Stay Rampant

I seem to be developing a nasty habit of stopping posting roughly around Christmas. Post-Christmas sag (which can be best defined as a bad case of “can’t be arsedness” brought on by too much sherry trifle) tends to kick in leaving the new county championship season looking like a distant mirage. Like last year I spent the three months leading up to Christmas by blogging about Strictly, and then simply not bothering with the result. In 2010 there was an excuse, because after I had learned that Deirdre had passed away the whole thing seemed a bit pointless and trivial, so I downed tools and neglected to write a suitable ‘congrats Kara’ post. This year there was no excuse save for the fact that the result was a foregone conclusion and I was too stuffed with countless Cadbury’s Roses to even care that the wee fella from McFly had triumphed.

It didn’t really come as a surprise, did it?

Anyhow, well done to him. I have to say that he deserved to win on the night so I had no problem with the result.

Since then Pat (no relation to Mark) Butcher has joined the televisual choir invisible. Rangers Football club are in so much debt they may have to get McCoist to slip out of his managerial duds, pull on his shirt and play. And Donald Trump is having a ding-dong battle with Alex Salmond to see who gets to be King of Scotland. Poor Mr Trump seems to be under the illusion that in this current economic downturn what Scotland really needs is a bloody great golf course. And Mr Salmond is under the impression that what Mr Trump’s golf course needs are some great big wind turbines spinning merrily in the background...

I’m not a shit-stirrer by nature, but I’m with Al on this one.

In terms of Surrey news there’s been the usual off-season activity: some great and some rather sad. The good: we’ve got Ally Brown back at the Oval where he belongs.

No, not in his bar.

Mr Brown has joined the Surrey coaching staff. I admit I was quite pleased to see him back. We’ve also signed the doughty opener Jacques Rudolph. Seeing as how RHB had been forced into opening due to necessity this is a very welcome development.
The not so good: Meaker and Tremlett have both picked up injuries, and Dernbach is now well entrenched in the England one day side so we may not be seeing as much of them as we would like. We also said a sad farewell to Schoey. I can only hope he gets picked up by some team as he’s no back marker yet, especially in the shorter format.

Mr R is captaining a rather eclectic group of cricketers in the traditional MCC v county champions clash in Dubai. Gareth Batty is also in the team for Surrey. Really looking forward to this! Well, what we can find out about it as I doubt there will be much if any coverage of it either on the radio or in the papers. Still, if there’s one thing the Rampants do well it’s cheering from the sidelines...even with a time differential to take into account. Jean will still be pushing her pineapples and shaking that tree with the best of them!

Talking of the Rampants, the photo accompanying this post was taken by Mel whilst on holiday in Aldeburgh. Just goes to show you that although we may be spread the length and breadth of the country and not able to attend every game, the message is still very clear!

Up from the ashes grow the roses of success...

I think that particular number from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang should really be Surrey's theme song this year!


Poor old Somerset. Dragged to the sacred altar of success and then unceremoniously and publicly jilted at the very last moment. You could say they’ve had the devil’s own luck in the last few years, given the amount of finals they’ve reached to the ratio of finals they’ve won (which is, er, zero) but I’m not so sure luck had anything to do with Surrey’s victory over them yesterday. From the reports I’ve been given, it seems as if a long and exhausting campaign had taken its toll on the Cidermen. No doubt tired and a bit wary given their habit of coming unstuck at the final hurdle, Somerset sounded as if they were disadvantaged going in to the Lords game simply by carrying that burden of recent history on their shoulders.

Surrey, on the other hand, were sharp and generally speaking fielded well (don’t mention Schoey to the Somerset supporters though). When it came to batting they were almost too much on their toes! Zander de Bruyn in particular reminded me of my first cat whenever a particularly vindictive flea decided to sink its mouthparts into his hide, given his uncharacteristic skittishness! Just goes to show that even wise old heads can sometimes give way to the big occasion!

I guess whilst I’m praising Surrey for their win, I should also praise Somerset for getting to the final. I hope that doesn’t sound patronising because it isn’t meant to be. Whilst their supporters will be raising their eyes heavenwards and wondering what the heck they have to do to bring home the silverware once again, just to reach so many different finals shows a tremendous amount of depth in skill, not to mention consistency. I guess that isn’t much of a consolation to Marcus Trescothick, who valiantly batted despite an ongoing injury ankle. Somerset may have, with the exception of young Buttler, appeared lacklustre and fatigued but it sounds to me as if they were simply turned over by a better side on the day, motivated and buoyed by their recent winning streak.

Praise also has to go to the skipper. I said last year he was a fast learner and that is exactly what he is. He’s shown a great deal of maturity in the way he has marshalled his troops and he will go on learning. This may be the start of something great. His own knock of 70 plus showed how it should be done, and only the aforementioned J Buttler bettered it. Talking of Buttler, you can’t help admire his wonderful attempt to get Somerset over the line. It was a gallant and gutsy knock, and one that will have got him noticed by many. A one day career for England may be round the corner.

Jade Dernbach got man of the match. I think this wasn’t just for his fantastic spell of death bowling but also because the night before he’d been playing in the final England v India one day international match under the floodlights, and therefore had crawled away from the Swalec at some ungodly time and most likely arrived in London in the wee small hours of the morning. Most normal folks would have been stumbling about the place like an extra from Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ but credit to Jade, the man who removed the ‘tat’ from ‘tattoo’ and made looking like a walking doodle extremely cool. It’s been rather a good year for Dernbach, when all’s said and done.

And it’s been a rather good year for Surrey, too! Promoted, a bit of silverware in the trophy cabinet, an exciting future; at the moment things are looking rosy for the club. All positive thoughts to take into the 2012 season.

