For some reason Tess had decided to dress like Servalan from series 3 Blake's 7. I know the 80s is coming back but black with gold studs...not a good look! And just when she'd actually been given some really stylish things to wear!
And so, it was goodbye to Paul and Ola. The right decison, as Paul himself said. He paid a very nice tribute to his dance colleagues and acknowledged that he was the best candidate for the chop, and so it turned out to be. The other person in the bottom spot was Michelle. I'm not surprised, although in retrospect given the sad news about Brendan's father it was a bit of a shame. Next week, it seems Michelle will be dancing with Ian, which may actually work better height-wise.
I was scared, though. During the anouncing of who was staying in the contest, Patsy looked like she was going to throw up! Genuinely in danger of vomitsville. And when you're stood up on the balcony, that's not a good thing for those who are beneath!
Please, viewers...please keep Patsy in the show just to see if she does up-chuck in the coming weeks!
Sunday, 17 October 2010
Strictly: Week Three
It’s proving an interesting series, this one. Interesting because although there are roughly five or so who have established themselves in the top ranks, you can’t tell where this is going. It’s probably the most open series in a good, long while.
Kara and Artem are probably in the aforementioned top five. They have a nice little partnership going on, and they look good together. It really does help if a team are a cute, believable package – all the previous winners looked as if they were just right for each other on the dance floor. Certainly Kara and Artem have that same appearance. Of course, what would propel them to another level would be if they could show that they were also something a bit special, to make them stand out a bit more, because whilst everything they do is smooth, sparkly and glam they as yet don’t have that ‘wow’ factor about them. There are already one or two others that have started to exhibit that certain something, and ultimately whilst I believe the pair of them will progress to the hindermost end of the contest, I don’t think they will win.
What we got yesterday was a very polished, mostly accurate, cheeky little quickstep. I really liked it; I thought the choreography was nicely done, and even if Len didn’t approve of the cartwheel by Kara at the start I thought that it was actually a reasonable inclusion in a dance that is already a glorified Charleston/Foxtrot hybrid. It’s not as if they came on the set via unicycles! I was with Craig this time: a very difficult move to do in heels (the man himself suggested he’d had some experience of this, darling!) and wonderfully executed. Overall, a fine start to proceedings.
A word about Bruno. He’s decided to transform himself into ‘Mr Picky’. Now, I know that makes him sound like a Roger Hargreaves Mr Man character, although given the name I’m not sure how anyone would dare draw him, but there seems to be a subtle shift towards his transformation into the Diva amongst the judges. They’ve all had their moments, of course. Craig has a lonnnnnnnng association with being ‘Mr Narrrsty’, not always deserved it has to be said, but this year appears to have mellowed. Len seemed a bit bluff and brusque last night, and does get fed up with ‘faffing about’ on the stage (but on that point I have a bit of sympathy – I’m sure he’s gritted his teeth on a few occasions already this season about all the tricks and gimmicks crammed into routines). And as for Alesha, I’m not even going to comment, “babe.” But I want the old Bruno back. The barking mad one...the one who told everyone they were rubbish with a big grin on his face. Mr Picky doesn’t suit him.
Next up; bendy Felicity. Or Felicity Bendal, as we should now call her. How in the name of the almighty does someone over sixty move like that? I can hardly get out of bed in the morning without straining something, and I’m half her age! It was like watching a contortionist in a Victorian circus act! It was nice to see her being given a chance to ‘act’ the part again, and the storytelling aspect of the rumba allowed her to do just that, but whilst the emotion was there for all to see and the actual moves themselves were fine, the judges were swift to pick up on something I had mentioned to my sister (hark at me, the dance expert!): that the linking between the elements wasn’t very smooth and sort of broke up the whole flow of what otherwise could have been a mighty fine routine.
I think there are a lot of disappointed Vincent fans out there that just don’t seem to think there’s much chemistry between them. I think there is: it’s just of a different sort to what we have seen before. Possibly his fans feel the likelihood of the couple progressing to the midway stage is unlikely, and much as I do like both of team ‘Felincent’, if they stay at the same level they are at now I’m inclined to agree.
I felt a bit sorry for Patsy. Following on from last week’s bubbly salsa she found herself back in hold for an overly fleet-footed quickstep. It’s obvious from what Patsy herself has said that she much prefers the Latin discipline to the constraints of the ballroom – and it shows. She gave it a fair stab, and whilst she never looked comfortable at least there was no sign of the terrified fluffy bunny we saw on the first night. Unfortunately, she screwed up with her first few steps which not surprisingly then saw her struggle from that point to keep up. It also didn’t help that Robin had perhaps given her a routine which, although performed much better in rehearsal by all accounts, was a tad too fast for a beginner. It had more skip than a bush kangaroo and, alas, was half as graceful...
Paul and Ola. Oh, dearie me. I don’t want to see someone in their 70s dancing the rumba with a pretty young thing wrapped in, well, not very much to be honest. It looks wrong. It looks awkward. In fact it looks downright pervy! Not Paul’s fault, but it does take away from the credibility of the dance when one of the protagonists looks like a septuagenarian patient trying to resist the advances of his pretty, avaricious nurse. How he survived to the end of the show without collapsing I do not know. I suppose “that’s magic!” Favourite to go out tonight? Last week Paul’s quip to Bruno probably gained him some votes, but whether that goodwill extends this week will depend on how sorry the public feel for them. I think it became quite clear that Paul felt a little brassed-off with the judge’s comments, and possibly his lack of grace – coupled with the fact that he’s clearly not going anywhere in this contest – will see him kicked out sooner rather than later. Possibly, it would be a mercy for Ola!
Hold the press! Matt Baker was...nervous! Who’d have thunk it??? And it just goes to show that even the most confident looking people can have a wobble from time to time. To his credit, Matt didn’t especially show it during the routine although the one thing I would say is at times it didn’t seem to convey his natural joy and flair. It still had plenty of style and timing, and was a good vehicle for showing off what looks like a well-matched partnership. The footwork was crisp and light but at times the legs looked a little...odd. A bit ‘ministry of silly walks’. I’m not certain why Craig’s 7 paddle was given an airing, because it looked like a solid 8 to me, but he was correct that there were visible faults with it and given how splendiferous Matt has been over the last two weeks perhaps it wasn’t as polished. Still, for a backward step it was a heck of a good one!
Gavin Henson. What are we to do with Gav? I keep seeing wistful postings on Twitter and Digital Spy from ladies who are hoping rather than believing that Gavin can be the next Mark Ramprakash. I have a slight problem with this. Firstly, Ramps was very good from the get-go. Sure, he experienced dodgy weeks but he was pretty special from the start. Gavin hasn’t really shown an eighth of the talent Mark did in the first few weeks. The only connection I see between Henson and Ramprakash is that they are both sportsmen, and that’s where the similarity ends. Mark had natural rhythm and musicality. Gavin dances like a chimney stack. No, it’s no use pretending: however much Gavin improves (and I haven’t seen that much in the last three weeks) he still dances as if he’s spent 600 years rooted in Sherwood Forest.
Secondly, there is only one Mark Ramprakash. End of.
Right, having brushed the bias to one side let’s deal with yesterday’s performance. He did try to put some hip action into it but with minimal success. It all looked a little lumpen, staid and static. Katya has her work cut out to make him into something special.
I’m not really getting this partnership. I think it’s because Gavin doesn’t really seem to know what to do with himself out of hold, which is why he looks more comfy in ballroom. There’s some kind of barrier there that he refuses to break through, or cannot, that stops him expressing himself and until he sorts it out he is going to go from good one week (ballroom) to, shall we be kind and say ‘less than good’ (latin) the next. And one Saturday he’s going to run out of weeks: probably during an embarrassing attempt at a samba. Sure, he’s got certain qualities (that six pack of his is possibly his main asset where the lady viewers are concerned) but, as my friend Deirdre wittily observed, Gavin is like the adverts for Cuprinol: “everything is wooden and a strange orange colour.”
Scott and Natalie: Now, everything they’ve done before has been good. I may not have enjoyed last week’s salsa that much, but even an untrained ignoramus like me could see that the steps were all there even if I didn’t much care for the gingham ribbon it was all tied up with. This week, however, I really enjoyed their quickstep. Most importantly, it had the thing that is key with this dance – fun! And it had it in spades. It was a good, vote-winning dance set to a children’s classic (c’mon, who doesn’t love the Jungle Book?), and yes, perhaps Natalie’s leopard print dress was a bit much, but it did go with the theme of the dance. As some have pointed out it was slightly flat-footed at times, but then again so was Ramps’ quickstep and I still loved the showiness of that routine despite the flaws. In fact, I think Scott got the same score for his quickstep that Mark did. Like a lot of people, I haven’t really got a sense of Natalie’s own personality over the last two years but I think we may actually have seen it peeking out in this dance. Scott is starting to grow on me a tad!
Michelle and Brendan. She doesn’t really want to be there, does she? I’m assuming that’s because she’s disappointed that she’s not pleasing the judges as much as she wanted, and is probably wondering what else she has to do in order to get some good feedback (Alesha doesn’t count, because I’ve found her opinions to be increasingly light weight and vacuous). There’s also the glaringly obvious fact that she is not a natural dancer. Not in the slightest. And therein lies the problem, because you can work harder than anyone, and chip away at technical faults, but you cannot put in what god left out. Michelle is simply not...gifted. Not awful, but not a natural.
And that sort of summed up the routine for me. It wasn’t helped by the fact that Brendan was bedecked head to foot in a shade of brown that can only be described as ‘cow-byre’, and resembled a badly upholstered leather sofa. How Michelle could possibly perform a dance where she was supposed to have a meaningful relationship with someone who looked as if he belonged in a DFS showroom is beyond me...
Len pointed out the heels thing. They are too tall. I said so in week one – aren’t I clever? Because her balance and her weak legs are letting her down big time, which is a shame, because she actually has the ability to hit some decent lines. Not that it’s going to matter for much longer because at this rate the pair of them are going to get kicked off the show. I don’t think Michelle will last much longer, to be honest. It won’t have gone unnoticed that whilst everyone was clapping and jiggling around at the end of the show, Michelle stood somewhat subdued and unhappy looking. At first I thought she was having a strop, but it appears that Brendan's father has passed away, and it must have felt awkward to show any happiness under those circumstances.
And big props to Brendan. It must have been extremely difficult to dance having lost someone close that very day. He may not be my favourite pro-dancer, but he showed a lot of dignity.
Peter and Erin: this was the most improved couple by far. Mind you, given the subterranean depths Mr Shilton had plumbed with his salsa, the only way was up! And whilst it wasn’t as special or sparkly as Kara’s, as well danced as Matt’s or as fun and sublimely presented as Scott’s, it had a certain charm to it! Erin is indeed the quickstep queen and she really should be commended for the hard work she put in with Peter. It started a little stiffly but then moved around the room, and Peter kept up with all the steps beautifully. At last, a dance that suited him! However, with the return to latin next week I’m beginning to think he and Michelle will be fighting out the bottom spot should he survive tonight.
And didn’t Peter look dapper in his suit?
Jim and Flavia...hmm. I can see why the judges went to town a bit here. There were moments where it looked very dramatic and tender, and other times where it looked so frenetic that if he’d picked up a tambourine and started beating it you wouldn’t have been at all surprised. And he really has to sort out his facial expressions. He’s got the full array, but it’s as if he never quite fits the right one to the moment, which is a little distracting. Could you imagine dear old Bill Turnbull reading the news of a morning; some tragedy or natural disaster that has befallen a swathe of the sub continent, whilst grinning like a lunatic? No? That’s how distracting and inappropriate Jimi’s face pulling is!
Now, I like Jimi. I’ll be surprised if he at least doesn’t make it into the last half of the show. But he’s not doing himself any favours. The routine had some lovely bits in it, but it was supposed to be a romantic, angsty dance of love and lust. We got Bela Lugosi rather than Rudolph Valentino. It was just a tad...weird.
A tad weird doesn’t go far enough to describe Ann and Anton’s quickstep. This is mostly because of the height difference, and it doesn’t matter which dance is performed: she’s still going to be staring at Anton’s nipples (not a pleasant thought). Even if she didn’t resemble an inflatable Dalek, they would have no choice but to play it for comedy! But credit where it is due: Anton gave her steps to perform, and perform them she did – far better than I anticipated! It was still pretty naff, but only a heartless old cynic couldn’t take some enjoyment out of watching Widdi dance! Craig actually flashed his 3 paddle, which at least indicated the fact that she had actually danced rather than walked around the floor, pointing! So, well done Ann. It may actually be the first and only time I will ever applaud a Tory.
Pamela and James have in my humble opinion the best chemistry of all the couples. She’s having fun, James is having fun reminding her of the dreaded ‘Miss Piggy’ moment last week where she spun out of control...it just looks like they are having a blast. Not many people can master the rumba but Pamela did exactly that. In fact I will be genuinely surprised if there is a dance that she can’t get to grips with. She’s a very instinctive, intuitive dancer. The rumba was sensual, beautiful and, unlike Paul and Ola’s attempt, it didn’t look at all pervy that James should be wooing a much older woman! It was definitely the best dance of the night.
