You’ve got to hand it to Surrey. They are possibly the most bi-polar cricket team in the first class game.
One game they are embarrassingly poor. Beaten out of sight. Dispirited. Cowed. You get the idea. Insert negative adjective of choice.
Other times, such as the game against Leicestershire, Surrey look like they could quite comfortably take on – and beat – any team in division two, and possibly a good few from division one. Yes, as you can take it from that pre-emptive waffle, Surrey did win their game against Leicestershire. Now, you can see it as a determined, desperate effort to keep in the hunt for promotion or alternatively you can see it as a bigger club routinely bashing over the worst team in both divisions – one that seems in desperate need of championship CPU. “Nurse! The screens!”
A special mention must go to both Steven Davies and Tim Linley for their respective performances last week in a game that Surrey managed to polish off in three days. Whilst none of the batsmen have been consistently brilliant this year, although de Bruyn probably comes closest to fitting that tag, Davies in particular appeared to be struggling to make any real contributions with the bat. This time he made an eye-catching hundred and helped to pile on the runs in Surrey’s first innings. Linley continues to impress with the ball, this time taking nine wickets in the game. If he stays injury free he has got to be Surrey’s player of the year. In the second innings, a quick-fire 70 plus from the skipper allowed Surrey to make short work of chasing down the combined Leicestershire totals.
Credit where it is due, because after what can only have been an agonising amount of post-drubbing naval gazing, Chris Adams commanded his team to show some fight, and lo – as if the almighty had spoken - so it came to pass. And in not inconsiderable style!
It’s like watching a rather protracted game of ‘Pong’. Back and forward, back and forward...lose...win...lose...win...
Of course, thinking along these lines we should be in for a thrashing by title leaders Northants tomorrow. It’s make or break time, and no mistake! A loss will almost certainly put us out of contention in the promotion challenge and seal the deal for the current runaway leaders. A draw wouldn’t exactly help us, although ironically it would do the world of good to Middlesex in second spot! But if Surrey manage to show the same guts they did against an admittedly inferior side last week, and if all the batsmen and all the bowlers come to the party on the same day, who’s to say what the result might be?
Keep the faith! Remember boys, right here’s where you start paying in sweat!
Oh, no. Sorry. That was ‘Fame’, wasn’t it?
Tuesday 30 August 2011
Saturday 20 August 2011
Oh dear. We seem to have qualified for something.
I say ‘Oh dear’, but of course what I really mean is ‘Oh yes!’ The reason for the somewhat depressed tone of the headline, uttered in true Marvin the Paranoid Android style, is that the doom mongers amongst the Surrey supporters won’t know what to do with themselves.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the grinding misery of a championship season not quite gone to plan, for what seems like the nth year in a row. It’s not that I don’t understand the frustration of witnessing a team - so brilliantly luminous that you could power the national grid off them - throw away a comfortable, match-winning position on multiple occasions. I too have felt that selfsame urge to repeatedly bang my head off my computer desk until the !?%@* keys embed themselves in my forehead. It’s just that I find drinking lots of tea more constructive then hurling repetitive abuse on message forums at players and management ad infinitum. Chill out, folks. Drink tea. Life is better that way.
Of course, as the frustrated Surey faithful will tell you, the championship is the major thing, isn’t it? At the moment we seem destined to prop up the middle of division two. We threw away qualification for the T20s. Ironic then, that the one tournament in which Surrey were expected to do moderately at best in is the one at which they have flourished. Not long enough for the attention-deficit suffering batsmen to grow bored and get themselves out in an array of silly ways, or (shock-horror) have to suffer the ignominy of building an innings. Not short enough for them to feel they have to swing the bat at every ball that comes their way. Just the right sort of length.
It is a pity that 40 over cricket is my least favourite format of the game, but hang it, if Surrey are prepared to do well in something then I am more than prepared to cheer them on!
