad? What position will he play if he is? I had heard some ugly rumours about him possibly opening...but that does seem like wasting your best asset. Would you drive your Rolls Royce in a cross-country rally? Openers are there to take the sting out the new ball. Exposing your best player to it straight away seems like sheer lunacy to me, although given the number of times in the past that Ramps has had to come in early with the first wicket down I suppose he may as well open...

Back to the Oval. I mentioned earlier that our very own Deirdre’s ashes scattering took place today. By all accounts it was a very moving experience, even if she did turn up late to her own ceremony! The Rampants who made it to the Oval extend their thanks to the groundsman who both met their party and allowed them on to the pitch. Final word, I think, should go to one of our founding members, Fiona, who expressed the following sentiments on the scattering of Dee’s ashes:

“Gosh it was so very moving - her little patch of grass on the Oval pitch where she will now always be... Oh, and Dee, don't think we don't realise that it was you who ordered that great big gust of wind that took you floating up all over the members area!! Good girl! And her being late was SO Elizabeth Taylor. It was a very lovely day.”

God speed, lovely Dee! xxx

Burning, drowning and daylight thievery!

Well, the game involving the Surrey 2nd team went rather nicely!

Jason Roy made a not out century for a start, and whilst I’m told he rode his luck on a few occasions he was still there at the end, so fair play to him! He’s shaping up to be the star that many people have said he’d be. And from a more Rampant perspective the even better news was that Ramps made 90! Barring any aggravated knee problems it looks as if the man himself may well be in contention for a possible start against Leics next week! If he does manage this, all I can say is ‘wow’! He must be a really quick healer given the severity of the initial injury back in November. I recollect an awful lot of people predicting he would immediately quit the game as a result. But I guess until you test yourself in a first class match, with all the pressure and exertion that goes with it, how can you make a judgement?

Today Surrey took on Scotland at the Oval in their first CB40 game of the season. I think most sane people would have predicted the Surrey win that ensued (quite comfortably in the end), but Scotland shouldn’t be completely written off. They have one or two players, especially bowlers, who can do the business when required and may well be capable of pulling off the odd shock here and there. Steven Davies yet again fell just short of a century, whilst Roy batted extremely well following on from his century yesterday for the Surrey 2nds. De Bruyn and Maynard delivered the coup de grace in super-quick time, with 7 wickets in hand. The only slight disappointment was the skipper, who holed out quite early on in proceedings; although I’m sure his day will come. As for Scotland; I think they will be a much tougher force on their home turf of the Grange in Edinburgh.

I have interesting memories of the Grange. It is, after all, my local ground: in fact it is 15 mins on the bus from my house. I pass it every day on the way to work, and it always makes me smile to remember the previous occasions I’ve been there. You see, something always happens when I do go to the Grange.

In what I believe was 2007 I went to my first game at the ground. I think it was a 40 over game against Lancashire which, given that Anderson and Flintoff were both playing, they won comfortably. It was about the only thing that was comfortable, however, as I ended up with sunstroke and – just to make my life even more interesting – a massive reaction to the sunlight which caused the skin of my right hand to swell up dramatically so that I resembled ‘The Thing’ from The Fantastic Four. I got sent home from work next day as I couldn’t type at all with it. Even the local pharmacist said she’d never seen a reaction like it before. It felt as though someone had actually microwaved my hand!

In (possibly) 2008 some of the Scottish Rampants attended the Scotland v England game at the Grange. The weather was utterly miserable! Admittedly there was little chance of sunstroke but we sat huddled together under umbrellas for a large portion of the game, until it got so bad they eventually called it off! We traipsed up town in search of a suitable pub to dry off in, so I guess it wasn’t all bad...

Then in 2009 I managed to snag a couple of freebie tickets to a Scotland v Warwickshire game, again I think it was a 40 over match. My sister accompanied me, initially quite keen (the word ‘free’ might have had something to do with it). Unfortunately she has the attention span of an earwig and soon got bored. Despite the fact that I was trying out my new camera’s super-zoom (the one that broke at the Oval last year) and was happily snapping away at Mr Clarke and Mr Troughton amongst others, she decided the beer-fuelled antics of the drunken Brummies behind us were too much and we left early. The moment we left, one of the aforementioned beered-up supporters ran on to the field and stole one of the bails...

So, you see, it’s all go at the Grange! I’m really looking forward to going this year, hopefully with one or two of the Rampants as well. Fingers crossed it won’t end in burning/drowning/daylight thievery!

He's not the Messiah!

Not sure I’ll bother with an actual match report, mostly because I’m tired and I won’t do it justice! I will say that we comprehensively lost to Worcestershire in our penultimate game of the year, but I think that’s fair enough considering they played so beautifully (especially Solanki). It does, alas, mean that we have zero chance of qualifying for the next round of games, which is disappointing but sort of where we are as a team at the moment. We have glorious, brilliant moments interspersing – how shall we say – considerably less glorious occasions. We’re not quite ready to challenge for trophies.

But, in a spirit of supreme optimism, let us at least smile and be happy that we have those little highlights. Two years ago we didn’t have anything to celebrate other than the marvellous achievement of Ramps’ hundredth hundred. Surrey have come on a lot since then and anyone who thinks otherwise is clearly extremely blinkered in their views.

