Obstruction-gate!

I stole this photo from Liz. She won't mind: she's utterly shameless! He he he...




Gloucestershire v Surrey time: a game that had more drama than an episode of I, Claudius. Well, okay. It didn’t have the murders, the plots, the incest or men in short togas, but it pretty much had everything else!

It started off fairly innocuously, with Marilyn delivering a cake and flapjacks to Churchy (one of which I believe was honoured to fall into the clutches of a certain Alec Stewart). The rest of the day was, it appears , taken up snapping photos of the Surrey team as they fielded. At least I think there was more than one team playing, although by the amount of photos of the slip cordon you wouldn’t know that Gloucestershire were there!

Only joking, guys!

The Surrey bowling looked very smart and Arafat recorded his first 5fer of the championship. Linley continued to impress as he had throughout the season. He may not be the world’s most fashionable or stylish bowler, but he’s damned useful and no mistake! Dernbach appeared to struggle slightly in the first innings, but with England duties beckoning it was clear he wanted to leave his club with some wickets to his credit. Gloucestershire were all out for a total of 286.

Day two was the day that Ramps recorded his 114th first class century, leaving him equal with the great Sir Vivian Richards on the list of all time century makers. It also saw him recording his hundredth career hundred-partnership. As the Surrey batsmen came and went it looked as if Mr R was, in time-honoured tradition, running out of partners but then Arafat stepped up to the crease and kept on batting and batting and batting! It was a fabulous partnership between the two of them, and a real pity that Ramps got out just a couple of overs before close of play. Still, the wind had been well and truly taken out of Gloucestershire’s sails.

When the game resumed the next day Surrey managed to add a few more valuable runs. How valuable would become clear later in the game, but Surrey finished their first innings with a splendid 423. Whilst Dent, much like Ramps the day before, was the sole centurian for his side (in fact it was Dent’s first ever hundred) the rest of the team, other than Alec Gidman and Chris Taylor, were unable to contribute any significant runs to the second innings total. Arafat claimed two more victims, the same as Dernbach and Ansari, with Linley taking three and Batty one.

This meant that on day four, once the Gloucestershire side were finally dismissed, Surrey had only to chase down 184 to win the game. A simple enough task you would have thought. To start with it certainly appeared that way, but then Davies perished for 19 and then shortly afterwards RHB for 39. Ramps came in and played his customary steady knock, keeping a cool head whilst Maynard and de Bruyn fell by the wayside without really adding much to the score, but with Jason Roy keeping things ticking along the score began to diminish.

And then we had obstructiongate!

Of course, I have to point out I wasn’t there so I don’t really have anything to base my opinions on. The Gloucestershire players will have their opinions, the Surrey players theirs, as will the umps. Fact is that whether the call was correct or not the umpires’ word is law. But the reason that this will be such an emotive issue with someone who has played for as long in the game as Ramps is that the way he was given out – obstructing the field – is one that the umps can only give if they feel the interference caused was deliberate. And that, of course, is as good as accusing someone of cheating.

You can imagine that, understandably, this did not go down very well with Mr R. I can also imagine that if his discussions on the subject with the umpires were on the ‘expressive’ side that he’s most likely going to be taken to task for it. Bottom line is you can’t feck with the umpires, even if they’ve made a controversial and heavy-handed decision. Still, I can understand the aggrievement in this instance. Who likes to have their professional integrity called into question? It is actually a very big deal at the end of the day.

The upshot of the game was that Jason Roy had to carry the hopes of the Surrey team on his young shoulders, especially as Ansari found himself back in the dressing room within two balls, caught up in the post-obstruction maelstrom! Gloucestershire moved from underdogs to favourites to win when Gareth Batty and Roy went within a few balls of each other. And yet in the face of all the confusion, controversy, and rushes of blood to the head Tim Linley contrived to stroke the winning runs in partnership with the game’s Mr Reliable, Yasir Arafat.

So, a win for Surrey. It was bloody hard work, but it was well scrapped-for and, by the sound of it, deserved. You couldn’t really blame Gloucestershire for appealing for the Ramps wicket because they knew they had to get him out to stand a chance of winning, and it very nearly worked. But the whole thing left me feeling very disgruntled, although delighted that Surrey had taken maximum points, and putting Surrey within a few points of Gloucestershire in the table!