One more win in the CB40 and Surrey will have a home leg in the semis. Their progression has been not without scary moments, but they remain as yet unbeaten. And they’ve done it without Ramps as well! And whilst the latter is something that is not a cause for celebration it does at least bode well for the club in the future years without him. *sniffles inconsolably into handkerchief at horrible thought*
So, put down the pitchforks, put away the torches and the tar. Cast aside the ‘Adams must go’ banners for a little while, eh? And smile! Go on...you know you can do it! Just a little, itsy bitsy one! It takes more muscles to frown than it does to grin.
Besides which, if the wind changes your faces will stick!
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the grinding misery of a championship season not quite gone to plan, for what seems like the nth year in a row. It’s not that I don’t understand the frustration of witnessing a team - so brilliantly luminous that you could power the national grid off them - throw away a comfortable, match-winning position on multiple occasions. I too have felt that selfsame urge to repeatedly bang my head off my computer desk until the !?%@* keys embed themselves in my forehead. It’s just that I find drinking lots of tea more constructive then hurling repetitive abuse on message forums at players and management ad infinitum. Chill out, folks. Drink tea. Life is better that way.
Of course, as the frustrated Surey faithful will tell you, the championship is the major thing, isn’t it? At the moment we seem destined to prop up the middle of division two. We threw away qualification for the T20s. Ironic then, that the one tournament in which Surrey were expected to do moderately at best in is the one at which they have flourished. Not long enough for the attention-deficit suffering batsmen to grow bored and get themselves out in an array of silly ways, or (shock-horror) have to suffer the ignominy of building an innings. Not short enough for them to feel they have to swing the bat at every ball that comes their way. Just the right sort of length.
It is a pity that 40 over cricket is my least favourite format of the game, but hang it, if Surrey are prepared to do well in something then I am more than prepared to cheer them on!
One more win in the CB40 and Surrey will have a home leg in the semis. Their progression has been not without scary moments, but they remain as yet unbeaten. And they’ve done it without Ramps as well! And whilst the latter is something that is not a cause for celebration it does at least bode well for the club in the future years without him. *sniffles inconsolably into handkerchief at horrible thought*
So, put down the pitchforks, put away the torches and the tar. Cast aside the ‘Adams must go’ banners for a little while, eh? And smile! Go on...you know you can do it! Just a little, itsy bitsy one! It takes more muscles to frown than it does to grin.
Besides which, if the wind changes your faces will stick!
Friday 12 August 2011
Up a certain creek without a certain implement...
I’m not going to bother with a proper report because the Kent game wasn’t a proper game. I don’t think Surrey bothered turning up. Certainly they shouldn’t have bothered given the way they played.
I mean, that was just ghastly. Everything was looking rosy until the early hours of day two when Surrey systematically threw away a very splendid position of 50 for no wicket and then sank to the ignominy of 266 run loss on day three!
The bowlers did well on day one, and okay on day two and three. The batsmen were fairly comatose in both innings. Some were the victims of good bowling, others got out just being a little bit, well, silly. So in the end you can probably say it was 60% Surrey lunacy, 30% Kent superior play, 5% Rob Key factor and 5% barking umpire decisions.
I know Ramps has come unstuck for challenging the umpires but it's usually something I prefer to leave to those who are there, witnessing things first hand. It's probably not something that's really my place to do. But I'm going to make an exception today. What the heck were the umps doing??? Bringing the players off yesterday when there was not a lot wrong with the light or conditions, then today when the gloom was worse, making you bat on? Certainly not the reason for the Surrey debacle because their cause was pretty much doomed after the first innings, but as soon as Ramps was bowled for 10 in the second innings it just about killed the game. Making them stay out after he lost his wicket sounded extremely dubious to me.
Not a good game for the umpires. Certainly one of the most desperate and horrible games for Surrey I’ve listened to over the last few years. Not how Ramps would have wanted to mark his 150th game as a Surrey player. It was a good game if you’re a Kent supporter, but as I’m not and this is primarily about Surrey I can’t really say anything other than ‘well done Kent, and well played Key and Stevens’.