I admit I can be a little blinkered. Take the matter of Kevin 'He's not the Messiah' Pietesen’s signing on loan to Surrey: a good exercise in putting ‘bums on seats’ if ever there was one. It seems that the ECB were the ones who asked Surrey to take on England’s out of nick batting whiz: the writing was on the wall the moment Middlesex confirmed they weren’t going to have him at Lords. Now, I have to hold my hand up and say that I fall into the sceptic camp where KP is concerned, but I guess if he does rediscover his mojo it’s good for the England team, and we’ll hardly be seeing him at the Oval anyway.

It’s not strictly a personality thing where he’s concerned: at the end of the day, I don’t know him. I think my love of county cricket and the fact that I am strictly a neutral when it comes to international cricket means that I find it difficult to engage with those whose participation in the championship is limited to once in a blue moon. Yes, tests are the highest level you can excel at but it doesn’t have the same hold over me as the county matches do. What can I say; I’m a history buff who loves facts, figures and tales of legendary batsmen and bowlers from yesteryear. The championship just seems much more accessible and cosy to me. Slightly less cut and thrust. It appeals to my inner sentimentalism, something that KP doesn’t at the present time!

But, I am fair minded enough to give him a try. The Rampants are fairly split down the middle on the whole KP thing, but I shan’t spoil it for my friends by being a grouch when KP comes out to bat against Glamorgan. Unless he plays and Ramps doesn’t, for some reason.

In which case I shall sulk all week.

A view of the cockrell's bottom

It was always going to be a tough order to overcome a confident Somerset side, and so it proved to be in today’s CB40 game. The scorecard doesn’t tell the full story, but it does give an indication of the way the game twisted and turned.

Trescothick was potentially a huge threat but one that was surprisingly annulled with only 8 runs to his name, but in his place there came equally explosive and worthy batsmen: Kieswetter (who started like a train but finished like a speeding snail) hit 79 and even more impressively Buttler down the order made a match-winning 87. Du Bruyn has often been a nemesis for Surrey, and he chipped in with 54, contributing to a rather imposing 290 for six!

I looked at the score set by Somerset and mentioned to some of the listening Rampants that I was slightly concerned they were perhaps a batsman light and that:

“With it reduced to 36 overs they really could have done with the extra batting power, because if RHB or Davies go cheaply or Roy has a bad day, there's only Ramps left!”

Who’s a clever girl, then?

Unfortunately, the skipper made 0 today. Davies made 11 and Roy a 0, just to make the score board slightly symmetrical. And Ramps made 73.

That’s not to say that Kennington’s batting maestro was the only one who put in a good performance as Spriegel and Walters both got within touching distance of a half century, but again there was little backing up done by the lower order batters except from a cheeky and explosive 31 from Dernbach at the tail. It seems to me that if the top two fail to lay a reasonable foundation for the middle order Surrey really struggle. There’s an awful lot of pressure on Mark Ramprakash’s shoulders to bat the entire innings, and fair play to him: he gives it a pretty good go most days! But it’s also not fair on him.

I’m not going to say the selection was wrong: I don’t believe it’s my place to do so. However, I think I would have preferred Wilson in the team just to shore up the batting on what is a ground that usually sees runs galore.

Of course, Somerset had the game won pretty much from the moment that sizeable tally was posted. Poor Tremlett had a bit of a shocker with the ball today, leaking over 70 runs. He’s been so stupendous up until now: I really hope this doesn’t knock his new found confidence because he’s been a cracking acquisition for Surrey this season.

Some words of praise here for poor, frozen Mark Church; shivering away in the hut whilst he provided his usual splendid commentary. It was a gallant attempt to give us a flavour of a frustratingly stop-start game affected by the rain, punctuated by the occasional sniffle and creaking of vocal chords. If icicles could speak they would sound like Churchy did this evening. Somebody get him a well deserved shot of brandy! That was a radio performance beyond the call of duty: I was feeling cold just listening!

Shark attack

I said to a few of the other Rampants that I reckoned Sussex would be up for the challenge...well, in fairness it’s rare to see a Sussex team that isn’t hungry for a victory. Their run in the shorter forms of the game has been a little unreliable whilst in the championship they continue blithely on their merry way, but they are the class act in division two when all is said and done. For Surrey, coming on the back of their world record last week, this marks the start of a five day contest against Sussex and today’s CB40 game kicked things off in interesting fashion.

The game seemed to twist and turn a bit and promised to be a reasonably close affair for a good long while. Winning the toss and batting first Surrey got off to a nicely judged start. Perhaps there wasn’t the pyrotechnics and dazzling array of fours and sixes as there had been against Glamorgan, but without wishing to insult the Welsh team (who are currently near the top of the championship table) Sussex were always going to be a much more difficult proposition. RHB and Davies began to turn on the gas a little but then as can happen when looking set for a big score the skipper got out for 31. Walters then came in at three and showed exactly what a class bat he can be when he gets his head down, scoring at a good pace. Unfortunately, Davies then went for 26.

A word here for the Sussex bowling, which was very good indeed. Every time Surrey looked as if they might get the upper hand they managed to peg it back. Ramps came in next and kept ticking along, allowing Walters to go about his business at the other end, with the pair of them putting up a stand of 84 together. Alas, he was bowled by Kirtley for 33 when attempting to up the tempo. Other than Spriegel who made 30 none of the other batsmen made a score over 13, although in part this was testament to the excellent Sussex attack. The mainstay of the Surrey innings however turned out to be Walters who made 88 before Liddle claimed him as a victim, and it was just a shame that he was unable to claim what would have been a well deserved maiden 40 over hundred.

