Strictly: Week one - Saturday

Hmm. Nobody has fallen on the stairs yet.

Still, there are plenty of weeks to go. Part two of the first week’s celebrity extravaganza kicked off on Saturday, showcasing the varied talents of the remaining seven contenders for the Strictly crown. If anything they proved more of a mixed bag than the previous lot! It wasn’t just the new celebs that were on show but a fair amount of new dancers as well. And in many respects, this has led to one or two problems as I see it.

Stand by for a minor rant. Not a huge temper tantrum or wild, carpet-biting histrionics...but it’s bugging me just a tad and I want to get it off my chest.

Now, nothing lasts forever. Everything has to change to survive. That’s the way of things, isn’t it? I would always argue that part of Strictly’s charm is its familiarity and warmth, and that getting rid of a swathe of the best-loved pros in one fell swoop is asking for trouble. Only Erin amongst the female dancers remains from series one now, and I bet she’s looking over her shoulders a little anxiously! But it’s not just the lovely pro’s that have come and gone but their fabulous choreography. Karen, Lilia, Ian, Darren and Matthew all had a great idea of what it took to get to the final, and an instinct on how to put a great routine together. And whilst recognising that the new boys must get a chance to prove likewise, I was so BORED by the cha cha’s over the last two days that it made me feel all nostalgic for Karen and Lilia’s cheeky little routines. What we got was cha-cha lite. There was so little of the basic steps in each of the dances that I felt cheated!

I’m all for innovation and storytelling but I want a dance to resemble its original premise. A sexy waltz? No thank you. A disco cha cha? Uh-uh. What next, break dancing American Smooth? Highland fling Quick-step? Viennese waltz with the Hakka incorporated into it? The thing that makes a dance what it is should be on display, and that means the steps have to be in there. I saw so little recognisable cha cha last night (and indeed the previous night) that it made me wonder how many of the new pros actually know what the dance comprises.

But that’s the way it seems to be going these days. Shiny new tricks, new slants on everything...and I’m left feeling like an old grouch muttering at the television set about the ‘good old days’.

Take Jimi Mistri for example. The boy can move. He has a charming smile and, it appears, a natural confidence when he takes to the floor. Actually, super-confident people don’t tend to do well on Strictly as they sometimes come across as smug. Folks tend to like those who go on ‘journey’s’, whether it be in terms of dance skill or self-awareness, or both. Those that come into the ‘I really fancy myself’ category or ‘wow, look at my pectorals, ladies!’ group often don’t last the distance (it’s difficult to dance with a large chip on your shoulder without causing balance issues). Now, I’m not getting that vibe from Jimi myself, but I know there are quite a few people seeing him that way. Does he fit the Strictly winners profile well enough? Will he stay the course?

Not on last night’s performance, no. But the whole point of Strictly is to see a gradual progression. I think one of the reasons Mr Whittle did so poorly in terms of public perception is that he started off a bit too brilliantly. Jimi can move his body, for sure, but at times it was like the Morecambe and Wise ‘Grieg Piano Concerto’ sketch. He was performing the right steps in the wrong order. I didn’t really care for the routine whilst admitting I’m not entirely sure why. It had lots of steps and lots of content, but for some reason that content just didn’t feel...right.

Perhaps it was a little disappointing, as from the off Jimi appeared to be one of the ones who at least showed potential, but it was hardly grim and gruesome either. I’d like to see what he can do in the ballroom next week before casting aside my initial high hopes for the man.

Peter Shilton. What is it with poor Erin and goal keepers? When they were pairing them up the BBC must have thought it a great laugh. Let’s see:

Tall bloke – check.

Sportsman – check.

Called Peter S – check.

Won’t last past week 6 ... more than likely.

Fact is, having a fan base will get you so far in Strictly, but it’s a double-edged sword. The more famous you are the more likely it is that people will know you well enough to vote. It also increases the likelihood of people being so fed up with your high profile that they would sooner stab you in both eyes with a biro than vote to save you. Now, Peter Shilton is a highly regarded individual as far as I can tell, but are those who don’t like sport likely to vote for a gentleman of a certain age, who seems to have difficulty with his rise and fall?

If that sounded vulgar, I’m not apologising.

Those who don’t like sport are only going to vote for a sportsman if he’s hot, and can dance well. Or are a mystery to them. An unknown. Look at Goughie...how many non-sports fans would know of him? And yet he charmed people with his earthy blokeishness and cheery determination. Look at Ramps...described wonderfully as ‘the brooding prince of county cricket’. I bet Google almost went into meltdown when all the non-sports fans went on-line to find out who this shy, good looking fellow was! Does Mr Shilton fit the profile any better than Jimi did?

