Strictly: Week Three and results show 16/10/11

There’s nothing like a bit of razzle dazzle. Strictly’s attempts to do a Broadway themed evening was by and large more successful than the Halloween malarkey last year, although to be perfectly honest I thought that some of the routines captured the spirit of the enterprise better than others.

Take Dan, for example. Fine looking fella. A bit tall for Katya, if you ask me and as a result his Viennese Waltz to ‘Somebody to Love’ made me feel rather queasy due to the way he bobbed up and down like a storm-tossed galleon. At one point in proceedings I thought it was a case of ‘man overboard’ as he abandoned Katya and walked away...then I realised it was part of the dance. I’m not picking on Katya’s choreography here, but I’m afraid that Dan played it with the emotion of a piece of MDF plywood. I thought he’d done a Di’Angelo and was in search of a stair to sit and have a nervous breakdown on! Was it just me who took a few seconds to realise it was an actual legitimate part of the routine? I’m just not getting any chemistry between the two of them. They look like they get on okay but it seems as if he’s struggling to release his inner dancer, and I’m not sure he’s really enjoying the experience. It must be hard work doing ‘Daybreak’ and ‘Strictly’ so I sympathise, but I do wish he wouldn’t look so pouty and sulky whenever he gets a bad crit.

Bruno said it best, really. Given the passion in the words of the song, Dan didn’t seem to connect that emotion with the steps at all. Freddie 10, Dan 0.

Then on the other side of the fence you have Jason and Anita. I think we can safely say that Jason managed to dance the steps much better than Anita, but both manage to convey how much they love being on the show through their performance. Anita’s jive lacked energy and she didn’t really bend her knees and kick sharply enough, but the effort was fantastic. I like that Robin isn’t afraid to challenge her to do tricky steps, and considering many younger people have struggled with the dance it was to her credit that she managed to (mostly) keep up with her partner. Not a dance disarrrrrrster! But with a bit of luck she’ll get something elegant, sedate and ballroom-related next week to show off her feminine side rather than having to act like a High School cheerleader two weeks in a row! I know, I know...it was based on ‘Hairspray’ and the outfit suited the dance. Not convinced it did Anita any favours though!

Jason’s dance was the pinkest Tango I have ever seen. I have to commend Kristina for her excellent choreography this season. Up until now we’ve either had her trying to be clever to show her not very good partner’s best aspects, such as they were, or cover up their shortcomings, of which there were many. I used to unkindly refer to her as a ‘gusset-flasher’, that is to say someone who over-danced and exaggerated their own abilities to distract from the fact she was dragging her partner across the floor or hiding the fact they were shuffling shamefully from foot to foot like they were treading grapes in a vat. This is the year where, at the very least, Kristina gets to show the fact she is a serious choreographer.

And perhaps, given that this Tango was based on drag-queen movie Pricilla, Queen of the Desert, the little camp disco section in the middle was not as incongruous as it might have been! It was a thoroughly enjoyable routine, danced very well, and I will forgive Jason his weird facial expressions this time as they were clearly part of the whole routine. At least I think they were. If not, that’s one hell of a nervous tick he’s developed over the last few weeks! We’re week three and he’s getting straight 9s already. Things are looking rosy for Mr Donovan at the moment.

Harry’s not looking quite so rosy. At least his complexion isn’t, going by the ghostie white torso we saw all too much of during his ‘jive’ to ‘Grease Lightening’. Couldn’t makeup have given him a once-over with some spray tan? In a world where most dancers have about twenty layers of slap plastered over them poor little Harry stood out like an iceberg against the night sky. Was there ever a more baby-faced, hairlessly-chested Danny Zuko?

My one problem with it was Aliona’s choreography...I thought a jive was supposed to have jive steps in it? It would be interesting to see what percentage of jive was in there, but once again I was left feeling very unsatisfied with the finish product. It was like a badly made doughnut: all hole and no cake. On the upside it was probably the first time that Harry managed to perform the dance and give it some real welly. He acted his little socks off, and whilst I’m not the biggest fan of props the car at the start gave it a real flavour of the number. Nor did he spend much time faffing about to waste time.