Question is, what the heck do I do until April?!?

On the up

Ugh! I have a cold: one that started during the final knockings of the Surrey Leicestershire game. I could feel its germy microbes spreading through my body just as Nathan Buck’s stump decided to go its separate way from the others. But even although I am typing this with a head that feels as if it’s filled entirely with custard my good mood cannot be assuaged: Surrey won their game yesterday in very good time, and with considerable style.

From bottom of division 2 to fourth spot in one fell swoop! I can only assume that winning the two CB40 games has managed to generate a little momentum within the squad, and having the likes of Tremlett and Ramps back must have boosted the team no end. Whatever the reason, Surrey batted supremely and then backed it up with some really fine bowling as well, as they did unto Leicestershire what Middlesex did unto them the week before.

There were standout performances but this truly was a team effort, and this was the most impressive thing about the Surrey display. How many times have they unfairly been called a one-man unit? True, that man in particular played his part but today there was a real sense of coming together, and as the run tally grew so did the confidence in the side. De Bruyn was every bit the solid number 4 batsman and again scored over 60 runs, whilst Ramps fell just 9 agonising runs short of his first century of the season. Credit to him though: to score 91 in just your second innings in the campaign, having not struck a ball in anger since November is very impressive indeed. For Ramps neither the passage of time or injury has diminished his ability to score runs for his side.

Steven Davies came in with licence to swing the bat, which is precisely what he did until getting out for 37, at which point the plug was pulled by Surrey. Then began the almost impossible run chase as Leicestershire faced the unenviable task of having to carve into a sizeable lead of 423 with five sessions remaining! For Surrey there remained the possibility of rain on the fourth day, and so they set about Leicestershire: a contest that on the face of it was every bit as unequal as a Rottweiler taking on a well-chewed slipper...

Only one man put up any real fight against a revitalised Surrey, and that man was of course the diminutive James Taylor. During the course of his plucky stay at the crease he was on the receiving end of many brutal deliveries, in fact I’m surprised he’s still in one piece (or possessing all his teeth)! The others, Boyce apart with his 41 runs, all capitulated to the constant Surrey barrage: Meaker cleaning up the tail enders with ruthless efficiency claiming 4 wickets in total, Arafat taking 1, and Dernbach showing exactly why the England selectors came calling at the beginning of the year with a stupendous fivefer! It was only right that the final wicket of Taylor fell to him, and the delight at Surrey’s first victory of the season could be seen amidst the joyous celebrations within the team.

It was another good moment for skipper Rory. He seems to be learning all the time, and if Surrey can claim another victory this weekend over Leicestershire in the CB40 then perhaps the collective fortunes of the team are indeed on the up.

Fingers crossed, eh?

Victories, balls and farewells

Balls.

That’s what Surrey showed today. Big, massive ones at that! In a metaphorical sense, you understand. Displaying the non-metaphorical ones in public can result in arrest. Just ask any streaker worth his salt.

I don’t know if there was something in the Rosebowl air today, or whether Surrey were high on the back of their heady win over Scotland yesterday. I don’t know if maybe Deirdre, fresh from having her ashes scattered at the Oval today decided to look down at the teams from on high and have a laugh. Whatever the truth, today’s humdinger of a match just about caused me a peptic ulcer! Something decidedly odd seemed afoot almost from the word go.

I mean, Hants are chock full of decent players. And one by one – and at regular intervals – they dropped like ninepins! I’m not one for casting aspersions on the boys abilities and certainly Surrey are a more than reasonable team, but if you’d asked me if they’d have Hants all out for 141 in 30 overs I’d have probably spat my cup of tea out at your face in disbelief! How long have the doom merchants, naysayers and long-suffering “I can remember when we were invincible” brigade been hankering after a display like that?

It did seem a little too good to be true, to be honest. I’m afraid, with all due respect to our wonderful bowlers, I had suspicions something was up with the pitch. And when Hants began their response in the same manner as Surrey had, with wickets tumbling all over the shop, I felt all the more certain that the Rosebowl was misbehaving unexpectedly. Not in a naughty “call the ECB inspectors” way, I hasten to add. It just didn’t seem to be going the way either team had anticipated. By all accounts it should have been a marvellous batting track, and yet the ball dominated the bat in an almost obscene manner.

Take the Hants innings for example. The top score made by a batsman on their team was a slightly incongruous 34 from Dawson. The next highest score was 21 from McKenzie! With other scores ranging from a first ball duck for Corky to a couple of 15s for Pothas and Howell, things were looking mighty ominous for the home side. 4 wickets fell to a rather imperious Dernbach, with two for Arafat, two for Linley and one apiece for Schofield and Spriegel. I’m pretty sure even the most faithful of Hants supporters would have considered going home at the half way break!

If they did then they would soon have been regretting missing out on one heck of an exciting game. The skipper followed up his single run in the last game with, you guessed it, a single run in this one. I said RHB would have his day – and he will – but it seemingly wasn’t meant to be today. And when Davies, with the score still on 1, followed his captain back up the steps Dominic Cork must have been scenting blood! Worse followed when the experienced de Bruyn was out for 5 with the score on a measly 24, and when Maynard was dismissed for 14 (and then Wilson next ball for a duck) it looked as if another calamitous collapse was on the cards!

Thank heavens then for Jason Roy! I have the feeling (and indeed hope fervently) I may be saying that a lot in future years. He, ably assisted by Spriegel, was the main difference between winning and losing today. Yes, it was a long and protracted journey towards that 142 total that put me slightly in mind of my new treadmill: a lot of huffing and puffing but getting nowhere fast. But riding his luck once again and staying in to make 76 before being bowled was the main factor that Surrey now finds themselves near the top – if not at the top – of their CB40 group. Schofield came in and smashed the last couple of runs required to take them over the line, and although Roy wasn’t there at the end I’m sure he will reflected well upon his performance.