Sussex started strongly and their innings appeared to mirror the Surrey one in many respects. Joyce looked set for a massive score, but then his dismissal when on 37 by Spriegel came out of the blue! Steady rebuilding appeared to be the order of the day with young Joe Gatting (who although a fine cricketer in his own right will probably always have his name affixed with the tag ‘nephew of Mike’) staunchly digging in for what looked like a long stay. But his dismissal on 19 by Tremlett potentially opened up a tiny window of hope. At this point the Sussex and Surrey total was pretty much on a par.

Confession time: there was much cheering when Nash went. Not that we have anything against Nash especially but he’d made 63 when Batty snared him and hadn’t looked like getting out at all. There was even greater Rampant cheering when very next ball Goodwin (who we do tend to boo in mock-pantomime villain fashion) was bowled by the selfsame Gareth Batty for 10, to the extent where we decided to anoint the Surrey bowler as St Gareth of Batty!

Alas, the prized scalp of Goodwin turned out to be the last Sussex wicket to fall, as the rearguard action by Hodd (46no) and in particular Yardy (66no) made the real difference between victory and defeat. Although difficult to know for certain what was a good score or not, it did feel that Surrey had fallen maybe 25 runs short of what they might have hoped for and unfortunately this proved to be the case. Having done the trench work, Yardy took the batting power play at the death and it was enough to see a sudden increase in Sussex boundaries just when required. In the end Surrey lost by six wickets, and although in some respects it had been a tight and interesting game it did seem to be a match that had the Sharks’ name on it from the start of their reply.

I did feel sorry for poor Mr Church & Mr Barran. It can't be easy to commentate your little socks off when you've got people blocking your view, wandering in front of you or generally being a little disorderly. I wonder if that sozzled spectator made it out the ground or if we'll find him sleeping off his excesses on the boundary somewhere! And I have to agree that it must be annoying to have children running infront of the sight screen all the time. Kids should be taught in the nursery that there are wizened trolls feasting on the bones of children who mock the gods of cricket!

The Surrey fielding was really strong today by the sound of it. Despite the odd howler here and there – and every side will make those – Surrey are out of sight in terms of fielding compared to how they were last year. Hopefully we will see more of this in the championship game tomorrow. One thing is for certain: Surrey will have to be at their Northants beating best to get one over on Sussex over four days. But, given clear skies, good bowling and the odd Ramprakash century, who’s to say they won’t do just that?

The 40 over world record...in 38 overs!

It’s CB40 time and today...we’re playing Glamorgan again!

Not a complaint. I look forward to the Surrey v Glamorgan battles! But there’s a really odd phenomena here. Even although Surrey will play Glamorgan the same amount of times as every other team in this stage of the contest, it just feels like we do nothing but play Glamorgan! I’m not sure how this has come about, or why my brain has conditioned itself to feel this way. I think there must be some Dr Who-style technobabblesque explanation for this phenomena...some rift in the space time continueum.

I think it’s because last year’s RAGM was the end of season game against...Glamorgan. And this year’s RAGM? Yep, got it in one! Glamorgan again! I think it’s the Cosgrove effect: everything is being drawn away from their natural orbits and being pulled towards him. He’s going to wind up being the centre of an entire galaxy at this rate! Even I couldn’t resist his pull after seeing him last year. I’ve come to the conclusion that Mr Cosgrove and Glamorgan occupy a very special place in our hearts.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we want them to win!

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I’m trying to multi-task here. I’m watching Masterchef, drying my hair, and listening to the commentary. It’s proving very difficult, even although as a woman I think it’s meant to happen naturally. John Terrode is currently trying to de-bone a fish, Churchy and Johnny Barran are valiantly trying to fill in during a rain break, and I’ve just noticed that my hair has split ends. At this rate I may end up filleting my locks...

The state of play at the time of typing this is that Surrey have just created a 40 over world record to go along with the 50 over one already in the bag from a few years previously.

Oooh – breaking news. 8.30pm restart. 227 for Glamorgan to win, with 20 overs to get it.

How fab! We may yet have a game!

It was looking dodgy for a while, and what a pity it would have been if there was no more play after the amazing Surrey display earlier today! TV were there to record the epic total, which pleases me because they aren’t exactly the most pro-Surrey persons on the planet. Criticism is fine if deserved, and Surrey have put in performances that have deserved censure over the last few years, but there does seem to be an element of enjoyment from certain quarters whenever they do badly. I’m sure today will have put a smile on their faces. He he he...

I missed the start of the game, but I guessed I would. I got in at ten minutes to four, greeted by my dad with a “I see your game was delayed”. Given the weather report that didn’t surprise me, so I took my time getting changed, switching on the PC, only to find out that the game had resumed some five minutes previously, and Surrey had already passed the 20-0 mark!

They never really looked back. It was a barrage of constant boundaries, with RHB making a fabulous if slightly chancy at times 115 – his first hundred in 40 over cricket – and Davies with a regal 88. Walters, coming in at three, hit it around for a while and made a rapid 18 until Waters (yes, very confusing surname clash there) had him caught and bowled. Then enter stage left the master, with Ramps going through every available gear, starting slowly, then putting his foot on the accelerator at the end, all the while purring like the engine of a Rolls Royce and making a fabulous 85 (which I missed because I had a chicken casserole to deal with). At the other end Spriegel made a resolute 56. It never ceases to amaze me how well Spriegel and Ramps bat together. If Bodie and Doyle could play cricket, that’s who these two professionals would be!

