Strictly: Week Ten and Results Show 04/12/11

And here we are now, at the sharp end of the contest: the pointy, uncomfortable bit that nobody wants to experience. It’s like a kid’s party, where the front door opens and the first five children are allowed in but number six (the one that tries too hard to be liked) is sent packing because he didn’t have fashionable hair. It must be a bummer to be chucked off the show first, but imagine how galling it is to not quite reach the semi finals.

Of course this year’s lot have it easy. In the past the final six would have been dancing ten dances each with weights strapped to their Cuban heels/feather boas as punishment for having the audacity to get so far in the contest. Bruno and Craig would throw wet sponges at the celebs as they fox-trotted round the floor, just to knock them off stride. Len would shout names and call them all ‘big jessies’ from the sidelines whilst Arlene would reach forward with an extendable feather duster to tickle the blokes under the arm pits. This time the celebs haven’t even done more than one dance in the evening.

Wusses.

So, who would fall in the quarter finals? Who would have the stamina to survive another week?

Let’s make this terse and to the point. In my opinion the correct couple went, and that’s with no disrespect intended towards those individuals. Robbie was pretty much on borrowed time (debatably he should have gone before Anita) as he was clearly part of the team that had started to resemble a one trick pony. And the trick wasn’t even very good to be honest.

He did however put in a very fine performance on the night, to give him his due. I enjoyed his quickstep: it was light on its feet, the routine made good use of the floor and I have to confess I’ve been waiting years for someone to dance to ‘Little Green Bag’. Hurrah! Extra bonus points for favourite song usage! I even forgave the sheer amount of faffage at the start of the dance. But, alas, whilst Robbie danced very well, the others danced even better. And them’s the breaks!

Alex I thought to be very stumbly and unbalanced at times during her American Smooth. It turns out that once again the poor woman managed to get her heels caught in her dress hem. Under the circumstances she did pretty well not to fall on her backside. I suppose next week James could put her on coasters, but then she’d probably look like an amiable Dalek floating round the room. She was visibly upset and no doubt thinking she was likely to exit the show on a dance that, for reasons out of her control, wasn’t her best effort. I have to say I was rather pleased she got through. She’s no world beater but she is a consistent and much improved dancer.

Harry deserves credit for being that rare thing: a celebrity male whose swaying and swivelling hips were not cowed by the rumba! He looked confident, the moves all flowed beautifully, but I did actually feel that he overworked it all a tad. The lyrics were powerful, I suppose, and I’m guessing he channelled all that saccharine emotion into his dance. I’m sure however the silent movie version of the dance must have looked very strange to the 90% of people up and down the UK who screamed and reached for the remote moments after the first strains of ‘Everything I Do’ could be heard. I personally don’t mind it, but after 16 plus weeks at number one in the early 1990s it’s fair to say there are many who have an almost Pavlov’s dog reaction to the tune. Points off for Harry, however, because he didn’t do the full Robin Hood tights thing, opting for a suitably Costneresque look.

Spoilsport!

Holly. Still not looking up from the floor! Someone take her for a day trip to the army: they’d teach her to look ahead! Coyness in a Paso is utterly daft. And it’s especially galling when you consider it was actually one of the finest celeb Paso Dobles I can remember seeing! The dress was one of the most authentic on the show, and Holly hit some marvellous lines. She felt the need to up her game to prove to the audience at home that she was worthy of the semi final and in fairness she managed to do just that. Massive credit to Artem for choreographing a marvellous routine, even if he cut an unlikely dash at being Zorro!

I’m not sure why Jason’s routine didn’t grab me. It should have done, because it had all the style, smoothness and sophistication (I’m channelling Arlene again) that you would expect from a routine based on ‘Singing in the Rain’. And kudos to Jason, who always wholeheartedly embraces any dance he can work some character into. But perhaps next to the romance of Harry and the drama of Holly, the sympathy felt for Alex’s little costume mishap and the sheer joy of Chelsee, Jason ended up being the poor, not so flashy relation. He possibly was overlooked by the audience or maybe, just possibly, the viewers are not connecting with Jason or Kristina as a couple. Next week will be the litmus test for both of them.

If it was purely a matter of chemistry then Chelsee and Pasha would have this sewn up. Enthusiasm’s a wonderful thing and Chelsee is certainly enthusiastic! I have to say I loved the Shrek jive: it’s up there with my favourite dances from all the series. Not the best, or even top five, but one of the happiest and most fun I can recall. And Pasha, bless him, ‘greened up’ for the dance into Ogre like splendidness. Going last and being so memorable was almost certain to take them both to the next round, although I did worry that Pasha’s ears might melt under the hot studio lights!

Robbie was not surprised to find himself in the bottom two, although Kristina certainly was! Understandably upset, given that Jason is a mighty fine dancer, the thought of not making that final group caused her to well up. It’s an emotional rollercoaster, is Strictly. It’s not about the winning, it’s about the journey. Remember those ones? I think it was the series 4 mantra! Alas, Robbie’s personal journey came to a halt, and the man who had transformed himself from football’s mister nasty to dancing’s mister sophisticated had to say auvoir to the contest. Thousands of girls up and down the country wept as they waved their blonde hero goodbye. And even more men cried at the thought of no more Ola in a catsuit...

If it were me, at this moment, I would say that the final should consist of Harry/Jason/Chelsee. Before the series started I was convinced that Jason would win. Heading into the last few weeks I’m edging towards Harry as the likely victor. But my heart says Chelsee and Pasha.

C’mon, guys. Ogre power! Green is beautiful!