Credit to Spriegel for sticking with him to the end and playing such a pivotal role. His 29 not out was the third highest score in the entire game! And much credit to RHB for his constant mixing up of the bowlers; chopping and changing so that the opposition couldn’t settle at all. He showed a great deal of nous, and certainly in the shorter game he seems very tactically aware. The changes in bowlers he made today, and the times he made those changes, seemed almost inspired.

And so, with a second win under their belts the Surrey Lions can look forward to their next championship game against Leicestershire on Wednesday. Surrey seems to have a reasonable record against them, I think. At least a certain M.R.Ramprakash does. Will he be in the squad? What position will he play if he is? I had heard some ugly rumours about him possibly opening...but that does seem like wasting your best asset. Would you drive your Rolls Royce in a cross-country rally? Openers are there to take the sting out the new ball. Exposing your best player to it straight away seems like sheer lunacy to me, although given the number of times in the past that Ramps has had to come in early with the first wicket down I suppose he may as well open...

Back to the Oval. I mentioned earlier that our very own Deirdre’s ashes scattering took place today. By all accounts it was a very moving experience, even if she did turn up late to her own ceremony! The Rampants who made it to the Oval extend their thanks to the groundsman who both met their party and allowed them on to the pitch. Final word, I think, should go to one of our founding members, Fiona, who expressed the following sentiments on the scattering of Dee’s ashes:

“Gosh it was so very moving - her little patch of grass on the Oval pitch where she will now always be... Oh, and Dee, don't think we don't realise that it was you who ordered that great big gust of wind that took you floating up all over the members area!! Good girl! And her being late was SO Elizabeth Taylor. It was a very lovely day.”

God speed, lovely Dee! xxx

Oh, my giddy aunt! Another draw!

Having done the first two days in one post I guess I ought to do the same for days three and four!

It was one of those odd games where the individual performances from both sides were mighty fine, but where the end result felt like being astride a Space Hopper with a slow puncture. After all that effort from Surrey with their massive one-innings total, and the equally belligerent and doughty resolve shown by Glamorgan not to succumb to pressure, the game fizzled into an inevitable draw. Not that draws are necessarily boring: the match in which Ramps got his 100th hundred was fairly entertaining until the rain brought proceedings to a close.

There were all manner of weird little injuries and setbacks throughout the four days. Meaker and Schofield both at various points appeared to be suffering from some malady and Dernbach’s unfortunate indisposition appeared to be the result of a tummy bug. There were bashed fingers on the Glamorgan side, and what at first appeared to be an assault from a wasp later turned out to be an attack of cramp! Both painful, but I’d personally take the cramp any day!

The unexpected rain that had turned up during day three greatly reduced Surrey’s chances of taking the game, as did some wonderful batting from Glamorgan. By the time the final wicket fell (in the nick of time) enabling Surrey to stick them in again, the game had all but slipped from their grasp. It’s all very well saying “just 10 good balls” but when the opposition are equally determined not to lay down and die you may as well add a zero to that number. It was a case of handshakes all round come the eve of five o’clock and the inevitable draw ensued.

The draw does Surrey no favours. It leaves them second bottom already, despite some exciting performances, and next week they will face a resurgent Middlesex who have two wins to their name already this season! Gloves are off now as far as I am concerned. I usually like Middlesex to a certain degree...but not this time. Just this once I’m actually hoping they are ritualistically and miraculously put through the grinder. Now would be a great time for Mr Arafat to find his mojo again, poor fellow. He must be wondering what he has to do to get a wicket: it’s just not happening for him at the moment. Maybe Middlesex will be the catalyst he needs.

After the cricket there was the new series of Doctor Who to look forward to, which got me thinking. Eleven Doctors: where would they play in a cricket team? Of course, the fifth Doctor – resplendent in his cricket whites – would be the obvious choice for captain, but what of the others? Can you just picture it?

Doc 1: My dear young man, that was never out! Now kindly stop bothering me and let me get on, hmmm?

Doc2: Jamie, when I say run...RUN!

Doc3: Good grief! What’s the little fellow in the white coat up to? If I can just reverse the polarity of this cricket ball...

Doc4: I say, Mr Umpire. Would you care for a jelly baby? What do you mean, bribing an umpire isn’t acceptable?!?

Doc5: Can’t stop...must dash! Speak later!

Doc6: Out?!? Out?!? What do you mean, OUT?!?

Doc7: How very splendid, Ace! A six straight off the middle of my umbrella!

Doc8: One moment! I can’t run! These shoes...they just don’t fit!

Doc9: Oi! Do you mind? There’s nothing wrong with a sonic cricket bat!

Doc10: Oh...brilliant shot! Absolutely brilliant! Well...sort of brilliant. Well...okayish. Well...actually it was rather poor, but nevermind. Alon-zi!

Doc11: Fish custard again for lunch break. Can somebody please get new caterers?


The possibilities are just endless!

Dernbach earns England call-up!

Hurrah, basically!

The Rampants are very pleased for Jade. We feel somewhat proprietorial towards him since we first saw him wandering about the Oval car park in his skins after the previously mentioned 2007 championship game against Lancashire.

Progress has been made slowly but surely by Dernbach over the last few years; certainly I noticed a marked difference in him when I last saw him play in 2010. He seems to exude a definite sense of confidence and maturity these days...possibly the hot-headedness of youth has been tempered with time and experience, but that raw skill first displayed for Surrey at the age of 17 now appears to have developed to another level.