Unlike Anton and Nancy. Although she improved on last week’s rag-doll salsa the best thing I could say was that the performance from the chair was very good.

Lulu, clad in a black and white 1960s style negligee (which only needed a few pom poms down the front and a ruff to make her look like a scary pierrot) put in a reasonable effort in her rumba. It was certainly beautiful to watch, but as with Harry there didn’t seem to be an awful lot of the recognised steps amongst the content. Brendan had warned everyone beforehand that the judges might not care for what he had planned, but the all seemed to like it well enough, save for Craig who rightly ticked Brenan off for...wait for it...putting in an illegal lift. Well, colour me surprised. An illegal lift from Brendan. Who’d have thunk it, eh? I mean, it’s not like he’s done it before. Apart from with Clare King. Oh, and Kelly Brook.

Previously, Len went berserk and told Brendan he had a screw loose for putting in illegal lifts. Craig ticked him off for spoiling an otherwise brilliant routine. Bruno said to hell with rules and gave him a 10 anyway. This time, Craig told Brendan he was deducting points for the illegal move as per the rules. Len said “you have to break a lot of eggs to make an omelette” and decided he was going to overlook the lift. Bruno just smiled mischievously to himself.

I know that you don’t want to be knocking Lulu’s confidence when it’s already the size of a microbe but rules are rules, and head judges are supposed to be head judges. A little consistency from Mr Goodman wouldn’t go amiss, methinks! We know Bruno’s barmy anyway so we’ll just ignore him for the time being.

Perhaps we could lock him in the cell with Holly! Resplendent in black Velma Kelly wig and a dress held on merely by the power of prayer you would have to be blind not to agree that Holly won first prize for most striking costume of the night! For once I actually liked the faffing about at the start as I felt it served its purpose as part of the storytelling, and there was genuine dancing involved. I felt however that she lost a little intensity as soon as she got into hold with Artem, and I’m not sure if it was the wig but the head snaps seemed to be slightly out of sync with her partner. The way she pulled the miscreant piece of dress from her stiletto heel deserves a round of applause. I actually didn’t notice it first time round, it was executed with such sleight of hand, but the four witches cackling behind their desks saw it nonetheless.

It’s been said a fair bit by other people but I kind of agree: I like both Artem and Holly, but I’m not sure I like them much together. There doesn’t seem to be much of a spark between them.

Probably something to do with Kara...

I feel like writing a school report for Audley.

Attitude: First class.
Footwork: Could do better.
Hand shaping: Unrecognisable.
Ability to move from the waist down: Compromised.
Engaging with the public: Very good!

He’s such a likeable chap, is Audley. He’s funky, he’s sweet, he’s charming...he’s not terribly confident and sometimes his large feet trip him up, but he always puts everything into it, and I like that. I think however that he desperately needs a little refining to take him up to the next level. If he doesn’t start that soon I recon the judges are going to mark him down and then he’s into dangerous territory.

Chelsee was scrappy again today. I don’t mean as in ‘Scrappy Doo’, although her bounding exuberance on the dance floor does remind me of Odie from Garfield. Somehow I expect her to dance with her tongue lolling out her mouth! She’s a little like Louise Lytton, in that she’s a young, whirling dervish who lights up the floor with her personality and fast footwork. There the similarities end: Louisa was also quite precise and knew how to tell a story through dance. Chelsee isn’t actually acting: she’s being herself (and just dancing as herself). I think this is what’s holding her back at the moment. Until she gets a big, dramatic dance like the tango or the Paso doble I don’t think we’re going to see the best of her.

