Quote/unquote

Whatever did we do before the advent of Twitter? Certainly, the Rampants are not shy of the odd concise, pithy comment. Here’s a selection of some of the best of 2008:

“Sitting next to the pavilion, you get to see all their warm-up routines (Pedro's involves going to sleep in comfortable chair - leap up grab bat and helmet, walk onto the pitch - and come back about 2 balls later!!)”
This sounds my kind of warm-up!

"Poor Churchy always sounds so lost without a sidekick. It's like Dangermouse without Penfold...John Noakes without Shep...Terry without June..."
Get the collapsing deckchairs out, folks!

“Look on the bright side - it'll be dark when they finish the game!”
The Rampants think the rather ugly looking ‘gold’ kit is best seen in the dark.

“Could be a whole new type of cricket. Do you get 8 runs if you hit a commentator's tent?”
The Rampants show their concern for poor Churchy as he nearly gets his head removed by an oncoming ball.

“Oh, Lord...pardon the pun.”
A rather bad joke on the occasion of Ali Brown getting out.

“Poor Hedgepig. The BBC site has it that he didn't even face 1 ball. He did well getting out without actually having faced one!”
Jon Batty finds out that when you’re luck’s out, it’s really out!

“I used to think Afzaal was a brand of loo-roll...”
No, that’s Izal! The really shiny stuff made of tracing paper that tormented generations of kids at school for decades.

“Go Newman!.......Oh b*gger! He has gone!”
The curse of not typing quickly enough strikes again.

“Shoaib is supposed to be the Rawalpindi Express...not the Rawalpindi Stopping all Stations...”
Yes, things could have gone a little better for Shoaib, I guess it’s fair to say!

“Have become fond of Shoaib - apparently he bowled an awful ball yesterday and his yell of f**cccccccckkkkkkkkk could be heard all around the ground!”
That earned him extra Brownie-points.

“I'm praying for bad light so I can do my roast beef.”
Unfortunately, posterity didn’t record what happened to either the game or the roast beef. Possibly both were undercooked...

“How does Churchy know how many people are in the crowd? I think his maths must be better than he says!”
He probably counts them between overs.

“Perfection in cable knit!”
Probably the most unlikely description Mr Ramprakash will ever have in his life.

“We thought it was hilarious every time the umpire turned round and motioned a wide when JO was bowling here!”
Oh dear...poor Ormond!

“If you can't get the runs kick your opponent in the b*lls.”
Not very lady-like, but it sort of typified our feeling through 2008.

“Oh dear, Murray's got hit. Shame.”
We have such sympathy for Murray Goodwin after his altercation with Ramps. We didn’t snigger. Honest...

“Churchy's dad apparently asked if Johnny could tell him how many singles Ramps had scored at The Oval whilst wearing blue underpants.”
I don’t believe we ever got an answer to this one.

“Signalling by scratching his knee? This is like bidding at an auction rather than umpiring!”
Much speculation ensued as to whether we could bid for certain players.

“Fine leg Mark Ramprakash??? I beg to correct you, Mr Ramprakash has two fine legs!”
And so say all of us!

“Got it back (the radio commentary) to hear 'inner thigh' and 'stretching'...all is well with my world!!”
The beauty of radio is that you can imagine it all for yourself!

“Not sure Mr Hand should be sniggering about red lights and Churchy’s commentary position...”
We love Kevin Hand!

“I suggest Surrey all contract a stomach bug at Tea!”
Alas, Surrey didn’t try this one and lost the game. Although Ramps went on successfully later in the year to take our advice.

“Seems that one of Nicholson's shots yesterday hit a pigeon......which is now deceased...it is a dead pigeon...”
The Rampants celebrate the baptism of the legendary Kennington Pigeon Murderer (KPM)!

“Pink Bobby...can't make up my mind if that reminds me of a dog with impetigo or a slang term for male genitalia...”
The Rampants have great affection for Kent’s own Robert Key.

“I feel sorry for Hopkinson too. He deserved his ton. Hey ho, I'm over it already!”
We are such generous souls.

“How can the game be fascinatingly poised after just 4 balls?”
In fairness, the whole match could have hinged on those four balls.