Nurse! The screens!

I’ll shut up about winning games and reaching milestones. It’s obvious to all that I am a jinx to Surrey as well as the opposition.

Lesley was on cake duty today and, in order to show some support for the wounded Tim Linley, she cheered him up by handing over some Yorkshire Parkin. I’m admitting to my culinary ignorance here as I thought Yorkshire Parkin was a car lot at Headingley, but it went down very well by all accounts with the gentleman in question, to the extent where she got a hug and a kiss! I don't have a nasty injury like poor Linley but if it’s any consolation I turned my ankle running for the bus this evening. I like to think it was in sympathy.

I’ll give this one a brief summary. Poor Mr R didn’t quite make the 1,000 run mark. I shouldn’t really have mentioned the possibility in yesterday’s blog as he is still 11 short, having made 30 in the second innings. Interestingly, both Adam Lyth and Chris Rodgers fell short in their second innings, but as Yorkshire will play again before Surrey do it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that Lyth will reach the magic marker first.

In the game itself, the Surrey second innings looked a trifle unusual. Save for the skipper’s 4 the previous day, only one batsman failed to make it into double figures. That was the good part. The perhaps slightly not so good part was the fact that just one of them made it to 35, with Andre Nel claiming that honour. Younus managed the same score as Ramps with 30, Afzaal made 26, Walters 15, Wilson 28, Batty 26 and Linley, who bravely hobbled onto the field of play, managed a gutsy 7. Tremlett again was the last man standing with 10 not out.

The total of the two Surrey innings amounted to 644, giving them a lead of 407. Which it has to be said, is one that would have most teams looking for a rock to quiver under. It’s by no means an impossible one to chase but it was certainly a substantial lead. Going into the last session, Surrey would have been more than a little bit satisfied with that. However, that satisfaction most likely turned to mild consternation when, despite having removed the super-dangerous Rogers for 33, Madsen and Park continued to merrily get their heads down and score freely. And the reason for the run-spree? Let’s see...

Linley: injured

Nel: injured

Batty: possibly injured

Wilson: injured

That’s four members of Surrey’s squad that have either picked up niggles or whacking great ailments. Add them to Dernbach, Jordan and Brown and we will soon be resorting to Lesley marking her run out with Yorkshire Parkin and bowling muffins! The irony that the fittest of the regular bowlers is Chris Tremlett, built like a six foot seven Adonis but, if the past is anything to go by, possessing the fragility of a daddy longlegs, will surely not have been lost on anyone.

In theory, Derbyshire shouldn’t chase the remaining 271. In theory. But with a whole day still to come and with Surrey’s team dropping like mayflies, who can say? Of course, Surrey could play a bit of a wild card and get Ramps to have a bowl. After all, he’s well known for his huge array of impressions of bowlers. All they have to do is get him to do his best circa 1993 ‘Shane Warne’ and Derbyshire will be back in the hutch within five overs.

Sorted!

Surrey (Vis)count their blessings

I’ve dispensed with the hoover for the time being.

Today’s bout against Derbyshire saw Surrey fall agonisingly short of maximum batting points, with Tim Linley being the last man out for 15. The total was 391, certainly reasonable on a track that seemed a little bit naughty at times for batting on. It’s a good enough surface if you pick your shots and play each ball on its own merit, but if you get a good one or you take a chance you’ll most likely end up with egg on your face.

Still, without wishing to do Linley a disservice – especially given his heroics with the ball – you most likely wouldn’t have had serious money on him getting to double figures anyway, so those 15 runs of his were worthy ones. Jones ended up with a 4fer, and Tremlett was not out on 29. Of course with cricket being the sort of multifaceted game that it is, so many things were going on at the same time that it became difficult to know what to concentrate on. First and foremost was the game itself, with Surrey fighting hard to get off the bottom of the group and leapfrog Middlesex a couple of places. And for those of a Rampant frame of mind there was also the race to be first to the magic 1,000 runs mark. I’m not sure why this feat takes on an almost mystical, holy grail-like significance each year but with Mr R stranded 41 short and Lancashire making a real fist of a fight back against Yorkshire, a lot depended on how Chris Rodgers performed in the Derbyshire second innings.

I bet it doesn’t actually matter a jot to the players. Just the journalists and county championship enthusiasts. Still, it just adds to the drama!

As it happened, Rodgers was the first batsman to fall in the Derbyshire reply, making 14. With Rodgers probably not going to get another bat unless the follow-on was enforced, he was out of the immediate race to 1,000 runs. I’m not claiming any responsibility. I’m sure a lot of the Rampants thought I’d hexed him. As if I would be so dishonourable...

Everyone pitched in and kept digging away, but Linley was the hero of the day for Surrey, without question. He picked up the wickets of Park (6), Greg Smith (2), Hughes (2) and Durston (8), before something went really badly wrong for him. In horse terms he pulled up lame...how badly nobody knows at present. Obviously Linley’s welfare is the prime concern here and I hope he isn’t in too much discomfort, poor fellow. Surrey however will miss him in this game. He’s been by far the most accurate and economical of the bowlers, which isn’t to take anything away from Tremlett, Batty or Nel, who all picked up wickets today. But with Dernbach and Jordan still very much sidelined it’s going to be difficult to replace him.

As you can tell from the figures above Linley fairly carved his way through the Derbyshire middle order and left them floundering for a good long while. After lunch Surrey had them 5 down for only 80 or so runs. But, as always tends to happen, along came a good partnership to buttress up the innings and so it proved with Madsen, who made 109 before Gareth Batty struck towards the latter half of the day to remove him. If he had stayed in he could easily have inflicted a lot of damage on that Surrey total, but once he was gone the remaining batsmen, with the exception of the (nearly) immovable Goddard (67) were dismissed quite cheaply. Peterson (the one without the ‘i’ and not called Kevin) made 5, Lungley went for a duck, Jones for 4 and Ramps’ arch nemesis Groenewald also went for 4, leaving Derbyshire all out for 237.

The ‘race to 1,000’ took a new twist when RHB decided not to enforce the follow-on which, given that he was a bowler down, was the most sensible course of action. It meant that when the skipper fell for - no, not 6 as often happens – 4 runs, Mr R came in alongside Harinath to see Surrey to the close of play. They did so, and Surrey ended the day on 50-1 in their second innings.

This is of course good news from both a Rampant point of view and also a Surrey one as well. Skittling Derbyshire out within a day has left Surrey with a good chance, all being well, of creating a sizeable total for the opposition to chase on the last day. It also means that Mr Ramprakash has another shot at being first to 1,000. With Adam Lyth still waiting for his second turn with the bat this is realistically the best shot at it, and at present he is 17 runs away. I shan’t keep my fingers crossed: I did that yesterday and it didn’t work. I doubt the man himself is much bothered...it’s just one more milestone in a long career full of other much larger milestones, and as a team player his first concern will be to occupy the crease and get that total up to an amount that would be difficult for Derbyshire to fight back against.

Still...it’d be nice, eh?

Ninety-nine is the new hundred!

It seems like an age since the last championship game. I’m sure it’s probably been a matter of weeks but somehow it feels longer than that. Today saw the start of a four day knock against Derbyshire at Chesterfield. I would just like to start the entry in this blog by saying that fate, so often a first class meddler in the game of cricket, needs a good old fashioned kick in the knee caps.

I gathered three things from my surreptitious glances at the BBC card during the day. Firstly, Usman Afzaal was back in the squad, something I was quite glad about. His form has been all over the place this year but the bottom line is he’s far too good a batsman to be left out the team, and his experience is sorely missed. Secondly, still no sign of Jade Dernbach. I fear his side strain may well keep him out for a little while yet. And thirdly, Ramps was not out on 40 something!

I caught some of the game as I managed to sneak home from work slightly earlier than usual (it can be a blessing to have too much flexi time). Earlier in the day we lost RHB for 24 and Harinath for 16. Not the most auspicious of starts, but at least they took the shine off the ball! From there on in, Younus Khan and Ramps set about steadying the ship and managed to hang on together for a while, which left me trying to count on my fingers working out how much flexi I had to play with.

You see, I was convinced this game was going to bring another century for Mr R. I could feel it in my fingers...feel it in my toes, as The Troggs once sang. And so I headed home, not at all surprised to find the man himself still in and going well on 81, this time with Usman Afzaal batting with him (Younus having gone for 45) at the crease and going equally well. As it turned out, Afzaal went for a well made 73, totally justifying his inclusion in the squad. It would be nice to think he will have taken a lot of heart from this innings. He and Mr Ramprakash always seem to bat well together. Walters came in, settled down and looked positive from the beginning. And then...

Do you ever get this terrible sense of foreboding? One that tells you that because it’s the most unlikely thing to happen, it almost certainly will? Because as the score ticked around from 93, then upwards to 99, I couldn’t help but cross my fingers...

Note to self: crossing fingers doesn’t work with cricket.

The fact that Mr R was bowled one short of his 112th century when the scoreboard at the ground had erroneously indicated that the landmark had already been reached – even although the man himself and most of the spectators would have realised this was not the case – was certainly ironic. It so upset poor Jean that she declared that she was “going off for a sulk, and maybe do something irrational - like hoovering or somesuch!”

You can always tell an upset Rampant if they have a Hoover in their hands.

Celebrating 99 is unusual, although if it’s any consolation, it sounds as if it was a very good one! And an important one in the context of the game, where a familiar semi-collapse occurred when Ramps got out. Wilson, deputising with the gloves for Steven Davies who was on Lions duty, made 6 with the willow whilst Batty was bowled for 4. Nel went for a third ball duck with Walters showing a certain authority at the crease until departing for 53. At stumps, Tremlett had managed 15 not out and Linley 2 not out. I should however mention the rather smart fivefer that Groenewald took today which, along with the three from Jones, was extremely impressive.