Back to the drawing board for Surrey. Poor Davies is in horrible form and can’t buy a run, but you can’t drop your wicket keeper so he has to go somewhere. If he goes down the order, where do you put him? There are no openers in the Surrey ranks now as Michael Brown recently retired from First Class cricket due to ongoing injury issues. That leaves young Harinath, tried and failed on his last outing, but surely deserving another shot. And then who do you drop? Can’t drop the skipper. I doubt you’d drop Ramps unless his knee was playing up. De Bruyn had an uncustomary dodgy game but he’s been fairly solid and reliable in the earlier half of the year. Maynard too. If Harinath comes in, someone has to go.
Let’s look at this game’s totals in both innings. It doesn’t tell the full story, and isn’t really an example of how these players have performed overall, but it will show you how the game has gone:
RHB 34 & 40 = 74
Davies 23 & 0 = 23
Ramps 0 & 10 = 10
De Brun 1 & 0 = 1
Maynard 16 & 28 = 44
Roy 0 & 3 = 3
Ansari 21 & 0 = 21
Batty 23 & 3 = 26
Arafat 3 & 0 = 3
Linley 1 & 0 = 1
Dernbach 0 & 15 = 15
When the top contribution in an innings is 40, you are well and truly up ***t creek.
I mean, that was just ghastly. Everything was looking rosy until the early hours of day two when Surrey systematically threw away a very splendid position of 50 for no wicket and then sank to the ignominy of 266 run loss on day three!
The bowlers did well on day one, and okay on day two and three. The batsmen were fairly comatose in both innings. Some were the victims of good bowling, others got out just being a little bit, well, silly. So in the end you can probably say it was 60% Surrey lunacy, 30% Kent superior play, 5% Rob Key factor and 5% barking umpire decisions.
I know Ramps has come unstuck for challenging the umpires but it's usually something I prefer to leave to those who are there, witnessing things first hand. It's probably not something that's really my place to do. But I'm going to make an exception today. What the heck were the umps doing??? Bringing the players off yesterday when there was not a lot wrong with the light or conditions, then today when the gloom was worse, making you bat on? Certainly not the reason for the Surrey debacle because their cause was pretty much doomed after the first innings, but as soon as Ramps was bowled for 10 in the second innings it just about killed the game. Making them stay out after he lost his wicket sounded extremely dubious to me.
Not a good game for the umpires. Certainly one of the most desperate and horrible games for Surrey I’ve listened to over the last few years. Not how Ramps would have wanted to mark his 150th game as a Surrey player. It was a good game if you’re a Kent supporter, but as I’m not and this is primarily about Surrey I can’t really say anything other than ‘well done Kent, and well played Key and Stevens’.
Back to the drawing board for Surrey. Poor Davies is in horrible form and can’t buy a run, but you can’t drop your wicket keeper so he has to go somewhere. If he goes down the order, where do you put him? There are no openers in the Surrey ranks now as Michael Brown recently retired from First Class cricket due to ongoing injury issues. That leaves young Harinath, tried and failed on his last outing, but surely deserving another shot. And then who do you drop? Can’t drop the skipper. I doubt you’d drop Ramps unless his knee was playing up. De Bruyn had an uncustomary dodgy game but he’s been fairly solid and reliable in the earlier half of the year. Maynard too. If Harinath comes in, someone has to go.
Let’s look at this game’s totals in both innings. It doesn’t tell the full story, and isn’t really an example of how these players have performed overall, but it will show you how the game has gone:
RHB 34 & 40 = 74
Davies 23 & 0 = 23
Ramps 0 & 10 = 10
De Brun 1 & 0 = 1
Maynard 16 & 28 = 44
Roy 0 & 3 = 3
Ansari 21 & 0 = 21
Batty 23 & 3 = 26
Arafat 3 & 0 = 3
Linley 1 & 0 = 1
Dernbach 0 & 15 = 15
When the top contribution in an innings is 40, you are well and truly up ***t creek.
