Thursday 29 September 2011

Okay, I am seriously...

...bored.

Have had to resort to begging Mark Church (or @surreycricket) via Twitter to make up some cricket commentaries and tweet them to us.

Bless him, he actually gave it a go!

He's a cool dude, is Churchy!

Sunday 18 September 2011

Up from the ashes grow the roses of success...

I think that particular number from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang should really be Surrey's theme song this year!


Poor old Somerset. Dragged to the sacred altar of success and then unceremoniously and publicly jilted at the very last moment. You could say they’ve had the devil’s own luck in the last few years, given the amount of finals they’ve reached to the ratio of finals they’ve won (which is, er, zero) but I’m not so sure luck had anything to do with Surrey’s victory over them yesterday. From the reports I’ve been given, it seems as if a long and exhausting campaign had taken its toll on the Cidermen. No doubt tired and a bit wary given their habit of coming unstuck at the final hurdle, Somerset sounded as if they were disadvantaged going in to the Lords game simply by carrying that burden of recent history on their shoulders.

Surrey, on the other hand, were sharp and generally speaking fielded well (don’t mention Schoey to the Somerset supporters though). When it came to batting they were almost too much on their toes! Zander de Bruyn in particular reminded me of my first cat whenever a particularly vindictive flea decided to sink its mouthparts into his hide, given his uncharacteristic skittishness! Just goes to show that even wise old heads can sometimes give way to the big occasion!

I guess whilst I’m praising Surrey for their win, I should also praise Somerset for getting to the final. I hope that doesn’t sound patronising because it isn’t meant to be. Whilst their supporters will be raising their eyes heavenwards and wondering what the heck they have to do to bring home the silverware once again, just to reach so many different finals shows a tremendous amount of depth in skill, not to mention consistency. I guess that isn’t much of a consolation to Marcus Trescothick, who valiantly batted despite an ongoing injury ankle. Somerset may have, with the exception of young Buttler, appeared lacklustre and fatigued but it sounds to me as if they were simply turned over by a better side on the day, motivated and buoyed by their recent winning streak.

Praise also has to go to the skipper. I said last year he was a fast learner and that is exactly what he is. He’s shown a great deal of maturity in the way he has marshalled his troops and he will go on learning. This may be the start of something great. His own knock of 70 plus showed how it should be done, and only the aforementioned J Buttler bettered it. Talking of Buttler, you can’t help admire his wonderful attempt to get Somerset over the line. It was a gallant and gutsy knock, and one that will have got him noticed by many. A one day career for England may be round the corner.

Jade Dernbach got man of the match. I think this wasn’t just for his fantastic spell of death bowling but also because the night before he’d been playing in the final England v India one day international match under the floodlights, and therefore had crawled away from the Swalec at some ungodly time and most likely arrived in London in the wee small hours of the morning. Most normal folks would have been stumbling about the place like an extra from Michael Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ but credit to Jade, the man who removed the ‘tat’ from ‘tattoo’ and made looking like a walking doodle extremely cool. It’s been rather a good year for Dernbach, when all’s said and done.

And it’s been a rather good year for Surrey, too! Promoted, a bit of silverware in the trophy cabinet, an exciting future; at the moment things are looking rosy for the club. All positive thoughts to take into the 2012 season.

Question is, what the heck do I do until April?!?

Thursday 15 September 2011

Oh Lanky, Lanky!

When you think about it, 'Oh Lanky, Lanky, Lanky' to the tune of the Hoke Cokey is about as original as, say 'Middlesex, la la la la' to the tune of the Banana Splits. That both teams have managed - probably deservedly - to become champions of their respective divisions says a lot for their cricket skills but, alas, nothing about the imagination of their fans. C'mon you guys! Think of something original!

Come to think of it, 'I like Glamorgan-morgan' is pretty rubbish too...

Still, singing skills and lyrics apart I think a big congratulations to both sides are due. Especially to Lanky, Lanky, Lanky who last won the championship the same year that the wheel was invented. Dinosaur burgers were on the menu from the food vendors at the ground, and balls were made out of granite and never, ever went out of shape. None of your Tiflex nonsense. Freddie Flintoff? Freddie Flintstone, more like!

The haunted look on the faces of the old octogenarians as they hobbled out of the Oval in 2007, having been brutally done over in both innings by a piece of Ramps magic and some cracking death bowling by Hussain, still lives with me. I heard one of them muttering "we'll never live to see another title." Well, I hope some of them have! That day brought home how much the title means to those who love cricket. Don't let anyone tell you the county championship is unloved, just because the grounds are comparatively empty most days. It isn't just loved; it's cherished in its own right. And not just for bringing on potential England stars of the future. Anyone who loves sport, and loves history, can appreciate exactly what the county championship means to the fans.