Just when we were celebrating the new 40 over record, the heavens opened and left the Oval a little soggy looking. Churchy's filling in valiantly (it always amazes me how he manages to make rain breaks fun), and I loved Johnny Barrans assertion that the boiling sky above the Oval was reminiscent of the end 10 mins in Ghostbusters! I hope that doesn't make Cosgrove Mr Stay Puft! No doubt Sky's contingent will be fretting as to whether they will get back out for the rest of the game.

Cosgrove managed to get hit on the toe whilst he was batting, but it didn’t stop him! Next time, I suggest Surrey aim a little higher up...

Before resumption Croft was out for two. An awful lot depends on whether Surrey can get Maynard out: if they do they should have a total that will see them home.

If Surrey get Maynard out...

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I just finished typing the word ‘Maynard’ and lo! He was gone!

Really all down to Cosgrove now for Glamorgan.

I’m trying to drink tea, but I’m getting menaced by one of those little black flies you get in pot plants. It’s trying to drown itself, and I should think the way poor Jason Roy is fielding at the moment he will be trying to follow suit. He’s usually one of the best fielders around but he’s put down three chances in as many minutes. Maybe the lights are playing tricks on him.

Oh – Brown gone now!

So has Colin Jackson in Masterchef. I am not happy: I like Colin. Hmmmph!

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There’s a very interesting program on BBC 2 about Normans in Britain. I love history, but just to show my devotion I am sticking with the cricket.

Churchy has just said that Cosgrove is still “swinging like a rusty gate”. I’d hate to see the hinges on him...

Cosgrove has just launched the bat – literally! It’s going flying!

Oh, and now Cosgrove has gone for 88! Well caught Dernbach!

************

It was inevitable despite the gutsy (not referring to Cosgrove here) fight back from Glamorgan that Surrey were going to win this. In the end the target was just too big, and they triumphed by 39 runs. Dalrymple was still there at the end, but the moment Cosgrove went any tiny chance they had of chasing the total evaporated. The victory leaves Surrey in second spot, facing the might of Sussex in a few days time at Guildford. Who knows which way the game will go: Surrey can justifiably be proud of their performances in this contest over all, but the consistency isn’t perhaps there yet, something Sussex will be hoping to exploit.
All the same, a team that boasts a world record is hardly one who will be scared to take on anyone! In many ways the unpredictability just adds to the excitement!

Terrific Trescothick tonks again!

Well, that wasn’t quite the performance that Surrey would have looked for on the return to the CB40 championship. Undone by the fast, furious and quickfire innings of one Marcus Trescothick, Surrey seemed unlikely to get near the rather ominous 304 posted by Somerset, although there was a brief passage in the Surrey reply where they were within touching distance.

I shan’t go into the whys and wherefores, except to say that Trescothick was his usual magnificent self with a score of 69. He could quite easily have gone on to have made a hundred the way he was playing, until he holed out to Dernbach. In many ways Mark Ramprakash’s innings mirrored Trescothick’s to a certain degree, in that it was looking quite easy for both batsmen at the time they got out. The greater loss today was Surrey’s, as Ramps’ wicket was pretty much the turning point in the game. Even although Spriegel kept batting carefully and beautifully, the momentum was gone. Ramps has the ability to turn up the heat in a matter of overs and crank it up a gear. Spriegel doesn’t yet have that ability, although he is developing a welcome ‘stickability’ at the wicket these days.

Credit to Hildreth and de Bruyn. Their killer partnership was what made the difference today, with de Bruyn out for 89 and Hildreth for 68. The Surrey bowlers were by and large a tad rusty although far from hopeless, and kept plugging away gamely. But I guess when you are making a return from a lengthy lay-off the last thing you want to see is Trescothick tonking you to all parts. That said, welcome back Dernbach and Linley: I hope you came through today without feeling any further strains or soreness. Kudos also to the Somerset bowlers, in particular Kartik who picked up Ramps, Walters (for a duck) and Schofield (for 8). This little spell of play really was the beginning of the end for Surrey.

Noteworthy performances came from Tremlett with his commendable 31, Spriegel with his hard-fought for 53, and Ramps with his 42. They were missing that huge partnership that Somerset put on. I think with such a big tally to chase they really felt the scoreboard pressure today, with Trescothick winning the toss and batting first, as most people do at the Oval. Then with RHB going early and Davies making only 25, Surrey really were on the back foot. Jason Roy looked like he was settling in when a rather unfortunate incident with Buttler on the boundary rope denied Ramps a 6, got Roy on to strike, and then resulted in him getting out next ball! Buttler swore he’d saved the ball from going over and I guess you have to trust the judgement of the fielder in these situations. It didn’t stop poor Buttler from being booed every time the ball went his way, but from the batsman’s point of view the rope is still there to be cleared. I doubt Roy could have had much room for complaint.

The game ended with the home side all out for 209. This is Surrey’s first loss in this competition but there are still plenty of games to go. I had hoped for a win purely because it would have been nice to go into the Middlesex game at Lords next week on a continued high, but it seems that Middlesex have lost anyway so it’s pretty much even Stevens on that front.

I did feel sorry for Churchy. There he was, commentating away like the star he is, and then at 7.00pm the BBC yet again cut him off mid-sentence! A loss was always on the cards but it would still have been nice to have heard the end of the game. I felt a bit like Tony Hancock did when he read his 'whodunit' book and realised the last page where the killer was revealed was missing!

It's the final countdown!