It should also be mentioned that Tina did not dance due to having contracted Chickenpox. I was going to crack a joke about not having to be in the 'spotlight', but having suffered with CP as an adult, and having had spots everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) including down my throat and windpipe, I'll save the rubbish jokes for next week. Provided she makes it in for next week: if she doesn't, she's out the contest. Here's hoping she is able to continue long enough until the public get bored of her and boot her out.
And there we have it. One couple will go tonight...but who? Will Paul run out of magic tricks? Has Peter been ‘saved’ for the last time? Has Michelle met her destiny? Tune in to the results show to find out!
Or cheat like me and read the spoilers.
Kara and Artem are probably in the aforementioned top five. They have a nice little partnership going on, and they look good together. It really does help if a team are a cute, believable package – all the previous winners looked as if they were just right for each other on the dance floor. Certainly Kara and Artem have that same appearance. Of course, what would propel them to another level would be if they could show that they were also something a bit special, to make them stand out a bit more, because whilst everything they do is smooth, sparkly and glam they as yet don’t have that ‘wow’ factor about them. There are already one or two others that have started to exhibit that certain something, and ultimately whilst I believe the pair of them will progress to the hindermost end of the contest, I don’t think they will win.
What we got yesterday was a very polished, mostly accurate, cheeky little quickstep. I really liked it; I thought the choreography was nicely done, and even if Len didn’t approve of the cartwheel by Kara at the start I thought that it was actually a reasonable inclusion in a dance that is already a glorified Charleston/Foxtrot hybrid. It’s not as if they came on the set via unicycles! I was with Craig this time: a very difficult move to do in heels (the man himself suggested he’d had some experience of this, darling!) and wonderfully executed. Overall, a fine start to proceedings.
A word about Bruno. He’s decided to transform himself into ‘Mr Picky’. Now, I know that makes him sound like a Roger Hargreaves Mr Man character, although given the name I’m not sure how anyone would dare draw him, but there seems to be a subtle shift towards his transformation into the Diva amongst the judges. They’ve all had their moments, of course. Craig has a lonnnnnnnng association with being ‘Mr Narrrsty’, not always deserved it has to be said, but this year appears to have mellowed. Len seemed a bit bluff and brusque last night, and does get fed up with ‘faffing about’ on the stage (but on that point I have a bit of sympathy – I’m sure he’s gritted his teeth on a few occasions already this season about all the tricks and gimmicks crammed into routines). And as for Alesha, I’m not even going to comment, “babe.” But I want the old Bruno back. The barking mad one...the one who told everyone they were rubbish with a big grin on his face. Mr Picky doesn’t suit him.
Next up; bendy Felicity. Or Felicity Bendal, as we should now call her. How in the name of the almighty does someone over sixty move like that? I can hardly get out of bed in the morning without straining something, and I’m half her age! It was like watching a contortionist in a Victorian circus act! It was nice to see her being given a chance to ‘act’ the part again, and the storytelling aspect of the rumba allowed her to do just that, but whilst the emotion was there for all to see and the actual moves themselves were fine, the judges were swift to pick up on something I had mentioned to my sister (hark at me, the dance expert!): that the linking between the elements wasn’t very smooth and sort of broke up the whole flow of what otherwise could have been a mighty fine routine.
I think there are a lot of disappointed Vincent fans out there that just don’t seem to think there’s much chemistry between them. I think there is: it’s just of a different sort to what we have seen before. Possibly his fans feel the likelihood of the couple progressing to the midway stage is unlikely, and much as I do like both of team ‘Felincent’, if they stay at the same level they are at now I’m inclined to agree.
I felt a bit sorry for Patsy. Following on from last week’s bubbly salsa she found herself back in hold for an overly fleet-footed quickstep. It’s obvious from what Patsy herself has said that she much prefers the Latin discipline to the constraints of the ballroom – and it shows. She gave it a fair stab, and whilst she never looked comfortable at least there was no sign of the terrified fluffy bunny we saw on the first night. Unfortunately, she screwed up with her first few steps which not surprisingly then saw her struggle from that point to keep up. It also didn’t help that Robin had perhaps given her a routine which, although performed much better in rehearsal by all accounts, was a tad too fast for a beginner. It had more skip than a bush kangaroo and, alas, was half as graceful...
Paul and Ola. Oh, dearie me. I don’t want to see someone in their 70s dancing the rumba with a pretty young thing wrapped in, well, not very much to be honest. It looks wrong. It looks awkward. In fact it looks downright pervy! Not Paul’s fault, but it does take away from the credibility of the dance when one of the protagonists looks like a septuagenarian patient trying to resist the advances of his pretty, avaricious nurse. How he survived to the end of the show without collapsing I do not know. I suppose “that’s magic!” Favourite to go out tonight? Last week Paul’s quip to Bruno probably gained him some votes, but whether that goodwill extends this week will depend on how sorry the public feel for them. I think it became quite clear that Paul felt a little brassed-off with the judge’s comments, and possibly his lack of grace – coupled with the fact that he’s clearly not going anywhere in this contest – will see him kicked out sooner rather than later. Possibly, it would be a mercy for Ola!
Hold the press! Matt Baker was...nervous! Who’d have thunk it??? And it just goes to show that even the most confident looking people can have a wobble from time to time. To his credit, Matt didn’t especially show it during the routine although the one thing I would say is at times it didn’t seem to convey his natural joy and flair. It still had plenty of style and timing, and was a good vehicle for showing off what looks like a well-matched partnership. The footwork was crisp and light but at times the legs looked a little...odd. A bit ‘ministry of silly walks’. I’m not certain why Craig’s 7 paddle was given an airing, because it looked like a solid 8 to me, but he was correct that there were visible faults with it and given how splendiferous Matt has been over the last two weeks perhaps it wasn’t as polished. Still, for a backward step it was a heck of a good one!
Gavin Henson. What are we to do with Gav? I keep seeing wistful postings on Twitter and Digital Spy from ladies who are hoping rather than believing that Gavin can be the next Mark Ramprakash. I have a slight problem with this. Firstly, Ramps was very good from the get-go. Sure, he experienced dodgy weeks but he was pretty special from the start. Gavin hasn’t really shown an eighth of the talent Mark did in the first few weeks. The only connection I see between Henson and Ramprakash is that they are both sportsmen, and that’s where the similarity ends. Mark had natural rhythm and musicality. Gavin dances like a chimney stack. No, it’s no use pretending: however much Gavin improves (and I haven’t seen that much in the last three weeks) he still dances as if he’s spent 600 years rooted in Sherwood Forest.
Secondly, there is only one Mark Ramprakash. End of.
Right, having brushed the bias to one side let’s deal with yesterday’s performance. He did try to put some hip action into it but with minimal success. It all looked a little lumpen, staid and static. Katya has her work cut out to make him into something special.
I’m not really getting this partnership. I think it’s because Gavin doesn’t really seem to know what to do with himself out of hold, which is why he looks more comfy in ballroom. There’s some kind of barrier there that he refuses to break through, or cannot, that stops him expressing himself and until he sorts it out he is going to go from good one week (ballroom) to, shall we be kind and say ‘less than good’ (latin) the next. And one Saturday he’s going to run out of weeks: probably during an embarrassing attempt at a samba. Sure, he’s got certain qualities (that six pack of his is possibly his main asset where the lady viewers are concerned) but, as my friend Deirdre wittily observed, Gavin is like the adverts for Cuprinol: “everything is wooden and a strange orange colour.”
Scott and Natalie: Now, everything they’ve done before has been good. I may not have enjoyed last week’s salsa that much, but even an untrained ignoramus like me could see that the steps were all there even if I didn’t much care for the gingham ribbon it was all tied up with. This week, however, I really enjoyed their quickstep. Most importantly, it had the thing that is key with this dance – fun! And it had it in spades. It was a good, vote-winning dance set to a children’s classic (c’mon, who doesn’t love the Jungle Book?), and yes, perhaps Natalie’s leopard print dress was a bit much, but it did go with the theme of the dance. As some have pointed out it was slightly flat-footed at times, but then again so was Ramps’ quickstep and I still loved the showiness of that routine despite the flaws. In fact, I think Scott got the same score for his quickstep that Mark did. Like a lot of people, I haven’t really got a sense of Natalie’s own personality over the last two years but I think we may actually have seen it peeking out in this dance. Scott is starting to grow on me a tad!
Michelle and Brendan. She doesn’t really want to be there, does she? I’m assuming that’s because she’s disappointed that she’s not pleasing the judges as much as she wanted, and is probably wondering what else she has to do in order to get some good feedback (Alesha doesn’t count, because I’ve found her opinions to be increasingly light weight and vacuous). There’s also the glaringly obvious fact that she is not a natural dancer. Not in the slightest. And therein lies the problem, because you can work harder than anyone, and chip away at technical faults, but you cannot put in what god left out. Michelle is simply not...gifted. Not awful, but not a natural.
And that sort of summed up the routine for me. It wasn’t helped by the fact that Brendan was bedecked head to foot in a shade of brown that can only be described as ‘cow-byre’, and resembled a badly upholstered leather sofa. How Michelle could possibly perform a dance where she was supposed to have a meaningful relationship with someone who looked as if he belonged in a DFS showroom is beyond me...
Len pointed out the heels thing. They are too tall. I said so in week one – aren’t I clever? Because her balance and her weak legs are letting her down big time, which is a shame, because she actually has the ability to hit some decent lines. Not that it’s going to matter for much longer because at this rate the pair of them are going to get kicked off the show. I don’t think Michelle will last much longer, to be honest. It won’t have gone unnoticed that whilst everyone was clapping and jiggling around at the end of the show, Michelle stood somewhat subdued and unhappy looking. At first I thought she was having a strop, but it appears that Brendan's father has passed away, and it must have felt awkward to show any happiness under those circumstances.
And big props to Brendan. It must have been extremely difficult to dance having lost someone close that very day. He may not be my favourite pro-dancer, but he showed a lot of dignity.
Peter and Erin: this was the most improved couple by far. Mind you, given the subterranean depths Mr Shilton had plumbed with his salsa, the only way was up! And whilst it wasn’t as special or sparkly as Kara’s, as well danced as Matt’s or as fun and sublimely presented as Scott’s, it had a certain charm to it! Erin is indeed the quickstep queen and she really should be commended for the hard work she put in with Peter. It started a little stiffly but then moved around the room, and Peter kept up with all the steps beautifully. At last, a dance that suited him! However, with the return to latin next week I’m beginning to think he and Michelle will be fighting out the bottom spot should he survive tonight.
And didn’t Peter look dapper in his suit?
Jim and Flavia...hmm. I can see why the judges went to town a bit here. There were moments where it looked very dramatic and tender, and other times where it looked so frenetic that if he’d picked up a tambourine and started beating it you wouldn’t have been at all surprised. And he really has to sort out his facial expressions. He’s got the full array, but it’s as if he never quite fits the right one to the moment, which is a little distracting. Could you imagine dear old Bill Turnbull reading the news of a morning; some tragedy or natural disaster that has befallen a swathe of the sub continent, whilst grinning like a lunatic? No? That’s how distracting and inappropriate Jimi’s face pulling is!
Now, I like Jimi. I’ll be surprised if he at least doesn’t make it into the last half of the show. But he’s not doing himself any favours. The routine had some lovely bits in it, but it was supposed to be a romantic, angsty dance of love and lust. We got Bela Lugosi rather than Rudolph Valentino. It was just a tad...weird.
A tad weird doesn’t go far enough to describe Ann and Anton’s quickstep. This is mostly because of the height difference, and it doesn’t matter which dance is performed: she’s still going to be staring at Anton’s nipples (not a pleasant thought). Even if she didn’t resemble an inflatable Dalek, they would have no choice but to play it for comedy! But credit where it is due: Anton gave her steps to perform, and perform them she did – far better than I anticipated! It was still pretty naff, but only a heartless old cynic couldn’t take some enjoyment out of watching Widdi dance! Craig actually flashed his 3 paddle, which at least indicated the fact that she had actually danced rather than walked around the floor, pointing! So, well done Ann. It may actually be the first and only time I will ever applaud a Tory.
Pamela and James have in my humble opinion the best chemistry of all the couples. She’s having fun, James is having fun reminding her of the dreaded ‘Miss Piggy’ moment last week where she spun out of control...it just looks like they are having a blast. Not many people can master the rumba but Pamela did exactly that. In fact I will be genuinely surprised if there is a dance that she can’t get to grips with. She’s a very instinctive, intuitive dancer. The rumba was sensual, beautiful and, unlike Paul and Ola’s attempt, it didn’t look at all pervy that James should be wooing a much older woman! It was definitely the best dance of the night.
