Handsome is as handsome does!

Are Surrey on a roll?

Whilst Middlesex were playing leapfrog with top of the table Northants having obliterated poor, abject little Leicestershire in record time, Surrey found themselves locked in a duel of their own with the former leaders, intent on making a real fist of their promotion challenge. It took a hearty knock from Steven Davies, whose recent turnaround in form has coincided with a greatly resurgent Surrey – and one of the most devastating bursts of speed bowling from Stewart Meaker – to get the upper hand on the Northants side. And make no bones about it: this is a side that had bossed the entire division from almost the start of the season, so for Surrey to not only win against them but to pretty much hang them out to dry indicates just how good the South London team can be.

I mean, take Meaker. That spell of bowling was a joy to behold! Or listen to, in my case. Every ball seemed to either go for zero runs or gain a wicket, to the extent where his tally for a couple of consecutive overs read like the opening theme of Inspector Morse with all its dots and dashes! Like many others I had been listening with a certain creeping sense of resignation that a draw was going to be the likely outcome, something that Surrey could ill afford, and then ‘boom!’ It just goes to show you that little, unexpected passages of play can make all the difference to the result.

Surrey are a powerful side when all goes well for them. There is a lot of depth in their side, and both youth and experience. It’s consistency that has let them down so far. There have been some games earlier in the season that they must now look back on with some regret, and wonder if they’d pressed a little harder would the results have gone their way? Sitting as they do in third place, with a game in hand on Northants, their destiny is very much in their own hands. It would be fair to say that the game with Essex is vital: a win at Chelmsford would take Surrey to within a sniff of second spot. If the weather is cruel, or if Essex play their best, another year in division two is probably on the cards.

Still, that dreaded word momentum is particularly relevant at the moment. Surrey have now won two games on the bounce – and find themselves in a final for the first time in 8 years thanks to a routine cuffing of a lacklustre Sussex Sharks side in the CB40 contest. For the time being, they must focus on the championship, because if they do manage to dismantle Essex the same way they did Northants then perhaps we are in for one of the most exciting championship finishes in both divisions we have seen since 2007.

One of the most disheartening things anyone ever said about me was when I was 15. I was walking home from school with a friend, and two old dears were audibly disparaging the trend amongst the 13 year olds to wear micro-skirts (what’s changed, I hear you ask?) and heels. Their approving glance fell upon me and my friend, remarking that we were ‘sensible and plain’. You have no idea how my heart sank! I mean, I don’t have the legs to wear short skirts. Don’t think I wouldn’t if I could get away with it! It wasn’t for want of effort that I was plain!

Surrey have been a bit plain for years, and it has been constantly remarked on. Flashy gear, money and attitude has not brought them success. There’s been the odd moment of brilliance; there’s been some fine individuals to don the fleur de lis insignia in the last 10 years or so, from Mark Butcher to Jon Batty, and of course Mark Ramprakash who for so long appeared to carry the team on his shoulder in a manner that would have put Atlas to shame! Now at least there is the slightest sense of a duckling turning into a swan. They’ve gone under the knife and had bits chopped away. The lines have been smoothed. The Botox has been injected: the trout pout has died down. What we’re left with is a very pleasing sight. It’s not a bad analogy, at the end of the day.

Although perhaps if I was Chris Adams I’d stay clear of the short skirts and heels.

Dignity at all times

Well, that mountain on Mars I mentioned proved impossible for Surrey to climb, as anticipated. I would have liked a little more fight from the boys as a unit, even if a frisky Middlesex did bowl very nicely, but at least Steven Davies proved it was possible to play a well-measured innings in the face of adversity. Still, given that Maynard found himself stabbed in the back by lady luck in the first innings you kind of knew that Davies wasn’t quite going to reach his century. And sure enough he fell just short, another cruel victim of the nasty nineties.

Well played Middlesex. My teeth are gritted, but congrats all the same. They were the only team that deserved to win when all was said and done.

What bugs me more than the result – which was disappointing given the amount of talent out there for Surrey – is that the pitchfork waving doom mongers will be out in force calling for Chris Adams’ head on a platter yet again. It’s getting a little old. Surrey need to rediscover some backbone as a team and, if I may be so bold as to venture, the supporters need to do exactly the same. Losing in such a humiliating manner is never nice but if we do, a degree of dignity goes an awful long way...

Anyhow, that’s the bad stuff out the way. The slightly more hopeful news is that Mr Ramprakash, he of the 113 first class centuries and slightly dodgy knee is playing for the Surrey 2nds tomorrow! South London prayers will no doubt be said for the continuation of his rapid recovery from injury and that the 40 over game will not aggravate the problem at all. Should all go well he may find himself in line for the Leicestershire game in a week’s time, which would be terrific news all round! The Rampants are rather excited at the prospect, and I imagine all the Surrey supporters are too! I guess they are all hoping that he brings with him not only all his skill, elegance and experience but that most vital ingredient in cricket: a little bit of luck!

Climb every mountain...

Surrey v Middlesex
In a nutshell:

We weren’t very good. They were.

Having had Middlesex by the short and curlies at the very start of the game - with the much longed for wickets (three of the darlings!) of Yasir Arafat making a timely and welcome appearance - Surrey allowed the north London side to wriggle off the hook until they amassed a preposterous 445! The bowling cost Surrey very dearly in the afternoon of day one.

There was a lot of wildlife on display at Lords. A few little ducks for starters. There were also some headless chickens running about as well by the sound of it! The only people with crowing rights were the Middlesex supporters!

