Up a certain creek without a certain implement...

I’m not going to bother with a proper report because the Kent game wasn’t a proper game. I don’t think Surrey bothered turning up. Certainly they shouldn’t have bothered given the way they played.

I mean, that was just ghastly. Everything was looking rosy until the early hours of day two when Surrey systematically threw away a very splendid position of 50 for no wicket and then sank to the ignominy of 266 run loss on day three!

The bowlers did well on day one, and okay on day two and three. The batsmen were fairly comatose in both innings. Some were the victims of good bowling, others got out just being a little bit, well, silly. So in the end you can probably say it was 60% Surrey lunacy, 30% Kent superior play, 5% Rob Key factor and 5% barking umpire decisions.

I know Ramps has come unstuck for challenging the umpires but it's usually something I prefer to leave to those who are there, witnessing things first hand. It's probably not something that's really my place to do. But I'm going to make an exception today. What the heck were the umps doing??? Bringing the players off yesterday when there was not a lot wrong with the light or conditions, then today when the gloom was worse, making you bat on? Certainly not the reason for the Surrey debacle because their cause was pretty much doomed after the first innings, but as soon as Ramps was bowled for 10 in the second innings it just about killed the game. Making them stay out after he lost his wicket sounded extremely dubious to me.

Not a good game for the umpires. Certainly one of the most desperate and horrible games for Surrey I’ve listened to over the last few years. Not how Ramps would have wanted to mark his 150th game as a Surrey player. It was a good game if you’re a Kent supporter, but as I’m not and this is primarily about Surrey I can’t really say anything other than ‘well done Kent, and well played Key and Stevens’.

Back to the drawing board for Surrey. Poor Davies is in horrible form and can’t buy a run, but you can’t drop your wicket keeper so he has to go somewhere. If he goes down the order, where do you put him? There are no openers in the Surrey ranks now as Michael Brown recently retired from First Class cricket due to ongoing injury issues. That leaves young Harinath, tried and failed on his last outing, but surely deserving another shot. And then who do you drop? Can’t drop the skipper. I doubt you’d drop Ramps unless his knee was playing up. De Bruyn had an uncustomary dodgy game but he’s been fairly solid and reliable in the earlier half of the year. Maynard too. If Harinath comes in, someone has to go.

Let’s look at this game’s totals in both innings. It doesn’t tell the full story, and isn’t really an example of how these players have performed overall, but it will show you how the game has gone:

RHB 34 & 40 = 74
Davies 23 & 0 = 23
Ramps 0 & 10 = 10
De Brun 1 & 0 = 1
Maynard 16 & 28 = 44
Roy 0 & 3 = 3
Ansari 21 & 0 = 21
Batty 23 & 3 = 26
Arafat 3 & 0 = 3
Linley 1 & 0 = 1
Dernbach 0 & 15 = 15

When the top contribution in an innings is 40, you are well and truly up ***t creek.

Surrey's sixtacular win!

Today’s T20 game against the Kent Spitfires achieved three things. Firstly, it was Surrey’s first back-to-back win in the contest for a few years. Secondly, they finally managed to win a game at the Oval! And thirdly it propels Surrey into position three in the Southern table, just behind Middlesex on run-rate. How long it will stay that way, who knows? But I say let’s enjoy it whilst we can. Perhaps we can continue our recent change in fortunes and sneak an unlikely win against Sussex on Sunday!

The game was really a tale of three Misters: two being Duckworth & Lewis and the other being Mr Symonds, who peppered the stands with so many sixes I feared for the watching spectator's pints. It’s been a while coming but the Australian six machine suddenly sprang into life to bring some much needed verve and dash to a faltering Surrey innings.

I’m going to try a little reverse psychology here. All along I’ve been saying how wonderful and potentially destructive I thought the opening partnership of RHB and Davies would be, but overall they’ve been disappointing when running in double harness, so to speak. So, in an effort to take the pressure off them, I’d just like to tell them how rubbish they are. I don’t actually mean it, but I’m saying it anyway. You’re both garbage and I have no expectations of you whatsoever. There; now I’ve said it you can go and rake up lots of runs!

They both managed a splendid 3 runs each today. Just goes to show that good players have bad days...it’s just that they can’t afford to have them at the same time! Ramps came in, got 10, and was then caught by Key off the bowling of Stevens. To make matters worse Younus Khan only scored one more than Mr Ramprakash. An all too familiar collapse looked on the cards and no doubt Chris Adams was looking for something heavy and brick shaped to repeatedly hit his head off. But, just as in the Somerset game, a rather handy partnership formed at just the right time, with Stewie Walters and a bull-like Andrew Symonds running amok, launching fours and sixes all over the place, to the extent that even when Walters managed to get out late on in the innings it was almost a formality that Surrey would reach 150 (something they did off the last ball).

In the end Symonds was out for a resplendent 62, bowled by former Surrey favourite (well, at least he was one of my favourites!) Azhar Mahmood. Schoey was run out for 1, whilst Batty was 10 not out at the end and Andre Nel finished with a perfectly formed 0.

The weather had been fairly ominous, with little slips and slides from time to time. You will recall a few games back that Ramps had managed to get run-out when slipping trying to get back to the crease. Something a little more comical happened when Kent’s Rob Key managed to end up on his bottom in the middle of the wicket, run out for just 2! Nevermind, Rob! It happens to the best of them! When Surrey got rid of the hugely dangerous Van Jaarsveld for 10 they must really have been feeling things were going their way at long last. Northeast likewise made 10 before being dispatched by Linley, deputising for the injured Dernbach. Geraint Jones made 12 until being caught and bowled by Symonds, and then it was a case of Blake’s 3, caught by Davies off Nel.

The seemingly unstickable, brilliant Darren Stevens however began to form a rather enviable partnership with Azhar Mahmood, no mug with a bat himself, and had the weather not suddenly taken a turn for the worse the game may well have been too close to call. Fortunately, Duckworth Lewis came down Surrey side, with the Oval crowd finally given a reason not to boo their team (they were probably all too wet at the time to muster up a discontented squawk). Being ahead on run-rate at that point and with no realistic chance of continuing the game, Surrey and Kent shook hands before seven o’clock with a much deserved win for the home contingent.

Oh, totally random recollection. My primary school nurse was called Mrs Duckworth. You used to go to her if you felt ill, and she’d just smile, pat you on the head and say “that’s a shame, dear. But I can’t help you, so why don’t you go back to your classroom?” Today it was Kent being awarded the commiseration of a pat on the head.

For Surrey, it must be satisfying to string a couple of wins together, even if it was D/L assisted. The crowd were able to go away happy at least in the magnificent display by Symonds, clearly having re-discovered his mojo. Quite a display, and along with Walters the pair rode to the rescue, Lone Ranger style. Not saying which is Silver. Not giving Ceci ideas with the old Photoshop either!

Kudos also to Churchy, Arrun ‘the Baron’ Harinath and Michael Brown for their work in keeping the commentary going when the heavens opened! Wasn’t Michael Brown a character in the Paddington bear stories? Maybe he should be requesting marmalade sandwiches instead of sponge cakes! Michael, I’m a dab hand at the old jam sponge even if I say so myself but as I live hundreds of miles away I don’t think anything I made would get to you 1) on time and 2) in a state fit for human consumption.

However, seeing as you were so desperate for a sponge cake, you can have the one in the picture! Enjoy!