It should also be mentioned that Tina did not dance due to having contracted Chickenpox. I was going to crack a joke about not having to be in the 'spotlight', but having suffered with CP as an adult, and having had spots everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) including down my throat and windpipe, I'll save the rubbish jokes for next week. Provided she makes it in for next week: if she doesn't, she's out the contest. Here's hoping she is able to continue long enough until the public get bored of her and boot her out.
And there we have it. One couple will go tonight...but who? Will Paul run out of magic tricks? Has Peter been ‘saved’ for the last time? Has Michelle met her destiny? Tune in to the results show to find out!
Or cheat like me and read the spoilers.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
Result - 10/10/10
And lo – Goldie has gone.
If ever there was a case for the dreaded dance-off being retained then this might be one of those times, because if they had pretty much danced the same as their original performance you would probably have your money on the judges retaining Goldie over Peter Shilton. But Goldie, whose profile was arguably not especially high compared to the others, probably suffered from the lack of a fan base in the same way that Spoony did back in series 4.
It’s a bit of a shame, because whilst I don’t think Goldie would have won I do think he would have made some improvement, and in this respect I think the jury is out on Peter Shilton. I guess only time will tell.
If ever there was a case for the dreaded dance-off being retained then this might be one of those times, because if they had pretty much danced the same as their original performance you would probably have your money on the judges retaining Goldie over Peter Shilton. But Goldie, whose profile was arguably not especially high compared to the others, probably suffered from the lack of a fan base in the same way that Spoony did back in series 4.
It’s a bit of a shame, because whilst I don’t think Goldie would have won I do think he would have made some improvement, and in this respect I think the jury is out on Peter Shilton. I guess only time will tell.
Saturday, 9 October 2010
Strictly: Week Two
It’s week Two of SCD and tonight 14 become 13. Of course, we won’t officially find out until tomorrow who that unlucky individual is.
Thankfully, there are people going to the show who will be texting to let us know who that is. I shan’t be posting the results here before the general public find out. I’m happy to receive spoilers but I won’t flaunt them. It’s a bit like wearing polka dot undies...I love wearing them but I don’t flash them in public. Not often, anyway.
The general standard of dancing was an improvement on last week, it has to be said. And that’s good, because there are a few basic rules to winning Strictly, and amongst those commandments is ‘start well – get much better’. Actually, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, trying to see what the previous 7 winners have all had in common, and I’ve come up with the following guide to lifting the glitterball:
1. Entertain. If you’re a rubbish dancer but you can engage with the public, you will stay much longer than you probably should. If you happen to be a good dancer as well being entertaining and you can put on a show, you’re on to a winner.
2. Get on with your partner. There has to be a certain chemistry with your teacher. If you don’t listen or don’t respect your teacher, you won’t do your best. If the professional can’t stand you in return, you’re screwed.
3. Put in the hours. It takes effort, blood, sweat, tears and lots of practice to iron out imperfections. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Mind you, neither was Milton Keynes...
4. Hope your costume designer likes you. And the make-up lady. Remember, they have the power to make you look like a Satsuma.
5. If you have a good body, show it off...but do it subtly so that the audience are teased into a frothing frenzy. A bit of chest here, a glimpse of guns through see-thru fabric there. If you make it obvious that you are flashing your chest, the viewers will know you’re simply desperate to get votes and suddenly realise your dancing is just a little bit crap.
6. Flirt with the judges. Bruno needs no encouragement.
7. Don’t be a smarty pants from the off. Show you have potential, and gradually get better over the weeks as they pass by. Nobody likes a goody-two-shoes. Giving the teacher an apple doesn’t work. Pollyanna never won a dance contest.
8. Viewers like journeys. Strictly is like the ‘Discovery Channel’: Goughie found his softer side, Ramps discovered his inner tiger, Alesha transformed into a lady...and Ricky Whittle discovered that Chris Hollins was more popular than he was.
9. If you’re good, have a few bad weeks to make your fans panic and they will suddenly remember to vote for you. It shows you’re still human.
10. Remember to thank the voters humbly each week for their calls. Show humility. If you assume you have a god-given right to be there and love yourself too much, you will get right on the chesticals of the viewers.
11. Try to persuade the viewers you have never danced before. Sportspeople get extra brownie points because they are rough, tough bruisers who find locating their inner butterfly much more difficult than thesps and throat warblers. Sportsmen in particular tend to win over the (mostly female) audience. Sportswomen are looked on as unnatural, competitive semi-Amazonian warriors and remind the lady viewers just how saggy and unattractive they all are.
12. If you have children under the age of 12, trot them out so the audience can see them (the 'awwwwww' factor). If you have nans and granddads supporting you, wheel them out. If you have a performing seal that can applaud when you come down the stairs, that’s good too. Cute appeals to the general public. But if you have a fiancé, don’t bother. Fiancés and WAGS are considered tacky as weapons in the war for hearts and minds.
13. Perform according to the requirements of the dance. If you’re doing an Argentine Tango, don’t smile. If you’re doing a Salsa, please try to look like you’re enjoying it. If you’re doing a boring Foxtrot, please do your best to make ME stay awake...
I hate foxtrot. It’s the most boring dance ever. No amount of ooohing and aaahing over Fred and Ginger’s effortless gliding around the room in a sea of feathers will persuade me otherwise. It’s dance Prozac. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
And the problem for me tonight was that half the dances were bloody foxtrots! Some of them were surprisingly good, it has to be said. I suppose you would have to classify Matt Baker and Aliona in this category, although I expected to be more blown away than I was. I guess already the expectations for Matt are proving ridiculously high. I thought technically he was extremely good, but there was something not very...I don’t know exactly, grabbing about the whole thing. I just don’t find Matt very appealing to be honest. It’s like getting a 1000 piece jigsaw and discovering the last bit is missing! There’s something absent and I’m damned if I know what it is! I think it may be charisma. A tad too dramatic for me as well; I’d have preferred a more traditional foxtrot (you know, smooth, classy, dull as ditchwater). You can tell I’m going to bang on about this all night, can’t you?
Peter and Erin were certainly more memorable than Matt was, for all the wrong reasons. Salsa in general tends to capture the imagination more than ballroom because of its very fast, twisty-turny, sexy, party atmosphere. All of the aforementioned words cannot in any shape or form be attributed to the Shilton salsa, which is a pity because Peter seems like a nice bloke who desperately wants to do well. There was a lot of what can only be termed ‘walking about in wallpaper paste’. Alas, it was more of a Salsaga...a dance for the over 60s on the hip replacement waiting list. As Zaphod Beeblebrox might have said, it was so ‘un-hip’ it was a wonder his bum didn’t fall off...
Tina and Jared’s Foxtrot was...nice. That’s all I can say, really. I guess I’m condemning with faint praise here. It was a much better performance from Tina and she looked a lot more natural and indeed comfortable this week, but there still seems something a bit weak about her. I dare say she’ll be one of those that improves if she stays in, but this couple aren’t doing it for me. I guess ‘sweet’ doesn’t really appeal. And they really are saccharine to me at the moment! God help her when it comes to the Paso.
Patsy and Robin were much improved on last week, and on only three hours of practice! Wow! It was a fairly basic routine to be honest, I think because of time constraint, but the Latin seemed to allow Patsy to show the actress off to the best advantage, with plenty of hip action and a reasonable amount of salsa moves in the routine. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, and to be honest at times there was a lot of time wasting and fruitless jiggling about, but it was jiggling about done with a lot of aplomb and with good timing. A transformation! Now, if she can continue to improve in the ballroom she might be one of the ones to claw her way up the leader board.
Paul actually surprised me again. He’s never going to win, but he was better than last week and additionally he was vastly superior to how I anticipated he would be. In places it wasn’t too bad, but he does cast a variety of weird faces as he concentrates on his steps. There’s one where he looks like he’s trying to suck on a golf ball and frankly that’s not a good look for anyone, let alone a 72 year old balding magician. I did like his come back to Bruno, who asked him why he couldn’t perform the middle of the routine to the same standard as the beginning and the end. “Because I can’t remember it!” Paul replied honestly. At least he won a warm round of applause from the crowd: I fear it’s the only thing he is going to win!
Scott and Natalie. Well, they are pretty good. I still put them in the same camp as Matt and Aliona, to be honest. He seems like a decent chap, and when you see him in the training vids that shows through, but I don’t know if Natalie’s quiet personality has made this partnership somewhat insipid. Last year Mr Whittle sort of counterbalanced Natalie’s softer nature, in the same way that Karen Hardy’s bubbly enthusiasm was a balance to Mark Ramprakash’s shyness. But these two seem rather similar, and as a result I find them a little...dull. The dance itself was just not salsa enough for me...yet again we have another case of trying to make a routine more interesting by taking a new tack when the thing that makes salsa interesting is actual salsa steps! It was danced well enough, but it wasn’t hot or fiery enough for me.
Michelle and Brendan. I want to like them. I do. I want to like her, specifically. I have sympathy for anyone who gets terribly homesick, although I’m not sure someone who puts 12 sugars in their coffee is going to live long enough to suffer with long-term homesickness. And she appears to be less ‘in your face’ and moany than I thought she would be. I did like the bench as a prop, although I’m glad Anne Widdecombe didn’t try that as I fear it would have broken on the end she was sitting on. I also liked the slide down the stair railing that Brendan did at the start, although again I’m glad that Anne didn’t attempt that: I fear she would have got halfway, fallen over the side, toppled into the band and taken some of them out.
Was I the only one though who was hoping Brendan would fall off the end?
The dance was not bad: definitely miles better than the poor effort the week before, but again I just find it very tough watching this uncharismatic pair trying to glide around the room. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of joy in Michelle’s dancing: if there is then it’s not showing yet. Bruno was a bit harsh with her, I thought, but by and large the love shown to the likes of Matt and Kara isn’t there for Michelle, and without much of a fan base I reckon she will struggle to progress in the show. Quote of the night nearly came from Len. I say nearly, because he said:
“I liked the bench.”
If he’d left it there, rather than go on to elaborate, I’d have been perfectly happy.
Goldie gets plus points for learning how to sell a Foxtrot. He actually made it different, in a way that was still in keeping with the tone of the dance, and made it work. It was still rough around the edges; more bling than real polish, but it had a certain charm to it. Yet again Kristina has managed to tailor a routine to her partner’s strengths. She probably should get more praise for this than she does. Liked the hat (was it stapled to his head?), and the whole brat pack look to it. He does have great musicality, and obviously gets the flavour of each dance. Now, if only he could master the actual dancing as well...
Pamela and James again stole the evening with their salsa. Actually, if it wasn’t for the wild flying about the room like something out of ‘The Who’s’ “Pinball Wizard” you might actually say it was one of the best salsa’s Strictly has seen for a good long while. The content was there, the look of the dance was there, the high energy, the steps, the speed...quite brilliant. I say quite, because the whirling dervish bit, whilst amusing, was a very obvious error. But it’s so nice to see James actually enjoying himself! And goodness, Pamela is very flexible! She did a back bend that put some of the pros to shame! I think this couple are going to be good to watch over the coming weeks. Just to add to my enthusiasm, James nearly carried out my wish to fall on the stairs after the dance was over!
Felicity has been a little disappointing, in that she has all the class and elegance you could wish for but because she’s so naturally refined she seems to have trouble letting that go and just living the dance. The Foxtrot tonight was a bit safe, in the same way that their cha cha had been, and whilst there was nothing wrong with it, neither was there much to make you applaud wildly. I think Vincent is going to have to work hard if he doesn’t want to have another Stephanie Beacham on his hands (albeit a more willing one).
I’m with Craig. I don’t know what to make of Anne and Anton’s “salsa”. I do hope she stays in for a few more weeks because she is genuinely entertaining, if for all the wrong reasons, and she did actually make Anton’s attempts at Latin almost bearable. I wasn’t so keen on the reappearance of the du Beke mancarpet (which probably should be demanding its own dressing room and spin off show, such is its prominence), and was quite glad when Anne buttoned him up! But whilst the audience howled, Bruno screeched like a capuchin monkey and a stunned Craig searched desperately for something, anything, to say Anne had the presence of mind to tell the Revel-Horwood just to give her a 1 and get it over with!
Ask, and it shall be received! The lowest ever Salsa score on strictly. Is it wrong that I desperately want to see Anne Widdecome do a Paso Doble? No question who is going to be the bull in this case...
Kara and Artem were really classy. There were one or two little niggly things if you wanted to nitpick at this stage in the contest, but she has a good idea how to move well. She seems to adapt well to both Latin and ballroom if the first two weeks are anything to go by, and may prove to be a genuine all-rounder. Artem seems a little serious, though. I think I’d like to see him show a less severe side to his personality. I love ‘To Russia with Love’...Quentin Wilson and Carole Vorderman could have danced to this and I would have loved it! Well, okay. Maybe not Carole Vorderman. I have some standards.