I still hope we’ll have the pleasure of seeing him at the Oval: with both Tremlett and Dernbach potentially on England duty the onus will be put squarely back on Chris Jordan to propel Surrey back to the upper echelons of county cricket. But whilst Woakes can perhaps feel slightly aggrieved that he wasn’t chosen this time as a replacement for the injured Shahzad, this is Jade’s chance to shine and be noticed. What an incredible moment for him, and all those who have helped him progress to this level. They must be very proud!

I’ll stop now because I’ve realised I sound like my mum on the rare occasions I do anything noteworthy. Not that I’ll ever represent my country at cricket: I couldn’t even represent Scotland at Connect 4 or Buckaroo...

Anyway, well done Mr Dernbach, sir!

Congratulations and general back-slapping

...to Chris Tremlett and Steven Davies on making the Ashes touring party, and to Jade Dernbach on his place in the Lions team. I know that this is a couple of weeks too late but to be honest I've been soo tired and a little bit aimless since the end of the season that I really couldn't be bothered blogging anything. All the same, it's lovely to see these guys getting the recognition they deserve.

Talking of recognition, Tremlett also won the players award at the annual Surrey end of season do. Totally agree with the decision! He's had a wonderful season for the club. Same goes for Ramps, who picked up three awards: best batsman, fitness award and supporter's award. How do you measure fitness, though? Do they stick the players on a tredmill and see who's the last one to drop?

Nevermind. The Rampants have always thought he was pretty fit!

Cameron: his heart will go on...

It’s such a pleasant change to see positive things happen at New Road. In recent years the club has been flooded at least twice, on one occasion to the extent where Olympic triathlon swimming could comfortably have been trialled at the ground. There have been all kinds of reports of unrest amongst players, with some of them – including Gareth Batty – having gone off to pastures new (or not so new in Batty’s case). With all of that to one side, how refreshing to see young Mr Cameron doing so well in the Worcestershire cause. When I say Cameron, I don’t mean the PM. He has enough trouble trying to remember who the England cricket team are, let alone knowing which end of a bat is which...

It’s been an odd day as far as I can tell, in terms of where we are in the game. Both teams will be feeling quietly satisfied. Firstly, Worcestershire would win bragging rights for winning the toss and batting first. But then Surrey would have felt insanely smug at having the hosts down at 106-5! These little twisty, turny sessions have produced a rather intriguing little scenario in that whilst the morning belonged to Surrey, the afternoon definitely went to Worcs. A fiendish partnership involving the aforementioned Cameron developed, sticking harder than a piece of chewing gum to one of Mark Ramprakash’s bats!

Tremlett stole the bowling honours with his four wickets today, in the same way that Cameron did for the Worcestershire batting. If there’s a better opening bowler in the county game at the moment I’ve not seen him. Again, I didn’t hear the majority of the game because muggins was up to my eyes in dead people (genealogy, before people think I work in a ‘Silent Witness’ capacity), but it looks like there may have been one or two slightly silly shots offered by the Worcestershire batsmen in the morning session given the score. Mitchell fell for 5 runs, care of Tremlett. Then it was the turn of the lovely Rampant favourite Solanki for 37, bowled by Batty, and 13 proved unlucky for Moeen Ali, who was out lbw to Batty. At 83-3 Surrey must have been feeling mighty pleased with themselves!

The situation was almost instantly made even better when Kervezee stumbled to a six ball duck with only one further run added to the score. And when Shakib was bowled by Tremlett for 18, another notch on the Surrey smug-ometer must have been reached!

The period immediately after lunch often seems to be the real danger to Surrey when bowling. I wouldn’t say they let the game get away from them, as the batting between Cameron and Wheeldon was very fine, but it does seem to be an Achilles heel for the south London team. Do they have too many sticky toffee puddings at dinner time? Are they too stuffed full of munchies? I’m only saying this because twenty minutes after my own lunch I have to fight the urge not to fall asleep with my head on the keyboard...

Compare the situation before and after. The last wicket to fall before lunch was the fifth, for 106. The next one fell with the score at 211! That is one heck of a comeback (doffs cap in admiration) from Worcestershire. Surrey huffed and puffed but the wickets still stood until the departure of Wheeldon for 65, given lbw to Dernbach. To rub more salt into the wound, Cameron and Cox then continued where Wheeldon left off! Cox did well in keeping Cameron company whilst the latter crept slowly towards his highest ever batting total. I shouldn’t really be cheering on the opposition, but I confess in this case I did. Just a little cheer.

I gave a bigger one when Cox went for 18, lbw to Batty.

There was of course the chance that Cameron would reach his first ever first class century, but as fate would have it he fell four short, thanks to some acrobatics from Stewart Walters, who juggled the ball for a while before finally taking the catch!

Surrey can take pride in two things. I’ve already mentioned on a few occasions the meteoric improvement in the Surrey fielding, to the extent where they’ve gone from zeros to heroes in this field (pardon the pun). If there was a graph denoting the improvement from two years ago, say, starting at a level equal to the black hole of Calcutta, the big, red squiggly line would show we’re currently scaling the summit of Ben Nevis! A pie chart would similarly denote a very satisfying portion showing Surrey doing very nicely, probably comparing favourably with other counties. Of course, Surrey have a young and fit squad, which helps. Even Ramps on the verge of 41 is incredibly fit. I have the feeling that, much as we love him, having someone like Cosgrove in the side might not help in terms of fielding statistics. If he saw a pie chart, god love him, he’d probably eat it...

But the real improvement is the bowling. By and large we are now looking like a side that is going to bowl the opposition out twice in a game. Tremlett has been a fairly dynamic cog in the wheel, but Batty too (who I know gets a lot of stick from some Surrey fans in certain quarters) is starting to reap the rewards of his hard graft. Dernbach, returning from injury having started so well, is now looking like he’s shaken the rust from his bowling arm. Imagine a side that could have had a fit Andre Nel and Chris Jordan, as well as Meaker! Now you’re talking!