Saturday 6 August 2011
Sent to the naughty corner
Clever Surrey.
At least it looks like they’ve been a bit clever. I could have it spectacularly wrong (it wouldn’t be the first time), but it seems to me that with a little bit of cunning – and a blind eye from the ECB – obstructiongate has been neatly sidestepped. Put it this way, whilst I was delighted to see Mr R down on the list to play in his first CB40 game of the season it did strike me as a little bit odd. There wasn’t so much of a mention of it on the Surrey website other than the list of players for the next day’s game against Northants. If someone’s making their debut that year in a competition, and especially if that someone’s their star player, it’s a bit weird that there wasn’t so much as a passing comment. It had me scratching my head.
I assumed it was because Surrey knew that Ramps was in for a one or two day championship ban and wished to make the most of him whilst they could. And so, when the headline came up the next day that Ramps had received a ban for his understandable strop it was with much puzzlement that I read it was to be that evening’s CB40 game! After a few seconds of running over the facts in my brain I came to the same conclusion as most: Surrey had added Ramps’ name to the squad for the CB40 match so he could receive his ban in that contest rather than lose him for a championship match. It made even more sense when I realised it wasn’t the ECB who’d thrown the book at him, save for the obligatory 3 point penalty on his record, but Surrey – presumably to stave off any serious disciplinary action from the ECB.
I’m sure if this is the case and I haven’t misread the situation, then the ECB must have realised what Surrey were about. Pretty much tantamount to looking the other way in an unfortunate situation that blew up further than it should. Ramps himself expressed his disappointment at the ban, even although he probably knew he wasn’t going to play, possibly still smarting at the idea of receiving a punishment that was the result of a decision which, in his opinion and that of many others, should never have been given. Still, at the end of the day whether the laws are an ass or not they have to be adhered to.
And this particular law is braying like a good’un at the moment! In the last few days alone there have been several incidents where conceivably the batsman could have been given out for obstruction and haven’t. It was commented on in the CB40 game between Gloucestershire and Lancashire yesterday. Where is the consistency, I wonder? Are the umpires now too scared to apply this law since Ramps got given out in this manner? Actually, I had expected that it would open the floodgates to similar dismissals. Whatever, this rule is going to have to be tightened up and looked at in microscopic detail so that umpires know precisely when to apply it.
So, whilst he sat in the naughty corner for the game that wasn’t (which Surrey won by virtue of some very fine fielding and a bucket load of resolve), the newspapers decided to mention how angry Surrey’s favourite son was at the punishment given to him by the club. The Mirror quoted him as saying he was disappointed, yet ran the headlines that he was ‘furious’, as did one or two other papers who tend to big up small stories with an eye-catching hook. Just as well the News of the Word is no more. They probably would have upgraded it to ‘Ramprakash slays Twenty’...
Anyhow, time to move on. Despite my suspicions that Surrey have been more than a bit devious (thankfully!) I would like to hope this means they may consider adding Ramps to their CB40 squad should they qualify for the latter stages. I do think they are a batsman light, and although so far everything they have done in this competition has worked out well it would be nice to see that top order shored up a bit. Because we are certainly going to need it against the bigger teams in this competition!
At least it looks like they’ve been a bit clever. I could have it spectacularly wrong (it wouldn’t be the first time), but it seems to me that with a little bit of cunning – and a blind eye from the ECB – obstructiongate has been neatly sidestepped. Put it this way, whilst I was delighted to see Mr R down on the list to play in his first CB40 game of the season it did strike me as a little bit odd. There wasn’t so much of a mention of it on the Surrey website other than the list of players for the next day’s game against Northants. If someone’s making their debut that year in a competition, and especially if that someone’s their star player, it’s a bit weird that there wasn’t so much as a passing comment. It had me scratching my head.