Gavin and Katya. The dancing wardrobe is back! Dear lord...he was woeful. He had the look of someone who knew he was wearing something made from the same material as Matt Dawson’s electric pink shirt from series 4. He shuffled around in a vague attempt to keep in time with the music, didn’t pick his feet up properly and clearly wanted to be a million miles away! Rhianna’s “Please Don’t Stop The Music” was another good choice of song (I’d been waiting for someone to use that for years now) but I’m just sorry that rather than the memorable routine it deserved, it got a half-baked, badly danced, self-conscious performance from a man who was aware all his rugby mates in Wales were laughing at him. Not to mention his ex.
And finally there was Jimi and Flavia. I have to admit that when I saw them walk down the stairs in the preview show I picked Jimi out as my winner. Last week was a little disappointing: this week I think he shows definite signs of improvement. Flavia seems to be bringing his personality to the fore, and whilst it’s definitely a work in progress there was much to like about his Foxtrot attempt. By and large his footwork was very good, and it’s reassuring to know that he quite likes the ballroom as well as the Latin! And his enthusiasm is infectious: he definitely wants to be there every week, whilst frankly Gavin Henson doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing or why.
Money, probably. And hair products. And a really shiny mirror.
Thankfully, there are people going to the show who will be texting to let us know who that is. I shan’t be posting the results here before the general public find out. I’m happy to receive spoilers but I won’t flaunt them. It’s a bit like wearing polka dot undies...I love wearing them but I don’t flash them in public. Not often, anyway.
The general standard of dancing was an improvement on last week, it has to be said. And that’s good, because there are a few basic rules to winning Strictly, and amongst those commandments is ‘start well – get much better’. Actually, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, trying to see what the previous 7 winners have all had in common, and I’ve come up with the following guide to lifting the glitterball:
1. Entertain. If you’re a rubbish dancer but you can engage with the public, you will stay much longer than you probably should. If you happen to be a good dancer as well being entertaining and you can put on a show, you’re on to a winner.
2. Get on with your partner. There has to be a certain chemistry with your teacher. If you don’t listen or don’t respect your teacher, you won’t do your best. If the professional can’t stand you in return, you’re screwed.
3. Put in the hours. It takes effort, blood, sweat, tears and lots of practice to iron out imperfections. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Mind you, neither was Milton Keynes...
4. Hope your costume designer likes you. And the make-up lady. Remember, they have the power to make you look like a Satsuma.
5. If you have a good body, show it off...but do it subtly so that the audience are teased into a frothing frenzy. A bit of chest here, a glimpse of guns through see-thru fabric there. If you make it obvious that you are flashing your chest, the viewers will know you’re simply desperate to get votes and suddenly realise your dancing is just a little bit crap.
6. Flirt with the judges. Bruno needs no encouragement.
7. Don’t be a smarty pants from the off. Show you have potential, and gradually get better over the weeks as they pass by. Nobody likes a goody-two-shoes. Giving the teacher an apple doesn’t work. Pollyanna never won a dance contest.
8. Viewers like journeys. Strictly is like the ‘Discovery Channel’: Goughie found his softer side, Ramps discovered his inner tiger, Alesha transformed into a lady...and Ricky Whittle discovered that Chris Hollins was more popular than he was.
9. If you’re good, have a few bad weeks to make your fans panic and they will suddenly remember to vote for you. It shows you’re still human.
10. Remember to thank the voters humbly each week for their calls. Show humility. If you assume you have a god-given right to be there and love yourself too much, you will get right on the chesticals of the viewers.
11. Try to persuade the viewers you have never danced before. Sportspeople get extra brownie points because they are rough, tough bruisers who find locating their inner butterfly much more difficult than thesps and throat warblers. Sportsmen in particular tend to win over the (mostly female) audience. Sportswomen are looked on as unnatural, competitive semi-Amazonian warriors and remind the lady viewers just how saggy and unattractive they all are.
12. If you have children under the age of 12, trot them out so the audience can see them (the 'awwwwww' factor). If you have nans and granddads supporting you, wheel them out. If you have a performing seal that can applaud when you come down the stairs, that’s good too. Cute appeals to the general public. But if you have a fiancé, don’t bother. Fiancés and WAGS are considered tacky as weapons in the war for hearts and minds.
13. Perform according to the requirements of the dance. If you’re doing an Argentine Tango, don’t smile. If you’re doing a Salsa, please try to look like you’re enjoying it. If you’re doing a boring Foxtrot, please do your best to make ME stay awake...
I hate foxtrot. It’s the most boring dance ever. No amount of ooohing and aaahing over Fred and Ginger’s effortless gliding around the room in a sea of feathers will persuade me otherwise. It’s dance Prozac. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
And the problem for me tonight was that half the dances were bloody foxtrots! Some of them were surprisingly good, it has to be said. I suppose you would have to classify Matt Baker and Aliona in this category, although I expected to be more blown away than I was. I guess already the expectations for Matt are proving ridiculously high. I thought technically he was extremely good, but there was something not very...I don’t know exactly, grabbing about the whole thing. I just don’t find Matt very appealing to be honest. It’s like getting a 1000 piece jigsaw and discovering the last bit is missing! There’s something absent and I’m damned if I know what it is! I think it may be charisma. A tad too dramatic for me as well; I’d have preferred a more traditional foxtrot (you know, smooth, classy, dull as ditchwater). You can tell I’m going to bang on about this all night, can’t you?
Peter and Erin were certainly more memorable than Matt was, for all the wrong reasons. Salsa in general tends to capture the imagination more than ballroom because of its very fast, twisty-turny, sexy, party atmosphere. All of the aforementioned words cannot in any shape or form be attributed to the Shilton salsa, which is a pity because Peter seems like a nice bloke who desperately wants to do well. There was a lot of what can only be termed ‘walking about in wallpaper paste’. Alas, it was more of a Salsaga...a dance for the over 60s on the hip replacement waiting list. As Zaphod Beeblebrox might have said, it was so ‘un-hip’ it was a wonder his bum didn’t fall off...
Tina and Jared’s Foxtrot was...nice. That’s all I can say, really. I guess I’m condemning with faint praise here. It was a much better performance from Tina and she looked a lot more natural and indeed comfortable this week, but there still seems something a bit weak about her. I dare say she’ll be one of those that improves if she stays in, but this couple aren’t doing it for me. I guess ‘sweet’ doesn’t really appeal. And they really are saccharine to me at the moment! God help her when it comes to the Paso.
Patsy and Robin were much improved on last week, and on only three hours of practice! Wow! It was a fairly basic routine to be honest, I think because of time constraint, but the Latin seemed to allow Patsy to show the actress off to the best advantage, with plenty of hip action and a reasonable amount of salsa moves in the routine. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, and to be honest at times there was a lot of time wasting and fruitless jiggling about, but it was jiggling about done with a lot of aplomb and with good timing. A transformation! Now, if she can continue to improve in the ballroom she might be one of the ones to claw her way up the leader board.
Paul actually surprised me again. He’s never going to win, but he was better than last week and additionally he was vastly superior to how I anticipated he would be. In places it wasn’t too bad, but he does cast a variety of weird faces as he concentrates on his steps. There’s one where he looks like he’s trying to suck on a golf ball and frankly that’s not a good look for anyone, let alone a 72 year old balding magician. I did like his come back to Bruno, who asked him why he couldn’t perform the middle of the routine to the same standard as the beginning and the end. “Because I can’t remember it!” Paul replied honestly. At least he won a warm round of applause from the crowd: I fear it’s the only thing he is going to win!
Scott and Natalie. Well, they are pretty good. I still put them in the same camp as Matt and Aliona, to be honest. He seems like a decent chap, and when you see him in the training vids that shows through, but I don’t know if Natalie’s quiet personality has made this partnership somewhat insipid. Last year Mr Whittle sort of counterbalanced Natalie’s softer nature, in the same way that Karen Hardy’s bubbly enthusiasm was a balance to Mark Ramprakash’s shyness. But these two seem rather similar, and as a result I find them a little...dull. The dance itself was just not salsa enough for me...yet again we have another case of trying to make a routine more interesting by taking a new tack when the thing that makes salsa interesting is actual salsa steps! It was danced well enough, but it wasn’t hot or fiery enough for me.
Michelle and Brendan. I want to like them. I do. I want to like her, specifically. I have sympathy for anyone who gets terribly homesick, although I’m not sure someone who puts 12 sugars in their coffee is going to live long enough to suffer with long-term homesickness. And she appears to be less ‘in your face’ and moany than I thought she would be. I did like the bench as a prop, although I’m glad Anne Widdecombe didn’t try that as I fear it would have broken on the end she was sitting on. I also liked the slide down the stair railing that Brendan did at the start, although again I’m glad that Anne didn’t attempt that: I fear she would have got halfway, fallen over the side, toppled into the band and taken some of them out.
Was I the only one though who was hoping Brendan would fall off the end?
The dance was not bad: definitely miles better than the poor effort the week before, but again I just find it very tough watching this uncharismatic pair trying to glide around the room. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of joy in Michelle’s dancing: if there is then it’s not showing yet. Bruno was a bit harsh with her, I thought, but by and large the love shown to the likes of Matt and Kara isn’t there for Michelle, and without much of a fan base I reckon she will struggle to progress in the show. Quote of the night nearly came from Len. I say nearly, because he said:
“I liked the bench.”
If he’d left it there, rather than go on to elaborate, I’d have been perfectly happy.
Goldie gets plus points for learning how to sell a Foxtrot. He actually made it different, in a way that was still in keeping with the tone of the dance, and made it work. It was still rough around the edges; more bling than real polish, but it had a certain charm to it. Yet again Kristina has managed to tailor a routine to her partner’s strengths. She probably should get more praise for this than she does. Liked the hat (was it stapled to his head?), and the whole brat pack look to it. He does have great musicality, and obviously gets the flavour of each dance. Now, if only he could master the actual dancing as well...
Pamela and James again stole the evening with their salsa. Actually, if it wasn’t for the wild flying about the room like something out of ‘The Who’s’ “Pinball Wizard” you might actually say it was one of the best salsa’s Strictly has seen for a good long while. The content was there, the look of the dance was there, the high energy, the steps, the speed...quite brilliant. I say quite, because the whirling dervish bit, whilst amusing, was a very obvious error. But it’s so nice to see James actually enjoying himself! And goodness, Pamela is very flexible! She did a back bend that put some of the pros to shame! I think this couple are going to be good to watch over the coming weeks. Just to add to my enthusiasm, James nearly carried out my wish to fall on the stairs after the dance was over!
Felicity has been a little disappointing, in that she has all the class and elegance you could wish for but because she’s so naturally refined she seems to have trouble letting that go and just living the dance. The Foxtrot tonight was a bit safe, in the same way that their cha cha had been, and whilst there was nothing wrong with it, neither was there much to make you applaud wildly. I think Vincent is going to have to work hard if he doesn’t want to have another Stephanie Beacham on his hands (albeit a more willing one).
I’m with Craig. I don’t know what to make of Anne and Anton’s “salsa”. I do hope she stays in for a few more weeks because she is genuinely entertaining, if for all the wrong reasons, and she did actually make Anton’s attempts at Latin almost bearable. I wasn’t so keen on the reappearance of the du Beke mancarpet (which probably should be demanding its own dressing room and spin off show, such is its prominence), and was quite glad when Anne buttoned him up! But whilst the audience howled, Bruno screeched like a capuchin monkey and a stunned Craig searched desperately for something, anything, to say Anne had the presence of mind to tell the Revel-Horwood just to give her a 1 and get it over with!
Ask, and it shall be received! The lowest ever Salsa score on strictly. Is it wrong that I desperately want to see Anne Widdecome do a Paso Doble? No question who is going to be the bull in this case...
Kara and Artem were really classy. There were one or two little niggly things if you wanted to nitpick at this stage in the contest, but she has a good idea how to move well. She seems to adapt well to both Latin and ballroom if the first two weeks are anything to go by, and may prove to be a genuine all-rounder. Artem seems a little serious, though. I think I’d like to see him show a less severe side to his personality. I love ‘To Russia with Love’...Quentin Wilson and Carole Vorderman could have danced to this and I would have loved it! Well, okay. Maybe not Carole Vorderman. I have some standards.
Gavin and Katya. The dancing wardrobe is back! Dear lord...he was woeful. He had the look of someone who knew he was wearing something made from the same material as Matt Dawson’s electric pink shirt from series 4. He shuffled around in a vague attempt to keep in time with the music, didn’t pick his feet up properly and clearly wanted to be a million miles away! Rhianna’s “Please Don’t Stop The Music” was another good choice of song (I’d been waiting for someone to use that for years now) but I’m just sorry that rather than the memorable routine it deserved, it got a half-baked, badly danced, self-conscious performance from a man who was aware all his rugby mates in Wales were laughing at him. Not to mention his ex.
