Climb every mountain...

Surrey v Middlesex
In a nutshell:

We weren’t very good. They were.

Having had Middlesex by the short and curlies at the very start of the game - with the much longed for wickets (three of the darlings!) of Yasir Arafat making a timely and welcome appearance - Surrey allowed the north London side to wriggle off the hook until they amassed a preposterous 445! The bowling cost Surrey very dearly in the afternoon of day one.

There was a lot of wildlife on display at Lords. A few little ducks for starters. There were also some headless chickens running about as well by the sound of it! The only people with crowing rights were the Middlesex supporters!

The skipper did his level best to drag the score into more reasonable territory but in the face of hardly any backup from his team mates – with one exception – things went so pear-shaped you’d expect to see Masterchef’s Greg Wallace attacking it with a spoon...

Maynard stood alone on the burning deck whilst everyone else either abandoned ship or tried to bail the water out using a sieve. Poor Tom, stranded on 98 not out...it may do his average the world of good, but that’s no consolation for missing out on another century.

Oh, and just to complete the feeling of wicketus collapsicus déjà vu, de Bruyn scored a princely 2 runs in two innings, Surrey having been stuck in again, although it sounds as if Finn bowled the ball of his life to dismiss him second time round. At the end of the day, I guess that's cricket for you! Last weeks heroes suddenly find themselves with the tables turned upon them.

Brilliant effort from Middlesex? Poor show from Surrey? Bit of both? You decide.

This is what I have learned from the two days thus far:

Surrey are missing Meaker.

Surrey are missing Ramps (please come back quickly)!

Surrey are attempting to send poor Chris Adams to an early grave.

Johnny Barran makes splendid unintentional double entendres live on the internet! (I bet Linley will never live down today’s comment!)

‘Climb every mountain’, sang Frauline Maria’s mother superior. Well, Surrey are staring up a huge pig of a mountain. With snow on the top. Brian Blessed’s probably there as well. And he’s eaten all the Kendal mint cake. Not to mention started an avalanche with his shouting. There’s no mountaineering equipment, and the air rescue department are unavailable due to being on holiday for the Royal Wedding.

Oh, and the mountain’s on Mars.

I don’t have an ‘eeek’ emoticon big enough!