If Linley can work the strike and get Tremlett to face as many balls as possible we may yet manage to garner some runs before the whole team is out, but I suppose this moves the game along apace. The main fear is that Rogers will once again inflict a lot of damage on Surrey’s bowling attack. The south London outfit will be hoping that Nel and Tremlett get him out early tomorrow morning, or else their target of 364 may soon be swallowed up.

As for Mr R, he currently leads the chase to be the first to 1000 runs this season, five ahead of Adam Lyth in Division One. At the time of typing the pack looks like this:

Ramps: 959
Lyth: 953
Peters: 883
Rodgers: 865
Rudolph: 739

Best of luck, sir! Only 41 required in the next innings!

Now. Where did I put that hoover...

Stylish Styris sneaks it

 
So near and yet so far!!! Ugh! How frustrating to fall at the very last hurdle!!!

And yet, whilst we are muttering disconsolately and kicking inanimate objects (I refuse to kick either of my cats) let us not forget the brilliant batting of Mr Styris, who snatched the game away from under Surrey’s noses in the final over. And it wasn’t all doom and gloom. I personally didn’t feel the same deflation as I did against Sussex, even although the result serves to widen the contest even further in the Southern group. There is a huddle of teams on the same amount of points, the Lions being one of them, all bunching up for a crack at qualification. A win would have put Surrey in a mighty fine position but as it stands they aren’t dead in the water. Best not to send for the undertakers just yet: there’s still life in this competition!

Essex won the toss (a bad sign if ever there was one) and to many people’s surprise stuck Surrey in first. We all waited to find out if the skipper was going to have one of his Blitzkrieg days or whether he was going to fall for less than double figures, and as it transpired he went for 7. It’s a real pity, because talented or otherwise, if RHB was playing in the capacity of a regular player rather than a captain he might well have found his place in the team coming under scrutiny. That’s not me being harsh, as I have pretty much been in the Chris Adams camp since he came onboard with Surrey. It is true though that Rory’s position does to a degree protect him. Next time out he’ll no doubt be back to blasting quick fire 50s, so it would be wrong to harp on about any blips in form. Every batsman has those.

Fortunately, Davies once again kicked on. I’m a fan of the talented Davies, and I’m even more of a fan of the resilient ‘stick-around-and-bat-long’ attitude he’s taken of late. Jason Roy, having been the hero of a few days ago, was once more batting at three. I think in T20 there’s nothing wrong with him having the third spot, although hopefully it will take the devil and a stick of dynamite to shift Ramps from that position in the championship. Talking of Mr R, he made a much welcome return to the squad in fourth spot in place of Younus Khan, something I had advocated previously. I’m pretty certain my pleas on this blog had zero to do with the team selection, mind you!

Jason Roy certainly showed some very deft shots but it was always going to be difficult to replicate his immense innings of the previous game and Kaneria, who had a very good spell with the ball, eventually had him stumped him for 29 by Foster. Davies contributed a magnificent 89, just when everyone thought there may well be another Surrey centurion in the offing, whilst Ramps made a useful 35 before being stumped by Foster. The only other batsman to put any useful total on the board was Symonds with 17. Batty made yet another T20 duck, whilst Schoey (1) and Walters (7) were both not out at the end but had run out of overs to really add anything worthwhile to the final tally of 187.

187 isn’t a bad score, but whether it was because in the last few games Surrey have posted over 200 and we have suddenly come to expect it, somehow 187 didn’t feel as if it might be enough. And so it actually proved. Had they managed 200 things might have been very different, although much credit has to be given to Essex at the end of their bowling spell. They were in real danger of being trampled by the Lion’s charge and they managed to get right back into it at the death. Between you and me however, we managed to pinpoint the source of the problem as Jean admitted that when Ramps was batting she got up to put the kettle on. The curse of the Rampants strikes again! And just to further prove the jinx exists, Jean further admitted culpability with “I got Batty as well...went for some food...I hang my head!”

Sorry Ramps. Sorry GB. It was Jean wot did for you!

Before the start of the Essex reply those Rampants with access to Sky (who are pointedly reminding we satellite-less peasants that they can see everything we can’t!) informed us that Mr R had not only taken the ball from the umpires and had marked out his run-up, but was shaping up as if he was going to have a bowl! Even with a few test wickets to his name it seemed unlikely, and judging by the grin on his face it must have surprised a few of the Essex team before Tremlett walked up to the plate! Nice joke, sir!

The Surrey fielding was by and large pretty sharp today. When I think back to the awful, ghastly mess of two years back it’s like chalk and cheese. I know there are one or two people who aren’t the biggest fans of Chris Adams but if he has done one immensely important thing it’s to get the team to remember how to pick up and throw the ball! Early success occurred for the Lions when Cook went for 11, and ten balls later Ramps caught Walker for just 1 run. Bopara eventually played a really silly shot at exactly the wrong time and went for 27, at which point Surrey must have thought it was going to be a walk in the park. I’m pretty sure even the most vociferous of Essex supporters, whose raucous yelling and screeching made me wonder if I was being transported back two centuries to a fight in a bear pit, must have thought it could well be curtains for their team.

I even ventured to say that we might be possibly on for a win. Big, big mistake.

If I say that getting Philips out on 30 near the end made little difference you will get an idea of the superhuman effort by Styris. What an incredible piece of batting! He was very nearly caught at the end which would have turned the tables on Essex, but the momentum was very strongly with them in the latter part of the game. There was one massive over where he took twenty plus off a Tremlett over, which was not only a shame from a Surrey point of view but a real pity for Tremlett, who had done a magnificent job with the ball up to that point. You don’t see many maiden overs in T20 but that is exactly what happened earlier. The fact that Essex came back the way they did shows you precisely how massive Styris was.

I actually switched the sound down. It’s not that I didn’t want to hear Churchy or Johnny Barran but, ever the optimist, I was still fairly confident that Surrey would somehow scramble home in that last over. And if they didn’t I wasn’t looking forward to hearing all the braying fans filling up the ground in Chelmsford. Good lord, they really are loud!

I’m pretty glad I switched it off, given the result.

Oh well. Styris’ knock was pretty special, and it took a monumental effort from one man to stop Surrey from winning. I’m not sure Symonds was the right choice to bowl the last over to be honest, but that doesn’t detract from a very fine performance from both teams and from Styris in particular, who navigated the enormous run rate to finely timed perfection with a barrage of boundaries and sixes.

Maybe we should have let Ramps have a bowl after all!

Jason Roy: The Lion King

201-4.

You have to agree, that looks a lot healthier than the scores in the first two Surrey games! I'm reminded of the Pink Panther films at this point, with Inspector Dreyfuss repeatedly chanting "every day and in every way, I'm getting better and better." Of course, the character went completely round the twist, but it could nonetheless be Surrey's new motto. The team's bowling has on the whole been really good this T20, whilst the batting has been (literally) a bit hit and miss. But there are green shoots of recovery beginning to sprout in the batting department - specifically in the form of Jason Roy.

There are still some problem areas, but then I guess nobody's perfect. The skipper does only seem to have one way of playing: eyes shut and at full throttle. Sometimes it works and takes the game away from the opposition very quickly. Sometimes, like today, he gets out for 6 playing a very silly shot. Fortunately, in the last few games one of the biggest plus points is that when one opener goes for a low score the other now kicks on. In my opinion this is the real difference in the considereably larger Surrey totals of late. Of course, it helps to win the toss as well, like today!

Jason Roy threatened to show his potential last night: today he did just that. 101 not out, and only 19 years of age! Today must have been very special for him, and if you were to take away his 101, the score looks ever so slightly poor! That's not to say that there weren't contributions from others: Davies once again posted a worthy score, falling 8 short of a half century. And Symonds also contributed at exactly the right time, chipping in with 31 before being caught and bowled.

If Surrey have a tiny weak link in the batting at the moment I would hesitate to suggest it might be Younus Khan. Apart from sharing in the winning stand with Ramps a few weeks back, he hasn't really contributed consistantly with the bat. He is a classy player, no mistake, but he doesn't really seem to have clicked. I am a touch biased, but I would be tempted to bring Ramps back in the side and replace Younus with him, unless of course Mr R is carrying some kind of injury we haven't been told about.

Walters was 2 not out at the end, but Jason Roy had already taken Kent to the cleaners.

In reply Kent got off to the worst possible start. Rob Key, the pink faced cherub of county cricket, went for a duck. Then to make matters worse Geraint Jones fell for 5 shortly afterwards, and gun man Stevens made only 7. My old favourite Azhar Mahmood put on a bit of a charge, finding the boundary regularly before chancing his hand too many times, being caught by Schofield for 34.

Whilst Van Jaarsveld remained in there was always a chance, but poor Blake managed to get stuck on strike an awful lot and a flurry of dot balls resulted, breaking the rhythm of the Kent innings. Single handedly Van Jaarsveld kept the game alight, a mark of a great batsman if ever there was one. But finally he went for 82, and when Blake followed shortly afterwards for 14 it was pretty much game over. Tredwell contributed 6 but went in the last over, and Coles was stumped off the last ball of the game, also for 6. Northeast was the man not out on 5 at the end, but it didn't matter as the game resulted in an emphatic victory for Surrey in what was possibly their best T20 game so far in the contest.

Symonds picked up a fivefer in the bowling stakes, but the day belonged fully to Jason Roy: first Surrey batsman to make a T20 hundred! I hope we see lots more of him in the T20. Something tells me we will! Although I'm worried this means Ramps is going to be totally sidelined from the team, which would sadden me greatly.

Lions find their roar!

Another win for Surrey! And, apart from the odd mistake here and there, it was a very accomplished win.