Answer: not really. Again, I agreed more or less with Craig. There was no rise and fall. The linking between the waltz elements was not very good. They travelled quite well around the floor, but it did look as if Erin was wrestling with a water bed at times. Bless him, he did try his hardest, and I thought he looked very dignified in his tails, but not a brilliant performance. God help him next week in the salsa, though!

Michelle Williams and Brendan. Oh. Dear.

I don’t think she’s a lost cause. But I don’t think on her first showing she’s going to fit the profile of winner either. Whilst being known mostly as ‘one of the two from Destiny’s Child who wasn’t Beyonce’, Michelle’s natural exuberance and sassy kick-assness is a far cry from how most would perceive the winner of Strictly to be. Demure isn’t a word in Michelle’s vocabulary, I think I’m right in saying. If she wants to progress then it might pay to adopt a slightly more humble approach. Aiming high is one thing, but “I don’t want anything less than an 8” isn’t going to endear her to the general public. She obviously hadn’t heard of Craig before if she thought she was going to get an 8 first time round...

Something else that’s got to improve is the dancing itself. Michelle has the most amazing pins you’ve seen other than on a Thompson’s gazelle but the problem seems to be that she can’t get them to do what she wants them to. I don’t think it was helped by the fact that she appeared to be wearing what I can only assume were a pair of rather precarious high heels. I don’t know how Michelle compares to Brendan height-wise when she’s in her stocking feet but during her wobbly rendition of the cha-cha she almost appeared as tall, if not taller than her partner. Some work on the leg shaping and a smaller pair of heels will probably help her keep her balance next time.

I was surprised by Gavin Henson. He put in a very smooth and sophisticated performance in his waltz, ably choreographed with stylish aplomb by Katya (who I felt of all the new pros last year was the biggest success). Having seen him in the group dance in the preview show I fully expected him to perform with the grace of a Sherman tank, but to his credit both the performance and the dancing itself was of a really good quality for week one, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the judges (and I dare say by the more shallow amongst next week’s voters). He’s a good looking lad, is Gavin. But I rather think he knows it!

What on earth do I say about Tina and Jared? It’s not often I am bored by a routine in Strictly. I may like it, or I may loathe it, but I am rarely given over to yawning. The idea was a good one, with Tina’s babydoll outfit and Jared’s science geek look, but Tina went wrong rather a lot and lost her timing noticeably, whilst the shocking lack of cha cha made me pray for the whole thing to end. Now, I think if Tina concentrates she has the potential to improve, and that’s all you can ask for on the show, and the two of them look as cute as two kittens in a basket tied with a pink bow. But I was so unimpressed with the choreography: there was an awful lot of walking about and posing to eat up the time. Is it too much to want to see cha cha steps in a cha cha dance? The jury’s out on Jared for me.

Now, let’s face it. Everyone wanted to see how Anne Widdecome was going to do. People up and down the country were switching on their TVs just to find out if Anton survived his first voyage around the studio floors in command of the good ship Widders! Actually, it was more of a storm-tossed galleon, and yes there were choppy waters to navigate. It wasn’t helped by the fact that Anne only comes up to the top of Anton’s chest! And whilst the whole thing was vaguely farcical I found it utterly endearing and enchanting, because the woman smiled throughout – and meant every moment of it! I enjoyed it far more than Tina, Peter or Michelle no matter how bad it looked to the judges. Resembling a large, purple theatre curtain Anne certainly brought the house down with her waltz! And next week we have the salsa!

Question is, with Anton’s dubious Latin ability – who is going to be worse? Himself or his partner?

Kara Tointon can dance. She proved when she danced with Ramps in the Sports Relief thingy back in 2007 that she could move well, and of the pairings involving new pro dancers I think this is the one that has the most potential. I have to say that the costume, whilst eye-catching, was a tad distracting. Leopard skin dominatrix? A brave choice for a cha cha! But credit to her, when she stumbled and all but fell she picked herself up and completed what was a rather splendid first attempt. She certainly has the looks, the attitude and the personality to go far in the contest.

But again, I was left lamenting the general quality of choreography over the last two days. Strictly feels fresh, hopefully and bright again after two series that arguably needed a make-over, but a little of the heart has gone with the removal of the old pro dancers, and with it the standard of dancing. I suppose I fear that we will never get any truly iconic dances again like Alesha’s cha cha, Ramps’ Argentine tango and salsa, Jill’s jive or Zoe’s tango. I guess only time will tell.