I assumed it was because Surrey knew that Ramps was in for a one or two day championship ban and wished to make the most of him whilst they could. And so, when the headline came up the next day that Ramps had received a ban for his understandable strop it was with much puzzlement that I read it was to be that evening’s CB40 game! After a few seconds of running over the facts in my brain I came to the same conclusion as most: Surrey had added Ramps’ name to the squad for the CB40 match so he could receive his ban in that contest rather than lose him for a championship match. It made even more sense when I realised it wasn’t the ECB who’d thrown the book at him, save for the obligatory 3 point penalty on his record, but Surrey – presumably to stave off any serious disciplinary action from the ECB.
I’m sure if this is the case and I haven’t misread the situation, then the ECB must have realised what Surrey were about. Pretty much tantamount to looking the other way in an unfortunate situation that blew up further than it should. Ramps himself expressed his disappointment at the ban, even although he probably knew he wasn’t going to play, possibly still smarting at the idea of receiving a punishment that was the result of a decision which, in his opinion and that of many others, should never have been given. Still, at the end of the day whether the laws are an ass or not they have to be adhered to.
And this particular law is braying like a good’un at the moment! In the last few days alone there have been several incidents where conceivably the batsman could have been given out for obstruction and haven’t. It was commented on in the CB40 game between Gloucestershire and Lancashire yesterday. Where is the consistency, I wonder? Are the umpires now too scared to apply this law since Ramps got given out in this manner? Actually, I had expected that it would open the floodgates to similar dismissals. Whatever, this rule is going to have to be tightened up and looked at in microscopic detail so that umpires know precisely when to apply it.
So, whilst he sat in the naughty corner for the game that wasn’t (which Surrey won by virtue of some very fine fielding and a bucket load of resolve), the newspapers decided to mention how angry Surrey’s favourite son was at the punishment given to him by the club. The Mirror quoted him as saying he was disappointed, yet ran the headlines that he was ‘furious’, as did one or two other papers who tend to big up small stories with an eye-catching hook. Just as well the News of the Word is no more. They probably would have upgraded it to ‘Ramprakash slays Twenty’...
Anyhow, time to move on. Despite my suspicions that Surrey have been more than a bit devious (thankfully!) I would like to hope this means they may consider adding Ramps to their CB40 squad should they qualify for the latter stages. I do think they are a batsman light, and although so far everything they have done in this competition has worked out well it would be nice to see that top order shored up a bit. Because we are certainly going to need it against the bigger teams in this competition!
Friday 5 August 2011
Poetry Corner: Cricket Star
An oldie...but a goody(a bit like Ramps) from back in the days when Butch was still skipper at Surrey and Jon Batty was our wicket keeper. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...
Cricket Star
I'm through with lookin' wishfully at clubs I'll never get in
We’re at the bottom of the league and we’re never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
I want to play for a club that pays me plenty
Want to milk the cash-cow that is Twenty/Twenty
Endorse hair products
And get samples all for free
(Yeah, so what you need?)
I need a great big bat like a railway sleeper
Wanna have more groupies than the wicket keeper
Gonna score over three thousand runs
And be the best you can see
(Been there, done that)
I want a new Mercedes that glows in the dark
My own space in the Oval car park
Somewhere between Butch
And Chris Adams is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life
For a job with Sky
I'd even cut my hair
And get a smart new tie
'Cause we all just wanna be cricket stars
And smash big sixes through spectators cars
Wanna help our team to be the county champs
Wanna bowl like Flintoff, wanna bat like Ramps.
And we'll hang out in the hundred hundreds bar
See my name in writing up amongst the stars
All the greatest players gonna wind up there
Every wicket keeper with his bleach blond hair
And well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
Hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
I wanna strut my stuff on a pitch like Lords
Pick up all the end of season awards
Sign a couple autographs
And pretend my name’s K.P
(They’ll never know, ha, ha)
I'm gonna dress up in the smartest cable-knit
And hire a chauffeur to transport my kit
Gonna bribe Charles Colville
To carry my gear for me
(Oh, he’s gonna love it!)