Ramps was given time off for good behaviour, and young Jason Roy stepped into a very large pair of shoes indeed. Thankfully, from what we have seen of him it looks like he can do a job for Surrey, and I wouldn’t complain of seeing Roy come into the middle order again. Could he be one to step in to Afzaal’s shoes now that Usman seems to have fallen very firmly out of favour? I’m not just talking T20 here but the championship as well, or would that be too much too soon? Whatever, I find the prospect of a RHB/Davies/Ramps/Roy/Symonds line-up a very interesting one if they all fire at the same time!

I realise I write rather boring match reports so I thought I’d give you a potted version (this is laziness on my part, and also because I have tired eyes (not to mention a pulled muscle where a person ideally shouldn’t have one). So, here goes.

Surrey win toss, bat first. Davies goes ballistic. Lots of crash, bash, wallop (not talking happy slapping here btw). RHB joins in. Davies still going ballistic. RHB goes for ten, the naughty boy!

Davies still swinging the bat. I blink, refresh the BBC page to check, he’s on 60 from 25 balls! He’s looking good, says Churchy! Then he’s gone. Curse of commentator strikes again!

Roy comes in next. We’re sniffling into our hankies coz it’s not Ramps. Roy looking mighty fine, says Churchy! Ooops – Roy goes for a brief but appealing knock of 12 from 11 balls.

Stewie Walters comes in. Makes 7. Goes off again.

Younus creeping about, getting on with his business. The fact I hardly realise he’s there whilst he accumulates his 21 shows how much Symonds commands the attention.

Symonds is in ‘Kerplunk’ mode again: you make a wrong move and he’ll have your balls.

There’s a total of 5 fours and 3 sixes. The crowd are very happy that they’ve got to see the version of Symonds that would sooner eat a child for breakfast with some Fava beans than sign a few mini bats after the game.

I can’t tell you what happened to Symonds to bring his innings to an end on 63. It involved a run out of some description, but I was downstairs tucking into salad so I don’t know who was to blame. I’ll blame the Lionesses for being too distracting whilst flashing their pompoms.

Now, where were we? Ah, yes.

Schoey: run out for 3.

Batty: bowled for 3.

Spriegel and Nel not out on 1 & 6 respectively.

There, that was nice and abridged!

And now the Hampshire innings:


We won! What does it matter?!? Yippeeeeee!

In seriousness, a good game by two teams who tried their hardest. That no-ball from Nel at the end had my heart in my mouth! It’s good to see the teams able to tackle games head on, without the likes of Ramps and Dernbach in their side. Davies finally made the powerful and explosive innings we know that he can. The skipper actually won a toss (he’s a bit like Mark Butcher in this respect: the pair of them are useless tossers – in a non vulgar way), the squad will go into tomorrow’s game with some fire in their bellies, and to cap off a very fine if sadly Rampsless day, we had this brilliant piece of commentary from Mark Church regarding a somewhat dubious piece of fielding from Hampshire’s Dominic Cork:

"What an embarrassing moment...it’s a pity TV aren't here!"

Pushing and grinding (pineapples & coffee, that is!)

You know, we’ve all been rather swept away by this T20 lark. The Lions have their Lionesses, a group of young, beautiful, leggy ladies whose high-kicks could knock a fly into orbit. The Panthers similarly have their Pantherettes. But I think what we need now is a bit of sophistication...a modicum of ageless class and timeless beauty. So, what we’ve decided to do is get our heads together and come up with our own little support group.

To this end, we have formed The Rampettes.

In order to be a Rampette you must meet the following requirements:

Be able to kick above knee height without risking dislocation of joints

Rotate one’s ankles without resorting to cries of ‘lord, have mercy’

Carry off pink satin and bunny-ear combination to a comfortable degree

Flash pom-poms in unison with others

Be able to stick one leg in front of the other and take a giant step forward so that it looks vaguely like an attempt at splits

Star jump

But there is one final, killer prerequisite that sorts the women from the girls. Can you perform the actions to the Black Lace classic song ‘Agadoo’?

If you think you can push your pineapples in a relatively orderly manner, and can grind cofee and shake trees with the best of them, perhaps the Rampettes need you!

Think you’re up for the challenge?

Mr Jekyll or Mr Hyde?

 
Oh dear...that was a tad disappointing.

The only reason I say ‘disappointing’, considering I have been blithely predicting a Sussex victory in this game for ages, was that at the start of the Surrey innings the total looked rather gettable! I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who thought the score was about par at most. I bet the Surrey boys were thinking much the same! So now it’s difficult to know whether the Sussex score was below par and Surrey just threw the chase away, or whether the score was better than originally anticipated. One thing is certain: Sussex deserved to win, and after the first three or so overs you have to say they bowled pretty well.

I had high hopes when Prior (out for 5), McCullum (34) and Goodwin (28) were back in the hutch. Especially Goodwin, who has a nasty habit of taking a game away from you when he gets into his stride. He’s not my favourite player by any stretch of the imagination – and I’m pretty sure most of the Rampants will probably hold similar views – but he’s undeniably a big danger with the bat. I think it would be fair to say there was a certain degree of rejoicing when his wicket fell! And when Smith went for 23 my confidence unexpectedly soared for the first time.

What Sussex did do well, and something that Surrey haven’t really managed at any point so far in this contest, is that the team contributed with twenties here and thirties there. With Surrey it’s usually ended up being a two or three man rescue mission, with the odd partnership clicking at the right time to enable a win. After Smith, Hodd scored 23 and Nash scored 32. Okay, the rest of the lower order didn’t quite do it but it was enough for a reasonable total to be posted. Gatting was out for 9, Keegan run out for a comical duck and the soon to be school teacher Martin-Jenkins not out on 1. I would like to say at this point how much I like Robin Martin-Jenkins and wish him all the best for his future. County cricket’s loss is very much the education system’s gain!

With 159 needed to win, Surrey must have been licking their lips. The first couple of overs seemed to back this up with the opening partnership finally really clicking like they should, with RHB in particular looking extremely dangerous. His score of 24 off 13 balls was impressive, and it was a real pity that he holed out to Smith at that point. Taking 18 or so off the first over made it seem like the chase was going to be child’s play! Alas, it was not to be. Ramps came in at three, but was stumped for 8 by Hodd. Even then there didn’t seem to be too much pressure as there was still plenty of batting to come. The pivotal point unfortunately came when Symonds got himself out on 1, having faced only 2 balls. Every time you try to rebuild in T20 you run the risk of leaving yourself too much to do in terms of run rate, and if you should lose further wickets your goose is well and truly basted!

I felt sorry for Symonds, especially after his heroics against Kent, but I also felt sorry for the crowd who would have, arguably, come to see him wallop some really big sixes. I should call big, nasty Sussex all manner of names for spoiling the fun – especially of Liz and her grandson Samuel (who was attending his first ever professional game of cricket) – but then again it is big, nasty Sussex who are at the top of the table. And not without good reason, either!

Davies was, I felt, in the words of Princess Leia, Surrey’s “only hope”. Credit where it’s due, he scored 35 today and looked in very good touch but got out just at the time when he was most needed to stick around. That sounds a bit silly, I know. There’s never really a good time to get out, is there? But it sort of fell away from Surrey after that. I don’t know if the spirits flagged a touch or whether it was too much for them to get back in the game at that point, but the last real batting partnership of Walters (who seemed to be just about everywhere in the field today!) and Younus Khan couldn’t quite get into top gear.

Walters made 10; Batty came in and was stumped for 3 whilst Younus managed 11. It was pretty clear at that point the game was as good as up for Surrey. Nel attempted to swing the bat in a last ditch attempt to make the score a little more respectable and was bowled for 4, Schoey was bowled for 15 and Linley was the final victim, bowled for 1 to wrap up a comprehensive and well deserved victory for the Sharks. Tremlett was left 4 not out at the end.

I have to say the game panned out exactly how I had initially expected it to, so there shouldn’t really have been much feeling of despondancy, and yet oddly enough this is the one game that Surrey have played where I have felt a tiny bit down at the end. I realise how daft that sounds considering the debacle of the first couple of games. Again, the bowlers did pretty well today for Surrey, over all. The batting once again seemed to falter at crucial moments.

In some respects the Sussex and Surrey T20 game mirror’s the overall state of affairs with both teams in all competitions. Sussex remember how to win, feel as if they have a natural right to be up at the top, and have a cohesive unit to put the plans into place. Surrey have all the talent but it doesn’t all come together in one game. Sometimes Younus will fire. Sometimes Ramps. Sometimes RHB or Symonds. We haven’t really seen them all turn up to the party on the same day. It’s as if the engine is primped to perfection but the oil still isn’t quite flowing. No doubt they’ll get there soon, but for the moment it’s all a little Jekyll and Hyde: one day brilliant, the next not so...and you never quite know which Surrey is going to turn up.

But enough of such pontificating. This blog was never really supposed to be deadly serious. As I mentioned earlier, our very own Rampant Liz and her grandson were attending the game today in the hope of seeing the odd six hurtling towards the stands. The quote of the day definitely came via Sanneh, having received a text from Liz when Ramps came in to bat. Apparently, Liz had complained that Joe Gatting was standing in front of her, blocking her view, and she couldn’t see Mr Ramprakash.

Sanneh couldn’t resist pointing out that she should be relieved it wasn’t his uncle Mike or she wouldn’t be able to see the pitch...

Up where we belong

Yesterday, Surrey were third in the Southern T20 group. Tonight we are down in fifth.

On a good day, each of the counties are capable of winning against anyone that isn't Sussex. The Hove crew have currently only lost one game so far and are looking mighty impressive in top spot. And who are Surrey playing tomorrow?

Sussex.

Still, miracles do sometimes happen. Surrey now have two back-to-back wins, one of them at the Oval, so perhaps the terrors of playing at home have, like Jonathan Trott's hairline, receeded a little. Let's hope they get Goodwin's wicket nice and early...

