Strictly: Week Eleven - Friday

I caught my dad watching Strictly. Ha ha! I’m sure if you asked him he would say he just happened to glance up at the screen, but the fact he actually asked what kind of dance it was showed that he had more than a sneaky interest. It also showed that it wasn’t readily apparent which dance it was. More on that in part two!

I’d better start with Friday’s festivities first of all, whilst I can still remember them. Digital Spy forumites (aka the ‘Pit of Vipers’) had quite a bit to say about the performances and indeed the scoring of these dances. Mind you, it doesn’t take much to stir them into aggrieved indignation. All this student tuition fee riot malarkey that’s going on at the moment is nothing compared to the tantrums being thrown out in deepest internet land!

Chief target and public enemy number one seems to be Pamela Stephenson. As far as I can gather from the various threads that keep cropping up, Pamela is hated because she’s insincere, simpering, a self-publicist, a gusset/thigh flasher, always reminding everyone she’s a ‘woman of a certain age’ and married to Billy Connolly. She’s also over marked by the judges and simply not naturally as gifted as Kara.

Well, people like different things in folks at a guess. It’s possible, being open to interpretation, that she may be guilty of the first five, definitely of number six (for ‘tis a fact), and number seven is looking possible – although she isn’t really in control of how the judges vote, to be fair to the woman. And as for number eight, you can’t put in what God didn’t give you. Kara is just naturally brilliant and it’s no sin to come up short in certain respects when compared to her.

I like Pamela. I don’t care if she gushes: I simply enjoy watching her dance. I like her relationship with James. I do think she’s done brilliantly for someone her age. I can understand people being sick of hearing about the whole ‘flying the flag for older woman’ thing but that’s the BBC’s fault for pushing this angle. And if she is showing a lot of guts and determination, so what? The fact she’s also a good dancer seems to be getting lost in this whole age thing. I have queried the judges scores myself of late, but they are clearly seeing something that I haven’t in dishing out the tens. It doesn’t mean I don’t think Pamela’s a good dancer. Of those left she is the one I most look forward to each week, and that is probably the best compliment I can give.

You see, it comes down to many things in the end and chief amongst this is the partnership. If I like one half but not the other, then I find it difficult to vote. I never really got the whole ‘Tom and Camilla’ thing, but I didn’t have a favourite that year so it didn’t really matter. I didn’t see enough of ‘Brendan and Natasha’ to comment, but the other winning partnerships were amongst the standout ones in their respective years. Chris owed much of his win to the double act he had with Ola, and ‘Mark and Karen’ were probably the best dance pairing Strictly has had.

Of the contestants still standing this year Pam and James are the couple I most enjoy watching. Matt and Aliona haven’t quite convinced me as being dynamic enough as a duo, Scott and Natalie are fun but they don’t have any real chemistry, Gavin and Katya are as amusing to watch as a wallpapering DVD and Kara, who I love, and Artem, who I also love, have a certain frisson (but ultimately doesn’t appeal to my utterly non-romantic soul). So I personally would be happy to see ‘granny’ in the final three, even if she’s not going to win.

On with the dances. I think the Paso Doble outfit was Pamela’s best costume: a sort of cerise, Rennie-McIntosh design with black edging. It was very dramatically performed without tipping over into comedic farce, a fine line that is often crossed in Strictly (which is littered with Paso’s that are so overwrought that you don’t know whether to laugh or hide behind a cushion: see Linda Bellingham). I notice that chair work is the new 2010 big thing: first Kara’s sublime tango de chaise and now Pamela as Great Chief Sitting Bull. There were, as Craig spotted, a few errors and he marked her down accordingly, but if the technical side wasn’t so hot she at least nailed the performance side of it. And I think a big ‘well done’ needs to be said to James for coming up with any workable routine to a Lady GaGa track! At first I thought it was a 9, and then I thought an 8. I’m not sure now...I think the truth lies somewhere between, but if we are rounding up then it’s a slightly reluctant 9 from me.

I said earlier that Kara cannot be beaten for grace, elegance and artistry and I stand by that. When you compare Kara and Pamela it’s like putting a Titian next to something by Munch. Both have their merits, both are distinct, but one is more recognisable as a painting. Artem choreographed a complex, frisky, sultry and classy Viennese Waltz (which in itself is a difficult thing to do given that it has three steps and not very much else to recommend it); to quite a moody piece of music which gave it an unusual take on what is traditionally a fluffy kitten of a dance. It was, as Craig intimated, pretty near perfect – close enough for the three blind judges next to him not to notice the fact her foot twice came off the ground, making the move an illegal, if unintentional, lift. But Craig spots things like that. Heck, I even spotted it and I am not the worlds’ most observant person!