So sung Bon Jovi some twenty odd years ago. I'm sure they won't object to my half-inching their song title for this blog post. And, just to try something a little different, today I am going to be blogging live and adding my thoughts as the game progresses, whilst keeping a keen-eye turned to the the Middlesex and Hants games. As two of our number aren't especially Surrey supporters - in fact not remotely - one a Middlesex fan and the other a Hants fan, it's going to make for an interesting afternoon! But, whatever happens in terms of that last qualification spot, at least somebody is going to be happy with the outcome today!

May the best teams win, and good luck to all!

But especially Surrey, Sussex and Essex... (sorry, couldn't resist)!

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Gladiators have been stuck in by the Lions. Symonds bowling first. Think we need to get Porterfield out quickly. Pitch playing slowly. 4-0 in the first over.

Middlesex 1-1 in their first over!

Tremlett gets Redmond!!! Woohoooo! 12-1 in the second over! He's a good boy, that Chris Tremlett.

Gidman looking frisky now! Both batsmen very dangerous. 22-1 at the moment. Wonderwoman has turned up in the crowd. Could do with her superpowers! Oh, and the Ghostbusters! I'm afraid I'd have to go dressed as the Stay Pufft Marshmallow Man.

Gidman swings the bat and the first 6 goes hurtling out of sight.

32-1 and Gladiators starting to motor a little. Need a wicket quick-smart.

And no sooner said than done! Gidman gone for 15! 36-2, and well done Mr Tremlett!

Nel aims at the stumps and nearly gets Franklyn. Think he's been taking my advice regarding lobbing grenades.

40-2 after the 6th over. Spriegel coming in to the attack. Come on the 'spin doctor'!

50 comes up in the 7th over. 51-2 and a good over for the Gladiators.

Shah has gone for Middlesex. They are 56-2 in the 6th over.

Porterfield is looking mighty good! Eeeeek! Surrey could do without this at the moment, but the Gladiators (I keep wanting to call them Gladioli) aren't going to lie down and die. 82-2 after 10 overs.

Middlesex 73-3.

I'm missing the trumpeter. I like the tootling to signal a change of bowler!

Yippppeeeee! Porterfield goes! 89-3, with Hamilton-Brown taking a good catch. Thank the lord!

Warner gone for Middlesex. Essex doing okay so far.

Taylor gone for 1! That's two in the last two overs. Fab-u-lous, as Craig Revel-Horwood would say. 91-4 for Surrey.

Dent bowled for 1! 97-5! Unfortunate for Dent: looks like his bat got stuck in the turf and the ball went between the bat and pad, hitting the stumps. Very good news for Surrey!

Hants have lost Jimmy Adams, this is even better for Surrey!

98-6! Snell just gone! Well done Nella!

101-6 in the 14th over. Nails are being bitten.

Good outfield cricket from Surrey. 108-6 in the 15th.

Franklyn gone for 33! Run out! Good arm from Wilson. 155-7 now.

Andre Nel does a pirouette. Rampants may start 'Gunther for Strictly' campaign.

Oops...Spriegel has a ball bobble on him and it goes for 4. Dawson going nicely now.

134-7 in the 18th over. This might be a tricky ask for Surrey after all.

143-7. Not what Surrey would have wanted. Hope RHB and Davies have their batting heads on today.

Lewis gone for 13. 144-8. Tremlett strikes again!

Kirby goes first ball, run-out by Tremlett!

147-9 posted by the Gladiators: 148 for the Lions to win. Middlesex have posted 173, which will take some catching by Essex! Time for a cup of tea!

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Scary biscuits time: hold on to your hats folks! Here goes with the Surrey reply.

RHB only knows one way to play...hoping it works for him today. He won't die wondering, that's for sure! 6-0 after the first over.

Hampshire looking ominous, especially given that Sussex have not done so well in their last few games. 196 for Sussex to win.

Davies nearly gone but it just snuck past Porterfield. And now hits a six to clear his mind.

20 off the second over! Surrey need Davies to stay forever, basically, and help get that run-rate down.

Ramps not playing, btw. Sad for the Rampants, but I guess it means we can listen to the game without tensing up like a coiled spring! Davies hits another 6: he's got the bit between his teeth and no mistake!

And again! 39 without loss! Sixes gallore!

Free hit...where's the skipper putting this? Swing and a miss. Oh, well! Let's not be greedy!

The 50 comes up without loss in the fourth over.

54 without loss. The skipper beginning to get his head down. And then a further boundary! So far, it's a dismantling in the powerplay. 60 without loss.

67 without loss after five overs! Wow! Uh-oh...here come the spinners. And I'm not talking about the 70s folk group. Even I would face up to them.

Good point made by Churchy and JB: Surrey have nothing to lose. All they have to do is win, and win in the best way they can. They can do nothing about the other results, and they are indeed playing without fear. It's the only way to do it.

78 without loss at the end of the powerplay is very good indeed!

'Demolition Davies' brings up a fabulous fifty with a six! Wooohooo!

Why the flip did we not play like this against the Gladiators at the Oval?!?

RHB and Davies are having a contest to see who can hit the longest six! 99-0!

Hundred up in the 8th over! 106 in fact. Davies will surely find himself in the England team opening the batting at some point. This is a really classy display! At this rate we might not get to find out if the team is missing Ramps in the middle order.

RHB winning the battle of the sixes at the moment. Rory, size isn't everything! And as I say that, he's lbw for 48. Pity he didn't reach his 50. Now, Roy or Symonds next?