Everyone thought the Middlesex game was the key one, but to be honest I think this is the biggie. An improbable win against the in-form team and maybe even the favourites to win the entire contest would be tuly something for Captain Rory to savour!

It's all terribly exciting, isn't it?

Surrey's sixtacular win!

Today’s T20 game against the Kent Spitfires achieved three things. Firstly, it was Surrey’s first back-to-back win in the contest for a few years. Secondly, they finally managed to win a game at the Oval! And thirdly it propels Surrey into position three in the Southern table, just behind Middlesex on run-rate. How long it will stay that way, who knows? But I say let’s enjoy it whilst we can. Perhaps we can continue our recent change in fortunes and sneak an unlikely win against Sussex on Sunday!

The game was really a tale of three Misters: two being Duckworth & Lewis and the other being Mr Symonds, who peppered the stands with so many sixes I feared for the watching spectator's pints. It’s been a while coming but the Australian six machine suddenly sprang into life to bring some much needed verve and dash to a faltering Surrey innings.

I’m going to try a little reverse psychology here. All along I’ve been saying how wonderful and potentially destructive I thought the opening partnership of RHB and Davies would be, but overall they’ve been disappointing when running in double harness, so to speak. So, in an effort to take the pressure off them, I’d just like to tell them how rubbish they are. I don’t actually mean it, but I’m saying it anyway. You’re both garbage and I have no expectations of you whatsoever. There; now I’ve said it you can go and rake up lots of runs!

They both managed a splendid 3 runs each today. Just goes to show that good players have bad days...it’s just that they can’t afford to have them at the same time! Ramps came in, got 10, and was then caught by Key off the bowling of Stevens. To make matters worse Younus Khan only scored one more than Mr Ramprakash. An all too familiar collapse looked on the cards and no doubt Chris Adams was looking for something heavy and brick shaped to repeatedly hit his head off. But, just as in the Somerset game, a rather handy partnership formed at just the right time, with Stewie Walters and a bull-like Andrew Symonds running amok, launching fours and sixes all over the place, to the extent that even when Walters managed to get out late on in the innings it was almost a formality that Surrey would reach 150 (something they did off the last ball).

In the end Symonds was out for a resplendent 62, bowled by former Surrey favourite (well, at least he was one of my favourites!) Azhar Mahmood. Schoey was run out for 1, whilst Batty was 10 not out at the end and Andre Nel finished with a perfectly formed 0.

The weather had been fairly ominous, with little slips and slides from time to time. You will recall a few games back that Ramps had managed to get run-out when slipping trying to get back to the crease. Something a little more comical happened when Kent’s Rob Key managed to end up on his bottom in the middle of the wicket, run out for just 2! Nevermind, Rob! It happens to the best of them! When Surrey got rid of the hugely dangerous Van Jaarsveld for 10 they must really have been feeling things were going their way at long last. Northeast likewise made 10 before being dispatched by Linley, deputising for the injured Dernbach. Geraint Jones made 12 until being caught and bowled by Symonds, and then it was a case of Blake’s 3, caught by Davies off Nel.

The seemingly unstickable, brilliant Darren Stevens however began to form a rather enviable partnership with Azhar Mahmood, no mug with a bat himself, and had the weather not suddenly taken a turn for the worse the game may well have been too close to call. Fortunately, Duckworth Lewis came down Surrey side, with the Oval crowd finally given a reason not to boo their team (they were probably all too wet at the time to muster up a discontented squawk). Being ahead on run-rate at that point and with no realistic chance of continuing the game, Surrey and Kent shook hands before seven o’clock with a much deserved win for the home contingent.

Oh, totally random recollection. My primary school nurse was called Mrs Duckworth. You used to go to her if you felt ill, and she’d just smile, pat you on the head and say “that’s a shame, dear. But I can’t help you, so why don’t you go back to your classroom?” Today it was Kent being awarded the commiseration of a pat on the head.

For Surrey, it must be satisfying to string a couple of wins together, even if it was D/L assisted. The crowd were able to go away happy at least in the magnificent display by Symonds, clearly having re-discovered his mojo. Quite a display, and along with Walters the pair rode to the rescue, Lone Ranger style. Not saying which is Silver. Not giving Ceci ideas with the old Photoshop either!

Kudos also to Churchy, Arrun ‘the Baron’ Harinath and Michael Brown for their work in keeping the commentary going when the heavens opened! Wasn’t Michael Brown a character in the Paddington bear stories? Maybe he should be requesting marmalade sandwiches instead of sponge cakes! Michael, I’m a dab hand at the old jam sponge even if I say so myself but as I live hundreds of miles away I don’t think anything I made would get to you 1) on time and 2) in a state fit for human consumption.

However, seeing as you were so desperate for a sponge cake, you can have the one in the picture! Enjoy!

Crash, Bang...Whimper! We've won!

Do you know what? That game was weird!!!

No crash, no bang, and only the merest hint of wallop. This was the T20 game that felt like an old fashioned Pro 40 match, albeit one with its legs cut off. The atmosphere was a little bit muted despite the fact the Pantherettes and the Lionesses were high kicking and flashing gussets with the best of them. Actually, I wondered if at any point we were going to be in for a catfight, but alas it was all rather civilised. A pity, really. I think the crowd would have paid good money just to see that!

Of course, the main reason for the somewhat stilted atmosphere was the fact that Surrey managed to trounce Middlesex at Lords, and the home crowd probably hadn’t banked upon that given both teams recent form. With Middlesex coming off the back of two straight wins, and Surrey with one win and a narrow loss in their previous encounters, form tended to suggest the Oval posse would have their work cut out. Ever since Gilchrist took over the reins Middlesex has been resurgent and it has to be said a mighty fine team to boot.

I missed the first three wickets on account of having to tackle a mountain of dishes rising up, Godzilla like, from the sink. So it was with considerable relief that I discovered Warner had gone for 15, Dexter for 14 and Gilchrist for 12! It seemed as if Surrey’s bowling was back to where it was when systematically dismantling Somerset a few games back. However, I did come back just in time to hear Malan falling for 2. There was considerable Rampant excitement at that point amongst the Surrey supporting contingent. Being a superstitious sort of person, and remembering how well it had worked previously, I thought perhaps I might try my hand at begging for some more wickets...

Scott Newman? Check! Gone for a quacker.

And then this little piece of Miah-style witchyness:

“Please Lord...can we get rid of Berg now? What chance a run-out with Shah later on?”

Followed shortly by Berg being run-out by...Shah.

Okay, I’m blowing my own vuvuzela here (at the risk of sounding vulgar!) but I’m beginning to get a reputation as a first class hexer! Not really in the spirit of the game, methinks, but to be honest most people could have seen that coming without relying on the almighty for divine intervention. Shah does have some previous where his running – or lack of – between the wickets is concerned.

Oh, and then I (or rather Gareth Batty) got Smith out for 2. I have to say my figures were very good today! Three wickets for 18 runs! Well done me!

On a more serious note the rest of the innings followed with Udal going for a duck, Murtagh for 6 and Pedro Collins managing to hang on in dogged – and exhausted – fashion for a noble 2 not out, with Shah holding the Middlesex innings together with 44. I have to say I was disappointed he didn’t run himself out. This also isn’t in the spirit of the game but I was feeling a bit bloodthirsty for a Surrey win at this point, especially one against their arch rivals!

I always think saying ‘arch rivals’ makes the opposition sound like Davros in Dr Who or some such. Some fiendish nemesis that just won’t lie down and die no matter how many times you take it on. However, unless Middlesex swap their candyfloss shirts for black leather and mobility scooters that’s probably where the Davros comparison ends. And, given the slightly tame innings from the boys in pink, with Shah turning down singles repeatedly just to keep himself on strike (the right thing to do as it turned out), mobility scooters probably were the order of the day for a squad that were simply not at their best. It seems that Gilchrist has assumed a Rampresque status, in that if you get him early the rest of the team suddenly seem to be left scratching their heads, trying to remember exactly what to do!

128 for 9 wasn’t an especially good score. Middlesex knew it, the crowd knew it and Surrey knew it was well. Yet for all that it looked a fairly easy target, Surrey’s ability to chase down scores of any description is somewhat dubious. With that in mind the two openers went at a steady pace rather than going at it all harum skarum, with the skipper looking especially as if he were setting his stall out for the evening. The opening two had perhaps less pressure on them than in previous games and looked very comfy, although Davies again managed to get out when just into the 20s.

The Gareth Batty experiment with the third position, which again sounds a little naughtier than it probably should for a plain old match report, has now stopped, thankfully. Pinch hitting is a good idea, but it helps if you hit in the first place! Normal service was resumed and Mr Ramprakash came to the crease at his former ground, which is usually good news for Surrey. I think he averages something like four hundred and twenty against Middlesex in all forms of the game?

As it happens there were no big alarms at all. RHB played a lovely, confident captain’s innings and Ramps just kept ticking merrily along at the other end, with the runs being hoovered up at a consistent pace. It became quite clear from some way out that even given Surrey’s ability to collapse, wickets weren’t going to fall in time to prevent a Surrey win. And so it proved, with RHB on a fine 73 not out and Mr R on a very good 36 not out. It was a curious game, but if it gets Surrey a win then I don’t care if they bat wearing roller skates and bowl on pogo sticks...

So, well done boys. A victory against Middlesex at Lords. Three fine wickets for me, a confident if unspectacular run chase from Surrey which leaves them still clinging on to the possibility of further progress in the competition should a few more wins come their way. As for Middlesex, it just wasn’t their day, that’s all. They didn’t play the way they could and Surrey bowled very well. A word here for Dernbach who worryingly seems to have picked up a side injury. I hope it’s not too troublesome, because we can’t really do without him.

