Farewell Ramps

Having said a heart-wrenching, sad farewell to Tom Maynard at an emotional funeral service in Wales, Surrey found themselves saying goodbye to their grand old servant Mark Ramprakash but a day later. The contrast between both could not have been greater: one a young man, surely destined for great things, still developing his skills; the other having been top dog for so long at First Class level that there barely seemed a time when he hadn’t been around. Whilst Maynard’s death was tragic and rightly lamented, Ramps’ retirement was disquieting. Perhaps it was always likely the Surrey stalwart would go at the end of September but nobody quite expected him to take leave of the game mid-season.

As it transpired the decision was more or less taken for him, with management – for reasons that I can’t comprehend – informing him they wouldn’t be selecting him in any form of the game from this point on. Faced with such a decision there probably wasn’t very much else he could do other than call time on a marvellous career.

This decision to drop Mark Ramprakash when the team are clearly all at sea following Maynard’s death is perplexing to say the least. With the skipper on compassionate leave Surrey now find themselves another batsman down. Certainly Ramps hadn’t been in good form early season, but if there was ever a time when the team could have done with a wise old head in their ranks it was surely now. And putting aside the players for one moment, it is in my opinion a downright shabby way to treat a man who has carried the team on his back for so many years. Yes, time marches on and the club must move forward: there will be new stars waiting in the wings to step up to the challenges of domestic and international cricket. That’s the way that it should be. But to sweep aside someone who played for them with such dedication seems totally wrong on every level.

From the perspective of the Surrey fans, many of whom are angry, the club have pretty much denied them a chance to say farewell to perhaps the greatest batsman who donned the brown cap in the last twenty or thirty years. 

I’d like to say a huge thank you to Mark Ramprakash for several things. Firstly, for inadvertently bringing together the most wonderful tribe of lunatic, cricket-loving friends you could hope to meet! The Rampants will miss you very much: we’ve enjoyed cheering you on from the sidelines over the years.

From a personal point of view, I too have loved going to the Oval and watching the games unfold. I’m sorry I never quite managed to see you score a century, but my timing was rotten and I kept going down to London on the wrong day. But also I have to say thank you for giving this rather easily petrified, travel-wary agoraphobic the impetus to get on a train. A few years ago I couldn’t have even done that. It’s a very big deal for me.

Above all, thank you for getting me hooked on cricket. If somebody had told me 20 years ago I’d have liked the game I would have thought they were off their rocker...and if they’d told me I’d understand the basic rules that too would have had me rolling my eyes in disbelief! Everyone has their own sporting hero, be it the great and the lauded such as Sir Viv Richards or Graham Gooch, down to their beer-fuelled favourite uncle chucking pies on the village green every Sunday morning. To those headline writers in the newspapers waxing lyrically about the ends of eras, or those who seek to take a final dig at one of this country’s finest stroke makers, I would remind them that heroes come in all shapes and forms. Mark Ramprakash wasn’t everybody’s favourite cricketer but he was mine, and perhaps one day people will be able to look past achievements on the international stage and realise that 114 FC centuries is not something to be dismissed as of no consequence.

If that is considered a career filled with underachievement, may the good lord afflict me with similar failure for the rest of my days!

Enjoy your retirement, sir! You’ve more than earned it.

Dduw bendithia a chadw eich Tom

Although I had anticipated writing on this blog again I didn’t expect it would be under such terribly sad circumstances. I had hoped that the reports of Tom Maynard’s death circulating on Twitter in the early hours of the 18th of June were nothing more than the usual hoaxes and sick jokes that all too frequently surface on social network sites but, heartbreakingly, they turned out to be true. I’m not too sure there’s much I can really say on the subject, other than how deeply sad I feel for everyone who knew and loved Tom, especially his family and close friends. He made a huge impact in the year or so he was at Surrey, both with colleagues and with fans alike. Skilled, hard working and by all accounts a lovely man. If there had to be a eulogy so dreadfully early, this is one that was rightfully earned. RIP Tom, and thanks for the memories.

Bring Me Sunshine...

Because some double acts are just irreplaceable!

And because the idea of Dave Townsend reinacting 'The Stripper' from the Morecambe and Wise show is faintly horrific!