Andrew, who had replaced Cox as Cameron’s perfect foil, must have felt a little lonely without his friend as he fell four runs later with the score on exactly 300, bowled by Dernbach for 24. That left the final pair to be mopped up, with Tremlett fittingly picking up the scalp of Mason for 4, leaving Shantry not out, also on 4.
It’s a bit difficult to know how Surrey would have felt about having four or so overs at the end of the day to see off, but I guess that’s what happens when you knock over the opposition late on. Would they have sent out a night watchman if one of the openers had gone, to protect Ramps’ wicket? I’m not sure Mr R has much time for night watchmen to be honest. What happens when your night watchman’s wicket falls? Do you send out another? And what happens if he goes too???

It was a question that thankfully didn’t need answering, as both Lancefield and Harinath (who we’ll probably be sticking with as poor Michael Brown is confirmed out for the rest of the season) stuck dutifully to their wickets, with Lancefield not out on 7 and Harinath not out on 1. Fingers are well and truly crossed that they stick around long enough to take the sting out the ball tomorrow. It would be nice to see the opening partnership succeed: it showed signs of promise in the Sussex game.

Of course, with less than 300 runs now to get to equal the Worcestershire total, the real question is whether or not the rain is going to play havoc with the game like it did against Sussex. At the time of writing this it doesn’t look hopeful!

On a slightly different tack, the BBC headlines proclaims “Drink-driving Swann blames cat.’

Come on. How’s it’s feet supposed to reach the pedals?

You've been Jigar-ed!

I’ve often wondered what it must be like to evaluate players as the newspapers sometimes do, and score them according to performance, but I think it would be harsh to do this on what unfortunately turned out to be the last day of the game against Leicestershire due to Surrey losing by over an innings. I’m praying fervently that we won’t perform as poorly as a team ever again. Hopefully. She said, crossing fingers, toes and sundry body parts.

In fairness you’ve got to credit the Leicestershire bowling attack and Hoggard’s leadership. The pressure they put the Surrey team under from day one was immense and they thoroughly deserved their win. Naik and Henderson were really on the money both today and yesterday, and following the Surrey first innings capitulation for 236 they must really have fancied their chances of demolishing them for less than their 479 total. And so it proved to be.

I guess what was so disappointing was the fact that having played so well in the previous games leading up to this match, Surrey probably were not expecting to perform so badly. If anything they should have been on a high given their much improved performances in the last three games. The sad thing is that they will now have a loss against their names going in to the T20, although in fairness it’s a different contest, and a fresh slate. That is the way they have to look at it, and I hope they are a hungrier side in the shortest form of the game than they sometimes appear in the county championship. As I have said, it’s not a lack of effort that is proving Surrey’s downfall at the moment, but they look to be missing that vital killer instinct.

If I was going to nominate the best overall performance of the game I would probably give the award to Claude Henderson, just, over Naik. However, although it was in vain I would also highlight Dernbach’s fivefer yesterday and today’s effort with the bat by Younus who managed 77 in the second Surrey innings. Considering his previous tally was a total of 4, I’d say that was more than a pretty decent effort especially given the fact the rest of his team mates had collapsed like a stack of cards around him.

This said my man of the match was actually Mark Ramprakash. Sure, he only got a total of 50 in both innings, and if I were to score him for his performance in the game it would have been a 6 out of 10, but I rounded it up to 9 for just being there. And then I rounded it up to 10 to make up for the one that Craig-Revel Horwood never gave him for the Argentine Tango.

When it comes to standing around on turf all day, Mark Ramprakash is probably the biggest draw in the country. He played well enough but got done by two rather excellent deliveries. But at the end of the day that didn’t really matter, because we are honoured to cheer Mr R and the boys on, no matter how they fare in the game.

Good luck in the T20, Surrey. Get one for the Rampants!

The Force ‘aint with us!

Day Two: Surrey v Leicestershire, The Oval

The force isn't with us. Or so it seemed by close of play.

Nothing’s ever simple with Surrey. After an almost fruitless morning of plugging away, it took an inspired spell from Jade Dernbach to mop up the Leicestershire tail, like Luke Skywalker homing in on the Death Star, delivering the final deadly blow. The final four wickets fell for just 8 runs with Dernbach and Batty causing all the trouble but, for all that, the Leics total stood at 479, with Surrey claiming 1 bowling point and the opposition gaining 4 batting points.

Fielding in the heat isn’t very pleasant, I’d have thought. Fielding in the heat for the best part of two days must be even less pleasant. So, coming in to bat after two days of fielding in the heat must be extremely unpleasant for even the fittest of persons. I reckon Leicestershire will be glad to have won the toss because I think this was a major factor in what followed.

Basically, Surrey never really got going. I’m sure Ramps was hoping for a little more time to put his feet up, just as I suppose Harinath was expecting a little more time at the crease, but sadly for both neither happened and young Arun was dismissed for 4. Ramps seemed to settle in and play his usual game whilst Davies played a more assertive role, and for as long as the pair of them were at the crease things looked fairly settled. And then an incredible over from Claude Henderson saw the removal of both Steven Davies (69) and Mark Ramprakash (30), which sparked an all too familiar Surrey collapse.

Captain Rory, whose gung-ho bravado I admit I rather like, knows how he wants to play the game. Usually this involves being extremely positive, and indeed why not? Davies also likes to score quickly, which is why I think in the shorter game they makes such an impressive, watchable opening pair. However, there has been the odd occasion where that positivity has managed to get him out when possibly a little more circumspection might have been beneficial. He finished today with a score of 13 (unlucky for him). And now I feel a total rat for saying it! At the end of the day I guess the players know rather more about the game than I do. The most impressive thing I can do is play Queen’s ‘Somebody to Love’ on the kazoo...