There was one triumph for Middlesex, however. Mr O’Brien, assisting Kevin Hand, Mark Church and Johnny Barran on the radio commentary was an absolute delight. Especially at the end when he inadvertently gave out that David Warner was likely to start in their next game!

Nice one Ian!

What's in a name...part seven

It’s anagram time! You’ve been looking forward to these, I can tell. I was just thinking to myself how desperate everyone must be in the absence of some decent anagrams. But you can relax now! Especially pleased with the apt ones for the late Bob Woolmer, Steven Davies and Craig Kieswetter!

MIKE PROCTER: Trooper Mick
LEE HODGSON: Golden Shoe
JOHN ROBERTSON: John’s Torn Robe
MICHAEL BROWN: Bowl Chairmen
IAN HUNTER: Rhine Tuna
GORDON MUCHALL: Glum Old Rancho
EDWARD FOSTER: Forward, Steed!
DAVID SALES: Advise Lads
CRAIG KIESWETTER: Register A Wicket
CHARLES COLVILLE: All Cliché Lovers
ANDREW HILDITCH: The Inward Child
BOB WOOLMER: Bowler Boom
MARTIN LOVE: Violent Ram
PATSY HENDREN: Handy Present
RYAN TEN DOESCHATE: Detonate Scary Hen
ANGUS FRASER: Arrange Fuss
SCOTT STYRIS: Stoic Trysts
TINO BEST: It’s No Bet
WAYNE MASDEN: Send Men Away
STEVEN DAVIES: Evident Saves

County cricket: a game for the masses

Forget football. No, honestly: forget it! I know it’s difficult at the moment with the world cup going on (and on, and on, and on...) but let’s look at this from a slightly different perspective.

With county cricket, you can go to a match with your mates and not worry about getting jostled or squashed, largely because you have the pick of almost any seat in the ground. You can flop down on a chair...maybe even read a book or a newspaper if you so wish. It’s a reasonable bet that the vast majority of people who are crossword experts or grand Sudoku champions at ‘so fiendish it hurts’ level probably attend the odd county game or two, their skills well honed by days of chewing the ends of biros during drinks breaks.

If you have fine weather you can work on your tan. On a good day you can see numerous semi naked people of the male variety exposing all the unattractive wobbly bits common decency would usually demand they keep under wraps. And it is invariably those who probably have the least reason to display their magnificent frontage that always feel the need to do it. Indeed, cricket is the only sport that seems to welcome naturists!

Should the prospect of stripping to the waist on a cold May morning not appeal, there remains the possibility of getting some extra shut-eye. It’s the most brilliant sport for those who actually have no wish to watch the game, but just want to get out from under their other half’s feet for a day. Of course, if you are combining the self-tanning and the snoozing you have to be a little bit careful. This is especially the case if you are considered large of frame and have a tendency to go lobster pink. Unless you want children going up to you asking for Mr Blobby’s autograph.

You can turn up to the game at any point and, with a quick glance at the scoreboard (provided it’s not having an electronic conniption fit); appraise yourself of the state of play without feeling you’ve actually missed a thing! Try doing that when Chelsea are playing Man United!

The frequently ambling, lazy pace of a four day game means that you can bring a picnic with you (if you can stomach seeing all those hairy, semi-naked, pink lardy blokes). For the nature lover, at the Oval you have the added possibility of being mugged by flocks of hungry pigeons, whilst Bill Gordon’s cat stalks the boundary ropes with its mouth open, waiting for one of them to get careless. Certainly it looks as if it’s seen a few pigeon dinners over the years...

And when you are done sleeping, tanning and reading you have the chance to actually watch some cricket as well! If people take a dive in cricket it’s usually to try and catch the ball. Something that the poor England goal keeper might want to take note of...

But the best thing about county cricket?

There’s no bleedin’ vuvuzelas!

Surrey's mane man

My love affair with the ‘sport of kings’ started when I was very small. Weekend trips to visit my grandparents could often end up with my big sister and I bickering and fighting. Not that I was an argumentative soul, you understand. Hardly any point when my sister would start a fight in an empty room...

My late grandfather, knowing that I was fond of horses, hit on the idea of switching on ‘Grandstand’ to make visits a little less fraught, and letting me follow the horses as they jumped their way around Haydock Park, Chepstow and the like. And lo, one of the world’s youngest gamblers was born!

Well, would have been, if I’d been allowed to have a bet.

In truth I don’t really gamble. I restrict myself to a couple of bets come Cheltenham and Aintree time. My first ever winner was ‘Blue Wind’ in the 1980 Oaks. I think I’d have been six years old or thereabouts. And countless Grand National winners followed afterwards. I have a better track record than my mum on this score: she usually kills them.

Of course, there have been a few cricket-related horses over the years. ‘Leg Glance’, ‘Katchit’ and of course the eponymous ‘Flintoff’, owned by...well, Mr Flintoff himself! And now it appears we have another one to add to the list, in the shape of a 5 year old called ‘Ramprakash’.

I kid you not. And no, the Rampants aren’t responsible. I think we could just about club together to buy a hoof or a nostril hair (although technically that’s the first part over the line). At first I wondered what sporting enthusiast had decided to name a horse after one of county cricket’s finest ever exponents, and then (being a racing anorak who’s into that kind of thing) I had a look at the pedigree:

Sire: Best of the Bests

Dam: Missy Dancer

I can only assume that the wee fella was named circa 2006. Somebody’s a Strictly Come Dancing fan!

It's a big honour to have a racehorse called after you. Alas, in my case "Too tired to get out of bed at five thirty in the morning" has yet to make it's course debut...

Groundhog Day

Alas for Surrey, it was not to be two back to back wins. My main problem with the result is that the whinging moaners on the ‘supporters’ forums will be back in force doing their usual war dances. It all gets a little tiresome after a while. And here was me thinking that supporters actually supported their team?

Oh, never mind. It’s a personal bee in my bonnet, I have to admit it. I can’t tell everyone in the world how to feel or think, and I don’t imagine my suggestion of taking a bath in Midori in the hope it might sweeten their disposition would go down terribly well. It might however result in their being attacked by a swarm of ants, so maybe I will suggest it...

It wasn’t a dreadful loss in the end. By that I mean in terms of the points difference in the two scores, with only a further 10 being required to get the victory. Perhaps that is the frustrating thing, for the difference could easily have been made up if the fielding and, in particular, the bowling had been as sharp as it was in the last two games. I hate pointing fingers and am reluctant to do it, but it would be true to say that Symonds had a bit of a shocker with the ball today.

However, a lot of runs were scored in the game and must have made at least a decent spectacle for the crowds, who would have been satisfied with the outcome and the fact they got to see some special batting. Jimmy Adams made an excellent 101 not out and had able support from Ervine (54 not out), whilst Lumb went for 18 off the bowling of Tremlett. Pietersen – yes, that Pietersen – chipped in with 15 before Schofield had him caught by Spriegel. I suppose the crowd might have hoped to see a little more of KP than they did, but Adams’ antics must surely have made up for any early exit by England’s batting hero.

There were a surprising amount of fielding errors made by Surrey but in part I think that was a response to the magnificent cricket played by Hants, who found the boundary regularly. At the break Surrey must have known it would take a fairly monumental effort to get anywhere near the target of 201, but to their credit they stuck at it.

Again, I’m not criticising here. Part of the joy of cricket is that it’s the type of game where, although you can see where things needed to be better, the on-the-spot nature of the sport means it’s often a case of ‘that’s the way it goes’. Or maybe that’s my philosophical, fatalistic streak coming out, I don’t know. There are so many variables that influence a game at any time: dropped catches, missed throws, run-outs, picking the wrong shot or reading the ball incorrectly, bowlers not choosing the right line or length of delivery: any one of these can affect the result profoundly with each shot! In this respect it has to be fairly unique. And I suppose that is why, when you look at those 10 runs required at the end, you sigh and begin to think “if only”!

The skipper has shown what a class batsman he is in the short form of the game when he took it all on his shoulders in that terrible game against Gloucestershire: we know he can do it! But sadly he once again managed to get out early doors, this time in the second over for 13 runs. Davies made it over 20 this time (24 to be precise) and it was just a pity he didn’t stay in a little longer with Ramps. The two openers are desperately needed to stick together at the top of the batting line up, but it never quite seems to happen.

And Batty came in at three again. And went for a duck.

Again.

I’m not quite certain why GB has been promoted up the order to three. There must be a reason. I just don’t quite see what it is, exactly. I’d sooner Dernbach was promoted higher up because when given licence to do so he can tonk the ball with the best, as he proved at the back end of the innings! Whatever the reason, the Batty experiment hasn’t quite gone to plan.

It feels a bit like Groundhog Day, saying what I just have. And just to back this up, Ramps came in at 4 and played another vital knock, surpassing yesterday’s score with 61 runs. 120 runs in two days isn’t too shabby in T20! It was a pity he got out when he did, when he was looking set, but at the same time somebody had to up the run rate, and unfortunately he got caught by man of the match Adams. Whilst Younus was still there it seemed possible, but alas he only made 19 today, with Spriegel out on 2, Schofield for 5, Nel run out on 8 and Tremlett (6) and Dernbach (10) still there at the end of the last over.

Surrey just gave themselves too much to do and far too many runs to chase. I suppose the comparative closeness at the death should be of some comfort, although in cricket that just pours salt into what must be already stinging wounds...

Cometh the hour...

Yay! We won!

And not only did we win but we did it against a Somerset side that boasted the likes of Trescothick, de Bruyn, Pollard and Hildreth!

And the Surrey bowling was very good again!

And Ramps was man of the match! Hurrah!

What, you’re expecting a more coherent match report than that? Seriously???