Rory managed to shine in the capable hands of ballroom expert Erin. He also looked as if he was really enjoying himself on the dance floor. The posture is still a little stiff and hunched, but it seems as if he’s going to be a ballroom boy rather than a hot Latin lover, if his sharp work in the tail suit was anything to go by. You see, much as I have grown to like Erin – especially her clever choreography (dummy dancing apart) – she’s not the best of the Latin dancers out there. I mean, don’t get me wrong - this is how I see Erin’s Latin:

10
9
8 – Erin
7
6
5
4
3
2
Anton

She’s still pretty good. But if you’re skilled mainly in ballroom and you have a celeb who gets all coy and two left-footed when you stick a pink feather down their butt and put them in a rhinestone headband, you’re on a losing bet from the outset. Rory seems confident enough but I think he’ll struggle to look a credible samba dancer. If you don’t feel comfy deep down you won’t be able to express it outwardly. And I’m scared that the persona he adopts to dance the aforesaid samba when the time comes may be John Major. I can do without the image of the former PM in ruffles and tassels...

Still, his face shone with the delight of being able to wear that top hat. His eyes really sparkled with the joy of the dance. And his face resembled a cross between Chris Hollins’ wistful “trout pout” and a man who had spent minutes trying to remove his lips from a frozen ice lolly!

Mum and I came to the conclusion, after a little debate, that James Jordan is actually the most attractive of the male pro dancers. Sister went for Artem, whilst concluding that Pasha was potentially quite hot. The fact that my mother’s taste in men is converging on my own is rather disturbing, given that she is 68. Not as disturbing as that would be for James, however!

Alex seems to be growing in confidence. I say seems: I think most of them are still fairly petrified on show night with the possible exception of Jason. For a woman who couldn’t tell left from right to start with she’s learned a lot in a very few weeks. I have to confess she’s grown on me a little. The VW itself was very slow, very clever and very simple. Kudos to James for the beautiful choreography: there’s not much variation to this dance and making it interesting is a tricky prospect. If you can’t jazz up the steps you have to build the mood instead, and that is what they managed to do.

The man himself did say that sticking on a pair of cat ears and whiskers to dance a Viennese Waltz to ‘Memories’ from Cats would probably be inappropriate, and of course he’s right, but dammit; I wanted to see it! Sure it’d kill the mood stone dead but frankly I don’t care. I suppose at least they didn’t raise their tails to the lamppost...

Robbie’s dance was also impressive, although I think I preferred the previous week’s effort. Maybe it’s a tribute to how good I thought his dance last Saturday was that I came away from this Saturday’s smiling, yet slightly underwhelmed. I very much enjoyed what he did, although I think I spotted a few recycled moves from Ola’s Paso with Kenny Logan a few series back. I think Robbie’s beginning to enjoy this dancing malarkey! Typical sportsman. Stays in a few weeks having felt all self-conscious and girly, then suddenly they get their eyes on the main prize and – bingo! It’s as if they’ve had a sequin transfusion!

Oh, and Mr Savage: the hair looks much better tied back. Also, Mr Goodman won’t nag you half as much if you keep it drawn away from the nape of your neck. Makes it so much easier for the judges to stick their fangs in...

Russell was accused by Craig of being too camp with his foxtrot, which was slightly ironic, yet I do know what he meant. However, I thought it worked! It wasn’t sprinkled liberally throughout the whole dance, and the section that had the, shall we say less butch, aspects to it appeared totally in keeping with the theatricality of the whole show-biz infused evening. Dazzling in white with a little touch of yellow, Russell did resemble a peach meringue somewhat, but I’m really enjoying his partnership with Flavia. It seems that although he’s not the best dancer Flavia has taught he may well be the most enthusiastic and least self-conscious: Russell doesn’t give a damn who thinks he’s too camp, or too large. He’s having too much fun to care. And that is infectious!

I wasn’t surprised by the bottom two. I wasn’t surprised by who went either. Nor can I say I was upset by it.

Dan or Nancy? I mean, you’d have to say that Nancy has been worse than Dan each time they’ve danced. Thing is, one is uncomfortable to watch whilst the other at least you can shake your head at as you count the number of times she goes wrong! I’m not one for saving the no-hopers but if you put a water pistol to my head and asked me who entertained me most on the night I would have to honestly say that Nancy did! I just didn’t get Dan...I didn’t feel he connected with dancing very much. Nor did I get the impression he was enjoying the Strictly experience. I may be totally wrong, but that’s how it looked most of the time.

And you can be sure that at the very least Nancy is loving the publicity!