I had wanted Warwickshire to win if I'm honest, but this was because of Sarah, our very own Bear-loving Rampant who passed away a few months ago. She would however have been so proud that her team did so well, and that her other team Worcestershire also stayed in Division one. Nor do I think she would have grudged Lancs their win either.

Middlesex too deserve congrats. I'm not going to lie: I did enjoy the squirmyness of the five wickets falling in the afternoon but there was no way they weren't going to chase down the Leicestershire total, and perhaps that (and a dollop of good old fashioned rivalry) is why I am happier with the Lancs win than theirs, which for so long could have gone either way. No doubt another 7 centuries will pass before Lancs regain the title. Women in Manchester are as I type sewing a brand new version of the Bayeux tapestry, complete with fallen Somerset batsmen being hit in the eye by a spinning Dukes ball whilst Halley's comet glides overhead.

Anyhow, now Surrey have been promoted alongside Middle-Middle-Middlesex both teams will be able to take on the might of Lanky, Lanky, Lanky. A chant-off between both teams could be on the cards...

Wednesday 14 September 2011

What goes down must go up!

It took just three days for Surrey to demolish Derbyshire and claim their promotion to Division 1. And, to borrow a pertinent catchphrase from Mark Church, what a ‘splendid’ way to do it! Four wins in a row! But what was especially striking was the manner in which the victory was achieved. It was chiefly the wonder-bowling of Surrey late recruit Ojha that put the London team in the fabulous position they found themselves in, with 10 wickets to his credit in the game, but make no mistake this was all about team effort.

I’m not talking about just today. Everybody has contributed something this year, be it great or small, and can hold their heads up high. Linley and de Bruyn will correctly take the chief plaudits but this has been a break-through year for many and Surrey as a whole actually look like a team rather than the overpaid collection of misfits the press used to paint them as only a few years back.

I started this blog only last year, and my part as an observer is no greater than any other person who has followed the club, yet I have to say it is with considerable satisfaction that I find myself recording the day that Surrey climbed out of Division 2 and back to what, given the team’s great history, should be their natural home in Division 1.

I’m pleased because, should it please the almighty, I will get the chance to continue to blog about the club next year, both good and bad, and follow them on their continuing journey. I’m keeping my fingers well and truly crossed that Ramps plays for at least one more year, because ending his career in Division 1 is the only fitting way for a batsman of such quality to bow out. And, if I can still type whilst crossing yet more fingers, hopefully the batsman mangling Tiflex ball will remain confined to the depths of Division 2 for the immediate future. Let the batsmen have their turn next year. There seems to have been a major swing to bowler-friendly conditions in 2011. It makes for exciting cricket and of course helps to engineer results, but if you’re a sad closet statto like me then you really want to see those balls being put away!

Well done to Chris Adams, who I will admit to liking when he was a player a few years back. The grief – nay abuse – that has been flung his way has been both disquieting and unwarranted. It won’t shut up the hardliners who only want ‘Surrey’ men in the job, but damn it; if this doesn’t show that Adams wants the team to do well or that he’s got what it takes to steer the club the right way, I don’t know what will please them. If there’s anyone who is actually unhappy still at Chris Adams’ continued presence at Surrey, please go away and drink all that tea I mentioned a few posts back.

Really, it does help!

At the time of typing this Middlesex are attempting to win their game against Leicestershire. You’d think on current form that would be like Ranatunga taking on Ronnie Corbett at arm wrestling, but for a while Leicestershire flattered to impress with some doughty resistance...until James Taylor went and the usual collapse occurred thereafter. If a miracle occurs and Middlesex draw their game rather than win it, Surrey will not only be promoted but will go up as Division 2 champions! But it has to be said that the late capitulation by the Leicestershire batsmen makes it more likely that the rather disturbing and unoriginal chants of “Middle-middle-middle...” will ring out tomorrow at some point.

Brownie points to Mystic Miah, who predicted both London teams to go up? Is it seemly for a blogger to blow her own trumpet on-line? Is it physically possible???

So, as I knock back a celebratory Bacardi Breezer that appears on closer examination to be three months out of date, let’s all raise a glass (virtual or real) to everyone who has played a part in getting Surrey back to the top flight. The staff, the players, the management, and also the fans. We’ve been a curmudgeonly lot over the last five or so years. Hard to please, fickle, vociferous in expresing our disappointment and quick to criticise. I dare say you will never stop all the moaning Minnies: even if Surrey win the First Division title next year and Ramps scores 3000 runs with an arm tied behind his back whilst hopping on a pogo stick there will always be something to complain about! But today's victory is worth savouring nonetheless and I hope that people will take the time to do so, especially if the team can win their Lords final on Saturday against Somerset in the CB40 contest.