Well, okay...it has to be said that it didn’t start terribly well for Surrey, but that’s been pretty normal so far in this competition. The skipper hit 6 and promptly get out, and then for some reason I don’t quite understand (although I’m sure there must have been some logical reason for it) Batty came in at three – and then went without scoring. I don’t think that was part of the Surrey master plan, or indeed imagine it was in Gareth Batty’s mind either. Davies managed a useful 16 but once more didn’t quite get over 20. And then Symonds went for 6 as well.

Things were pretty dicey at that stage, and I guess given recent past history you would have had your money on Surrey posting yet another miniscule total and Somerset romping home. But cometh the hour, cometh the, er...men. Younus Khan and Ramprakash quickly bedded in, and began to crank the tempo up. The fact that Ramps made 59 – hitting the first Surrey sixes in the contest – before being bowled, and Younus also made 59 just showed how in tune they both were! There was some very nice cricket played by both sides, with Somerset constantly mixing and changing the bowling to keep the Surrey batsman on their toes.

Unfortunately, Ramps was literally kept on his toes when he got struck by a ball, although it didn’t seem to slow his running between the wickets overly. Hopefully it won’t prevent him playing tomorrow...I have the feeling Surrey will need him.

Schofield came on and was bowled for 4, whilst Spriegel remained 1 not out at the end.

I have to confess when Trescothick hit a boundary with his first ball, a small part of me thought “oh lord, he we go...” and yet at the same time I remained quietly confident. Rampant prayers were offered for his early dismissal. And lo: he went for 4! And then we crossed our fingers and begged the almighty to kindly remove Kieswetter. And once more our prayers were answered when Kieswetter fell for 6! Was it chancing our luck to ask for the wicket of de Bruyn???

This time the good lord made us wait a little before de Bruyn was dispatched off the bowling of Symonds. But hey, the best things in life are worth waiting for, aren’t they?

Jean wondered if we were pushing our luck in asking for the metaphorical head of Pollard. It nearly worked...within a minute of typing the request Nel nearly got finger tips to a ball sent in his direction by Pollard. Gah! So near and yet so far!

Oh well! In the end it didn’t matter. Surrey had earlier posted a somewhat below par score, but a defendable one nonetheless. With the bowlers once more working their magic, building on their great performance in the previous game, Somerset were restricted considerably in their chase even although Pollard (42) and Hildreth (54) very nearly replicated what Younus and Ramps did for Surrey. But when Pollard fell there was just too much for Somerset to do. Trego was run out for 3, Buttler never got going on 1, Phillips was run out for 2 and Thomas fell for 4. At the end the Somerset total was 139 for 8.

Big, huge kudos to Surrey for doing what we know they can do. I hope this is the springboard they need in order to go on and do well in the contest. The bowlers are all doing fantastically well, and if the batting were to fire – as Younus and Ramps did today – there’s no reason why they cannot successfully take on any team in the competition and get a favourable result. You feel Symonds is due a big score sometime soon: he certainly seems pretty special in the field. Maybe this result will stop the press banging on about the team not looking ‘together’ as a unit.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed the Ramprakash metatarsal recovers quickly. I’ve never offered up a prayer for a cricketer’s body part before. Might as well do the same for Michael Brown’s elbow and Chris Jordan’s spine whilst I’m at it.

Why not indeed? After all, the good lord got us some wickets when requested!

And now to celebrate, ladies and gents, here follows a rendition of the Surrey Song of victory!

#We are the Lions, hear us roar!
We've won a game and we want more!
It's been a while; we've been so rotten,
So much, our song has been forgotten!

The words are gone, we can't recall
The lyrics or the tune at all!
We don't know, we'll just pretend
That there's a rude bit at the end!#

Sticks and stones...

Don’t you just love the press? A well meaning body of persons, no doubt, for the most part...but who seem to have a bit of a problem with the meaning of the word ‘ego’.

I’ve heard this word bandied around by sports writers in conjunction with the Surrey team for quite a while now, and its misuse is beginning to rankle a touch. Apparently the team are stuffed full of them, meaning that the young captain cannot possibly be able to keep them under control.

In the true sense of the word ego, there are indeed numerous people in the team who have an idea of their worth. And why shouldn’t they have? Some, like Ramps with his 34,000 first class runs and 111 first class centuries, and Nel with his international exploits for South Africa, will know their value. But the word ego as used by these sports journalists is meant to suggest Surrey have too many problematic hotheads who think only of themselves, not the team, known to put their own interests first. People who play for the cash and the fancy cars rather than the badge they wear on their Surrey shirts.

Of course, in an ideal world you would have a team that had all come up through the ranks of the Surrey academy system. Some of the youngsters are pushing through: some already have. But you have got to have some older statesmen in there to help these people learn as they go about their business. Look how well Harinath and Ramps bat together and you will see what I mean! And if that means buying in some experienced old hands from other counties in the interim, so be it. Although I’m sure there are plenty out there who would prefer to see the youngsters fail rather than the older team members. I suppose the inference is that it’s difficult to form a bond between such a mishmash of strong personalities at varying stages in their careers.

I’ve seen various names bandied about in reference to the word ‘ego’. Schofield: because of his past acrimonious break from Lancashire? Does that make him an egotist?

Tremlett? How's he meant to be an ego? He's as fragile as cut glass but I’ve not heard a word said against him.

Ramps? For being the best county level player in the last twenty years, possibly even post war? Does being a perfectionist and throwing the odd hissy fit automatically make you an attention seeking prima donna, only out for yourself?

Nel? For being too passionate, hot headed and for transgressing ECB rules?

None of these individuals remotely match my definition of the word ego.

It’s simply a very lazy excuse by people who want to believe they are in the know, trying to explain away the Surrey malaise of hardly winning a thing in the last three or so years. And it's a huge, unprofessional assumption from those who should know better to come out with that kind of damaging nonsense! Can someone explain what these players have done to have themselves labelled egos? Because I don't get it! As I have mentioned already, it's these oddball individuals who are actually functioning for Surrey!

And if this is not what the journalists mean by their use of the word ego, I suggest they get themselves a dictionary that gives them some appropriate alternatives!

Let them eat cake

Let's be clear on this: I'm not Delia Smith. I like making cakes, although I prefer eating them if I'm honest. Possibly why the exercise bike will be suffering again in the next few weeks...

However, I mentioned a month or so ago that one of the McRampants (thanks, Maria) came up with a hundred hundreds cake with an adaptation of an existing recipe. Just so we can keep it for posterity, here it is replicated in its full glory:


Mark Ramprakash Hundred Hundreds cake -

For the cake:

Ingredients

125g dark chocolate
3 tbsp milk
150g butter
150g caster sugar
3 eggs
200g plain flour
1 tbsp good quality cocoa powder
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp bicarbonate of soda

For the icing

300g icing sugar
200g butter
4 tbsp double cream
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 and a 1/2 instant coffee powder

For the cake:

Preheat the oven to gas mark 4. Butter and flour the sides of two 20 cm sandwich tins and line the bases with greaseproof paper.

Place the chocolate and the milk in a bowl over a saucepan of gently simmering water and heat until the chocolate has melted. Set aside to cool slightly.

Beat the butter until very soft then add the caster sugar and continue to beat until the mixture is pale and fluffy. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, then fold in the melted chocolate.

Sift in the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder and the bicarbonate of soda, and fold in gently to mix. Divide the mixture between the two tins and bake in the oven for 25 minutes, or until a skewer inserted into the middle of each cake comes out clean.

Remove the cakes from the tins and allow to sit for 5 minutes before taking them out of the tins, leave them on a wire rack to cool.

For the icing:

Sift the icing sugar. Beat the butter, cream and vanilla extract until very soft. Then gradually add the icing sugar and add the coffee powder. Beat until well mixed, empty into a bowl and leave to chill in the fridge for 10/15 minutes.

Once the cakes have cooled, sandwich them with some of the icing and ice the top and sides. Decorate using an icing pen and with hundreds and thousands.

*You can hold the coffee flavouring if you're not a fan.

Solid as a rock

Over the last few years I’ve heard Mark Ramprakash described as ‘The Rock of Kennington’. Which may sound a little bit pompous, but I guess when (in the case of 2007) you score a record 30% of your teams runs you begin to see that as descriptions go, it’s shockingly accurate!

So. How do you move the seemingly unmoveable? An age old question that many a county bowler has asked themselves over the years! And the answer?

Get his team mate to run him out!

That’s a little bit harsh on Usman Afzaal, but as I mused earlier in this blog it is unfortunately true that he has does tend to be involved in a lot of run-outs, be they of his making or otherwise. Some players just happen to have that knack, I guess: Trott, Bopara and Shah in particular seem to have cornered that niche market!

Tonight, in the T20 game against the Essex Eagles, Surrey had performed rather well up to that point. Okay...well-ish. The first thing they did correctly was win the toss, and the skipper stuck Essex in to bat, which looked on the face of it a very good choice. Key wickets fell at the right time with Pettini going for 3, Bopara for 12 and Ten Doschate for 10. Resistance was shown by Flower (24) and Styris (17), but by the end of the Essex innings it was 121 for 8. Hardly a massive total to chase down, you’d have thought.

No doubt Surrey really fancied their chances of doing so. RHB showed some aggression but went early doors for 5, whilst Davies was dropped twice before he eventually went for 15. All the time Ramps looked untroubled whilst all those around him perished. Symonds struck 7, and Younus went to the very first ball. Ramps and Afzaal looked like they would settle into a rhythm until a moment of madness saw the latter accidentally run his team mate out when on 24, with Ramps slipping and not able to make the necessary ground in time. Having viewed the incident later on the highlights it didn't look too bad on Afzaal's part, but the commentary suggested he'd "absolutely stuffed him", and I get the feeling Mr R wasn’t terribly impressed. I can only hope when Afzaal made his way back to the dugout, having committed cricket suicide whilst on 12, that he had cotton wool in his ears to block out a few choice words!