Only Davies and Ramps really sounded remotely relaxed at the crease, which considering the menacing, dark side like presence of Henderson says a lot. Actually, Surrey could have benefitted from having some stormtroopers bowling at them because as all Star Wars aficionados will tell you, they couldn’t hit the target if it was stood a foot in front of them with a big red cross and ‘please shoot here’ above it.

To make matters worse, Younus Khan stuck around for three balls. In two innings the poor man has made three runs. I do feel sorry for him! All that expectation and it just hasn’t happened for him. As anticipated Pakistan have now rescinded their sentence of a life ban. What that means for Surrey I don’t know, but as he hasn’t exactly found his legs at the Oval I imagine he will be quite keen to try and rekindle his international career, if he wasn’t already.

If this were to happen, any chance of getting Symonds full time?

Batty managed to get out for a duck late on in proceedings, just as Nathan Buck had earlier. Buck for a duck! I did laugh at that one. Somewhat childishly, I know.

Simply, Leicestershire played better than Surrey. There is a tiny flicker of hope in that Afzaal is still at the crease on 24, with Chris Schofield who we all know can stick around longer than a dose of shingles (with apologies for the unflattering comparison) not out on 3. But even with a Surrey tail that can on occasions - such as against Northants – provide some substance you have to say that this time the chances of surviving the follow on is as likely as Jabba the Hutt winning gold on the asymmetric bars.

As Han Solo might have said, I have a baaaaad feeling about this...

Ice, Ice Baby!

Day one, Surrey v Leicestershire at the Oval

I enjoyed today very much despite the fact that it was, over all, Leicestershire’s morning. The sun was out here in Scotland’s fair capital, as it was in London, and I have a week’s holiday to look forward to. Dad came through his operation okay, although there was a moment of mild confusion, as when we arrived at the hospital he was missing from his room! Apparently he’d been sent to x-ray without the nurses knowing about it and not, as I joked in bad taste, because he’d been smothered in the night by a patient for snoring like an asthmatic gnu. I offered to lend him my radio so he could listen to TMS but the signal was extremely weak. Perhaps it’s just as well: I’m not sure seven hours of Geoff Boycott is a good idea for a convalescent...

Even as someone who readily admits their idea of a good time is to stay indoors and read a book, and finds the prospect of travelling anywhere further than the city centre horrific, I should have loved to have been at the Oval today with the small huddle of Rampants in the traditional meet-up point of the Wedlake Bell Family Enclosure. Dad’s op sort of knocked that possibility on the head, even if I had found the courage to get on the train to London. I will set my sights on the September Rampant Annual General Meeting and try and get my finances – and my head – into gear. Oh to be a normal person like everyone else and just be able to go places by myself without turning into a nervous wreck!

Liz provided a cake for the dynamic duo of Mr Church and Mr Barran, or rather her granddaughter did. I said I’d give her a name check, so thank you Ashleigh for your hard work! I think the general consensus from the Rampants was that the weather was very hot, that Mr Ramprakash had his built-in Rampant detector on full alert (as he fielded as far away from them as he could again), and that a good time was had by one and all. Also having a good time, it seemed, was a stag party who decided to dress up as Whoopee Cushions, Babies, Robin Hood and Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz amongst others! Maybe that’s an idea for September, and the Rampants should make an effort to wear fancy dress. We could have a dance theme!

As for the game, Leicestershire won the toss and decided to bat first, which is what you tend to do at the Oval. Jade Dernbach made an early breakthrough by getting rid of Boyce lbw for a duck, but after that initial spell of tight bowling the Leicestershire batsmen dug in without Surrey being able to take any wickets on a traditional flat batting track. They remained with only one wicket to their credit until after lunch, but by that point I had to visit my dad in hospital and to be honest I didn’t have a clue what had gone on until I got back home at 17.00pm!

The upshot is that Leics find themselves four down for a total of 337, with one centurion in the shape of Jefferson (135) and two other batsmen with very respectable scores of over 50. It’s that old problem of not being able to nip the partnerships out before they form raising its head again, but there’s no point in getting angsty about it as (fingers crossed) we found ourselves in a similar situation against Northants. Hopefully we won’t be relying on Andre Nel to get us out of a fix this time. Especially as he isn’t playing.

There’s still a long way to go in this game, but a long-range weather forecast suggested it was going to pour with rain on Saturday in London. I know it seems difficult to believe it at the moment given the positively tropical weather the UK is enjoying but these things have a habit of sneaking up and taking a positive result away from you. Surrey had maybe better hope that they get a good, long batting session tomorrow some time or it could be yet another draw on the cards.

I remain intrigued however at the idea of there being an international sign from the players for ‘ice bath’. Firstly, I find it difficult to understand why anyone would voluntarily ask for an ice bath even if the weather was hotter than Satan’s Jacuzzi. But given that there is such a signal, what others might there be?

ONE HAND HOLDING AN INVISIBLE CAN, WITH ONE FINGER TUGGING BACK THE RINGPULL: Get them in, Schoey’s paying.

ONE HAND PULLING AT THE REINS OF AN INVISIBLE HOBBY HORSE, WHIP IN LEFT HAND: Find out what won the big race.

ONE FINGER POINTING AT CROTCH ACCOMPANIED BY FRANTIC FLAPPING OF ARMS: There’s a wasp in my box.

The possibilities are endless!

The bigger they are, the harder they hit!

