Obstruction-gate!

I stole this photo from Liz. She won't mind: she's utterly shameless! He he he...




Gloucestershire v Surrey time: a game that had more drama than an episode of I, Claudius. Well, okay. It didn’t have the murders, the plots, the incest or men in short togas, but it pretty much had everything else!

It started off fairly innocuously, with Marilyn delivering a cake and flapjacks to Churchy (one of which I believe was honoured to fall into the clutches of a certain Alec Stewart). The rest of the day was, it appears , taken up snapping photos of the Surrey team as they fielded. At least I think there was more than one team playing, although by the amount of photos of the slip cordon you wouldn’t know that Gloucestershire were there!

Only joking, guys!

The Surrey bowling looked very smart and Arafat recorded his first 5fer of the championship. Linley continued to impress as he had throughout the season. He may not be the world’s most fashionable or stylish bowler, but he’s damned useful and no mistake! Dernbach appeared to struggle slightly in the first innings, but with England duties beckoning it was clear he wanted to leave his club with some wickets to his credit. Gloucestershire were all out for a total of 286.

Day two was the day that Ramps recorded his 114th first class century, leaving him equal with the great Sir Vivian Richards on the list of all time century makers. It also saw him recording his hundredth career hundred-partnership. As the Surrey batsmen came and went it looked as if Mr R was, in time-honoured tradition, running out of partners but then Arafat stepped up to the crease and kept on batting and batting and batting! It was a fabulous partnership between the two of them, and a real pity that Ramps got out just a couple of overs before close of play. Still, the wind had been well and truly taken out of Gloucestershire’s sails.

When the game resumed the next day Surrey managed to add a few more valuable runs. How valuable would become clear later in the game, but Surrey finished their first innings with a splendid 423. Whilst Dent, much like Ramps the day before, was the sole centurian for his side (in fact it was Dent’s first ever hundred) the rest of the team, other than Alec Gidman and Chris Taylor, were unable to contribute any significant runs to the second innings total. Arafat claimed two more victims, the same as Dernbach and Ansari, with Linley taking three and Batty one.

This meant that on day four, once the Gloucestershire side were finally dismissed, Surrey had only to chase down 184 to win the game. A simple enough task you would have thought. To start with it certainly appeared that way, but then Davies perished for 19 and then shortly afterwards RHB for 39. Ramps came in and played his customary steady knock, keeping a cool head whilst Maynard and de Bruyn fell by the wayside without really adding much to the score, but with Jason Roy keeping things ticking along the score began to diminish.

And then we had obstructiongate!

Of course, I have to point out I wasn’t there so I don’t really have anything to base my opinions on. The Gloucestershire players will have their opinions, the Surrey players theirs, as will the umps. Fact is that whether the call was correct or not the umpires’ word is law. But the reason that this will be such an emotive issue with someone who has played for as long in the game as Ramps is that the way he was given out – obstructing the field – is one that the umps can only give if they feel the interference caused was deliberate. And that, of course, is as good as accusing someone of cheating.

You can imagine that, understandably, this did not go down very well with Mr R. I can also imagine that if his discussions on the subject with the umpires were on the ‘expressive’ side that he’s most likely going to be taken to task for it. Bottom line is you can’t feck with the umpires, even if they’ve made a controversial and heavy-handed decision. Still, I can understand the aggrievement in this instance. Who likes to have their professional integrity called into question? It is actually a very big deal at the end of the day.

The upshot of the game was that Jason Roy had to carry the hopes of the Surrey team on his young shoulders, especially as Ansari found himself back in the dressing room within two balls, caught up in the post-obstruction maelstrom! Gloucestershire moved from underdogs to favourites to win when Gareth Batty and Roy went within a few balls of each other. And yet in the face of all the confusion, controversy, and rushes of blood to the head Tim Linley contrived to stroke the winning runs in partnership with the game’s Mr Reliable, Yasir Arafat.

So, a win for Surrey. It was bloody hard work, but it was well scrapped-for and, by the sound of it, deserved. You couldn’t really blame Gloucestershire for appealing for the Ramps wicket because they knew they had to get him out to stand a chance of winning, and it very nearly worked. But the whole thing left me feeling very disgruntled, although delighted that Surrey had taken maximum points, and putting Surrey within a few points of Gloucestershire in the table!