Somebody take his heater away from him...

*picture expertly doctored by Rowan

Why the Rampants like Tim Linley

What’s not to like?

Firstly, he’s a pretty decent bowler. In fact he’s like a little piranha, the way that he keeps nibbling away at the wickets column. In 2011 he left a trail of mangled batsmen, bruised and broken in his wake. That Surrey made it back to division one was in no small part to his efforts, and he deservedly got the Ramprakash player of the year award. I say Ramprakash because frankly he’s won it so many times they may as well name it after him. But last year it belonged well and truly to Sir Timothy of Linley.

He’s obviously a class act. I mean, with a surname like Linley you have to be, don’t you? What name conjures images of good-breeding more than Linley? Unless he chose to add a double barrel to his name, and frankly Tim Linley-Linley would blow everyone’s minds...

But other than being the country’s most underrated bowler, all-round good egg and sharing his nickname with possibly the best character in Sesame Street, Linners has one other thing that makes people doff their hat in forelock tugging respect: he even has his own biscuit called after him. And that, dear folks, is the ultimate accolade a cricketer can receive.

Now, where’s that custard-colville gone? I feel a dunk coming on...

Well, who'd have thunk it???

Well, they say a picture tells a story better than a thousand words so I just had to pinch this from Rowan. She managed to express pretty much what every Surrey fan was thinking at the end of the first game against Sussex at the Oval. When was the last time Surrey led division one?!? Okay, okay...so what if it is only the first game! Start as you mean to go on!

You do go in to every new season riding on wave of optimism, of hope...perhaps tempered a little by realism. Last season Surrey snuck back in to division one by the skin of their teeth with a last minute flurry of four consecutive wins and the opposition faltering at the hindmost end. But don’t let that blind you to the fact that Surrey deserved to go back up, even if clinging to the skirts of Middlesex isn’t a very glamorous way to do it!

Division one is a different kettle of chips (see what I did there?) and I know a fair few people who reckon Surrey are pretty much nailed on to sink back down into the murky pool of division two. But there’s just something about the look of the team on paper that inspires a little hope. You’ve got experience with the likes of De Bruyn (class), Rudolph (brilliant on his day) and Ramps (who I am praying passes the number of FC centuries as Bradman before he’s done). You’ve got the skipper who as a player is very much a work in progress – but has proved himself as a captain. And that bowling unit doesn’t half make you shake your head in wonderment: Linley (the most underrated bowler in the country?), Dernbach, Meaker, Lewis, Tremlett, Batty, Jordan...goodness, it’s enough to turn a person from a fan into a stats geek!

Sussex weren’t at their best when Surrey went up against them at the Oval but of the two teams Surrey appeared more determined. Or had, to borrow a quote from England’s bard “a lean and hungry look”. Amazing what so long in the wilderness can do to sharpen the mind.

I’m not really going to go into long, rambling match reports anymore because you only see the words, regurgitating second hand observations on a page. And my biased waffling probably isn’t what everyone wants to read anyway! What I will say however is go on Twitter and see a very clever man about a link or two, as the rather incredible @CowCornerCrikey has started up his internet recording sessions once again. It may sound a bit grand to call it a public service but that’s pretty much what it amounts to. Hats off to him because it’s quite a large undertaking to record all the games (not just the Surrey ones) from around the counties. In a way by making these commentaries available to listen to again, it’s almost like a little historic archive of what occurred, available to download.

A mention also for Luke Wells of Sussex, who celebrated a century towards the end of the game, and whose doughty resistance made things seem momentarily tricky for Surrey. Looks like he could be more than a bit useful!

Middlesex are next up. Always tricky; always up for beating their arch-rivals. Surrey go in to the match with a win, and a little bit of confidence about them. Middlesex will face them having been beaten by Somerset but will be itching to put things right.

Bet it ends in a draw!