Jason Roy comes on next. Will it be a good day or a bad day for him?

Answer: bad day. 112-2. Roy gone second ball. Ooops.

Symonds dropped by Snell. Hoping Symo the animal has turned up today. We could do with him in a rampaging mood!

Symonds goes for 4. 123-3...please get Davies on strike!!! Please!!!

Johnny Barran wins first prize for non-gratuitous use of the word 'humping'.

Not looking good in the other games for Surrey. Essex struggling, Sussex struggling. And now it's raining for good measure.

Only 13 runs required, and then they have to sit and twiddle their thumbs to see what happens elsewhere.

Davies gone for 73.

Wilson clubs a meaty six with his first ball. Only 6 required now. Wilson gets 4 more...

Gary Wilson smashes a total of 12 off three balls. Lions win by six wickets! Well done boys, whatever happens. 150-4! You were meteoric today!

********

So close in the end. Surrey did all they needed to do, but so did Hants. We shouldn't have to rely on other teams to do us favours, although Sussex have been rubbish in the last few games compared to how they started, so it shouldn't surprise us. So, congrats to Hants and hard luck to Surrey and Middlesex.

Now it's back to the county championship next week!

Not quite buried yet...

It’s still an awfully big ask, but there’s still life in the old dog!

Or rather, life in the old Lion. Having been made to look a rather toothless moggy with our last T20 performance Surrey came roaring back against a Sussex team that never quite got into a rhythm following some fast, accurate bowling. It was definitely one of Surrey’s ‘going’ days. It can be a bit of a lottery sometimes as to what you’re going to get but today the dunce’s cap was swapped for a rather swanky mortar board hat complete with little dangly tassel thing. Chief swot was the skipper. Well done that man. Someone give him an apple!

I noticed a post on the Sussex board (for I do love a furtive read of other forums when I get the chance) that mentioned that Arundel could easily hold 3000 people but that the pre-sold tickets already amounted to 5000, and that they were predicting multiple hold-ups getting into the ground. They were of course spot on with their prediction. As Churchy muttered the word ‘chaos’ under his breath I couldn’t help but think of Lesley, our Rampant representative, who had quite cleverly decided to take her own chair with her. I do wonder if she managed to get out of the ground okay or if she’s still stuck there!

Talking of Churchy, a word of praise here – and for Mr Barran as well. It can’t be easy commentating al fresco, so to speak; especially when you’ve got microphone mishaps, barrier collapses and people sitting directly in front of you obscuring your view. Churchy was very restrained, I thought. I’m a gentle soul but I’d have been tempted to use the man’s head as a coconut shy and aim something round and heavy at the back of his unguarded cranium...

Top marks to ‘Rob the trumpeter’ as well. Loved the improvised tune that accompanied the sight of one of the umps falling over!

Sussex have an awful lot of good players. There’s just no two ways about it. There are one or two players who fall into the category of ‘not a favourite’ for various reasons. Take Matt Prior for example. Much improved over the years in the batting department, and still very much England’s number one test wicket keeper despite recent strides by Kieswetter. But the fact he, how shall we put this, has a limited grasp of the word ‘humility’ at times hasn’t endeared himself to the Rampants as a whole. So, when Mr Prior went for a magnificent fourth ball duck there wasn’t just a “thank goodness; that’s one danger man gone” feeling but more of a general “yipppppeeee!”

I think it would be more sporting to say “well bowled, Symonds” rather than enthusiastically celebrating the demise of one of the opposition. But in this case we’re fairly unrepentant!

Only three were on the board for Sussex when Prior departed. And only seven were on the board when Joyce went, bowled by Tremlett. I feared for Tremlett this year, given his past history. He seemed like the sort of bloke who would shatter if someone in the same room hit a top C, but he has been a complete triumph thus far, especially in the T20. If we do sneak through to the next round by some miracle, a lot of it will rest on CT’s very broad shoulders.

It got even better, when moments later Nash made his way to the crease, faced a ball, and then wandered his way back to his team mates, yet another Symonds victim. Things were looking rather too good to be true, especially as Goodwin was beginning to tick. I’m not bringing up the whole Goodwin saga again. But if you think the celebrations amongst the Rampants was jubilant when Prior went, that was nothing to the delighted cheers that marked the departure of Muzza for 11. Give that man Tremlett a medal, that’s what I say! Although you’d probably need a ladder to pin it on him.

It would be fair to say that the middle and lower order fared better for Sussex than their top order did, with Smith reaching 21, Gatting 16 and Arafat 12, but the wickets kept falling steadily. I did wonder if the pitch had a few tricks in it, but the Surrey bowling has generally been decent this year and so it appeared more likely that it was down to this rather than any unseen gremlins. For a while a rather handy little partnership in the guise of Keegan and Rayner got going, and the former’s last minute heroics hauled the Sussex total over a hundred and beyond. But then Andre Nel struck and removed him for 26, leaving Rayner on 25 and Beer not out on 1 at the end. The finally tally for Sussex was a rather tame 121, and it seemed that it would just take a few overs from RHB and Davies to put the whole game to bed.
Things never quite work out the way you expect them to, however.

Surrey’s reply was cautious, although rightly so considering they had no need to go hell for leather after such a small target. The skipper rode his luck when Kirtley dropped him at the start of the Surrey reply, and from that moment onwards it seemed to galvanise him into positive thought. Davies seemed a little subdued at the other end, maybe mindful of his duck in the previous game. They crawled slowly, run by run, all the way up to a solid if unspectacular 41, with the occasional boundary from RHB to enliven proceedings, until Davies fell for just 9. This brought Jason Roy to the crease who sadly, after the two monster innings he had earlier in the competition, did what Nash did and perished for a quacker.