And finally there was Jimi and Flavia. I have to admit that when I saw them walk down the stairs in the preview show I picked Jimi out as my winner. Last week was a little disappointing: this week I think he shows definite signs of improvement. Flavia seems to be bringing his personality to the fore, and whilst it’s definitely a work in progress there was much to like about his Foxtrot attempt. By and large his footwork was very good, and it’s reassuring to know that he quite likes the ballroom as well as the Latin! And his enthusiasm is infectious: he definitely wants to be there every week, whilst frankly Gavin Henson doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing or why.
Money, probably. And hair products. And a really shiny mirror.
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Strictly: Week one - Saturday
Hmm. Nobody has fallen on the stairs yet.
Still, there are plenty of weeks to go. Part two of the first week’s celebrity extravaganza kicked off on Saturday, showcasing the varied talents of the remaining seven contenders for the Strictly crown. If anything they proved more of a mixed bag than the previous lot! It wasn’t just the new celebs that were on show but a fair amount of new dancers as well. And in many respects, this has led to one or two problems as I see it.
Stand by for a minor rant. Not a huge temper tantrum or wild, carpet-biting histrionics...but it’s bugging me just a tad and I want to get it off my chest.
Now, nothing lasts forever. Everything has to change to survive. That’s the way of things, isn’t it? I would always argue that part of Strictly’s charm is its familiarity and warmth, and that getting rid of a swathe of the best-loved pros in one fell swoop is asking for trouble. Only Erin amongst the female dancers remains from series one now, and I bet she’s looking over her shoulders a little anxiously! But it’s not just the lovely pro’s that have come and gone but their fabulous choreography. Karen, Lilia, Ian, Darren and Matthew all had a great idea of what it took to get to the final, and an instinct on how to put a great routine together. And whilst recognising that the new boys must get a chance to prove likewise, I was so BORED by the cha cha’s over the last two days that it made me feel all nostalgic for Karen and Lilia’s cheeky little routines. What we got was cha-cha lite. There was so little of the basic steps in each of the dances that I felt cheated!
I’m all for innovation and storytelling but I want a dance to resemble its original premise. A sexy waltz? No thank you. A disco cha cha? Uh-uh. What next, break dancing American Smooth? Highland fling Quick-step? Viennese waltz with the Hakka incorporated into it? The thing that makes a dance what it is should be on display, and that means the steps have to be in there. I saw so little recognisable cha cha last night (and indeed the previous night) that it made me wonder how many of the new pros actually know what the dance comprises.
But that’s the way it seems to be going these days. Shiny new tricks, new slants on everything...and I’m left feeling like an old grouch muttering at the television set about the ‘good old days’.
Take Jimi Mistri for example. The boy can move. He has a charming smile and, it appears, a natural confidence when he takes to the floor. Actually, super-confident people don’t tend to do well on Strictly as they sometimes come across as smug. Folks tend to like those who go on ‘journey’s’, whether it be in terms of dance skill or self-awareness, or both. Those that come into the ‘I really fancy myself’ category or ‘wow, look at my pectorals, ladies!’ group often don’t last the distance (it’s difficult to dance with a large chip on your shoulder without causing balance issues). Now, I’m not getting that vibe from Jimi myself, but I know there are quite a few people seeing him that way. Does he fit the Strictly winners profile well enough? Will he stay the course?
Not on last night’s performance, no. But the whole point of Strictly is to see a gradual progression. I think one of the reasons Mr Whittle did so poorly in terms of public perception is that he started off a bit too brilliantly. Jimi can move his body, for sure, but at times it was like the Morecambe and Wise ‘Grieg Piano Concerto’ sketch. He was performing the right steps in the wrong order. I didn’t really care for the routine whilst admitting I’m not entirely sure why. It had lots of steps and lots of content, but for some reason that content just didn’t feel...right.
Perhaps it was a little disappointing, as from the off Jimi appeared to be one of the ones who at least showed potential, but it was hardly grim and gruesome either. I’d like to see what he can do in the ballroom next week before casting aside my initial high hopes for the man.
Peter Shilton. What is it with poor Erin and goal keepers? When they were pairing them up the BBC must have thought it a great laugh. Let’s see:
Tall bloke – check.
Sportsman – check.
Called Peter S – check.
Won’t last past week 6 ... more than likely.
Fact is, having a fan base will get you so far in Strictly, but it’s a double-edged sword. The more famous you are the more likely it is that people will know you well enough to vote. It also increases the likelihood of people being so fed up with your high profile that they would sooner stab you in both eyes with a biro than vote to save you. Now, Peter Shilton is a highly regarded individual as far as I can tell, but are those who don’t like sport likely to vote for a gentleman of a certain age, who seems to have difficulty with his rise and fall?
If that sounded vulgar, I’m not apologising.
Those who don’t like sport are only going to vote for a sportsman if he’s hot, and can dance well. Or are a mystery to them. An unknown. Look at Goughie...how many non-sports fans would know of him? And yet he charmed people with his earthy blokeishness and cheery determination. Look at Ramps...described wonderfully as ‘the brooding prince of county cricket’. I bet Google almost went into meltdown when all the non-sports fans went on-line to find out who this shy, good looking fellow was! Does Mr Shilton fit the profile any better than Jimi did?
Answer: not really. Again, I agreed more or less with Craig. There was no rise and fall. The linking between the waltz elements was not very good. They travelled quite well around the floor, but it did look as if Erin was wrestling with a water bed at times. Bless him, he did try his hardest, and I thought he looked very dignified in his tails, but not a brilliant performance. God help him next week in the salsa, though!
Michelle Williams and Brendan. Oh. Dear.
I don’t think she’s a lost cause. But I don’t think on her first showing she’s going to fit the profile of winner either. Whilst being known mostly as ‘one of the two from Destiny’s Child who wasn’t Beyonce’, Michelle’s natural exuberance and sassy kick-assness is a far cry from how most would perceive the winner of Strictly to be. Demure isn’t a word in Michelle’s vocabulary, I think I’m right in saying. If she wants to progress then it might pay to adopt a slightly more humble approach. Aiming high is one thing, but “I don’t want anything less than an 8” isn’t going to endear her to the general public. She obviously hadn’t heard of Craig before if she thought she was going to get an 8 first time round...
Something else that’s got to improve is the dancing itself. Michelle has the most amazing pins you’ve seen other than on a Thompson’s gazelle but the problem seems to be that she can’t get them to do what she wants them to. I don’t think it was helped by the fact that she appeared to be wearing what I can only assume were a pair of rather precarious high heels. I don’t know how Michelle compares to Brendan height-wise when she’s in her stocking feet but during her wobbly rendition of the cha-cha she almost appeared as tall, if not taller than her partner. Some work on the leg shaping and a smaller pair of heels will probably help her keep her balance next time.
I was surprised by Gavin Henson. He put in a very smooth and sophisticated performance in his waltz, ably choreographed with stylish aplomb by Katya (who I felt of all the new pros last year was the biggest success). Having seen him in the group dance in the preview show I fully expected him to perform with the grace of a Sherman tank, but to his credit both the performance and the dancing itself was of a really good quality for week one, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the judges (and I dare say by the more shallow amongst next week’s voters). He’s a good looking lad, is Gavin. But I rather think he knows it!
What on earth do I say about Tina and Jared? It’s not often I am bored by a routine in Strictly. I may like it, or I may loathe it, but I am rarely given over to yawning. The idea was a good one, with Tina’s babydoll outfit and Jared’s science geek look, but Tina went wrong rather a lot and lost her timing noticeably, whilst the shocking lack of cha cha made me pray for the whole thing to end. Now, I think if Tina concentrates she has the potential to improve, and that’s all you can ask for on the show, and the two of them look as cute as two kittens in a basket tied with a pink bow. But I was so unimpressed with the choreography: there was an awful lot of walking about and posing to eat up the time. Is it too much to want to see cha cha steps in a cha cha dance? The jury’s out on Jared for me.
Now, let’s face it. Everyone wanted to see how Anne Widdecome was going to do. People up and down the country were switching on their TVs just to find out if Anton survived his first voyage around the studio floors in command of the good ship Widders! Actually, it was more of a storm-tossed galleon, and yes there were choppy waters to navigate. It wasn’t helped by the fact that Anne only comes up to the top of Anton’s chest! And whilst the whole thing was vaguely farcical I found it utterly endearing and enchanting, because the woman smiled throughout – and meant every moment of it! I enjoyed it far more than Tina, Peter or Michelle no matter how bad it looked to the judges. Resembling a large, purple theatre curtain Anne certainly brought the house down with her waltz! And next week we have the salsa!
Question is, with Anton’s dubious Latin ability – who is going to be worse? Himself or his partner?
Kara Tointon can dance. She proved when she danced with Ramps in the Sports Relief thingy back in 2007 that she could move well, and of the pairings involving new pro dancers I think this is the one that has the most potential. I have to say that the costume, whilst eye-catching, was a tad distracting. Leopard skin dominatrix? A brave choice for a cha cha! But credit to her, when she stumbled and all but fell she picked herself up and completed what was a rather splendid first attempt. She certainly has the looks, the attitude and the personality to go far in the contest.
But again, I was left lamenting the general quality of choreography over the last two days. Strictly feels fresh, hopefully and bright again after two series that arguably needed a make-over, but a little of the heart has gone with the removal of the old pro dancers, and with it the standard of dancing. I suppose I fear that we will never get any truly iconic dances again like Alesha’s cha cha, Ramps’ Argentine tango and salsa, Jill’s jive or Zoe’s tango. I guess only time will tell.
Still, there are plenty of weeks to go. Part two of the first week’s celebrity extravaganza kicked off on Saturday, showcasing the varied talents of the remaining seven contenders for the Strictly crown. If anything they proved more of a mixed bag than the previous lot! It wasn’t just the new celebs that were on show but a fair amount of new dancers as well. And in many respects, this has led to one or two problems as I see it.
Stand by for a minor rant. Not a huge temper tantrum or wild, carpet-biting histrionics...but it’s bugging me just a tad and I want to get it off my chest.
Now, nothing lasts forever. Everything has to change to survive. That’s the way of things, isn’t it? I would always argue that part of Strictly’s charm is its familiarity and warmth, and that getting rid of a swathe of the best-loved pros in one fell swoop is asking for trouble. Only Erin amongst the female dancers remains from series one now, and I bet she’s looking over her shoulders a little anxiously! But it’s not just the lovely pro’s that have come and gone but their fabulous choreography. Karen, Lilia, Ian, Darren and Matthew all had a great idea of what it took to get to the final, and an instinct on how to put a great routine together. And whilst recognising that the new boys must get a chance to prove likewise, I was so BORED by the cha cha’s over the last two days that it made me feel all nostalgic for Karen and Lilia’s cheeky little routines. What we got was cha-cha lite. There was so little of the basic steps in each of the dances that I felt cheated!
I’m all for innovation and storytelling but I want a dance to resemble its original premise. A sexy waltz? No thank you. A disco cha cha? Uh-uh. What next, break dancing American Smooth? Highland fling Quick-step? Viennese waltz with the Hakka incorporated into it? The thing that makes a dance what it is should be on display, and that means the steps have to be in there. I saw so little recognisable cha cha last night (and indeed the previous night) that it made me wonder how many of the new pros actually know what the dance comprises.
But that’s the way it seems to be going these days. Shiny new tricks, new slants on everything...and I’m left feeling like an old grouch muttering at the television set about the ‘good old days’.
Take Jimi Mistri for example. The boy can move. He has a charming smile and, it appears, a natural confidence when he takes to the floor. Actually, super-confident people don’t tend to do well on Strictly as they sometimes come across as smug. Folks tend to like those who go on ‘journey’s’, whether it be in terms of dance skill or self-awareness, or both. Those that come into the ‘I really fancy myself’ category or ‘wow, look at my pectorals, ladies!’ group often don’t last the distance (it’s difficult to dance with a large chip on your shoulder without causing balance issues). Now, I’m not getting that vibe from Jimi myself, but I know there are quite a few people seeing him that way. Does he fit the Strictly winners profile well enough? Will he stay the course?
Not on last night’s performance, no. But the whole point of Strictly is to see a gradual progression. I think one of the reasons Mr Whittle did so poorly in terms of public perception is that he started off a bit too brilliantly. Jimi can move his body, for sure, but at times it was like the Morecambe and Wise ‘Grieg Piano Concerto’ sketch. He was performing the right steps in the wrong order. I didn’t really care for the routine whilst admitting I’m not entirely sure why. It had lots of steps and lots of content, but for some reason that content just didn’t feel...right.
Perhaps it was a little disappointing, as from the off Jimi appeared to be one of the ones who at least showed potential, but it was hardly grim and gruesome either. I’d like to see what he can do in the ballroom next week before casting aside my initial high hopes for the man.
Peter Shilton. What is it with poor Erin and goal keepers? When they were pairing them up the BBC must have thought it a great laugh. Let’s see:
Tall bloke – check.
Sportsman – check.
Called Peter S – check.
Won’t last past week 6 ... more than likely.
