Onwards and upwards

So, what do we have? New shirts, a new look team and a new captain.

I think I annoy people a lot because I have a tendency to be irritatingly optimistic. I don’t mind constructive criticism, but negativity in itself is a defeatist thing. I guess other people who have been lifelong fans of Surrey and remember them in their pomp will rightly be wondering when the glory days are coming back, but I haven’t been lucky enough to experience the multiple championship wins, and am just happy to be able to listen in to the games as they happen, win or lose. Of course, winning would be better...

To this end we have recruited an enthusiastic young captain by the name of Rory Hamilton-Brown. I was going to say that Chris Adams ‘lured’ him from Sussex but that sounds wrong, frankly. The upshot is that Rory, formerly of Surrey, then of Sussex, is now back with Surrey and some of the Sussex fans are still moaning about it...something about waving around a sizeable chequebook and stealing their players. I can maybe see their point of view to an extent, but I do like to counter this particular argument by saying that if the likes of Chawla (Who is that, I hear you ask? More on that later) and RHB were desperate to stay at Sussex no amount of money would have tempted them away.

The alternative argument is just to stick my tongue out and say “yah boo, sucks.” I find that works when you run out of anything intelligent to say.

Rory looks like the sort of young man who will learn on the job, and soak up information like a sponge. Certainly he looks the part of a captain. He’ll make mistakes, and he’ll hopefully take them onboard and try to make sure those same errors are not repeated. The problem for him is that, in this world of fast food, faster broadband and even faster speed-dating, everyone wants him to achieve things now, and that is a lot of pressure on such young shoulders. He’s had some promising displays with the bat and I think the doubters are beginning to warm to him (the ones that don’t live near Hove or spend their time sticking his tousled-haired effigy with little pins). But Surrey is clearly a long-term project for both Rory and Chris Adams. I think this season is going to be an interesting journey of discovery for the entire team, and I’m just wondering who is going to be left standing at the end of it...

Of course there are some well documented problems already with the squad. Chris Jordan remains crocked, poor lad, whilst new recruit Chris Tremlett is still having his workload managed to ensure that when he finally bowls a ball in anger, he won’t snap in two. I’m seeing a pattern emerging here. If you’re a bowler and your name is Chris, you could be in trouble. Watch out, Schoey...

At the time of writing this Andre Nel has been suspended for two games after his alter ego told the umpires at the opening CB40 game how little he thought of their decision making. But surely this was a gross miscarriage of justice? The guilty party was clearly that crazy old Günter and he, if anyone, should have been the one banned. I’m not sure if it’s possible to implement a ban on an alter ego. And if Andre had to leave Günter behind, who would take over? Could he cultivate another persona? It’d be rather amusing if suddenly Tracey the hairdresser from Saffron Walden tottered in on her heels to bowl an over or two...

And then there is the little matter of Piyush Chawla. He was stolen from Sussex as well. Supposedly.

Now, I have no problems with that, except that if you go to the trouble of allegedly half-inching another team’s players, it’s nice when they actually turn up! Not exactly Mr Adams or indeed Mr Chawla’s fault, but the fact is Chawla – or Griffin as he has been named on account of his close resemblance to the ‘Invisible Man’ – has in turn been selected to play for his national side. It hasn't exactly worked out the way anyone could have anticipated, but I believe the correct phrase in this instance is “ooops.”

So much for the team. Tremlett will no doubt be promoted from light duties in the second team to first team drinks carrying duties “provided”, as one of my fellow Rampants wittily remarked, “the tray isn’t too heavy.” It must be a bit frustrating for Tremlett at the moment, and joking apart I hope for his sake as well as the team that things work out for him. He could be an invaluable member of the squad, and I was genuinely pleased Surrey had signed him.

The rather odd, camel-dung shade of brown that Surrey had to wear last year in the shorter form of the game, masquerading under the name ‘gold’ (that was never gold, btw. Quicksand-coloured, possibly) has been banished forever and, thankfully, has been replaced by a rather stylish black with green trim. I remain unconvinced by the need of reversing the colours of the shirt for the T20, because unless it’s to help them leap about in the field, dressing them up like a radioactive Kermit the frog is possibly not the best way to go. Somewhere in the food isles of Asda a dozen or more staff members are shivering, wondering where their uniforms have gone...

And then, finally, we say a sad farewell to Kenny Kennington. He wasn’t with the squad long, but he did achieve the one thing that Surrey failed to all year back in 2008, and lift some silverware in the form of the mascot race. I’m not sure what Kenny did wrong. Maybe he lifted his leg against the stumps once too often. All things considered, it’s a good thing Bill Gordon is so understanding: in Hove they shoot creatures that desecrate the pitch...

Apparently our new mascot is a lion. It makes sense considering the team has been rebranded as the ‘Surrey Lions.’ Couldn’t keep old Roary the Lion, because people might confuse him with young Hamilton-Brown, and so instead we now have Caesar the Lion to turn his paw at the 2010 mascot race.

I’m hoping that for him this year, like his namesake, it will be a case of ‘veni vidi vici.’