At the time of writing this Middlesex look like they are going to steamroller Northants at the top of the table. The two of them look likely to go up...yet the wheels are starting to fall off Northants a little. There’s still potentially a spot up for grabs. If Surrey shows the same resolve to fight that they did against Gloucestershire then there is always a chance, remote as it may seem.

And so the curtains fell on the drama at Cheltenham. I’m sure we won’t have heard the last of the whole obstruction thing, but nonetheless a satisfying Surrey win and a great return to form from Ramps with his century made for an (over) exciting game! Not bad for a grand old chap with a dodgy knee. After all, in I, Claudius the title character survived everyone else and he also was a grand old chap with a dodgy knee!

Just don’t eat the mushrooms, Ramps...


*Brief addendum to this post. Surrey have signed Gloucestershire bowler Jon Lewis to mentor the young quick bowlers next year, in light of Tremlett, Dernbach and Meaker being spirited away on England duties. It's an interesting move. It's not a bad one: there does need to be some experience amongst the bowling unit, although it's not without issues. As my dad said: "who's this old bloke Surrey have signed, then?"

It's a signing made all the more interesting when you consider it was Mr Lewis who led the appeal to the umps against Ramps in the Cheltenham game...

Shop for Victory!

This is my favourite pic of the epic Surrey v Kent game. In it you will see that RHB has sent the lemon tree to field in the gully...





Anyhow, I’m so behind now it’s unbelievable! That’s what a holiday in London will do for you.

In the last few weeks we have been knocked out the T20s (the phrase see ‘last post’ has a peculiarly apt double meaning), won a nail-biter in the county championship against Kent, and been roundly thrashed by Middlesex (again). I don’t like the fact we were thumped by the old enemy, although at least a mighty knock by de Bruyn and Maynard, surely the most shrewd acquisitions for Surrey in many a year, at least put us back in the contest, if briefly. Whilst not the flat out demolition by our North London rivals that we suffered at the Oval earlier this year, it must have jolly well stung like a bad case of piles!

Middlesex and haemorrhoids: there’s a combination. But, for the moment, back a few weeks to slightly happier times and the victory over Kent.

A quick recap then of the game.

Surrey won the toss, batted first, and made 387. Yet again de Bruyn showed his brilliance with a peerless 179.

Jason Roy had gone for 4 before we got in to the Oval...in fact we heard Ramps’ name being announced over the speakers just as we were heading towards our customary place in the Wedlake Bell family enclosure! Ramps went for 12, although I can’t say he looked in bad nick. Far from it, in fact: I was rather surprised when he did go because there were some beautiful shots in his rather brief stay. He provided Kent’s Balcombe with his first wicket for Kent: I suppose it’s a good one to get!

Still, the Rampants were royally entertained, especially Liz who is Gareth Batty’s biggest fan (her man scored an important late innings 65). RHB managed 34, but the others didn’t quite do so well with Davies making 17 and Maynard 19. The other scores were even less substantial, which just goes to show how important de Bruyn’s contribution was in the context of the game.

The Surrey bowling was very impressive, with Kent out for 250. Blake impressed with 95 and would surely have gone on to inflict more damage on Surrey but for being run out by Jason Roy, and together with Jones had formed a partnership more irritating than sand down the crack of a bikini-clad bottom! Meaker and Linley shared top honours with three wickets apiece, with Batty taking two and Tremlett one. However, my favourite player for Kent was undoubtedly Riaz. Something about the Oval wicket must have had him channelling Usman Afzaal, for on several occasions he felt the need to express his inner aeroplane when running in to bowl! It didn’t do him any good when it was his turn to bat, however, as he was caught for 4 by Ramps.

Serves him right for trying to use Mr R as a runway during the Surrey first innings.