But, as I said the other day, that’s cricket!

Up until that point the running between the wickets had actually been very impressive. There was always a good chance of picking up the necessary runs whilst Schofield was there, with Spriegel playing the accumulator at the other end, but when Schoey went it was pretty much game over, with two sixes needed from the last two balls. It unfortunately proved just too much.

The highlight of the game sounds like it might have been that neat litle breakdance move Mr R pulled whilst on the ground! It was a better performance from Surrey, whose bowling was vastly improved, but they will be dreadfully disappointed not to have been able to chase down a relatively small total with all of their specialist batsmen getting out cheaply.

Three things are clear from this innings, however. Firstly, if Surrey want to do well in the T20 the opening two batsmen are going to have to fire in tandem! I said that I believed Davies and RHB could potentially be an exciting live-wire pair, and I still maintain this, but you have to be in it to win it. Davies had two lives before he was eventually bowled, and the skipper sometimes gives the appearance of being stuck in warp-drive! I'm not going to tell these young men how to ply their trade, or which shots to pull out the locker. That would be a bit like telling Renée Fleming how to sing a Mozart aria! But although there's no real chance to build an innings as there is in the county championship, perhaps they should watch the old man batting at three to see how it is done. Minus the slip, that is.

Secondly, perhaps try to find a way to discourage run-outs when there is absolutely no pressure on the team at that point. There was time enough in the game to - not exactly take it easy, because you can never do that in T20 - but to just lightly keep the foot on the excellerator without burning serious rubber.

And thirdly, Surrey had better make the most of Ramps whilst they still have him, because they are going to find life even more difficult when he eventually hangs up the bat!

The name of the game!

 
Seeing as how we’re all supposed to be focussing on T20 at the moment, let’s take a light hearted look at the teams taking part. Or rather, let’s have a look at the names of the teams.

Names tell you an awful lot about a person. Mine for example has left me in a quandary: according to my mother, my dearest papa spelled it wrongly whilst registering my birth. Now, some thirty something years on, I don’t know whether I should add my missing letter or stick with what I have. Maybe if I win the lottery I’ll add it in the shape of a £ sign, just to annoy my sister.

Of course, if we don’t like the names we have been provided with by our parents we can always change them in the hope of expressing our true attributes. And no, I’m not changing my name to numpty before anyone suggests it. In a similar fashion the various counties have taken on monikers that hopefully sum up what they are all about or, if not, what they would like to represent. So, let’s have a look at the teams, shall we?

Essex Eagles: Big, swooping, powerful bird of prey. With sharp talons.

Miah’s verdict: Very good. Extra points for alliteration. 10/10

Glamorgan Dragons: Patriotic, emblematic, and fiery. With sharp claws.

Miah’s verdict: Good. No alliteration though. 8/10

Gloucestershire Gladiators: Battle-hard, warrior-like, unflinching. With sharp daggers.

Miah’s verdict: Very good. Points for alliteration but having two long clunky names means it lacks punch. 9/10

Kent Spitfires: Aggressive, daring, brave. With lots of fire power.

Miah’s verdict: I like the name. No alliteration though but it’s difficult to know what to stick with the letter ‘K’. Kent Krill doesn’t really do it, somehow. 8/10

Middlesex Panthers: Slinky, feline, supple. With sharp claws.

Miah’s verdict: Good. Hope they are not coming in to the Pink Panther theme, because that is just naff. Sorry. How are you supposed to get the blood pumping to that??? And no alliteration either. 7/10

Somerset Sabres: Aggressive, dangerous, and deadly. With a sharp point.

Miah’s verdict: Excellent! Perfect alliteration. 10/10

Surrey Lions: Noble, kingly, powerful. With sharp claws.

Miah’s verdict: Very good. Certainly better than the Brown Caps in terms of inspiration, but no alliteration. 9/10

Sussex Sharks: Ruthless, merciless. With sharp teeth and a nasty bite!

Miah’s verdict: Excellent. Snappy, alliterative name! 10/10

Derbyshire Falcons: Hawk like, keen sighted, swift. With sharp talons.

Miah’s verdict: It’s okay, but it’s a bit like a poor version of the eagles. And it doesn’t have alliteration. 7/10

Lancashire Lightening: Electric, intense, violent. With a big sharp flash!

Miah’s verdict: Very good, but although it does have alliteration it’s yet again another long, un-punchy name. 9/10

Leicestershire Foxes: Cunning, wily, smart, and slippery. With sharp teeth!

Miah’s verdict: I understand that the fox is the Leics emblem, so fair enough. Isn’t catchy though and doesn’t have alliteration. 7/10

Northamptonshire Steelbacks: Strong, unbending, unrelenting.

Miah’s verdict: It may say something about the Northants area, but it’s not really pictorial enough for T20. And no alliteration! 6/10

Nottinghamshire Outlaws: Daring, brave, adventurous. With, I dare say, a quiver full of arrows!

Miah’s verdict: It’s a mouthful, but the name is kind of iconic and does make you think of Robin Hood. They don’t play in tights though, which is a disappointment. And no alliteration! 7/10

Warwickshire Bears: Sturdy, powerful, and just plain frightening when they get going! With sharp teeth!

Miah’s verdict: They can be cute, they can be angry, and you don’t want them near your picnic baskets. Doesn’t have alliteration but it’s a very symbolic name. 8/10

Worcestershire Royals: Noble, magnificent. Inbred? “Orf with his head!”

Miah’s verdict: Er...um. Okay. It’s better than the Pears. But generally speaking it’s not great. Unless they want to bring to mind a gaggle of corgis. 6/10

Hampshire Royals: See above.

Miah’s verdict: I know it was a tie-in to the IPL, but surely the Hants fans can cope with more than one name? 6/10

Durham Dynamos: Well, er...dynamic? Um...

Miah’s verdict: It has alliterative qualities. It’s punchy. And that’s it. 7/10

Yorkshire Carnegie: What?!?

Miah’s verdict: Oh, pulleaase! What sort of effort was made there??? I’m giving them 2/10, and one of those is because I happen to like Yorkshire as a team!

People, if you love your children, give them nice names. Give them names with attributes and qualities you would like them to have. Something they can be proud of. Unless of course you get your baby sponsored at birth. Tesco Smith and Asda Jones are not likely to thank you in the long run!

A little perspective

Surrey lost a game yesterday. And yes, they lost it in a convincing – and ugly – fashion. The poor souls who paid good money to watch their team bat terribly for less than their allotted overs were justifiably hard done by, and are probably not certain about whether to risk venturing back to the Oval again unless the team actually shows some fight in the interim.

But there are people out there who are acting as if they are one step away from gathering up pikes, spears and very sharp farming implements with a view to mustering a lynch mob.

Surrey do not really have a god given right to win games, and there is more to life than complaining about how shameful things are at the club via the internet, and speculating on all the things that must be wrong behind the scenes to bring a once mighty club so low. Unless there are flies on the dressing room walls passing insider information to these supporters, idle speculation simply isn’t going to help matters. The way some are acting at the moment you would think Nel and Symonds had decided to kidnap their nearest and dearest, hell bent on re-enacting the last few scenes in the Wicker Man...

I suppose the frustrating thing is that it’s painful to see a team bristling with all that talent being given a right royal walloping. But that is the nature of sport, and you have to take the massive troughs that follow those dizzying heights that the club once scaled. Whatever county you support, and however bad it gets, if you love your team you follow them no matter what, even if those lows are very ugly indeed.

In the remote unlikelihood that any of the Surrey team read this, I at least - along with a good number of my fellows – would like to continue to wish them well and let them know that we are still cheering them on, win or lose.

The simple fact is that shouting about what happened yesterday isn’t really going to help. And as I have said elsewhere, the people who make the most noise usually have the least to say...

Hmm...

Not really the start Surrey was looking for in their T20 campaign. The tone was rather set when Steven Davies went for 1. And then, in a public show of sympathy, Ramps and Symonds decided to do likewise. Further down the line, Nel and Schoey did exactly the same.

Younus Khan managed 2, though, so that wasn’t so bad.

Oh, and Afzaal was run out for 2 as well.

Tremlett ran himself out for 4 by not grounding his bat.

The skipper forged a handy 41...if only Davies had stuck with him, imagine the damage the opening partnership might have done! Dernbach chipped in with 12 at the hinder end, and Spriegel played his customary solid innings, finishing 25 not out.

Possibly the strongest batting line up amongst the counties, on paper at least, was routinely knocked over for a total of 97 by some super-disciplined bowling from Gloucestershire. Now, I realise T20 is important to the club so my comment of “it’s just a little bit of fun” (certainly the first 15 mins resembled It’s A Knockout) is probably not going to be regarded as helpful in the circumstances. I’m sensing a Surrey dressing room conspiracy here: there’s an ongoing bet to see how quickly the team can turn Chris Adams’ hair white.

Boys, I don’t really care if you get pasted at T20. I don’t care if you rebrand yourself the Surrey Headless Chickens for all the flapping that was done once the top three fell. I still love you. And I know you'll come good: you're too talented collectively not to.

But do yourselves a big, big favour and don’t read the papers tomorrow...because it ain’t gonna be pretty!

What's in a name...part six

I think we all need something cheerful after yesterday's result in the game against Leicestershire. So, here are a few more cricketing anagrams.

PHIL MEAD: Limp Head

ALEX TUDOR: Extra Loud

IAN BISHOP: Sin Phobia

ALISTAIR BROWN: Two Librarians

GRAEME SMITH: Thames Grime

ANDRE ADAMS: Send Armada

BRUCE EDGAR: Cure Badger

CHRIS TAVARE: Architraves

DESMOND HAYNES: He’s Damned Nosy

GARETH BATTY: That Grey Bat

JONTY RHODES: Destroy John

MARTIN BICKNELL: Black Linen Trim

ROGER TWOSE: Ogre’s Tower

STEPHEN PETERS: Stern Pet Sheep

WILLIAM BEER: Beware, I’m Ill

You've been Jigar-ed!