You’d have still rather have been Surrey at this point. It was a pretty decent toss to lose in the end. Even although they were two batsmen down, giving Sussex a glimmer of hope, the runs on the board gave Walters licence to tick around for singles whilst the skipper set about his former county with consummate ease. Once the sixes and fours were unleashed the outcome was never really in any doubt, with the Sussex faithful beginning to exit the ground as soon as the Surrey hundred was reached. It was in the end a facile victory from a team who had been so roundly and deservedly thrashed in their last game.

I was pleased for Rory in particular, who finished not out on 87, with Walters not out on 24 with just under two overs to spare. Qualification still seems unlikely, but with Middlesex losing to Glamorgan and Kent beating Essex the fourth spot is still open to many of the chasing pack. Whoever gets there in the end will have earned it, that’s for certain. As for the game itself, it was one of the most enjoyable T20s I’ve listened to this year. And considering Mr Ramprakash wasn’t playing today, that’s quite a compliment!

It isn’t over ‘til the fat laddie swings...

That title's a bit cruel, given how fond I am of Cosgrove. Today, alas, more or less saw the end of Surrey’s chance of progression (not that those chances were great anyway), but as I keep attempting to remind myself, T20s only a bit of fun. It’s the cricket equivalent of Dali’s wobbly, melting clocks. It’s not the Mona Lisa and it’s not a masterpiece by Titian or Renoir. It’s still art and it has broad appeal to many, though. Nowt wrong with paintings of people with both eyes on the side of their face. I used to draw like that...

Surrey’s up and down form has of late been more akin to a dead sheep pickled in Formaldehyde and suspended upside down in a tank but, for all that, today’s game (final nail in the T20 coffin as it was) at least provided some thrilling moments. Stewie Walters got a well deserved 53; his first half century in the contest. And on the Glamorgan side of things we got to see a whole lot more of Cosgrove. As one wag recently said, if telly puts 10lbs on to your frame then Cosgrove has eaten a lot of tellies...

Firstly, from a Rampant point of view, Mr R was sadly not playing as it appears he damaged his shoulder during the run out in yesterday’s game. Fingers crossed it’s nothing too serious. However, with Davies back from Lions duty and Lancefield opening again it looked like it might be an interesting match. So it proved: and that was without mentioning the streaker! Whilst I love a good streaker during a game you do have to wonder why they do it. A bet? Because they’ve had several skinfuls? Whatever, they have to have a huge...brass neck.

Surrey won the toss and opted to field first. RHB is improving in the tossing stakes! Unfortunately it seemed to take the Surrey bowlers a little time to get used to the slower conditions and whilst they were doing so Glamorgan – and Cosgrove in particular – were making hay. 75 runs were on the board before Allenby eventually obliged Meaker by getting out. For a while Surrey flattered to deceive as Meaker struck moments later by removing recent hero Maynard without scoring, but then Glamorgan went back to scoring as they liked. It didn’t even look as if another wicket was going to occur.

Fortunately for Surrey, the next six wickets fell in rapid succession. Just as it appeared as if Cosgrove would launch himself (figuratively, as it would take one heck of a canon to propel him through the air) towards a century Tremlett struck, getting him for 76. And then came the deluge of wickets: Wallace for 5, Dalrymple for a well made 33, Wright for a duck, Harris for 1 and Croft run out without scoring. From what had looked a hopeless situation Surrey’s bowlers had managed to pull it right back. It was a valiant effort from Meaker and Tremlett, with some good fielding from Schofield to boot, although in retrospect I bet they wish they could have struck a few overs earlier.

Having recovered from the amusing sight of Chris Tremlett in a girl’s wig (not during the game, but as shown in a photo by his housemate Michael Brown), we all listened in as Surrey responded by immediately losing Steven Davies without scoring. I’m sure most people were holding their heads in their hands and thinking ‘here we go again’, but Lancefield played a good knock and put on 22. Others around him didn’t fare quite as well, with Jason Roy out for 17 and RHB for 11. Symonds also scored 22, although he got out just as Surrey needed a batsman to really kick on.

In the meantime Walters had taken on the Ramps mantle of accumulator and was quietly going about his business. Alas, whilst his score was creeping ever upwards, so did the run rate. Overs were coming and going with alarming frequency, as were the Surrey batsmen as Spriegel fell for a duck and Schofield, who sounded a little lame in the foot, departed for 5. It was pretty much looking like curtains for Surrey at this point, until Walters and Nel began to get on a last minute charge with fours and sixes galore. But when Nel went for 9 the brief spark of hope was snuffed, and with Walters not really seeing much of the strike in the last few overs Glamorgan kept up the pressure, winning by 10 runs.

A mere 10 runs sort of sums up Surrey’s T20 effort this year. There have been flashes of brilliance from Symonds, Davies, Roy and Ramps with the bat, and with Tremlett, Nel, Spriegel and Dernbach with the ball. We’ve really missed Dernbach in the latter stages of this contest: I think that shows in some of the tighter finishes. There has also been some really heinous cricket as well from virtually all the players at some point. Yes, Surrey has improved markedly but I suppose the sad thing is that there were at least three games which perhaps they should have won. And had we done so, we’d have been in a mighty fine position to go through to the next stage.