At the time of writing this Middlesex look like they are going to steamroller Northants at the top of the table. The two of them look likely to go up...yet the wheels are starting to fall off Northants a little. There’s still potentially a spot up for grabs. If Surrey shows the same resolve to fight that they did against Gloucestershire then there is always a chance, remote as it may seem.

And so the curtains fell on the drama at Cheltenham. I’m sure we won’t have heard the last of the whole obstruction thing, but nonetheless a satisfying Surrey win and a great return to form from Ramps with his century made for an (over) exciting game! Not bad for a grand old chap with a dodgy knee. After all, in I, Claudius the title character survived everyone else and he also was a grand old chap with a dodgy knee!

Just don’t eat the mushrooms, Ramps...


*Brief addendum to this post. Surrey have signed Gloucestershire bowler Jon Lewis to mentor the young quick bowlers next year, in light of Tremlett, Dernbach and Meaker being spirited away on England duties. It's an interesting move. It's not a bad one: there does need to be some experience amongst the bowling unit, although it's not without issues. As my dad said: "who's this old bloke Surrey have signed, then?"

It's a signing made all the more interesting when you consider it was Mr Lewis who led the appeal to the umps against Ramps in the Cheltenham game...

The Only Way is Surrey

Essex.

As in ‘The Only Way is...’

As in prefix to ‘girls’ (and assorted connotations that go with it, unfair or otherwise).

As in ‘David’, whose singing voice my dad apparently detests.

As in ‘Ardleigh’, where some of my ancestors came from.

As in the small Czech stallion who ran in one of the mid 1980s Grand Nationals.

As in the cricket team whose fans are most likely to bring on a migraine.

Now, no disrespect is intended here to either Essex players or indeed their vociferous and joyous supporters. It’s just that they do tend to be rather loud when they are doing well against Surrey (and let’s face it; that happens rather a lot).

Imagine my relief when in the T20 game a few days ago at the Oval, the Lions surprisingly gave the Eagles a mauling! All was blissfully quiet, my ears got a rest, and Nasser and his other Sky cronies who obviously detest Surrey to varying degrees were forced to do a bit of a U-turn! Certainly the start of the game didn’t go very well for Surrey: Captain Rory this time decided to have a bat first and then both he and Davies took their evening stroll back to the pavilion in super-quick time! I guess having a turbo opening pair has its advantages and disadvantages, because if we could only get the two of them to stick around a bit longer I could see a series of large, virtually unchase-able scores being posted. Ah, well. Such is cricket!

Ansari impressed on his first team debut, both with the ball and a cool, level headed turn with the bat. It was enough to get him named ‘man of the match’, which made a few of the Rampants laugh given how young and angelic he looked. He may be taking exams at Cambridge at the moment but, as was noted by one of our merry band, he could have been mistaken for one of the boy mascots!

A score of 154-7 didn’t seem that impressive. Certainly it was defendable but you felt that given the superstars which pepper the Essex line-up (who wouldn’t want ten Doeschate on their team, let’s face it) they would readily chase it down. The highest scorer for Surrey was Maynard with 45, and it seemed that one really good partnership between Essex batsmen would soon have the game swinging their way.

And then, lo! A miracle! Arafat, criticised in many quarters for not finding any form in the first half of the season, plucked three wickets out the air including the first ball dismissal of Owais Shah! Napier and Southee also went on to make ducks, with the latter being involved in possibly the most hideous run out imaginable (watch out for it on A Question of Sport next year), and Napier using Bopara as a runner because of an injury he picked up in the match. The idea of having Bopara as a runner is almost as laughable as asking Shah to do the footwork on your behalf. The pair of them are run out kings!