I’ve often wondered what it must be like to evaluate players as the newspapers sometimes do, and score them according to performance, but I think it would be harsh to do this on what unfortunately turned out to be the last day of the game against Leicestershire due to Surrey losing by over an innings. I’m praying fervently that we won’t perform as poorly as a team ever again. Hopefully. She said, crossing fingers, toes and sundry body parts.

In fairness you’ve got to credit the Leicestershire bowling attack and Hoggard’s leadership. The pressure they put the Surrey team under from day one was immense and they thoroughly deserved their win. Naik and Henderson were really on the money both today and yesterday, and following the Surrey first innings capitulation for 236 they must really have fancied their chances of demolishing them for less than their 479 total. And so it proved to be.

I guess what was so disappointing was the fact that having played so well in the previous games leading up to this match, Surrey probably were not expecting to perform so badly. If anything they should have been on a high given their much improved performances in the last three games. The sad thing is that they will now have a loss against their names going in to the T20, although in fairness it’s a different contest, and a fresh slate. That is the way they have to look at it, and I hope they are a hungrier side in the shortest form of the game than they sometimes appear in the county championship. As I have said, it’s not a lack of effort that is proving Surrey’s downfall at the moment, but they look to be missing that vital killer instinct.

If I was going to nominate the best overall performance of the game I would probably give the award to Claude Henderson, just, over Naik. However, although it was in vain I would also highlight Dernbach’s fivefer yesterday and today’s effort with the bat by Younus who managed 77 in the second Surrey innings. Considering his previous tally was a total of 4, I’d say that was more than a pretty decent effort especially given the fact the rest of his team mates had collapsed like a stack of cards around him.

This said my man of the match was actually Mark Ramprakash. Sure, he only got a total of 50 in both innings, and if I were to score him for his performance in the game it would have been a 6 out of 10, but I rounded it up to 9 for just being there. And then I rounded it up to 10 to make up for the one that Craig-Revel Horwood never gave him for the Argentine Tango.

When it comes to standing around on turf all day, Mark Ramprakash is probably the biggest draw in the country. He played well enough but got done by two rather excellent deliveries. But at the end of the day that didn’t really matter, because we are honoured to cheer Mr R and the boys on, no matter how they fare in the game.

Good luck in the T20, Surrey. Get one for the Rampants!

The Force ‘aint with us!

Day Two: Surrey v Leicestershire, The Oval

The force isn't with us. Or so it seemed by close of play.

Nothing’s ever simple with Surrey. After an almost fruitless morning of plugging away, it took an inspired spell from Jade Dernbach to mop up the Leicestershire tail, like Luke Skywalker homing in on the Death Star, delivering the final deadly blow. The final four wickets fell for just 8 runs with Dernbach and Batty causing all the trouble but, for all that, the Leics total stood at 479, with Surrey claiming 1 bowling point and the opposition gaining 4 batting points.

Fielding in the heat isn’t very pleasant, I’d have thought. Fielding in the heat for the best part of two days must be even less pleasant. So, coming in to bat after two days of fielding in the heat must be extremely unpleasant for even the fittest of persons. I reckon Leicestershire will be glad to have won the toss because I think this was a major factor in what followed.

Basically, Surrey never really got going. I’m sure Ramps was hoping for a little more time to put his feet up, just as I suppose Harinath was expecting a little more time at the crease, but sadly for both neither happened and young Arun was dismissed for 4. Ramps seemed to settle in and play his usual game whilst Davies played a more assertive role, and for as long as the pair of them were at the crease things looked fairly settled. And then an incredible over from Claude Henderson saw the removal of both Steven Davies (69) and Mark Ramprakash (30), which sparked an all too familiar Surrey collapse.

Captain Rory, whose gung-ho bravado I admit I rather like, knows how he wants to play the game. Usually this involves being extremely positive, and indeed why not? Davies also likes to score quickly, which is why I think in the shorter game they makes such an impressive, watchable opening pair. However, there has been the odd occasion where that positivity has managed to get him out when possibly a little more circumspection might have been beneficial. He finished today with a score of 13 (unlucky for him). And now I feel a total rat for saying it! At the end of the day I guess the players know rather more about the game than I do. The most impressive thing I can do is play Queen’s ‘Somebody to Love’ on the kazoo...

Only Davies and Ramps really sounded remotely relaxed at the crease, which considering the menacing, dark side like presence of Henderson says a lot. Actually, Surrey could have benefitted from having some stormtroopers bowling at them because as all Star Wars aficionados will tell you, they couldn’t hit the target if it was stood a foot in front of them with a big red cross and ‘please shoot here’ above it.

To make matters worse, Younus Khan stuck around for three balls. In two innings the poor man has made three runs. I do feel sorry for him! All that expectation and it just hasn’t happened for him. As anticipated Pakistan have now rescinded their sentence of a life ban. What that means for Surrey I don’t know, but as he hasn’t exactly found his legs at the Oval I imagine he will be quite keen to try and rekindle his international career, if he wasn’t already.

If this were to happen, any chance of getting Symonds full time?

Batty managed to get out for a duck late on in proceedings, just as Nathan Buck had earlier. Buck for a duck! I did laugh at that one. Somewhat childishly, I know.

Simply, Leicestershire played better than Surrey. There is a tiny flicker of hope in that Afzaal is still at the crease on 24, with Chris Schofield who we all know can stick around longer than a dose of shingles (with apologies for the unflattering comparison) not out on 3. But even with a Surrey tail that can on occasions - such as against Northants – provide some substance you have to say that this time the chances of surviving the follow on is as likely as Jabba the Hutt winning gold on the asymmetric bars.

As Han Solo might have said, I have a baaaaad feeling about this...

Ice, Ice Baby!

Day one, Surrey v Leicestershire at the Oval

I enjoyed today very much despite the fact that it was, over all, Leicestershire’s morning. The sun was out here in Scotland’s fair capital, as it was in London, and I have a week’s holiday to look forward to. Dad came through his operation okay, although there was a moment of mild confusion, as when we arrived at the hospital he was missing from his room! Apparently he’d been sent to x-ray without the nurses knowing about it and not, as I joked in bad taste, because he’d been smothered in the night by a patient for snoring like an asthmatic gnu. I offered to lend him my radio so he could listen to TMS but the signal was extremely weak. Perhaps it’s just as well: I’m not sure seven hours of Geoff Boycott is a good idea for a convalescent...

Even as someone who readily admits their idea of a good time is to stay indoors and read a book, and finds the prospect of travelling anywhere further than the city centre horrific, I should have loved to have been at the Oval today with the small huddle of Rampants in the traditional meet-up point of the Wedlake Bell Family Enclosure. Dad’s op sort of knocked that possibility on the head, even if I had found the courage to get on the train to London. I will set my sights on the September Rampant Annual General Meeting and try and get my finances – and my head – into gear. Oh to be a normal person like everyone else and just be able to go places by myself without turning into a nervous wreck!

Liz provided a cake for the dynamic duo of Mr Church and Mr Barran, or rather her granddaughter did. I said I’d give her a name check, so thank you Ashleigh for your hard work! I think the general consensus from the Rampants was that the weather was very hot, that Mr Ramprakash had his built-in Rampant detector on full alert (as he fielded as far away from them as he could again), and that a good time was had by one and all. Also having a good time, it seemed, was a stag party who decided to dress up as Whoopee Cushions, Babies, Robin Hood and Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz amongst others! Maybe that’s an idea for September, and the Rampants should make an effort to wear fancy dress. We could have a dance theme!

As for the game, Leicestershire won the toss and decided to bat first, which is what you tend to do at the Oval. Jade Dernbach made an early breakthrough by getting rid of Boyce lbw for a duck, but after that initial spell of tight bowling the Leicestershire batsmen dug in without Surrey being able to take any wickets on a traditional flat batting track. They remained with only one wicket to their credit until after lunch, but by that point I had to visit my dad in hospital and to be honest I didn’t have a clue what had gone on until I got back home at 17.00pm!

The upshot is that Leics find themselves four down for a total of 337, with one centurion in the shape of Jefferson (135) and two other batsmen with very respectable scores of over 50. It’s that old problem of not being able to nip the partnerships out before they form raising its head again, but there’s no point in getting angsty about it as (fingers crossed) we found ourselves in a similar situation against Northants. Hopefully we won’t be relying on Andre Nel to get us out of a fix this time. Especially as he isn’t playing.

There’s still a long way to go in this game, but a long-range weather forecast suggested it was going to pour with rain on Saturday in London. I know it seems difficult to believe it at the moment given the positively tropical weather the UK is enjoying but these things have a habit of sneaking up and taking a positive result away from you. Surrey had maybe better hope that they get a good, long batting session tomorrow some time or it could be yet another draw on the cards.

I remain intrigued however at the idea of there being an international sign from the players for ‘ice bath’. Firstly, I find it difficult to understand why anyone would voluntarily ask for an ice bath even if the weather was hotter than Satan’s Jacuzzi. But given that there is such a signal, what others might there be?

ONE HAND HOLDING AN INVISIBLE CAN, WITH ONE FINGER TUGGING BACK THE RINGPULL: Get them in, Schoey’s paying.

ONE HAND PULLING AT THE REINS OF AN INVISIBLE HOBBY HORSE, WHIP IN LEFT HAND: Find out what won the big race.

ONE FINGER POINTING AT CROTCH ACCOMPANIED BY FRANTIC FLAPPING OF ARMS: There’s a wasp in my box.

The possibilities are endless!