Fact is, having a fan base will get you so far in Strictly, but it’s a double-edged sword. The more famous you are the more likely it is that people will know you well enough to vote. It also increases the likelihood of people being so fed up with your high profile that they would sooner stab you in both eyes with a biro than vote to save you. Now, Peter Shilton is a highly regarded individual as far as I can tell, but are those who don’t like sport likely to vote for a gentleman of a certain age, who seems to have difficulty with his rise and fall?
If that sounded vulgar, I’m not apologising.
Those who don’t like sport are only going to vote for a sportsman if he’s hot, and can dance well. Or are a mystery to them. An unknown. Look at Goughie...how many non-sports fans would know of him? And yet he charmed people with his earthy blokeishness and cheery determination. Look at Ramps...described wonderfully as ‘the brooding prince of county cricket’. I bet Google almost went into meltdown when all the non-sports fans went on-line to find out who this shy, good looking fellow was! Does Mr Shilton fit the profile any better than Jimi did?
Answer: not really. Again, I agreed more or less with Craig. There was no rise and fall. The linking between the waltz elements was not very good. They travelled quite well around the floor, but it did look as if Erin was wrestling with a water bed at times. Bless him, he did try his hardest, and I thought he looked very dignified in his tails, but not a brilliant performance. God help him next week in the salsa, though!
Michelle Williams and Brendan. Oh. Dear.
I don’t think she’s a lost cause. But I don’t think on her first showing she’s going to fit the profile of winner either. Whilst being known mostly as ‘one of the two from Destiny’s Child who wasn’t Beyonce’, Michelle’s natural exuberance and sassy kick-assness is a far cry from how most would perceive the winner of Strictly to be. Demure isn’t a word in Michelle’s vocabulary, I think I’m right in saying. If she wants to progress then it might pay to adopt a slightly more humble approach. Aiming high is one thing, but “I don’t want anything less than an 8” isn’t going to endear her to the general public. She obviously hadn’t heard of Craig before if she thought she was going to get an 8 first time round...
Something else that’s got to improve is the dancing itself. Michelle has the most amazing pins you’ve seen other than on a Thompson’s gazelle but the problem seems to be that she can’t get them to do what she wants them to. I don’t think it was helped by the fact that she appeared to be wearing what I can only assume were a pair of rather precarious high heels. I don’t know how Michelle compares to Brendan height-wise when she’s in her stocking feet but during her wobbly rendition of the cha-cha she almost appeared as tall, if not taller than her partner. Some work on the leg shaping and a smaller pair of heels will probably help her keep her balance next time.
I was surprised by Gavin Henson. He put in a very smooth and sophisticated performance in his waltz, ably choreographed with stylish aplomb by Katya (who I felt of all the new pros last year was the biggest success). Having seen him in the group dance in the preview show I fully expected him to perform with the grace of a Sherman tank, but to his credit both the performance and the dancing itself was of a really good quality for week one, a fact that did not go unnoticed by the judges (and I dare say by the more shallow amongst next week’s voters). He’s a good looking lad, is Gavin. But I rather think he knows it!
What on earth do I say about Tina and Jared? It’s not often I am bored by a routine in Strictly. I may like it, or I may loathe it, but I am rarely given over to yawning. The idea was a good one, with Tina’s babydoll outfit and Jared’s science geek look, but Tina went wrong rather a lot and lost her timing noticeably, whilst the shocking lack of cha cha made me pray for the whole thing to end. Now, I think if Tina concentrates she has the potential to improve, and that’s all you can ask for on the show, and the two of them look as cute as two kittens in a basket tied with a pink bow. But I was so unimpressed with the choreography: there was an awful lot of walking about and posing to eat up the time. Is it too much to want to see cha cha steps in a cha cha dance? The jury’s out on Jared for me.
Now, let’s face it. Everyone wanted to see how Anne Widdecome was going to do. People up and down the country were switching on their TVs just to find out if Anton survived his first voyage around the studio floors in command of the good ship Widders! Actually, it was more of a storm-tossed galleon, and yes there were choppy waters to navigate. It wasn’t helped by the fact that Anne only comes up to the top of Anton’s chest! And whilst the whole thing was vaguely farcical I found it utterly endearing and enchanting, because the woman smiled throughout – and meant every moment of it! I enjoyed it far more than Tina, Peter or Michelle no matter how bad it looked to the judges. Resembling a large, purple theatre curtain Anne certainly brought the house down with her waltz! And next week we have the salsa!
Question is, with Anton’s dubious Latin ability – who is going to be worse? Himself or his partner?
Kara Tointon can dance. She proved when she danced with Ramps in the Sports Relief thingy back in 2007 that she could move well, and of the pairings involving new pro dancers I think this is the one that has the most potential. I have to say that the costume, whilst eye-catching, was a tad distracting. Leopard skin dominatrix? A brave choice for a cha cha! But credit to her, when she stumbled and all but fell she picked herself up and completed what was a rather splendid first attempt. She certainly has the looks, the attitude and the personality to go far in the contest.
But again, I was left lamenting the general quality of choreography over the last two days. Strictly feels fresh, hopefully and bright again after two series that arguably needed a make-over, but a little of the heart has gone with the removal of the old pro dancers, and with it the standard of dancing. I suppose I fear that we will never get any truly iconic dances again like Alesha’s cha cha, Ramps’ Argentine tango and salsa, Jill’s jive or Zoe’s tango. I guess only time will tell.
Saturday, 2 October 2010
Strictly: Week one - Friday
First of all, I like the new set. It’s perhaps sacrificed the charm and cosiness of the old set for extra floor space, extra glitter and (the cynic in me says) extra audience members but it certainly looks like a stage worthy of an extravaganza like Strictly. In particular, I love the steps leading up to Tess Daly’s backstage interview room. Not primarily because it looks glam and glitzy, but because you just know that sooner or later one of the ladies is going to get her heel caught in her dress whilst running up the stairs, whereupon she will fall smack on her chin. Most people would be horrified at the idea, but I like a good pratfall to enliven proceedings.
The judges seemed rather mellow on Friday’s show. Saving it up for later? Len and Bruno not yet jetlagged enough? Bruno seemed positively restrained despite his best rendition of a giraffe stuck on an electric fence whilst describing Goldie’s 1980s dance moves! Craig’s judging technique always reminds me of a snake under a stone, eying up some poor defenceless critter for supper, although he seems like a genuinely delightful guy. Not for the first time I actually found myself agreeing more or less with everything he said.
And so, on to the contestants. First up, sparkling, twinkling Felicity Kendal in a lovely golden dress that really suited her. She has such a neat figure! All her acting skills were brought to the fore and she definitely seemed to play up to Vincent during their cha-cha-cha, but Master Simone had obviously tailored the dance to suit a slightly older person, with the result that every flaw and wrongly-timed step was painfully heightened. I’ve seen far, far worse than this to be honest, and it was by no stretch of the imagination a bad dance. Even when her footwork seemed to lose its way, Felicity had the acting chops to make sure it didn’t show too much on her face. I like her a lot: she managed to bring a flavour of her personality to the dance floor, but I do think she is going to be much better at ballroom than Latin, like so many before her.
Scott Maslen: yeah, the shouty bloke wots in EastEnders. A bit hit or miss for me: mostly because he was afraid to smile. It’s a waltz! It’s meant to be beautiful, flowing and magical! It’s the dance equivalent of candyfloss: sweet and sugary! So why did Scott dance it like he was at somebody’s wake??? SMILE Scott! I want people to make me believe they are enjoying the experience of dancing for millions of unseen people up and down the country, not that they are concentrating on making sure they don’t projectile vomit over their partner!
Actually, I’d quite like to see that too, as well as the pratfall on the stairs. I’m weird that way.
That said, my issue was really with the choreography (to a small extent). A raunchy waltz sort of goes against the grain. I’m all for artistic re-interpretation but if you lose the flavour of the dance you may as well be doing the Locomotion...
It was, however, very well danced. No posture issues that I could tell. Give him a tango and he’ll be, as they say in Albert Square, “sorted.” A very good start.
Goldie. Well, how can you not love a man who shares his name with one of Blue Peter’s dogs? At first I thought the hyperactivity was going to make me go off him a little. I can take it in small doses: Chris Hollins was a Hobbity-sized package of fun last year. But then one man’s Hollins is another man’s Dom Littlewood (who actually made me want to chuck stickle bricks at him whenever he came on the screen), and that’s the kind of cheeky chappy-ness I find detestable. Thankfully, there’s nothing put on about Goldie. He is what you see: a man in search of his next Ritalin fix. He’s a walking E-number: a massive blue smartie on legs. He is, like his namesake, a bounding, friendly Labrador with his tongue hanging out, waiting to be thrown a stick. I kind of like that.
In charge of the stick-throwing is handler Kristina. She’s had a rough time dance-wise on Strictly. First there was John ‘quick-march’ Sergeant. Then there was Joe ‘Sting like a butterfly, dance like a frog’ Calzaghe. I never thought I would be sorry for Kristina, but I am. She has her work cut out again this year. Thank god she got to dance with Ramps on the Strictly tour earlier this year, or else she might be wondering what she had to do to dance with a man who knows his samba from his elbow!
For the record, the dance was...okay. Ish. It was actually stark, raving bonkers but Kristina at least did get across the fun personality that Goldie has, even if it resembled a giant acid trip in a 1980s disco! What was with the arm stuff? I roared with laughter! But, whilst it wasn’t great, I ended up smiling – for the right reasons. And there’s no doubt that Goldie has that innate sense of musicality and rhythm that some seem to lack.
Ah...now we get to the disappointment of the evening. I don’t say that to be cruel, but because I think there were quite high hopes for Patsy Kensit. Her waltz started okay but suddenly she seemed to become cripplingly aware of her surroundings and just...freeze. To her credit she kept going, but it was painfully obvious that she was absolutely terrified! Her lack of confidence meant that her partner had to steer her rather than dance with her, resulting in some unsightly gapping between the two bodies. She looked so frightened, poor thing! If she can draw on her abilities as an actress and look on it as a performance rather than feeling like an exposed, startled bunny on the M1 then she may do well given time. That, of course, depends on whether she survives next week...
Matt Baker. I want to call him ‘Ma Baker’ after the song! I think Aliona has this right: he’s got the moves, but he has the sex appeal of a fluff covered-boiled sweet that’s lain undiscovered in someone’s pocket for two months. The cha-cha hips were much in evidence, the timing equally impressive, and although I can’t stand the gimmicky routines that seem to have crept, DWTS-style, across the pond this year there’s no doubting he was pretty much on the money in his first dance. Mind you, whilst I believe in bringing as much of yourself and your skills to a dance, the gymnastics at the start – or ‘showing off’ as I like to call it – was totally wasted on me, hard-hearted b*tch that I am. Sorry Matt! Close, but no cigar my son. The insane, lunatic grin was quite distracting. You need to swap places with Scott M a little. He desperately needed to smile, whilst you needed to concentrate on not looking as if you were a serial killer on the lookout for some limbs to scatter...
Pamela Stevenson, aka Mrs Connolly. What a pleasant surprise! She really appeared to be relaxed, and enjoying the experience. Whether that’s true or not only she will be able to say, but it was an accomplished and beautiful attempt at a waltz, and for me was the dance of the evening. Yes, she even topped the mad-cart wheeling, sheep-watching Matt Baker! It was an assured and beautiful performance, with really good footwork and (take note, Patsy) no gapping! If she has psycho-analysed herself prior to dancing it certainly worked. A really interesting pairing here, as she seems to be a really good foil for James. His metamorphosis from series 4 bad boy, telling Georgina she was a lazy, overweight moo and confiscating her chocolate bars, to engaging, slightly mischievous instructor continues.
And please, folks. Let James get past samba week this time. Please?!?
Last and quite possibly least; the diminutive Paul Daniels. Now, Paul is 72 years old. I didn’t appreciate that, to be honest. And whilst age shouldn’t really play a part in the way we perceive people, I would like to say that for someone who has notched up seven decades plus that he actually did rather well! Yes, it was a dance dis-arrrrr-ster, as the Revel-Horwood is prone to saying, but Paul is actually mighty nippy on his feet! And again, he did his own thing – and in his own time – but he put effort into it. He’s not without rhythm: I’m not sure the 2 from Craig was entirely justified! He’s better than Quentin, Richard Dunwoody and John Sergeant already! Although I grant you, that’s probably not an ideal bench-mark to measure your achievements against. But whilst it was a bit woeful, once again it made me smile! No doubt he’ll be one of the first to go but I think Paul has to be given some credit; certainly more than he got last night.
And that, as they say, is the end of part one! Now we are back down to a more sensible 14 couples the BBC has decreed that this year there will be no vote on week one. The remaining 7 couples dance on Saturday and their scores all carried over to next week. I suppose that’s fairer than having the boys week/girls week malarkey we’ve had in recent years, with an ejection before we’ve even got to know the couples properly. This time next week we will have our first elimination, presided over by the glamorous Tess Daly (who thankfully no longer seems to be dressing in duvet covers and old curtains) and the delightful Claudia ‘I’m one tadpole short of a box of frogs’ Winkleman.