Oh, well. C’est la vie! T20, just like wobbly clocks, is fine but it doesn’t make the world tick!

And besides, if there was no T20 we wouldn’t have had this fabulous quote from Mark Church:

“We've all done it in the back garden up against the coal bunker...”









(He was talking about providing ones’ own commentary whilst playing an imagined innings at Lords, btw. Just in case you were wondering!)

Thar be Dragons!

If someone makes a score of over 60 in a T20 game and still ends up on the losing side, you know the other side has played an absolute blinder.

Unfortunately that was the case today for Surrey in their game against the Glamorgan Dragons at the Oval this afternoon. Certainly the blistering start from openers Lancefield and Ramprakash (it still feels funny writing that!) promised an enormous target in the 200 plus region, which would have put the game right out of Glamorgan’s reach. In fact, 68 runs were on the board before Lancefield departed! Lancefield looks like a very good option in the shorter form of the game, and might be an option for any 40 over games if stuck.

I think we’re missing Davies a little here, to be honest. Not so much as a keeper, as Wilson was tidy enough, but certainly as a hard-hitting top order batsman. Imagine if he could have slotted in at four, although if he had been available I suppose there’s a good chance Lancefield might not have got the opportunity he did.

I guess another key moment was the dismissal of Jason Roy. We all know how destructive he is, and if he had stayed in with Ramps he could have juiced up the middle period of the game. As it was, when he was dismissed for 9 the Surrey innings continued reasonably enough, but the boundaries dried up a touch. The slower Glamorgan bowlers were much more difficult to get away, by the sound of things. Symonds also got out cheaply for 4, and the skipper fell for 18, leaving Stewart Walters to come in and see the Surrey innings out with a fine 31 to his credit at the end.

I think one of the problems for Surrey was the fact nobody was able to create a dominant partnership with Mr Ramprakash, who finished a marvellous 63 not out, in the way that the Glamorgan duo Maynard and Dalrymple did (with each other, not with Mr Ramprakash). It was a tricky situation for Ramps, as he had to make sure he was there at the end and not take the risks he had at the start of the innings once the Surrey firepower had been doused.

At one point it looked as if Surrey would struggle to get 150, but in the end they managed a healthy and competitive 168-4. Not brilliant, nor was it woeful either. The question on everyone’s lips: was it enough?

And the answer to that is: yes, if you win. No, if you don’t.

Frankly, you could score an unlikely 230 and feel reasonably comfortable that it was enough. But if the opposition score an equally unlikely 231, then it’s simply not! Glamorgan’s innings appeared to be the antithesis of the Surrey one. Ramps and Lancefield (which is a brilliant surname; very ‘knights of the round table’) had attacked from the get-go whilst Cosgrove and Allenby were a tad more sedate. I do love Cosgrove, I admit it. I know I’m repeating myself, but it’s difficult not to love a sportsman who is sculpted entirely of pies and chip butties yet still manages to play so beautifully.

After the first five overs it definitely seemed to favour Surrey. Allenby went for 5, with Spriegel continuing his great form, but Wallace came in and formed a great pairing with the looming Cosgrove, who appeared to have channelled his inner Whippet. He’s a bit like my cat, is Cosgrove. He may look a bit baggy and loose at the seams, but he can move when he wants to! Although I’m not sure tempting him with a bowl of Purina will spur him on between the wickets, and his fielding is probably not as good as it might be it’s fair to say he does what he does very well. Unfortunately for Surrey, what he does well is stick around far too long!

By the time Wallace went, 44 were on the board for the Dragons which was still behind the Lions score with Surrey no doubt still fancying the win from that point. But, like a multi-headed Hydra, having smote one neck there were yet others to deal with. Enter Maynard the younger. I don’t know enough about Maynard the elder to comment but everyone says he was a little bit good. Well, daddy Maynard, your boy’s a little bit good as well! To say that his innings was crucial would win the main prize in the Sybil Fawlty School of ‘stating the bleedin’ obvious!’ And, drat him, he wouldn’t go away no matter how Surrey tried!

And in fairness they did try very hard to get rid of him, but although Cosgrove finally went for a well-rounded (pardon the pun) 19 and Rees for 6, the man they desperately needed to remove was sticking tighter than the contents of a tin of Uhu. Gradually Maynard began to up the tempo, until the required rate was almost on par, and with only three or so overs to go you could begin to see the momentum swing the Dragon’s way. Dalrymple was yorked beautifully for 28 by Tremlett reviving hope once again. I think we will have to call him ‘The Tremulator’, a cross between the ‘Terminator’ and ‘crenulator’, which is a machine used for mashing bones. It seems rather apt given the way the big man has bowled in the T20 so far.

For as long as Maynard stayed in you felt that it was Glamorgan’s game to lose, and even although Tremlett bowled an absolutely corking second last over, it just proved to be too much in the end with something like 10 required off 7 balls. It was a very exciting, tight finish to a game that swung all over the place and must have made for a good spectacle for those at the Oval.

Maynard finished the game on 78 not out, and Wright 6 not out, whilst Surrey might yet find themselves ruing losing to a team that most others in the division have beaten so far. They won’t have long to wait for the re-match: the end of the coming week sees the Dragons take on the Lions once more. But will the Lions be Kings, or will the Dragons flambé them? Will Ramps continue his fine start as Surrey T20 opener? Can we tempt Cosgrove with a raspberry Pavlova to get out early?

Tune in on Friday to find out!