Day Two: Glamorgan v Surrey at Swalec

Odd sort of day this. It feels like day one, but of course it is day two.

One moment it looked like Glamorgan were on top. Then it swung towards Surrey. And then with the last session it went back Glamorgan’s way. From a Surrey perspective, annoying little partnerships kept sprouting up like unsightly fungus between toes. Every time you thought you’d got rid of the problem it reappeared.

Perhaps the biggest – no pun intended – threat to Surrey was Mark Cosgrove. Cosgrove’s love of the good life has already been documented, and it would be fair to say that as cricketers go these days he is a little on the large side. But am I the only one who finds this a pleasant throwback to days spent batting on the village green, scoffing down cold pies and drinking warm beer at lunch? I know cricket’s stuffed full of super fit humans who can lift up a horse box with one hand whilst doing 200 miles on an exercise bike, but c’mon! To tell someone that they are too portly to play for their national side when they have as much talent as the skinny blokes on the team is a bit naughty. Cosgrove can still move; he isn’t Mr Creosote!

And indeed, he proved as much again today by rapidly accumulating 82 runs from 107 balls, with the usual mixture of fine shots and serial killer-crazed bludgeoning, whilst fellow opener Rees went about his business in a slightly more refined manner. That both openers went whilst in the 80s was more to do with the quality bowling served up by the Surrey side rather than any horrific errors. Or bribes of a “wafer thin” after dinner mint...

Only kidding!

Meaker looks fast and frisky these days, especially now that the Sat Nav appears to be taking him in the right direction rather than telling him to take a right turn into a lake. Three wickets fell to the young man, whilst Dernbach, fresh from his incredible efforts alongside Andre Nel, dusted off the superhero costume once again and had claimed four wickets by the end of play. Looking at the relatively low scores of the day, Dalrymple for 11, Wright for 23, Maynard for 3 and Allenby for 15 you would think that Surrey would be feeling pretty good about things right now. But then look at the flip side: 58 for Wallace and 49 for Harris, and then add it in to the scores by Cosgrove and Rees, and you’re past the foot fungus stage and looking at gangrene!

I must say here that Linley also bowled very well for no reward. I think he must have run over the umpire’s dog yesterday.

All in all, a very good display of disciplined bowling and some very entertaining batting. But the highlight of the day for me was when Churchy said this about Mark Cosgrove:

“The proof’s in the pudding.”

Still celebrating!

Okay...I’ve calmed down now.

But yippee! A win in the CC! Something that hasn’t happened to Surrey since, well, last year against the very same team! Cue little dancing Ewoks playing celebratory jungle drums! Does this mean we can only win against Northants? Or, as we are all hoping and praying, will it lead to a renewed energy and confidence to take into the Glamorgan game? It will be a tough act considering that Glamorgan are at the top of Division 2, but the fact that Surrey are only a few points behind Leicestershire now, although still at the bottom, suggests that any team on a good day is capable of beating any of the others.

It really is going to come down to those little ‘moments’. The catches taken and those dropped. The boundaries successfully cut off, and decisions going your way. Surrey’s fielding, so often castigated in the past, has improved so much since the beginning of the season. It’s going to have to be tip-top at Cardiff on Saturday.

Other than the win though, which was the major achievement of the Northants game, there were some good individual performances. Nel and Dernbach’s batting extravaganza was mentioned yesterday, but this morning they both managed to inflict a lot of damage with the ball as well. Linley claimed the early scalp of Boje, and Sales (who had sadly been off the field of play with a rather nasty sounding migraine for much of the game) was run out shortly after for a duck. Hall managed 32 before Nel removed him, and he also got rid of Middlebrook for 5. Vaas hung around for a little while, putting on 17 before falling to Dernbach, and yesterday’s hero also accounted for Dagget, who made 2 runs. It left Willey not out on 18 and Northants with a total of 241 for Surrey to chase in two sessions.

The target looked fairly doable, and so it proved. Davies opened with Harinath and hit a quickfire 25 until caught by Willey. Ramps steadied the Surrey ship in his own inimitable style, quietly accumulating runs whilst Harinath made a solid 48 before being dismissed. RHB, playing in his usual positive and aggressive fashion, lived dangerously at various stages in the innings, finally removed for 45 coming down the track to smash the ball and then being stumped by O’Brien. Afzaal however played a much more studious and sedate innings and contrived with Mark Ramprakash to see the game to its conclusion – and a Surrey victory.

The South London team finally claimed a well deserved 7 wicket win over Northants, with Afzaal 33 not out and Ramps 79 not out. It’s a rich seam of form that Mr R has hit in the last few games. A double ton and a single hundred in the Middlesex game, plus a 70 and 79 not out in the Northants game. He currently sits third in the combined division batting figures with a very healthy average into the 70s, better than both the batsman ahead of him in terms of runs. I imagine the briefing of Saturday’s Glamorgan team will have ‘get Ramps early’ at the top of their agenda, followed by ‘don’t drop him, for god’s sake’ as bullet point number two. Of course, this brings my old favourite Mr Cosgrove back into the frame come Saturday. It’s the battle of the two Marks: and both are right bang in form. Who is going to come out on top?

I’m guessing the Surrey song was echoing throughout the dressing room at Wantage Road this evening. I hope they kept the lyrics clean, or poor Younis Khan, newly arrived from Pakistan, will be wondering exactly what he’s landed himself in! Yes, that’s right: the invisible batsman is no longer invisible.

Hopefully he’ll be given the chance to sing along with the team on many occasions to come!

Andre Nel is...Batman!