I’m already rubbing my hands at the prospect!
The judges seemed rather mellow on Friday’s show. Saving it up for later? Len and Bruno not yet jetlagged enough? Bruno seemed positively restrained despite his best rendition of a giraffe stuck on an electric fence whilst describing Goldie’s 1980s dance moves! Craig’s judging technique always reminds me of a snake under a stone, eying up some poor defenceless critter for supper, although he seems like a genuinely delightful guy. Not for the first time I actually found myself agreeing more or less with everything he said.
And so, on to the contestants. First up, sparkling, twinkling Felicity Kendal in a lovely golden dress that really suited her. She has such a neat figure! All her acting skills were brought to the fore and she definitely seemed to play up to Vincent during their cha-cha-cha, but Master Simone had obviously tailored the dance to suit a slightly older person, with the result that every flaw and wrongly-timed step was painfully heightened. I’ve seen far, far worse than this to be honest, and it was by no stretch of the imagination a bad dance. Even when her footwork seemed to lose its way, Felicity had the acting chops to make sure it didn’t show too much on her face. I like her a lot: she managed to bring a flavour of her personality to the dance floor, but I do think she is going to be much better at ballroom than Latin, like so many before her.
Scott Maslen: yeah, the shouty bloke wots in EastEnders. A bit hit or miss for me: mostly because he was afraid to smile. It’s a waltz! It’s meant to be beautiful, flowing and magical! It’s the dance equivalent of candyfloss: sweet and sugary! So why did Scott dance it like he was at somebody’s wake??? SMILE Scott! I want people to make me believe they are enjoying the experience of dancing for millions of unseen people up and down the country, not that they are concentrating on making sure they don’t projectile vomit over their partner!
Actually, I’d quite like to see that too, as well as the pratfall on the stairs. I’m weird that way.
That said, my issue was really with the choreography (to a small extent). A raunchy waltz sort of goes against the grain. I’m all for artistic re-interpretation but if you lose the flavour of the dance you may as well be doing the Locomotion...
It was, however, very well danced. No posture issues that I could tell. Give him a tango and he’ll be, as they say in Albert Square, “sorted.” A very good start.
Goldie. Well, how can you not love a man who shares his name with one of Blue Peter’s dogs? At first I thought the hyperactivity was going to make me go off him a little. I can take it in small doses: Chris Hollins was a Hobbity-sized package of fun last year. But then one man’s Hollins is another man’s Dom Littlewood (who actually made me want to chuck stickle bricks at him whenever he came on the screen), and that’s the kind of cheeky chappy-ness I find detestable. Thankfully, there’s nothing put on about Goldie. He is what you see: a man in search of his next Ritalin fix. He’s a walking E-number: a massive blue smartie on legs. He is, like his namesake, a bounding, friendly Labrador with his tongue hanging out, waiting to be thrown a stick. I kind of like that.
In charge of the stick-throwing is handler Kristina. She’s had a rough time dance-wise on Strictly. First there was John ‘quick-march’ Sergeant. Then there was Joe ‘Sting like a butterfly, dance like a frog’ Calzaghe. I never thought I would be sorry for Kristina, but I am. She has her work cut out again this year. Thank god she got to dance with Ramps on the Strictly tour earlier this year, or else she might be wondering what she had to do to dance with a man who knows his samba from his elbow!
For the record, the dance was...okay. Ish. It was actually stark, raving bonkers but Kristina at least did get across the fun personality that Goldie has, even if it resembled a giant acid trip in a 1980s disco! What was with the arm stuff? I roared with laughter! But, whilst it wasn’t great, I ended up smiling – for the right reasons. And there’s no doubt that Goldie has that innate sense of musicality and rhythm that some seem to lack.
Ah...now we get to the disappointment of the evening. I don’t say that to be cruel, but because I think there were quite high hopes for Patsy Kensit. Her waltz started okay but suddenly she seemed to become cripplingly aware of her surroundings and just...freeze. To her credit she kept going, but it was painfully obvious that she was absolutely terrified! Her lack of confidence meant that her partner had to steer her rather than dance with her, resulting in some unsightly gapping between the two bodies. She looked so frightened, poor thing! If she can draw on her abilities as an actress and look on it as a performance rather than feeling like an exposed, startled bunny on the M1 then she may do well given time. That, of course, depends on whether she survives next week...
Matt Baker. I want to call him ‘Ma Baker’ after the song! I think Aliona has this right: he’s got the moves, but he has the sex appeal of a fluff covered-boiled sweet that’s lain undiscovered in someone’s pocket for two months. The cha-cha hips were much in evidence, the timing equally impressive, and although I can’t stand the gimmicky routines that seem to have crept, DWTS-style, across the pond this year there’s no doubting he was pretty much on the money in his first dance. Mind you, whilst I believe in bringing as much of yourself and your skills to a dance, the gymnastics at the start – or ‘showing off’ as I like to call it – was totally wasted on me, hard-hearted b*tch that I am. Sorry Matt! Close, but no cigar my son. The insane, lunatic grin was quite distracting. You need to swap places with Scott M a little. He desperately needed to smile, whilst you needed to concentrate on not looking as if you were a serial killer on the lookout for some limbs to scatter...
Pamela Stevenson, aka Mrs Connolly. What a pleasant surprise! She really appeared to be relaxed, and enjoying the experience. Whether that’s true or not only she will be able to say, but it was an accomplished and beautiful attempt at a waltz, and for me was the dance of the evening. Yes, she even topped the mad-cart wheeling, sheep-watching Matt Baker! It was an assured and beautiful performance, with really good footwork and (take note, Patsy) no gapping! If she has psycho-analysed herself prior to dancing it certainly worked. A really interesting pairing here, as she seems to be a really good foil for James. His metamorphosis from series 4 bad boy, telling Georgina she was a lazy, overweight moo and confiscating her chocolate bars, to engaging, slightly mischievous instructor continues.
And please, folks. Let James get past samba week this time. Please?!?
Last and quite possibly least; the diminutive Paul Daniels. Now, Paul is 72 years old. I didn’t appreciate that, to be honest. And whilst age shouldn’t really play a part in the way we perceive people, I would like to say that for someone who has notched up seven decades plus that he actually did rather well! Yes, it was a dance dis-arrrrr-ster, as the Revel-Horwood is prone to saying, but Paul is actually mighty nippy on his feet! And again, he did his own thing – and in his own time – but he put effort into it. He’s not without rhythm: I’m not sure the 2 from Craig was entirely justified! He’s better than Quentin, Richard Dunwoody and John Sergeant already! Although I grant you, that’s probably not an ideal bench-mark to measure your achievements against. But whilst it was a bit woeful, once again it made me smile! No doubt he’ll be one of the first to go but I think Paul has to be given some credit; certainly more than he got last night.
And that, as they say, is the end of part one! Now we are back down to a more sensible 14 couples the BBC has decreed that this year there will be no vote on week one. The remaining 7 couples dance on Saturday and their scores all carried over to next week. I suppose that’s fairer than having the boys week/girls week malarkey we’ve had in recent years, with an ejection before we’ve even got to know the couples properly. This time next week we will have our first elimination, presided over by the glamorous Tess Daly (who thankfully no longer seems to be dressing in duvet covers and old curtains) and the delightful Claudia ‘I’m one tadpole short of a box of frogs’ Winkleman.
I’m already rubbing my hands at the prospect!
Strictly no contest
It’s back folks! Break out the sequins, the fake tans and the large, pink feather boas. Sprinkle that glitter liberally – everybody’s favourite dance show has returned!
Of course, Strictly is rather important to the Rampants: after all, it’s what brought us all together four years ago now. Over the years there have been many changes made to the format, and lots of controversies and heart-stopping moments. I thought it would be fun to start off Strictly series 8 by looking back on some of those less than gratifying moments in the show’s history before we get sucked into the glam world of high heels and gusset-flashing.
Dummygate: you know what I’m talking about. The dance that supposedly cost Erin Boag and Colin Jackson a win in series three. Er...wrong! Only a meteorite falling on top of Darren Gough would have stopped him and Lilia raising the glitterball that year. He was so far ahead of Colin and Zoe in terms of votes that Colin could have danced the fandango naked save for an ostrich feather & glittery thong and it wouldn’t have got him a win. Although one has to admit that the ‘dummy dance’ was possibly not the best of choices either. "Don't mention the Muppets" is the cry that usually goes out at this time of year!
Buntongate: she’s a Spice Girl! And she’s probably the most famous celeb ever to be on Strictly! And she’s every bloody where! And the judges are possibly over-marking her! And she’s promoting her single on Children in Need! And the viewers keep putting her in the bottom two! And now Bruno’s criticising the public for putting her in the bottom two! And...and...we’re all sick of her!
Well, that’s how it was at the time. Bottom line is that Emma probably shouldn’t have taken the amount of flack she did, but through accident or design it did smack of the judges desperately trying to foist their opinions on the unenlightened viewing public. And the unwashed masses never take kindly to being told how to think.
The simple fact of the matter is that Strictly always has these little backlashes as a result of perceived favouritism, and it’s probably worse for the ladies than the male celebs who don’t attract the same level of vitriol from a mostly female viewing audience. Sure, Arlene drooled and dribbled over Ramps (we sympathised a little on that score) but she was quick to hammer him if he messed up. There were times where Emma Bunton seemed on course for canonisation. If she’d bounced on one leg repeatedly for 90 seconds to Whigfield’s ‘Saturday Night’ she’d still have been showered in 10s...
Tarbygate: I like Tarby. He’s a top bloke. But he’s a top bloke who probably should have been watching rather than dancing, which is exactly what he ended up doing due to ill health. Suddenly short of a couple, it made the BBC take a leaf out of ‘Dancing With The Stars’ book and they introduced a concept that went down like a ton of bricks: the dreaded-dance off. Looking back on it, having suffered the dance-off over the past three series, it doesn’t have the same impact it did that day when ickle Louisa and equally ickle and lovely Vinthent were booted out on quarter final week. The fans were outraged. It felt as if their beloved couple had been murdered during some sick experiment.
Micgate: Oh yes. Many a Rampant heart momentarily seized up when Mark’s microphone got wrapped around Karen Hardy as they danced their now famous Salsa. Apparently it led to discontented grumblings in some circles about how they should have been kicked off for not finishing the dance first time. How you’re actually supposed to dance a Salsa when lashed together with 5 foot of cable I don’t know, but those not of a Rampant persuasion (mostly Bunton supporters) got rather tetchy about the fact they got another go.
Well, all I can say is “nanananah-nah!” < ------------- iz feeling childish.
Meltdowngate: Matt Di Angelo sat on the stairs and had a bit of a wibble to himself as his brain decided to erase all memory of the steps he had learned. I have a bit of sympathy for him and all the competitors on this score. Let’s face it, we all have our favourites and those we like a little less, but these folks are putting themselves under a lot of pressure for our entertainment. Oh, and for publicity as well.
And probably a fair amount of money. But still, it’s not nice seeing a young man break down and cry for his mummy on live television. I did feel sorry for him. I felt sorrier for Gethin, who lost out because of the sympathy vote that went Matt Di Angelo’s way. And then when I saw the tank-top they made poor Mr Di A wear in the final showdance, I felt sorry for him all over again. It was like looking at a dance-off between a purple satin-clad Wonder Woman and Frank Spencer. Did you ever doubt who was going to win?
Sergeantgate: Oh dear. Strictly has one of these ever year. And each time the public suffer with selective amnesia. Dear John wasn’t the first. The pioneer was poor Chris Parker, whose Batman Paso doble has become a Strictly classic for all the wrong reasons! The judges are honest – perhaps too honest – and tell the contestant that they danced like a monkey on ball bearings. Then the public get humpty and call in to save the poor little leg wobbler. And, hey presto! Someone who can actually walk in a straight line gets chucked out instead! Followed by howling and great gnashing of teeth from the other half of the public who couldn’t be arsed to pick up the phone and save their favourites in the first place!
In recent years we’ve had Craig ‘I wanna get to Blackpool’ Kelly. We’ve had Georgina ‘James has taken my chocolate away’ Bouzova. Jan ‘I hope you’re happy’ Ravens. And most protractedly Kate ‘my foot’s come off’ Garraway. They’re all nothing new. Fans of “dancing” may not like it, but they have their place in the show.
John was probably the most familiar, just through that iconic moment when he dragged Kristina across the floor like a sack of King Edward spuds, and because he took the decision to quit before it got silly. Was it a noble gesture? Should he have gone on, for Kristina’s sake (not to mention all those that voted for him)? No doubt this year people will phone in to save a much-cherished no-hoper with two left feet (one of which doesn’t work) and, despite the removal of the dance-off this year, one unfortunate individual sat mid-table will get kicked out, a process which is now known as ‘doing a Spoony’.
