Commentary Classics

Here are some particular favourites noted from the ball-by-ball commentary over the years...


Churchy: People will be going down to have a play with themselves!

Churchy: As long as Strauss is out there Middlesex have a chance of putting a total on the board...and he's BOWLED!

Churchy: There's a lady banging out there with her thunder sticks...

Churchy: Pedro Collins tends to use other parts of his body rather than his hands to stop the ball.

Churchy: Banging the back of your head with your bat is a good sign you're unhappy...

Churchy: I'm being menaced by a big brute of a spider!

Churchy: Is it just me or is our tent getting smaller?

Churchy: Saqlain went down in installments.

Churchy: Damp squid.

Churchy: I won't say we're back to proper cricket, because that would be wrong...but we are back to proper cricket!

Churchy: Saqlain's like a doubled-up windmill!

Churchy: I'm going to do it standing up through this over, so to speak...

Churchy: That's a lovely bit of wood he's got there!

Churchy: When the sun goes behind the clouds it gets very dark...

Churchy: It's never good to have your proceedings interrupted - whatever you're doing.

Churchy: Wicket to wicket, stump to stump.
(In sure and certain hope of the resurrection?)

Churchy: I want to put some romantic music on for Murtagh and Shoaib...

Churchy: Shoaib's grabbing children and having his picture taken with them whether they like it or not!

Churchy: If Vaughan was the rabbit in the Duracell advert he wouldn't be banging his drums any more!

Churchy: I shouldn’t imagine you’ve been afraid of a streak or two...
(to Johnny Barran, regarding hair lightening)

Churchy: I suppose the acid test will be tomorrow morning, won’t it? When he wakes up...
Michael Brown: Or the acid test will be whether he can get out of bed or not.

Churchy: Butcher, not happy with something, wanders off to square leg. Mainly because Robert Croft was in completely the wrong position. He was at third man...
Michael Brown: Although there is a seagull or a duck down at fine leg...
Churchy: It’s either that he’s moving to fine leg or that he’s following the seagull.
Michael Brown: Maybe he wants the seagull a bit squarer...


Churchy: England have lost a wicket. Michael Brown has pointed to the TV and stuck his finger up. Now it’s either that or he wants me to leave the box...

Churchy: Off goes Cosgrove in fairly hot pursuit...

Churchy: You played some lovely shots there!
Michael Brown: Yeah, I dunno what got into me!

Churchy: We’ve waited four sessions for cricket, we’ve had an hour and twenty three minutes and we’re now having a drinks break...you often see one player go off for a call of nature, but it’s not often you see three at the same time...


Churchy: The one thing I would say with Mark Cosgrove is from a commentators’ point of view he’s an easy man to spot...

Churchy: I think that’s gone all the way for six. Has it? We’ve gone upstairs...I’m watching it again on the telly now...that’s six. That will be a six...I think that will be six...watching that again, think that’s gone all the way from Chad Keegan. Umpire Duddleston still waiting. Umpire Gale watching it again, but I think that’s gone all the way for six! I think that’s six? It’s gone all the way for six? I think? Oh, it’s four. Shows how much I know!

Churchy: It doesn’t do you any harm if you go well on TV. They have a big influence, because of course a lot of people watch televised games.
JB: Especially the selectors.
Churchy: Yes, indeed they do. It means they don’t have to go to the game.


Churchy: Kevin Hand is going to potter off; Johnny Barran is going to come back in to the chair away to my left hand side...he’s deep in conversation about very important matters, I think. Like finding a drummer.


Churchy: Texas Tom’s e-mailed in...also you might want to mention to Mark in Madrid that if he keeps having issues with the stream he may want to consult a physician....what I would suggest is if you are having trouble with your stream, is turn it off and turn it on again! That usually does the trick, I find!


Churchy: A story I’ve never told Matthew Church...I had one of his bats for a couple of years that sponsors sent to me by mistake, which I just kept hold of!

Churchy: There’s a lady to our left in a cagoule, which excites me anyway, because I haven’t seen a cagoule for a while...

Churchy: It’s good running from Grant Elliott. He’s done pretty well there, has Grant Elliott. Also he’s done pretty well to keep his trousers up.

Churchy: Three overs ‘til the break: three overs ‘til my mum’s fruit cake gets unwrapped.

Michael Brown: Chris Schofield’s cost £41 for the haircut and I think £65 for the parking fine that he got. £106 pound haircut.