I'm gonna trade this life
For a job on Sky
I'd even cut my hair
And get a smart new tie
'Cause we all just wanna be cricket stars
And smash big sixes through spectators cars
Wanna help our team to be the county champs
Wanna bowl like Flintoff, wanna bat like Ramps.
And we'll hang out in the hundred hundreds bar
When there’s no-one looking smoke the odd cigar
The jewellery’s bling and the accent’s fake
Gonna get drunk and make a huge beer snake
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
And get Mark Butcher to provide the tunes
If it rains we’ll play poker for a good long while
Everybody's got Shane Warne on speed dial
Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
I'm gonna spend free time drinking and romancing
Gonna get myself on Strictly Come Dancing
Spend all the evening picking up my gongs
Practice my speeches so I don't get 'em wrong
'Cause we all just wanna be cricket stars
And smash big sixes through spectators cars
Wanna help our team to be the county champs
Wanna bowl like Flintoff, wanna bat like Ramps.
And we'll hang out in the swishiest gym
Everyone works hard so they can stay slim
Have a protein 'shake, force it down my throat
It looks disgusting and it smells of goat.
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
And get Mark Butcher to provide the tunes
If it rains we’ll play poker for a good long while
Everybody's got Shane Warne on speed dial
Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
Hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
Cricket Star
I'm through with lookin' wishfully at clubs I'll never get in
We’re at the bottom of the league and we’re never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
I want to play for a club that pays me plenty
Want to milk the cash-cow that is Twenty/Twenty
Endorse hair products
And get samples all for free
(Yeah, so what you need?)
I need a great big bat like a railway sleeper
Wanna have more groupies than the wicket keeper
Gonna score over three thousand runs
And be the best you can see
(Been there, done that)
I want a new Mercedes that glows in the dark
My own space in the Oval car park
Somewhere between Butch
And Chris Adams is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life
For a job with Sky
I'd even cut my hair
And get a smart new tie
'Cause we all just wanna be cricket stars
And smash big sixes through spectators cars
Wanna help our team to be the county champs
Wanna bowl like Flintoff, wanna bat like Ramps.
And we'll hang out in the hundred hundreds bar
See my name in writing up amongst the stars
All the greatest players gonna wind up there
Every wicket keeper with his bleach blond hair
And well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
Hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
I wanna strut my stuff on a pitch like Lords
Pick up all the end of season awards
Sign a couple autographs
And pretend my name’s K.P
(They’ll never know, ha, ha)
I'm gonna dress up in the smartest cable-knit
And hire a chauffeur to transport my kit
Gonna bribe Charles Colville
To carry my gear for me
(Oh, he’s gonna love it!)
I'm gonna trade this life
For a job on Sky
I'd even cut my hair
And get a smart new tie
'Cause we all just wanna be cricket stars
And smash big sixes through spectators cars
Wanna help our team to be the county champs
Wanna bowl like Flintoff, wanna bat like Ramps.
And we'll hang out in the hundred hundreds bar
When there’s no-one looking smoke the odd cigar
The jewellery’s bling and the accent’s fake
Gonna get drunk and make a huge beer snake
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
And get Mark Butcher to provide the tunes
If it rains we’ll play poker for a good long while
Everybody's got Shane Warne on speed dial
Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
I'm gonna spend free time drinking and romancing
Gonna get myself on Strictly Come Dancing
Spend all the evening picking up my gongs
Practice my speeches so I don't get 'em wrong
'Cause we all just wanna be cricket stars
And smash big sixes through spectators cars
Wanna help our team to be the county champs
Wanna bowl like Flintoff, wanna bat like Ramps.
And we'll hang out in the swishiest gym
Everyone works hard so they can stay slim
Have a protein 'shake, force it down my throat
It looks disgusting and it smells of goat.
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
And get Mark Butcher to provide the tunes
If it rains we’ll play poker for a good long while
Everybody's got Shane Warne on speed dial
Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
Hey, hey, I wanna be a cricket star
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