Arlenegate: You can say what you want, but Arlene told it as it was. At times she said it in a way that probably had people repeatedly banging their heads off the nearest flat surface. Blunt, direct, sometimes almost cattish, but always painfully truthful: Arlene was ironically the judge that used to give the dancers tips on how to improve. And yet after the aforementioned Sergeantgate the BBC decided to drop her from the show. Suddenly, those clamouring for Arlene’s head the previous series started yelling ‘ageism’ at the top of their voice, and Arlene went from panto villainess to Queen of Hearts in one fell swoop! Fickle audience...
I personally liked Arlene. I miss the botched attempts at alliteration. I miss the eyeing up of the handsome male celebs. Interesting to note that whilst the BBC denied any of the ageism claims laid at its door having replaced Arlene with someone 30 years her junior, half of this year’s line-up looks like they should be residing in Bayview from ‘Waiting for God’. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, except that past experience shows that the winner is invariably under the age of 40. You see, subconscious ageism exists amongst the voters as well.
He/she has danced before-gate: every year without fail, someone points out that at least one of the dancer’s has an unfair advantage. Jill didn’t deserve to win, apparently, because she had dance training (as has every actor and actress who trained at drama school). Singers have an unfair advantage because they are used to working with choreographers. If you’re a former gymnast like Gabby Logan: forget it (watch out Matt Baker)! Basically, this means that the ideal winner of Strictly should come from a background that has as little resemblance to dancing as possible. If there are any celebrity road-sweepers, they’re on to a sure thing!
Aleshagate: having decided not to offer Arlene a contract, the Beeb offered the spare judge’s roll to former Strictly favourite Alesha Dixon. The outrage that had been felt at Arlene’s un-ceremonial departure was somehow turned on to her usurper, although it’s reasonable to assume that if Alesha hadn’t taken the job then someone else would have caught the barrage of rotten eggs. Indignation turned to outrage when Alesha’s judging skills were found to be, well...a bit rubbish. And poor, put-upon, sadly deluded Craig Kelly caught the brunt of Alesha’s tongue when she let him know exactly how little she wanted to sit there and watch his inexorably bad attempts at putting one foot in front of another.
As a former competitor you’d have thought there would have been a little more sympathy! But Alesha had the last, braying laugh when she signed up as a judge for series 8. No doubt now that she’s settled in to the roll the press will find some other negative thing to criticise about the show this year!
Bruce is too old-gate: Oh, c’mon. He’s not everyone’s cup of char-char-char. But picking on Bruce is a little unfair. It’s a bit like telling God he’s too old. Oh, hang on...that’s how atheism came about.
Antonmakesanidiotofhimselfgate: look, affable Anton’s been doing that for years. A man who wears a jive outfit that is so red and luminous you could see it from space is not really going to bother his backside who thinks what about him. Although he spent so much time last year with his foot in his mouth it’s amazing he managed to dance at all...
The Beeb fixed it so Tom Chambers would win-gate: personally, I reckon Tom was always going to win. He was like Goughie, or Ramps. Each year the public latch on to someone and it was Tom’s year. The phone line scandal meant Tom stayed to go into the final, which was the right thing to do of course, but it also meant that as the one who should have exited on scores and performance that night he got a clear passage to the final. And as soon as it was announced, the writing was on the wall for the ladies. Look at Brendan’s face to see how pleased he was...
I’m waiting for Widdecomegate. It’s going to happen. The BBC has ordained it. I’ve nothing against her participation: good on the woman! I do think she’ll resemble a Dalek dressed in a lampshade for most dances, but you have to admit it’s going to be unmissable television.
And that brings us to the question: what is Strictly? Is it a light entertainment show, Generation Game/Come Dancing hybrid? Is it a serious contest? Has all the fun been lost? Is it any wonder that the series held up as the greatest in the show’s history are four and five, respectively, when the balance between competition and fun was best exhibited?
Or is it that I, like many others up and down the country, just have a hard time believing there will ever be anyone as good as Karen and Mark again!
Of course, Strictly is rather important to the Rampants: after all, it’s what brought us all together four years ago now. Over the years there have been many changes made to the format, and lots of controversies and heart-stopping moments. I thought it would be fun to start off Strictly series 8 by looking back on some of those less than gratifying moments in the show’s history before we get sucked into the glam world of high heels and gusset-flashing.
Dummygate: you know what I’m talking about. The dance that supposedly cost Erin Boag and Colin Jackson a win in series three. Er...wrong! Only a meteorite falling on top of Darren Gough would have stopped him and Lilia raising the glitterball that year. He was so far ahead of Colin and Zoe in terms of votes that Colin could have danced the fandango naked save for an ostrich feather & glittery thong and it wouldn’t have got him a win. Although one has to admit that the ‘dummy dance’ was possibly not the best of choices either. "Don't mention the Muppets" is the cry that usually goes out at this time of year!
Buntongate: she’s a Spice Girl! And she’s probably the most famous celeb ever to be on Strictly! And she’s every bloody where! And the judges are possibly over-marking her! And she’s promoting her single on Children in Need! And the viewers keep putting her in the bottom two! And now Bruno’s criticising the public for putting her in the bottom two! And...and...we’re all sick of her!
Well, that’s how it was at the time. Bottom line is that Emma probably shouldn’t have taken the amount of flack she did, but through accident or design it did smack of the judges desperately trying to foist their opinions on the unenlightened viewing public. And the unwashed masses never take kindly to being told how to think.
The simple fact of the matter is that Strictly always has these little backlashes as a result of perceived favouritism, and it’s probably worse for the ladies than the male celebs who don’t attract the same level of vitriol from a mostly female viewing audience. Sure, Arlene drooled and dribbled over Ramps (we sympathised a little on that score) but she was quick to hammer him if he messed up. There were times where Emma Bunton seemed on course for canonisation. If she’d bounced on one leg repeatedly for 90 seconds to Whigfield’s ‘Saturday Night’ she’d still have been showered in 10s...
Tarbygate: I like Tarby. He’s a top bloke. But he’s a top bloke who probably should have been watching rather than dancing, which is exactly what he ended up doing due to ill health. Suddenly short of a couple, it made the BBC take a leaf out of ‘Dancing With The Stars’ book and they introduced a concept that went down like a ton of bricks: the dreaded-dance off. Looking back on it, having suffered the dance-off over the past three series, it doesn’t have the same impact it did that day when ickle Louisa and equally ickle and lovely Vinthent were booted out on quarter final week. The fans were outraged. It felt as if their beloved couple had been murdered during some sick experiment.
Micgate: Oh yes. Many a Rampant heart momentarily seized up when Mark’s microphone got wrapped around Karen Hardy as they danced their now famous Salsa. Apparently it led to discontented grumblings in some circles about how they should have been kicked off for not finishing the dance first time. How you’re actually supposed to dance a Salsa when lashed together with 5 foot of cable I don’t know, but those not of a Rampant persuasion (mostly Bunton supporters) got rather tetchy about the fact they got another go.
Well, all I can say is “nanananah-nah!” < ------------- iz feeling childish.
Meltdowngate: Matt Di Angelo sat on the stairs and had a bit of a wibble to himself as his brain decided to erase all memory of the steps he had learned. I have a bit of sympathy for him and all the competitors on this score. Let’s face it, we all have our favourites and those we like a little less, but these folks are putting themselves under a lot of pressure for our entertainment. Oh, and for publicity as well.
And probably a fair amount of money. But still, it’s not nice seeing a young man break down and cry for his mummy on live television. I did feel sorry for him. I felt sorrier for Gethin, who lost out because of the sympathy vote that went Matt Di Angelo’s way. And then when I saw the tank-top they made poor Mr Di A wear in the final showdance, I felt sorry for him all over again. It was like looking at a dance-off between a purple satin-clad Wonder Woman and Frank Spencer. Did you ever doubt who was going to win?
Sergeantgate: Oh dear. Strictly has one of these ever year. And each time the public suffer with selective amnesia. Dear John wasn’t the first. The pioneer was poor Chris Parker, whose Batman Paso doble has become a Strictly classic for all the wrong reasons! The judges are honest – perhaps too honest – and tell the contestant that they danced like a monkey on ball bearings. Then the public get humpty and call in to save the poor little leg wobbler. And, hey presto! Someone who can actually walk in a straight line gets chucked out instead! Followed by howling and great gnashing of teeth from the other half of the public who couldn’t be arsed to pick up the phone and save their favourites in the first place!
In recent years we’ve had Craig ‘I wanna get to Blackpool’ Kelly. We’ve had Georgina ‘James has taken my chocolate away’ Bouzova. Jan ‘I hope you’re happy’ Ravens. And most protractedly Kate ‘my foot’s come off’ Garraway. They’re all nothing new. Fans of “dancing” may not like it, but they have their place in the show.
John was probably the most familiar, just through that iconic moment when he dragged Kristina across the floor like a sack of King Edward spuds, and because he took the decision to quit before it got silly. Was it a noble gesture? Should he have gone on, for Kristina’s sake (not to mention all those that voted for him)? No doubt this year people will phone in to save a much-cherished no-hoper with two left feet (one of which doesn’t work) and, despite the removal of the dance-off this year, one unfortunate individual sat mid-table will get kicked out, a process which is now known as ‘doing a Spoony’.
Arlenegate: You can say what you want, but Arlene told it as it was. At times she said it in a way that probably had people repeatedly banging their heads off the nearest flat surface. Blunt, direct, sometimes almost cattish, but always painfully truthful: Arlene was ironically the judge that used to give the dancers tips on how to improve. And yet after the aforementioned Sergeantgate the BBC decided to drop her from the show. Suddenly, those clamouring for Arlene’s head the previous series started yelling ‘ageism’ at the top of their voice, and Arlene went from panto villainess to Queen of Hearts in one fell swoop! Fickle audience...
I personally liked Arlene. I miss the botched attempts at alliteration. I miss the eyeing up of the handsome male celebs. Interesting to note that whilst the BBC denied any of the ageism claims laid at its door having replaced Arlene with someone 30 years her junior, half of this year’s line-up looks like they should be residing in Bayview from ‘Waiting for God’. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, except that past experience shows that the winner is invariably under the age of 40. You see, subconscious ageism exists amongst the voters as well.
He/she has danced before-gate: every year without fail, someone points out that at least one of the dancer’s has an unfair advantage. Jill didn’t deserve to win, apparently, because she had dance training (as has every actor and actress who trained at drama school). Singers have an unfair advantage because they are used to working with choreographers. If you’re a former gymnast like Gabby Logan: forget it (watch out Matt Baker)! Basically, this means that the ideal winner of Strictly should come from a background that has as little resemblance to dancing as possible. If there are any celebrity road-sweepers, they’re on to a sure thing!
Aleshagate: having decided not to offer Arlene a contract, the Beeb offered the spare judge’s roll to former Strictly favourite Alesha Dixon. The outrage that had been felt at Arlene’s un-ceremonial departure was somehow turned on to her usurper, although it’s reasonable to assume that if Alesha hadn’t taken the job then someone else would have caught the barrage of rotten eggs. Indignation turned to outrage when Alesha’s judging skills were found to be, well...a bit rubbish. And poor, put-upon, sadly deluded Craig Kelly caught the brunt of Alesha’s tongue when she let him know exactly how little she wanted to sit there and watch his inexorably bad attempts at putting one foot in front of another.
As a former competitor you’d have thought there would have been a little more sympathy! But Alesha had the last, braying laugh when she signed up as a judge for series 8. No doubt now that she’s settled in to the roll the press will find some other negative thing to criticise about the show this year!
Bruce is too old-gate: Oh, c’mon. He’s not everyone’s cup of char-char-char. But picking on Bruce is a little unfair. It’s a bit like telling God he’s too old. Oh, hang on...that’s how atheism came about.
Antonmakesanidiotofhimselfgate: look, affable Anton’s been doing that for years. A man who wears a jive outfit that is so red and luminous you could see it from space is not really going to bother his backside who thinks what about him. Although he spent so much time last year with his foot in his mouth it’s amazing he managed to dance at all...
The Beeb fixed it so Tom Chambers would win-gate: personally, I reckon Tom was always going to win. He was like Goughie, or Ramps. Each year the public latch on to someone and it was Tom’s year. The phone line scandal meant Tom stayed to go into the final, which was the right thing to do of course, but it also meant that as the one who should have exited on scores and performance that night he got a clear passage to the final. And as soon as it was announced, the writing was on the wall for the ladies. Look at Brendan’s face to see how pleased he was...
I’m waiting for Widdecomegate. It’s going to happen. The BBC has ordained it. I’ve nothing against her participation: good on the woman! I do think she’ll resemble a Dalek dressed in a lampshade for most dances, but you have to admit it’s going to be unmissable television.
And that brings us to the question: what is Strictly? Is it a light entertainment show, Generation Game/Come Dancing hybrid? Is it a serious contest? Has all the fun been lost? Is it any wonder that the series held up as the greatest in the show’s history are four and five, respectively, when the balance between competition and fun was best exhibited?
Or is it that I, like many others up and down the country, just have a hard time believing there will ever be anyone as good as Karen and Mark again!
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