Things got a bit dodgy for Surrey when they were all out for 184 in their second innings. Every time the clouds came out a wicket seemed to fall, in what seemed a very confused batting effort. Ramps tried to bed in with his customary grit but still managed only 20 (Annabel and I had actually left before this). Balcombe was again brilliant, taking five Surrey wickets, although it was Joe Denly who took the wicket of top scoring Davies for 39. Whilst the second innings hadn’t gone swimmingly for Surrey, it did go swimmingly for me as well, as I’d had a few bottles of wine from the bar, but that’s another story!

In reply Kent’s revival was very much down to their colossus Rob Key. Picture, if you will, a scene on day four where Rob Key dons the role of Gandalf to the younger members of his team. No, I don’t mean he sported a long beard and a pointy hat. Nor am I suggesting the Kent line-up is full of tiny Hobbity people. I know Kent is supposed to be the ‘garden of England’ but there was nothing about Middle Earth as far as I’m aware. What I’m referring to is Rob Key’s mighty “thou shalt not pass” moment. Give a man like Key a stage to perform on and boy, does he go for it!

The team kept chip-chip-chipping away at Kent. Great news for me as I got lots of good photos! I’m going to sound patronising for a moment, so forgive me, because ‘little’ Ansari makes me want to affix ‘bless him’ to his name due to his youth, and there he was in his first championship game looking all shiny and new, as if he’d come straight from primary school with his little rucksack and PE kit! Okay, slight exaggeration for dramatic purposes. But hang in there, because I’m trying to set the scene for later on...

Now, Gandalf...sorry, Key was still holding up his end for Kent. Sorry if that’s a bit rude-sounding, but there you have it. Batsmen came and went with frightening regularity around him, but you always felt that whilst he was still there Kent could possibly sneak it. And as day four beckoned (Annabel and I had decided not to go to the Oval given that it could be a short stay whatever the result) there remained a paltry number of wickets for Surrey to claim and an equally small number of runs for Kent to chase. It was very much game on!

So, there we were on day four, in a branch of ‘Next’ on a well known street in London. Annabel was trying on tops in her cubical, whilst I was womanfully struggling into a tunic-dress and attempting to listen to the remainder of the game on my smart phone. Not an easy thing to do, as it transpires, as you keep getting the ear phones all tangled up in your bra. Ten out of ten for contortionism, however! It’s okay when you’re trying on one item but when you’ve got six to clamber in and out of...well, I had to take the earphones out.

And that was when Ansari – bless him – struck!

It had all looked as if Kent were going to flop over the finishing line with Key eating up the runs like they were Scotch pies, and then Ansari stepped up and bowled him! Hats off to Key and his magnificent 162. He and de Bruyn had shown between them exactly how experience counts in moments of crisis. Key had played a titanic innings, but alas like the good ship he foundered right when it mattered. I managed to locate Annabel as she headed off to pay for her clothes and I was standing at the very opposite end of the queue when Shaw was caught by Roy without scoring. I have to say I think the man who was serving behind the till must have thought me quite mad by frantic gesticulating and air punching. He wouldn’t be the first to think it!

And so ended a marvellously entertaining game to watch and a fabulous victory for Surrey! They came away with the win, the points and I came away with a dress which I shall always think of as my ‘Surrey dress of certain victory’.

Only problem is I shall have to wear it all the time now.

Kent In The Mahmood...

Ah, now where were we?

I’ll come to the main event, the championship game against Kent, in a later post. Firstly, it’s time to make a comment on Surrey’s progress – or lack of it – in the T20 contest. There were three scenarios going in to that penultimate game against Kent: a victory, which would see us straight into the next round, a loss, which would mean we would have to face Sussex looking for a win, or losing both games in quick succession and making no further appearance in the competition.

I’m not a pessimist by nature. Not even when we’re talking about a Surrey team capable on paper of total greatness or in contrast a collapse bigger than a Chipperfield tent. Even so, as we faced a rejuvenated Kent team I had, to quote Han Solo, a “bad feeling” about it.