Stay Rampant

I seem to be developing a nasty habit of stopping posting roughly around Christmas. Post-Christmas sag (which can be best defined as a bad case of “can’t be arsedness” brought on by too much sherry trifle) tends to kick in leaving the new county championship season looking like a distant mirage. Like last year I spent the three months leading up to Christmas by blogging about Strictly, and then simply not bothering with the result. In 2010 there was an excuse, because after I had learned that Deirdre had passed away the whole thing seemed a bit pointless and trivial, so I downed tools and neglected to write a suitable ‘congrats Kara’ post. This year there was no excuse save for the fact that the result was a foregone conclusion and I was too stuffed with countless Cadbury’s Roses to even care that the wee fella from McFly had triumphed.

It didn’t really come as a surprise, did it?

Anyhow, well done to him. I have to say that he deserved to win on the night so I had no problem with the result.

Since then Pat (no relation to Mark) Butcher has joined the televisual choir invisible. Rangers Football club are in so much debt they may have to get McCoist to slip out of his managerial duds, pull on his shirt and play. And Donald Trump is having a ding-dong battle with Alex Salmond to see who gets to be King of Scotland. Poor Mr Trump seems to be under the illusion that in this current economic downturn what Scotland really needs is a bloody great golf course. And Mr Salmond is under the impression that what Mr Trump’s golf course needs are some great big wind turbines spinning merrily in the background...

I’m not a shit-stirrer by nature, but I’m with Al on this one.

In terms of Surrey news there’s been the usual off-season activity: some great and some rather sad. The good: we’ve got Ally Brown back at the Oval where he belongs.

No, not in his bar.

Mr Brown has joined the Surrey coaching staff. I admit I was quite pleased to see him back. We’ve also signed the doughty opener Jacques Rudolph. Seeing as how RHB had been forced into opening due to necessity this is a very welcome development.
The not so good: Meaker and Tremlett have both picked up injuries, and Dernbach is now well entrenched in the England one day side so we may not be seeing as much of them as we would like. We also said a sad farewell to Schoey. I can only hope he gets picked up by some team as he’s no back marker yet, especially in the shorter format.

Mr R is captaining a rather eclectic group of cricketers in the traditional MCC v county champions clash in Dubai. Gareth Batty is also in the team for Surrey. Really looking forward to this! Well, what we can find out about it as I doubt there will be much if any coverage of it either on the radio or in the papers. Still, if there’s one thing the Rampants do well it’s cheering from the sidelines...even with a time differential to take into account. Jean will still be pushing her pineapples and shaking that tree with the best of them!

Talking of the Rampants, the photo accompanying this post was taken by Mel whilst on holiday in Aldeburgh. Just goes to show you that although we may be spread the length and breadth of the country and not able to attend every game, the message is still very clear!

Strictly: Week Eleven and Results Show 11/12/11

I might boast at this point that Mystic Miah predicted the correct final three, but in fairness it was pretty much a no-brainer. Holly’s been in the bottom two twice and simply didn’t have enough people voting for her to get her to the finals. And gracious Alex had just about gone as far as she could in the contest. With that in mind it was never really going to be anything else.

In terms of the semis we saw some more than decent dancing from all the remaining couples. Of course, the more focussed and polished the performance the more likely it is that Craig will get it out on the live show, and he did so twice on Saturday.

That’s his 10, folks.

Of course, I’m still smarting at the lack of a 40 for Mark & Karen’s Argentine Tango, but fair enough: I’m sure Craig had his reasons at the time. Some stray hair out of place, or an awkwardly placed little finger maybe. Hey ho! I thought I’d put that behind me long ago but, sadly, with the awarding of a maximum 40 to Jason in the same dance I’m afraid Craig managed to reawaken the trauma that we Rampants felt back in 2006 at the sight of that ‘9’. We frothed at the mouth for several months afterwards, although the ‘10’ for the salsa in the final perhaps made us feel a little less aggrieved. And it’s impossible to stay mad at Craig. We know he’s not really nasty: he has one of the loveliest smiles going, when he’s given a reason to use it!

Still. What on earth did Craig see in Jason’s AT that he didn’t in Marks’? I thought it was basically 90 seconds of Jason pulling some distracting faces, sniffing Kristina’s hair and throwing some very un-Argentine moves. Kristina pulled off some very neat dancing, I agree, whilst Jason didn’t really lead enough for me. Maybe I just didn’t like the story telling. It was less ‘man-in-pursuit’ and more ‘Australian Psycho’. I don’t want to see dancers eviscerated on the dance floor...