For the next six months at least, the Surrey swagger is back! And this time there is cause for it.

Sunday 11 September 2011

Never streak at the Oval...

Goodbye Oval. Goodbye hallowed turf.
Goodbye tanked up boo-boys, chanting all their worth.
Farewell screaming crowds and all their wondrous din.
So long noisy school kids, screeching for a win.

Addio coloured shirts, and blue earpiece devices.
Aloha alcoholic beverages at eyebrow-raising prices.
Sayonara cover drives. Aurevoir to wonderous saves.
Paalam to all the members ignoring Mexican waves.

No more sumptuous batting. No more twenty twenty cricket.
No more leaning forward, baying for a wicket.
That final game on Saturday just didn't go as planned.
Coz hubby got his beer-snake out, and now we've both been banned!

Saturday 10 September 2011

If at first you don't succeed...

There’s an old legendry tale in Scotland involving a spider, a fugitive King and a cave. Robert Bruce, on the run from ‘that lot south of the border’, decided to hide himself in a cave for a few months whilst the English soldiers went searching for him. Obviously bored out of his skull and stuck for something to do, he turned his attention to a tiny spider repeatedly attempting to scale the rocks. Well, I suppose there was no television in those days...

Most people would have taken off their shoe and squished the offending arachnid at that point, but good old Robert decided to learn a lesson from his eight legged companion as it tried, tried and tried again to get to the top. Eventually the wee beastie managed to reach the summit and Robert, re-inspired to show similar resolve, decided to have another go at taking on the might of the English army.

History records that Robert Bruce and his comparatively tiny Scottish army pulled off a most unlikely victory over their southern neighbours. It does not, however, say what happened to the spider.

Like Bruce at Bannockburn, victory was a must for Surrey. It was vital that an early breakthrough was made and fortunately it was; with Linley claiming the wicket of Ryan Ten Doeschate within the first two overs. If he’d stuck around the damage to Surrey’s lead could well have been considerable, but I think at that point most people, like myself, would have began counting the hours until that victory was wrapped up and planning what they were going to do with their free afternoon!

Things got a bit hairy though at times; leastwise I know my nerves were shot! I don’t often pretend to know better than the players (because that would be a rather large and obvious fib), but I did find RHB’s persistence with Jordan utterly perplexing to begin with. Poor Jordan, who had batted beautifully in both innings whilst recording personal best scores in both, had never looked like he was going to get a wicket. Not due to lack of effort or skill: he was clearly in the zone and bowling very much like the pre-injury Jordan of old. But sometimes when your luck is out there’s nothing you can do to change it. Jordan had threatened repeatedly and gone without reward. I was left shaking my head, perplexed. Surely if things don’t go your way then you have to mix the bowling up a bit, I thought bleakly as the runs began to leak once again?

And then both the skipper and Jordan got their just rewards for their patience and persistence with the wicket of Foster, the ball falling straight to the safe hands of Gareth Batty. It seemed to open the floodgates, because by the end of play Jordan had claimed four Essex scalps in total! Hats off to Rory Hamilton-Brown for sticking with Jordan, clearly of the opinion that his team mate’s luck must change. And like the spider in the cave, Jordan who tried, tried and tried again finally got that lucky break. Masters later followed, caught well by Ramps. Cue Rampant applause!

I’m a bit odd, because I take a perverse delight in being proven wrong. I find it gratifyingly humbling! I’m not sure why, but I like that my opinion can be challenged – and indeed changed. Perhaps it appeals to my slightly off the wall sense of humour. Or maybe I’m just weird, I don’t know. Whatever, serves me right for assuming I knew more about the situation than the skipper!

Napier threatened to curtail the Surrey celebrations for a good long while. All the time his tally grew bigger and faster as he whacked sixes and fours all over the ground whilst the tail end batsmen tried their hardest to stick with him. Surrey would have been confident that they could knock over the other batsmen or that Napier would eventually hole out trying an expansive shot but as his score raced to 80 in the blink of an eye the nerves must have been jangling quite a bit! Napier has previous against Surrey this year, to say the least. That 70% of the runs he has scored this year have come against the London side shows just how motivated he is against them!

Inevitably it was the turbo-charged Jordan who managed to break the stand, and Napier tried one clever shot too many and was well-held in the gully by - yet again - Mr Ramprakash. Cue lots more Rampant applause.