So, when does a lift become illegal? When it is done deliberately in a bid to flout the rules (Clare King and Brendan Cole in series 4, anyone)? Or just when the tiniest gap between toe and floor develops? The Kara supporters on DS were certainly riled by Craig’s unwillingness to overlook the fault, and possibly he could have if it had happened only once, but twice is asking a bit much where Craig’s concerned. Remember Mark and Karen’s sublime AT in 2006? One tiny nanosecond out of synch in the opening shadow movement was the difference between a full set of 10s and three of the blighters. If people are expecting Craig not to notice these things they are in cloud cuckoo land...

It was another case of a moral 10 for Kara, but a 9 nonetheless. Again, I wish there were 0.5s on offer, just so I could make the difference clearer, but if I had such a thing it would be a 9.5.

Gavin’s samba was awkward, there’s no other way of putting it. It had some pretty groovy hip movement at the start but it went rapidly downhill from then on. There were timing issues, and also moments where Gavin’s feet looked rooted in cement. I do like the fact that that he enjoyed it, and yes I – almost – felt sorry for him because he didn’t seem to think it was as bad as it really appeared to everyone else except the most loyal Henson devotees! I also think he looked very good in his shirt (as opposed to out of it, as per usual), but in all other respects I can’t help but feel he’s gone as far as he can in this competition. Despite her valiant, fighting spirit I get the feeling that Katya thinks the same. The biggest complement I can give Gavin? That he used the same music as Chris Parker did in series 1 for his Paso Doble, and that on a scale of one to ten, he beat Chris into a cocked hat, except in the unintentional laugh stakes!

Scott isn’t really made for the Argentine Tango. He’s a little tall, and not very Gaucho. There’s not really much he can do about either. Unfortunately, he seemed to have been stuck with a piece of music that was so slow that it meant he ended up with a somewhat reserved and introverted dance instead of intense and passionate. The footwork was by and large okay but the end result was a rather disconnected and uninvolving affair; in fact it was possibly the most boring Argentine Tango I’ve seen on the show since Brendan and the long-legged Lisa Snowden back in 2008. Hell, I even enjoyed Ali and Brian’s hilarious AT last year more: now that was a tango to remember! Ali’s lipstick was my primary source of entertainment. She looked like a child that had raided its mothers wardrobe and makeup bag, found the reddest shade of lip-gloss imaginable and then slapped it randomly on her face!

Alas, Scott didn’t even have luminous cherry lips to add something to the routine, and it slithered totally off my personal radar and into the abyss of utterly unmemorable Strictly routines. He’ll have to go some to stay in the contest now.

Ah...now here comes the main source of controversy. Matt Baker: big, rough, tough, sheep farming, welly wearing, macho former Blue Peter presenting Matt Baker almost reduced to tears by a gaggle of nasty, vicious judges! How the Baker fans on DS howled! Their man’s bottom lip had barely stopped wobbling when they were on-line venting their spleens at the horrific singling out that Matt had received. And the source of the stramash? The salsa!

My word, it wasn’t what anyone was expecting! The training had looked so promising. I’m not entirely sure where it went wrong, but it did appear to have been ‘overworked’, that is to say that there was so much intensity and power that the flowing, smooth, rippling that you associate with the dance and its intricate armography ended up being lost. I’m at a loss as to why a man who can handle the bouncy campiness of the samba can’t quite master a salsa: if anything the samba is more technical. Perhaps that is actually the answer: give Matt something intricate and difficult, where he can use his brain, and he will shine. For whatever reason he never really mastered the joyous party vibe that the salsa requires and it all ended up incredibly meh, like lumpy custard. He received straight sevens, reminiscent of Mark’s rather horrible Foxtrot. Both men must have experienced crushing disappointment, but being a sportsman Ramps was able to hide that sinking feeling away, whereas the shock and disbelief that poor Matt displayed was easy to read on his face.

It was unfortunate that Matt had discovered a dance so late on that didn’t suit him. His dismay was not remotely faked, but the fact that he appeared almost on the verge of tears after the unanimous condemnation by the judges will no doubt move his supporters – and floating viewers – to pick up the phone and vote. Aliona cannot solely be blamed for the blip in Matt’s form, although her routines are so showy and bogged down with little flashy bits and pieces that it looks as if she’s already rehearsing her show dance for the final! And again, rather like Pamela, Matt got saddled with a piece of music that did not scream ‘salsa’ and I doubt it helped him get in the party mood.

Not to worry, Matt. Many have tried and most have failed to get a maximum score in the salsa. You’re in rather good company when all is said and done. And let’s not forget, the person who did manage it was pretty darned excellent...