I always enjoy it when the last wicket partnership put on a stand worth of General Custer himself (she said, whilst remembering that Custer didn’t exactly come out of that particular battle in good shape. Or at all, for that matter). Today the Surrey tail did not merely wag prodigiously, but the puppy refused to roll over! And now, as a result of heroics from Andre Nel and Jade Dernbach, Surrey have managed to get themselves into a very nice position heading into day four!

It was unfortunate that bad light curtailed what was very much Surrey’s session. Northants find themselves four down with really only Boje standing in the way of what could be the biggest turn around in recent years for Surrey. Peters was back in the hutch for 9, bowled by an on-fire Nel, whilst first innings hero Loye was unable to match his previous effort and went for 20, lbw to Schofield. O’Brien looked reasonably secure on 44 until dismissed by Dernbach and then man of the day Nel steamed in once again to get rid of White for 29. All in all, the collective Surrey effort with the ball was phenomenal, subjecting the Northants batsmen to an intense barrage of deliveries that Barnes Wallace himself would have been proud of!

But it was Andre Nel that took the plaudits with sidekick Jade Dernbach: the most unlikely duo to take on all comers since Batman and Robin displayed a mutual fetish for skin-tight lycra and silly masks. I checked the score at work during various stages in the day, and my reaction (pretty much the same as most, I’d have thought) went rather like this:

“Oh, they’ve avoided the follow-on. That was unexpected!”

“Spriegel’s out. That’ll be that, then.”

“Linley didn’t stay around long, poor fella.”

“What is going on here? Is that Nel and Dernbach scoring these runs?”

“Are they still in???”

“No, seriously. Are they really still in???”

“Has the scorecard gone completely berserk?”

“Andre Nel is 85 not out at lunch!!! And Surrey has a 4th batting point!”

It was indeed a “Holy suffering Tiflex, batman” moment, complete with punch of gloved hands from Dernbach, er...Robin.

In fact, even knowing that Nel can play attacking shots and that Dernbach was a much improved batsman who could swing the willow with the best when required, the idea that the last wicket partnership was in serious danger of drawing level with the Northants first innings total was almost unbelievable. What a titanic effort! Unfortunately, it did prove too good to be true as Andre Nel managed to get out just 4 runs short of what would have been a richly deserved first century for Surrey. But what an amazing display, especially given that his recent outburst against Peters and O’Brien landed him with a further 3 points on his record. Perhaps it just whetted his appetite all the more!

As for Dernbach, he managed his first ever 50 for Surrey in the championship, and if Surrey do manage to win from here an awful lot of it will be down to him for sticking with Nel. Get that fellow Jade up the order – he’s wasted coming in last!

In the end Surrey fell just 11 short of the Northants target and given what an unlikely position that was going into the morning session; I hope the boys are feeling extremely happy with themselves tonight. Quick wickets are going to have to fall tomorrow if Surrey have any chance to claim their first championship victory, or else Northants will just probably be content to put the match beyond Surrey’s reach. Given today’s heroics, that would almost be cruel. Yet again Boje is the key, you feel. If Surrey can nip him out early tomorrow a reasonable run chase may yet be on the cards.

Perhaps Schoey can prove to be the ‘Joker’ in the pack...

Leg Off Before Wicket...

Northamptonshire v Surrey, day one, Wantage Road

Today was mostly about three things. Firstly, the considerable heat. Secondly, a tale of great batting from two determined Northants players. And thirdly, today was the day when Andre Nel turned into Angry Nel. In fact, make that extremely Angry Nel.

Like any ultra competitive sportsman, when things go wrong sometimes a gasket blows. I don’t see a problem with venting feelings: it’s the inner fire that stokes the boiler, after all. Sometimes however that fire gets out of control, as it did momentarily for Nel who apparently got worked up when Davies didn’t take a catch behind the stumps, before getting into the face of Northants O’Brien. No doubt Nel will have apologised but fingers crossed he hasn’t done anything bad enough to merit another slap on the wrists from the umpires. Surrey have enough problems with injured bowlers and invisible bowlers without adding a banned bowler to the casualty list.

Overall you would have to say that, after a topsy turvy day where fortune swung like a pendulum first one way then another, Northants end the day in a superior position, largely thanks to a stand between Boje and Loye, along with an extremely useful 61 from Peters. Loye in particular played well, especially as he never really looked comfortable at the crease until towards the end of the day. Yet for all that he remains handily placed to take the game away from Surrey tomorrow, on 121 not out. If that’s being out of touch, I think many would settle for it!

A total of five wickets have fallen, with Surrey winning the toss and opting to field first. Linley took two wickets, with Dernbach and Jewell one apiece (the latter taking his first championship wicket for Surrey). Nel took his considerable ire out on Sales, whose stumps were sent flying for a duck. But there were no more wickets after the tea break, and Northants clawed their way back to a fantastic position which they will look to use as a platform tomorrow to get a large score.

I’m not sure whether Tremlett is being rested, having his work load managed or if he has broken down, to use racing terminology (which usually means one stage from the glue factory). Batty seems to have injured his leg rather than it being simply a case of cramp, and Michael Brown is still two more weeks away from finding out if, as may be the case for the poor man, he is yet another two more weeks away from a return. Still no further news on Jordan. Any more injuries and we are getting into the realms of Monty Python’s legendary Batsman of The Kalahari sketch. You know the one. With C.U. Pratt being ‘Killed Outright’ and M.J.K Pratt being given out ‘Stump Through Head’ for nought...

Actually, better not give Andre Nel any ideas about dismissing the opposition 'leg off before wicket!'

With tomorrow looking like being another scorcher weather-wise, hopefully tempers will not sizzle too much in a game that Surrey desperately needs to win. Kick-starting one’s season when fast approaching June is a little like trying to catch up with a Mark Webber driven F1 car whilst wearing a roller skate on one foot and a 6 inch stiletto on the other...