Getting ten Doeschate was really the turning point. He’s one of those players who hook in like a giant tic, and refuse to let go until fully sated. And by then it’s usually too late to do anything about it. Every team should have a ten Doeschate, a Trescothick or a Ramprakash. Or even a Murray Goodwin (can’t believe I said that). When Tendo went for 15 the warning lights were flashing in the Essex control panel. And when Foster controversially went (well, when he could drag himself off the pitch after screaming at the umps) for 31 it was pretty much a mop-up job for Surrey. In the end the South London team, who had fielded like divas during the game, won by a whopping 43 runs!

Bet three years ago you’d never have used the words ‘Surrey’ and ‘fielding like divas’ in the same breath! It shows how far they have come. It was only Surrey’s second ever T20 win over Essex, and I can imagine how delighted they were to get one over their rivals after all the years of pain and misery at their hands.

What a pity then that Friday evening’s match against Somerset was rained off! Poor Churchy, Johnny Barran and the Surrey team made the fruitless journey to Taunton with no play possible. Whilst the dynamic duo of Church and Barran filled the time valiantly, if ultimately in vain, they may take some consolation in that there was hardly a single game that could be played up and down the country due to the rain. Surrey may not be that disappointed to take one point from the encounter: Somerset are a good team with Trescothick in the form of his life. There was a very real chance the sabres, as they used to be known, may well have kebabbed Surrey had the game gone ahead...

But the best thing this week from a Rampant point of view was hearing that Mr R had asked his old team, Stanmore, for a game to help keep him ticking over during the T20 gap. One can only assume that rivals Hampstead must have taken one look at the rival team sheet and sent out for every lucky rabbit’s foot or horse shoe in the county!

It didn’t do any good. 61 no made for a lot of smiley Rampants!

Special mention of the week: Mark Church’s trousers. I don’t normally request pictures of a gentleman’s trousers on Twitter. It strikes me that some people might consider that eccentric at best and downright perverted at worse! However, having seen the much-maligned, oft-talked of garment, I can only say I’ve seen worse. Trust me, I went to art college.

If Smudger’s reading this I can only hope he’s bought some new ones, as that was 15 years ago now, and he only owned the one pair...

Climb every mountain...

Surrey v Middlesex
In a nutshell:

We weren’t very good. They were.

Having had Middlesex by the short and curlies at the very start of the game - with the much longed for wickets (three of the darlings!) of Yasir Arafat making a timely and welcome appearance - Surrey allowed the north London side to wriggle off the hook until they amassed a preposterous 445! The bowling cost Surrey very dearly in the afternoon of day one.

There was a lot of wildlife on display at Lords. A few little ducks for starters. There were also some headless chickens running about as well by the sound of it! The only people with crowing rights were the Middlesex supporters!

The skipper did his level best to drag the score into more reasonable territory but in the face of hardly any backup from his team mates – with one exception – things went so pear-shaped you’d expect to see Masterchef’s Greg Wallace attacking it with a spoon...

Maynard stood alone on the burning deck whilst everyone else either abandoned ship or tried to bail the water out using a sieve. Poor Tom, stranded on 98 not out...it may do his average the world of good, but that’s no consolation for missing out on another century.

Oh, and just to complete the feeling of wicketus collapsicus déjà vu, de Bruyn scored a princely 2 runs in two innings, Surrey having been stuck in again, although it sounds as if Finn bowled the ball of his life to dismiss him second time round. At the end of the day, I guess that's cricket for you! Last weeks heroes suddenly find themselves with the tables turned upon them.

Brilliant effort from Middlesex? Poor show from Surrey? Bit of both? You decide.

This is what I have learned from the two days thus far:

Surrey are missing Meaker.

Surrey are missing Ramps (please come back quickly)!

Surrey are attempting to send poor Chris Adams to an early grave.

Johnny Barran makes splendid unintentional double entendres live on the internet! (I bet Linley will never live down today’s comment!)

‘Climb every mountain’, sang Frauline Maria’s mother superior. Well, Surrey are staring up a huge pig of a mountain. With snow on the top. Brian Blessed’s probably there as well. And he’s eaten all the Kendal mint cake. Not to mention started an avalanche with his shouting. There’s no mountaineering equipment, and the air rescue department are unavailable due to being on holiday for the Royal Wedding.

Oh, and the mountain’s on Mars.

I don’t have an ‘eeek’ emoticon big enough!