Annabel and I were lounging around in our hotel room listening to Churchy, or rather that should read trying to listen to Churchy via my new smart phone. For reasons known to itself the little beggar was not living up to its reputation of being ‘smart’. In fact it lost connection to the internet and refused to link up to anything. It was fine at the Dr Who Experience earlier that day but I think its trip into the bowels of the Tardis possibly left it stuck in the vortex for a few hours. Not what you’re wanting when you need to listen to the cricket. I was all set to ‘exterminate’ something when finally, after hours of trying, the perisher decided to spring back into intermittent action. Note it waited until I was drying my hair to do so.

So, there I was, hair dripping wet, not daring to switch on the hair dryer for fear of missing the action. We caught the last few overs of the game. Just in time to hear Surrey falling short of the target set by Kent. I can’t tell you how I sighed to hear the loss, because I absolutely knew in my heart that Surrey were not going to beat Sussex in their next game. When the likes of Mahmood take on their old team you just know there’s going to be fireworks, and with that victory a resurgent Kent had manoeuvred themselves into a very nice qualifying position. Surrey on the other hand...

I could have had money on Sussex winning. And I could have had money on Murray Goodwin being the despicable object that caused the most problems for Surrey. I have to put my hand on my heart and say that whilst Muzza is one of the best county pros around he isn’t my favourite player. Then again, I’ve not met him, so who am I to judge? Sport’s a funny old thing, though. Be it cricket, football, tennis, golf or horse racing, we all have our likes and dislikes. Most of them probably based on not very much at all.

Still, whilst admiring what he did in the game I can’t say the result made me like him any more than I already did!

So, that was it for Surrey. The end of the T20 line for 2011. In many ways it was a shame, because there were moments of brilliance from them, and yet Surrey continue to be frustratingly inconsistent in all forms of the game. You can sense the ability bubbling underneath, and yet it bursts forth so sporadically that it’s more like a muddy geyser plopping away to itself rather than a lava-filled pyroclastic flow.

It would have been good to see the team progress, but there will be other days. There’s still the CB40 and the Championship to scrap for. Let’s hope the more sedate and dignified pace of both competitions will suit Surrey better!

The Great cake relay!

My dad’s great grandfather was a baker for half a century. My mum’s father and great grandfather were also bakers and confectioners. This being the case, you would expect that I should have Royal Icing running through my veins.

Not a bit of it.

I’m not Delia Smith. I’m not Ria in ‘Butterflies’ either...somewhere betwixt the two would be a better approximation of my culinary skills. I have dabbled with the odd cake here and there but you sort of need time and kitchen space to truly create some magnificent sponge edifice, and I have neither at my disposal. This being the case I passed the mission of creating a cake for Churchy to Val Jones, a lady who works at my office and who is a rather talented amateur cake maker on the sly. The problem wasn’t whether or not Val could come up with something special, but rather how the heck I was going to transport the wretched thing down to London, along with my luggage, my camera, my bag and the food I had bought in at Waverley’s M&S...

It was slightly tricky, but Annabel helped a lot and we got a taxi to the hotel, so the cake actually made it down pretty much unscathed! I was slightly concerned, I confess, as to how I was going to get it through the turnstile at the gates. It’s not the first time I have been stuck in one of those contraptions. Many, many years ago (back when I actually went out and visited places) I got wedged in a turnstile at Murrayfield. It was January, it was utterly Baltic, and I had on an old sheepskin jacket that John Motson would have been proud of. Alas, it was so big and unwieldy that it – and by default myself – became jammed in the metal twirly things. Not very dignified, as I recall. My mother still laughs about it.

Thankfully there was no repeat of this fiasco at the Oval. I did wonder if security were going to swoop and demand to carry out a search on the unwieldy package all done up in string. I had visions of people taking it off me and detonating it as a suspicious item! All of which would have been a great pity for Val, who created the masterpiece.

The irony of the cake reaching the Oval safely and then being diverted from its original target makes me smile. Poor old Churchy! Safely delivered into his hands and then taken away for a quick photograph, the confectionary masterpiece was then passed for distribution amongst the hard working ground staff for the odd slice or several. It proved so popular that it sounds as if they demolished the whole thing!

I think some of my fellow Rampants were worried I would be upset, but not a bit of it. As long as someone liked and enjoyed it then I am perfectly happy: my way of saying thank you to those at the Oval for all their hard work. Already I’m trying to think how on earth we top it next year!