One ball later and it was game over. I almost think it didn’t register at first because everyone was just too busy sighing with relief at the fall of Napier to actually realise that Jordan had managed to get rid of Craddock! Ramps and Jordan seemed to have formed an irresistible partnership on the field as, for the third time that day, the former took the catch (an absolute blinder by all accounts). Cue even more Rampant applause. Given that Ramps hasn’t been in the best form of late with the bat even although not looking in bad nick, it was nice to see him contribute so well in the field, showing that even at 42 he can still display a spritely turn of foot!

The permutations now appear, with Middlesex drawing a rain-benighted game with Glamorgan, to indicate there are four teams in the shake-up going in to next week’s final games. Middlesex are almost there: they only require 12 points to be promoted and 13 to be confirmed champions. Lowly Leicestershire will have to pull off a Foinavon-like miracle if they want to have a say in either outcome.

Gloucestershire are a fraction behind Surrey in fourth but could conceivably gain promotion should Surrey and Northants (the latter who they are due to play) fall by the wayside. With everything to play for, both will throw everything they have at getting a positive result. And third-spot Surrey, having gained their first block of three consecutive wins in a row since 2007, will likewise stop at nothing to gain a positive result at the Oval against Derbyshire. They are now a mere 1 point behind Northants. Fortune tends to favour the teams with momentum.

Remember that spider in the cave, boys! You can still get there if you want it badly enough!

Tuesday 6 September 2011

Handsome is as handsome does!

Are Surrey on a roll?

Whilst Middlesex were playing leapfrog with top of the table Northants having obliterated poor, abject little Leicestershire in record time, Surrey found themselves locked in a duel of their own with the former leaders, intent on making a real fist of their promotion challenge. It took a hearty knock from Steven Davies, whose recent turnaround in form has coincided with a greatly resurgent Surrey – and one of the most devastating bursts of speed bowling from Stewart Meaker – to get the upper hand on the Northants side. And make no bones about it: this is a side that had bossed the entire division from almost the start of the season, so for Surrey to not only win against them but to pretty much hang them out to dry indicates just how good the South London team can be.

I mean, take Meaker. That spell of bowling was a joy to behold! Or listen to, in my case. Every ball seemed to either go for zero runs or gain a wicket, to the extent where his tally for a couple of consecutive overs read like the opening theme of Inspector Morse with all its dots and dashes! Like many others I had been listening with a certain creeping sense of resignation that a draw was going to be the likely outcome, something that Surrey could ill afford, and then ‘boom!’ It just goes to show you that little, unexpected passages of play can make all the difference to the result.

Surrey are a powerful side when all goes well for them. There is a lot of depth in their side, and both youth and experience. It’s consistency that has let them down so far. There have been some games earlier in the season that they must now look back on with some regret, and wonder if they’d pressed a little harder would the results have gone their way? Sitting as they do in third place, with a game in hand on Northants, their destiny is very much in their own hands. It would be fair to say that the game with Essex is vital: a win at Chelmsford would take Surrey to within a sniff of second spot. If the weather is cruel, or if Essex play their best, another year in division two is probably on the cards.

Still, that dreaded word momentum is particularly relevant at the moment. Surrey have now won two games on the bounce – and find themselves in a final for the first time in 8 years thanks to a routine cuffing of a lacklustre Sussex Sharks side in the CB40 contest. For the time being, they must focus on the championship, because if they do manage to dismantle Essex the same way they did Northants then perhaps we are in for one of the most exciting championship finishes in both divisions we have seen since 2007.

One of the most disheartening things anyone ever said about me was when I was 15. I was walking home from school with a friend, and two old dears were audibly disparaging the trend amongst the 13 year olds to wear micro-skirts (what’s changed, I hear you ask?) and heels. Their approving glance fell upon me and my friend, remarking that we were ‘sensible and plain’. You have no idea how my heart sank! I mean, I don’t have the legs to wear short skirts. Don’t think I wouldn’t if I could get away with it! It wasn’t for want of effort that I was plain!

Surrey have been a bit plain for years, and it has been constantly remarked on. Flashy gear, money and attitude has not brought them success. There’s been the odd moment of brilliance; there’s been some fine individuals to don the fleur de lis insignia in the last 10 years or so, from Mark Butcher to Jon Batty, and of course Mark Ramprakash who for so long appeared to carry the team on his shoulder in a manner that would have put Atlas to shame! Now at least there is the slightest sense of a duckling turning into a swan. They’ve gone under the knife and had bits chopped away. The lines have been smoothed. The Botox has been injected: the trout pout has died down. What we’re left with is a very pleasing sight. It’s not a bad analogy, at the end of the day.

Although perhaps if I was Chris Adams I’d stay clear of the short skirts and heels.