The skipper did his level best to drag the score into more reasonable territory but in the face of hardly any backup from his team mates – with one exception – things went so pear-shaped you’d expect to see Masterchef’s Greg Wallace attacking it with a spoon...

Maynard stood alone on the burning deck whilst everyone else either abandoned ship or tried to bail the water out using a sieve. Poor Tom, stranded on 98 not out...it may do his average the world of good, but that’s no consolation for missing out on another century.

Oh, and just to complete the feeling of wicketus collapsicus déjà vu, de Bruyn scored a princely 2 runs in two innings, Surrey having been stuck in again, although it sounds as if Finn bowled the ball of his life to dismiss him second time round. At the end of the day, I guess that's cricket for you! Last weeks heroes suddenly find themselves with the tables turned upon them.

Brilliant effort from Middlesex? Poor show from Surrey? Bit of both? You decide.

This is what I have learned from the two days thus far:

Surrey are missing Meaker.

Surrey are missing Ramps (please come back quickly)!

Surrey are attempting to send poor Chris Adams to an early grave.

Johnny Barran makes splendid unintentional double entendres live on the internet! (I bet Linley will never live down today’s comment!)

‘Climb every mountain’, sang Frauline Maria’s mother superior. Well, Surrey are staring up a huge pig of a mountain. With snow on the top. Brian Blessed’s probably there as well. And he’s eaten all the Kendal mint cake. Not to mention started an avalanche with his shouting. There’s no mountaineering equipment, and the air rescue department are unavailable due to being on holiday for the Royal Wedding.

Oh, and the mountain’s on Mars.

I don’t have an ‘eeek’ emoticon big enough!

So Near and Yet So Far...

Surrey v Northants: Day Four

Well, the match finally stopped pinging and ponging, so to speak. The unexpected poor weather and the umpires finally colluded, decreeing that the game be terminated somewhat abruptly. It was a bit inconsiderate of the heavens to choose the last half hour or so to inflict bad light upon proceedings, but there you have it!

I’m sure that Surrey will be mostly pleased with the way they played over the last few days, but no doubt there will be some small amount of sighing when they look back on what might have been. As Chris Adams said, the overall effort was very good but those crucial moments on day one when the batsmen didn’t quite kick on from the excellent starts they got made the overall difference. Another 150 runs and Northants would have been stuffed from the word go. Instead Surrey let them get a very tricky lead.

So, having played one game and with a draw to their credit Surrey sit mid table, with Northants ironically 1 point head of them. Still, to use another overused phrase, let’s take the positives from it. This did look like a genuinely hungry Surrey team. There’s an energy there that I’ve not seen in a good while and a belief that they can do well. Long term, I think this is going to pay off for them. The batsmen at least look as if they have the ability to play a decent innings, as de Bruyn showed with his 90 odd runs before the lunchtime declaration. And the bowlers all performed very nicely, with some of them toiling away without the results they richly deserved for their effort.

Best moment for me: Meaker upending Sales’ stumps for the third occasion in as many encounters. Poor fella! I hope it’s a while before they next meet, because if Meaker does the same thing subsequently then Sales is going to end up with the nickname ‘Bugs’...

It did feel a bit of an anti-climax, with Surrey having claimed five scalps and Northants all-but deciding to throw in the towel as regards the run-chase, with not enough overs left in the day to make the effort worthwhile. Especially after the herculean efforts from both teams to gain the upper hand! But as the game came to an abrupt and somewhat subdued end, and even despite Churchy and Johnny Barran’s best efforts right to the very last ball, most of the Rampants had already turned over to ITV4 where Mr Ramps and Alec Stewart were punditing on the IPL.

Sorry Churchy...

Wicketus Collapsicus

Short Match Report Surrey v Gloucestershire at The Oval, Day Three

Well, the game panned out in the way that the doubters anticipated, and Gloucestershire – to their great credit – put on another partnership towards the end that stuck tighter than a whelk’s bottom, effectively killing any chance of victory for Surrey. 106 runs added for the last few wickets unfortunately proved far too much in the context of the game. When looking at the final score and seeing the 77 or so runs by which they fell short, it makes the Gloucestershire tail all the more impressive. The Surrey top order is looking a tad frail, as if it’s got a bit of a hangover, and the middle order (with the exception of Steven Davies) looks like it’s flailing about for the Alka-Seltzer...

I didn’t hear the Ramps dismissal, but I gather there may have been some doubt as to whether it should have been given. Poor Mr R: when your luck’s out, it’s really out! There’s an interesting article in the Times suggesting that he’s more or less been acting as an opener due to the lack of a reliable partnership at top to see off the new ball. If so, I’m sending Michael Brown’s tennis elbow a get well soon card, signed with lots of kisses...

Good points: the lower order of both sides played with much pride. Dernbach really seems to fancy himself as a batsman. Maybe we ought to promote him up the order as a pinch hitter! Tremlett did not too badly with the bat either. The only people who did have trouble with the bat were, ironically, the batsmen!

A real pity from a Surrey point of view because I felt the game was still very much up for grabs in this morning, and I think they’d have quietly fancied their chances of pulling the rug out from underneath Gloucestershire’s feet. But, just like my boss on a Monday after a weekend spent drinking cider in his local flea-pit, it appears that Surrey just don’t “do mornings.”

Momentum seems to be the key thing with Surrey. It’s a moot point, but had the light been better towards the end of yesterday and they’d stayed out, it is possible that they might have nipped that troublesome eighth wicket partnership before they’d even got to the morning session.

Congrats to Gloucestershire all the same – and especially to Jon Batty (who must be delighted). But I wouldn’t really want to be the one to wish Chris Adams a happy birthday right now...