It did occur to me that I was letting my chagrin at Jason being awarded a higher score than Ramps get in the way of being subjective and so I reviewed the thing again, setting aside any bias. But I came to the same conclusion. As I said on Twitter ‘better than Ramps? I don’t bl**dy think so!’

Their samba was a bit odd. I don’t mean in a bad way, necessarily. It’s just that the choice of song made it a tad slow, and at times made the bounce action a bit exaggerated. A valiant attempt at the ultimate party dance, done by a man wearing pink! Shame about the timing issues...

As for the rest of the dances, Holly performed the most bizarre, modern take on the Charleston you’re ever likely to see. I’m in constant awe at the choreographical genius that is Artem, and the way he takes risks at pushing the envelope, but it was almost a step too far for me this time. I got the idea but I guess I just didn’t care for it that much, and Holly looked quite ragged all the way through. Her Argentine Tango I liked a lot: it was smooth, seductive and purred like a kitten. Much more teasing and taunting than the subtle-as-a-mallet Donovan AT! And the stoolography was rather neat too!

Alex did well but seemed obviously out of her depth: a bit like a selling plater being entered in the Grand National. Yet I’ve really liked her much more than I thought I would. Both she and Chelsee have been the surprises for me this year. Her dances were perfectly serviceable although she looked a bit stiff and inflexible in her waltz, and the salsa was totally barmy and as unmanageable as curly hair in a thunderstorm, but it was perfectly acceptable. Alas, at this stage it probably wasn’t good enough.

Chelsee was also the beneficiary of Craig’s Christmas ten bonanza, and this time I felt it was probably more justified. She always hits such wonderful lines and shapes her arms beautifully. It isn’t easy for someone of her diminutive stature to look graceful. Or, to paraphrase Craig, a wee Munchkin person. Sorry, vertically challenged. But somehow she manages it. Her attempt in the American Smooth earlier on was slightly less successful and I thought she looked a bit shaky, especially in the near-aborted splits section. Perhaps it was nerves, but whatever the reason she must have channelled her energies big time on a real stonker of a Paso Doble, or Pasha Doble as it is now being called! Pasha’s been the real big find in this season of Strictly. I think it would have been poorer without him.

Whilst Craig dusted off his almost brand new 10 paddle for Jason and Chelsee, poor ickle Harry remains un-rewarded in terms of a maximum score from the Revel-Horwood. People are comparing Harry to Ramps, as the cricket maestro had to wait ‘til the final to get his perfect score. I personally think Harry may be rewarded for his wait. The dances he has chosen ought to tip the undecided into picking up the phone and voting for him, and that quickstep is one I am just waiting to see again! Besides, we all know that an awful large amount of Strictly has little or nothing to do with dancing. If Harry was rubbish he’d have gone out a few weeks back most likely, but he’s excellent, and that combined with the teenage McFly fans coating their TV’s with the drool from their tongues should probably be enough to see Harry crowned King Hal in Blackpool.

His Charleston was well executed, had some great moves in it, but I would have preferred it to have been more OTT. That’s just personal preference though. When it comes to goofy slapstick you can’t really beat Chris and Ola, even although an awful lot of disgruntled Ricky Whittle fans sound like they’d like to...

The Judd Viennese Waltz looked beautiful, but as I have said repeatedly throughout this blog I just don’t like melancholic VW’s. I want them as fluffy as a little yellow chick: as light as a powder puff. I want to be transported to a meadow in spring time, showered in snowdrops and little tiny daisies. I don’t wish to see a VW that looks as if someone wants to slit their wrists to the sound of the Smith’s greatest hits. Personal preference, I know, but if the song doesn’t lend itself to smiling, change the song! The VW isn’t that complicated: it has three basic steps. If it has a fourth integral component then it’s the smile. It may be enough to make Alesha go weak in the bladder but it doesn’t do it for me!

So, where’s my vote going next week? I haven’t a clue. I think Harry will easily win but I hope that it’s a Chelsee/Harry final two as I think in recent weeks they’ve just about done enough to edge out Jason.

Unless of course Harry wears a tank top in the showdance like Matt Di’Angelo. In which case I’ll be wondering why Russell Grant never got to the final...