Maybe one shaped as a cricket bat...

You Keep Me Hanging On...

We’re still hanging in there!

As I type we’ve just beaten Middlesex in the T20 game at Lords. My goodness, that was tight in the end! Surrey set off at their customary gallop and this time managed not to lose any wickets, with Jason Roy and Steven Davies building an ominous platform in next to no time. It was a pity that both men got out when set, having just scored fifties, but credit to Middlesex for hauling things back the way that they did. At one point it looked as if Surrey would race to a tally over 200, but in the end they managed 182: still a decent target but certainly not insurmountable. The skipper made 18, which is 17 more than he would normally get if the cricket gods are angry, and de Bruyn (21) and Maynard (27) anchored the Surrey innings together at the end of the 20 overs.

Middlesex got off to a fairly awful start in reply, three wickets down in as many overs, and at that point it looked as if a Surrey win was a formality. That in the end they got to within 9 runs of the total is actually fairly shocking, but it was nonetheless an entertaining game, even if my stomach was churning at the end! Especially as my dad was standing over my shoulder listening to the commentary (I think in the vain hope that he would be able to laugh as Surrey threw it away)!

This means that Surrey are back in the hunt for the final qualification spot. There’s still a long way to go, and tomorrow they have to play the extremely impressive Hants side at the Oval. If by some miracle Surrey pulled off what would be a slightly unexpected win the group would be opened up like a can of sardines. If not...it’s going to go right down to the wire for that last place.

I may or may not be listening to the game tomorrow. I have the feeling things may be a tad hectic. I’m off to London for the Rampant Annual General Meeting, bearing more suitcases, cameras and bags than is good for one person. Oh, and a cake for Churchy.

Ideas on how to lug all this stuff on the train??? Anyone???

The Winner Takes It All...

Two more T20 games have come and gone since my last blog post. In the first we were outplayed and roundly cuffed by a superior Somerset outfit. Although the imperious Tresco fell in the thirties Somerset always looked in control, and even when some fine ‘at the death’ bowling pulled it back to a gettable target you had the feeling that Somerset were just too classy to be caught by the Surrey batsmen. And sure enough, they weren’t...

In the game against Glammy we did to the Welsh side what Somerset had done to us the day before, and soared like an ‘Eagle’. It was almost unbelievable to think that Surrey could put in such Jekyll and Hyde performances back-to-back, but in hindsight we’ve been doing this all season. ‘Should I laugh or cry?’ I think Surrey would win first prize for most consistently inconsistent side in the country! One minute they’re hot, the next so cold the skin would be taken from your backside if you sat down for any length of time. It certainly makes for an exciting team, but you can’t help but wonder if they have any self-belief. All the other components are there. I wish someone would take the team to one side and say “look, if you do what you did to Glamorgan every day you’d be world beaters”...

I’m assuming that this talk actually happens in the pre-match huddle each game, and somehow it just hasn’t truly sunk in. Maybe they’re in a ‘Dream world’.

Whilst this seems like ‘Disillusion’, the truth is this lot are talented. Most of them are young. They are missing Ramps’ experience, but they have the mighty de Bruyn to step in to the breach (and what a ‘Super Touper’ he’s been!) and help them through. But the top order has been in all kinds of pickles this year. Poor Davies: it really hasn’t happened for him at all in 2011, out yesterday for a duck. And, ‘Mama Mia!’ the skipper, fractionally dropped down the order again, only managed to score a solitary run! Has someone hexed poor Rory with alphatitis? Time to send out an ‘SOS?’

This said the performance as a team yesterday was splendiferous. And during Abba night as well! Amidst all the 70s bling, loud music and bail-stealing interlopers, ‘The Visitors’ announced their ‘Arrival’ and had Glamorgan ‘Under Attack’, and ‘When all is said and done’ the Welsh side met their ‘Waterloo’. It was soon ‘So long’ Glamorgan!

Now, if only we can get Ramps back ‘As good as new!’

Do I think this team can still qualify for the fourth spot? 'I do, I do, I do, I do, I do...'